Welcomeby Richard Stuart Dixon
© Richard Stuart Dixon, 2004
(Note: Performance of this play requires the author’s permission. Please contact Good School Plays for details.)
Production Notes:
• running time: approx. 50 mins.
• style: social satire
• suitable for general audiences
• 27 characters (19 female, 8 male)
• black-box staging (no set required)
Summary of Script Content:
• In “Reunion”, a group of former students struggle with their past and present relationships as they meet at their ten year high school reunion. The reunion serves as a nexus through which they revisit the awkward confusion of their teenage years and encounter some painful truths about their current lives.
(This play was first performed in June, 2004, and performed again in June, 2009 at Gleneagle Secondary School in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.)
∗Published Online by Good School Plays, June 29, 2019.
Go to:
Act One, Scene 1
Act One, Scene 2
Act One, Scene 3
Act One, Scene 4
Act One, Scene 5
Act One, Scene 6
Act One, Scene 7
Act One, Scene 8
Act One, Scene 9
Act One, Scene 10
Act Two, Scene 1
Act Two, Scene 2
Act Two, Scene 3
Act Two, Scene 4
Act Two, Scene 5
CHARACTERS:
The Faculty:
Ms. Rosalinda Nass, principal of Montcalm Secondary
Ms. Zelma Bedrosian, English teacher
Mr. Jake Sloboda, former science teacher
Colette Sloboda, his wife
Mrs. Phoebe Nicolato, the school secretary
The Former Students and Their Guests:
Raven Carruthers-Manbridge, organizer of the reunion
John Manbridge, her husband
Midge Danelli, Raven’s best friend and co-organizer
Tippy Slade, Raven’s friend
Roxie Murracas, Tippy’s best friend
Carmen Montobello
Lisette Montobello, his wife
Dee Morrison
Justine Drescher
Claudette Larochelle
Myron Bunt
Noreen Bunt, his wife
Nola Dragonov
Victor O’Neill, Nola’s boyfriend
Lorraine Deforest, Nola’s old best friend
Vandros Jolicoeur
Benita Dobra, his girlfriend
Mildred Halter
Denise Jessop
Florence Mander
Mary Toslavich,
Marko Rawlins, her boyfriend
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 1:
SETTING: The play takes place in the foyer of Montcalm Secondary School during a Ten Year Reunion.
(RAVEN CARRUTHERS-MANDBRIDGE and MIDGE DANELLI enter.)
RAVEN
Phew! Hot in that gym!
MIDGE DANELLI
Hot in the summer and cold in the winter…remember cheer leading?
RAVEN
Either sweat or goose pimples, depending on the season.
MIDGE DANELLI
Did you see Mary Toslavich?
RAVEN
She actually has a date. Who’d have thought?
MIDGE DANELLI
Who’d have thought she’d even show up.
RAVEN
Top marks for sheer guts.
MIDGE DANELLI
Tippy and Roxie are dancing with each other.
RAVEN
A shortage of guys in there.
MIDGE DANELLI
Speaking of which, where’s John?
RAVEN
At a board meeting.
MIDGE DANELLI
Hard to believe he’s already a CEO.
RAVEN
The youngest CEO in the history of Multimax.
MIDGE DANELLI
I guess a ten-year high school reunion is kind of boring for him.
RAVEN
He let me organize it on one condition.
MIDGE DANELLI
What was that?
RAVEN
That I keep ten percent of the registration fee as payment for my hard work.
MIDGE DANELLI
No!
RAVEN
Oh yes! It’s our little secret, right?
MIDGE DANELLI
Our little secret.
RAVEN
You want some hush money?
MIDGE DANELLI
No way. Best friends, remember?
RAVEN
Best friends…
(with dramatic intensity)
…to the end of time!
MIDGE DANELLI
To the bitter end!
(They both find this funny. MS. ROSALINDA NASS enters.)
MS. NASS
Raven and Midge! I must say you’ve done a splendid job of organizing the reunion!
RAVEN
Thanks to your example, Ms. Nass.
MIDGE DANELLI
Back in the day, you were our role model!
MS. NASS
And now?
RAVEN
You still rank up there with Donald Trump, Ghandi, and Jesus.
MS. NASS
And you’ve still got a great sense of humour, Raven.
RAVEN
You were a great principal, Ms. Nass.
MS. NASS
I hope I still am.
MIDGE DANELLI
You’ll always be our favourite, no matter what!
RAVEN
You know that, don’t you?
MS. NASS
Thanks, girls. I suppose I shouldn’t call you “girls”, but you look as young and beautiful as ever.
RAVEN
In our prime, but I miss the old days here at Montcalm Secondary.
MIDGE DANELLI
Montcalm was the most fun school in Canada.
MS. NASS
I hope it still is.
RAVEN
Midge and I loved it here.
MIDGE DANELLI
The best days of our lives!
MS. NASS
You two knew how to make things happen.
RAVEN
Remember “Duct Tape Day”?
MIDGE DANELLI
JAKE SLOBODA hanging from the maple tree by his ankles?
MS NASS
The poor man! His face was as red as the leaves on the tree!
RAVEN
He was a good sport about it.
MS. NASS
…and the students thought it was such fun!
RAVEN
It was all in fun. I mean, no disrespect or anything, but school is mostly boring.
MIDGE DANELLI
Raven and I just wanted to spice things up a little.
MS. NASS
You two were the life and soul of the student body.
RAVEN
Hey, you let us!
MIDGE DANELLI
We couldn’t have done it without you, Ms. Nass.
MS. NASS
A good principal knows when to turn a blind eye.
(TIPPY SLADE and ROXIE MURRACAS enter.)
TIPPY SLADE
Hey, Raven, the DJ’s playing your favourite!
ROXIE MURRACAS
They want you to dance!
RAVEN
I guess I could do a little something.
TIPPY SLADE
We’ve made a space for you in the middle of the gym.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Can you still do that high kick and triple cartwheel?
RAVEN
I’m more limber than ever, Roxie, thanks to my husband John’s personal trainer.
TIPPY SLADE
I bet he really gives you a workout.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Nothing like a personal trainer to keep a girl flexible!
MS. NASS
You still know how to tease each other! And the pranks you used to pull!
MIDGE DANELLI
Remember when Roxie hid that camera in your office, Ms. Nass?
MS. NASS
I was surprised at how much heavier I looked on TV.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Especially when you bent over in your mini to scrape up that piece of gum I left on the floor.
MIDGE DANELLI
Good times!
RAVEN
Good times. Let’s get in that gym before my song ends!
(RAVEN, MIDGE, ROXIE, and TIPPY exit.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 2:
(MYRON BUNT and his wife NOREEN enter from the street.)
MYRON BUNT
Ms. Nass! Remember me?
MS. NASS
Don’t tell me…don’t tell me….
MYRON BUNT
It’s Myron…Myron Bunt!
MS. NASS
Bunt, Bunt, Bunt….oh yes, Myron Bunt…senior boys’ basketball?
MYRON BUNT
Football. This is my wife Noreen.
NOREEN BUNT
Hi, Ms. Nass. Myron tells me lots about you…that is, when his mind is clear.
MS. NASS
Hello, Noreen. Myron Bunt…Myron Bunt…
NOREEN BUNT
The boy with the fractured skull?
MYRON BUNT
My dad didn’t sue the school. That’s probably why you don’t remember me too good.
NOREEN BUNT
Myron still gets memory lapses and headaches.
MYRON BUNT
I can’t hold a job, but Noreen works at Superstore so we get by.
MS. NASS
Good for you, Noreen.
NOREEN BUNT
Myron says he was pushed.
MS. NASS
Pardon?
NOREEN BUNT
Pushed.
(pointing up)
Someone pushed him off that balcony.
MS. NASS
It’s all in the past, Noreen. Accidents happen.
NOREEN BUNT
The doctors say he might remember who did it someday.
MYRON BUNT
My dad didn’t sue. He said it was probably my fault ‘cause I had “victim” written all over me.
NOREEN BUNT
I’ve been thinking of getting a lawyer.
MS. NASS
Why don’t you two scoot on into the gym. There’s lots of finger food and fruit punch.
NOREEN BUNT
When Myron remembers who pushed him, I’m going to set the wheels in motion, Ms. Nass.
MS. NASS
The wheels?
MYRON BUNT
Noreen gets awful tired working at Superstore.
NOREEN BUNT
Someone owes Myron a lot of money for what happened.
MS. NASS
The DJ’s really good, and everyone’s having lots of fun dancing.
MYRON BUNT
I have trouble dancing. My co-ordination’s shot.
MS. NASS
Well, maybe you’ll meet some of your old friends in there.
NOREEN BUNT
Myron might see a face and remember who pushed him.
MS. NASS
You look tired, Myron. Maybe you should call it a night.
MYRON BUNT
Noreen wants me to take a good look at everyone.
NOREEN BUNT
Come on, Myron. I’m sure Ms. Nass remembers you now.
(TIPPY SLADE and ROXIE MURRACUS enter).
TIPPY SLADE
Myron Bunt!
ROXIE MURRACAS
Hey, big fella!
MYRON BUNT
Tippy? Roxie?
TIPPY SLADE
You got it. Who’s that little cutie by your side?
MYRON BUNT
My wife Noreen.
TIPPY SLADE
Awwwww!
ROXIE MURRACAS
What a sweetie!
NOREEN BUNT
Do their faces ring a bell, Myron?
TIPPY SLADE
Huh?
MYRON BUNT
I’m not sure. Everything’s sort of blurry.
ROXIE MURRACAS
What’s wrong with him, Noreen?
NOREEN BUNT
His head injury.
TIPPY SLADE
Oh, yeah! The fall from the balcony…remember, Roxie?
ROXIE MURRACAS
That’s right…the big plunge.
MS. NASS
An unfortunate accident.
TIPPY SLADE
At first, it was funny.
ROXIE MURRACAS
(to MYRON)
But then we thought you were dead or something.
NOREEN BUNT
That fall changed his life…for the worse!
TIPPY SLADE
Poor guy. You weren’t much of a scholar to begin with.
MYRON BUNT
My legs feel like jello.
NOREEN BUNT
I think he needs to sit down now.
MS. NASS
He ought to go home.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Let’s get him into the gym.
TIPPY SLADE
A shot of rye might help him forget his troubles.
NOREEN BUNT
No liquor! It just makes things worse.
(NOREEN exits with MYRON. TIPPY and ROXIE assist her.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 3:
(NOLA DRAGONOV and VICTOR O’NEILL enter from the gym.)
VICTOR O’NEILL
Hey, Ms. Nass.
MS. NASS
Nola, Victor.
NOLA DRAGONOV
Raven Carruthers is doing her solo dance routine.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Now everyone knows the colour of her panties!
MS. NASS
She’s a high-spirited gal.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Raven always makes a big display of herself.
NOLA DRAGONOV
It’s ten years since we graduated, and Raven Carruthers still wants to be “Little Miss Popular”.
MS. NASS
Don’t forget she organized the reunion.
NOLA DRAGONOV
She got one of her husband’s well-paid toadies to do it.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Raven married money.
MS. NASS
Do I detect a note of jealousy?
NOLA DRAGONOV
Raven’s been climbing the social ladder all her life. But it’s a long fall from way up there.
VICTOR O’NEILL
I still say Raven’s the one who put drugs in Nola’s locker, Ms. Nass.
MS. NASS
We did a thorough investigation, Victor.
NOLA DRAGONOV
I lost my grade twelve year because of those drugs.
MS. NASS
We followed due process.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Raven was mad at Nola because Nola won the election.
NOLA DRAGONOV
Little Miss Popular doesn’t like to lose.
MS. NASS
That was ten years ago, Nola. People grow up.
NOLA DRAGONOV
Uh huh.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Raven’s in there dancing and flirting like she was still seventeen.
NOLA DRAGONOV
She said to me, “Nola, you’re more shapely than ever!”
MS. NASS
What a nice complement!
NOLA DRAGONOV
She was making fun of my hips, Ms. Nass.
MS. NASS
Oh, now, Nola, Raven likes to tease. That’s what makes her so much fun to be around.
VICTOR O’NEILL
It wasn’t fun when Raven and her pals yanked my sweats down at that pep rally.
MS. NASS
But Victor, it got a laugh from the kids in the stands, and helped promote school spirit.
VICTOR O’NEILL
It was sexual harassment, Ms. Nass.
MS. NASS
I’d love to stay and chat some more about the good old days, but I’ve got so many people to see! Excuse me!
(MS. NASS exits.)
NOLA DRAGONOV
The “good old days”?
VICTOR O’NEILL
I can’t understand why that woman’s still principal.
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 4:
(LORRAINE DEFOREST enters from outside.)
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Nola! Nola, it’s me, Lorraine!
NOLA DRAGONOV
Lorraine Deforest? Omigod!
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Gimme a hug, honey!
(NOLA and LORRAINE rush together and embrace.)
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Victor? Victor O’Neill?
VICTOR O’NEILL
The one and only!
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Wow, you’re looking great!
NOLA DRAGONOV
Victor and I’ve been seeing each other for the last couple of years, Lorraine.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Really? Jeeze, you just never know who’s going to get together, do you.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Hey, love’s blind, eh?
NOLA DRAGONOV
What do you mean, Victor?
VICTOR O’NEILL
Just that I never figured I’d end up dating you, Nola.
NOLA DRAGONOV
Why not?
VICTOR O’NEILL
Back in high school, I didn’t think I was good enough for you.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Aw, isn’t he sweet? Isn’t he sweet, Nola?
(no answer)
How you doing, Nola?
NOLA DRAGONOV
I’m doing, Lorraine. You?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Mike ditched me last Christmas. I’m kind of on the rebound.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Mike Dennis?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Yeah, childhood sweethearts. That’s the way it goes.
NOLA DRAGONOV
You poor kid!
LORRAINE DEFOREST
No, no, it’s okay. Mike found the love of his life, so what was I supposed to do?
VICTOR O’NEILL
That’s real generous of you, Lorraine.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
I’m going to cut off his private parts.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Huh?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
If I ever get the chance.
NOLA DRAGONOV
You always were a joker.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
No joke.
NOLA DRAGONOV
Lorraine, I heard you went through a rough time a few years back.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Nothing much, just a complete frigging breakdown.
NOLA DRAGONOV
I meant to look you up, but a little voice in my head told me it would only make things worse.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
A little voice?
VICTOR O’NEILL
Nola thought she might have been the cause.
NOLA DRAGONOV
Victor! Let me explain!
LORRAINE DEFOREST
You weren’t the cause, Nola, at least not directly.
NOLA DRAGONOV
I thought maybe I might have triggered your illness or something.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
I don’t blame you for dumping me after I did that speech in English 12.
NOLA DRAGONOV
It was just a silly speech, but it kind of hurt.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Everyone knew you were talking about Nola.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
I guess I shouldn’t have used the phrase “my best friend”.
NOLA DRAGONOV
That was the giveaway. And saying I had a sexually transmitted disease was going way too far.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
I needed something dramatic for my speech, something that would “cut to the chase”.
NOLA DRAGONOV
If I had what you said I had, I would have died years ago.
VICTOR O’NEILL
(to LORRAINE)
You got so emotional when Nola threw that short story book at you and called you a dirty little liar.
NOLA DRAGONOV
You yelled and screamed, then just shut right up and didn’t say another word all year.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Like some sort of vow of silence or something.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
That was when Mike started to have second thoughts about me.
VICTOR O’NEILL
It’s hard to like a sulky girl who never speaks.
NOLA DRAGONOV
Hey, Victor, Raven’s probably done showing off by now. Let’s dance!
VICTOR O’NEILL
Don’t you want to talk to Lorraine some more? You know, do some catching up and patching up?
NOLA DRAGONOV
Maybe we can talk later, Lorraine…maybe.
(NOLA and VICTOR exit to the gym.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 5:
(VANDROS JOLICOEUR and BENITA DOBRA enter from the street.)
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
(stopping short when he sees LORRAINE)
Benita, that woman over there is Lorraine Deforest, the one who quit talking in grade twelve.
BENITA DOBRA
I wonder if she talks now?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Only one way to find out.
(going to LORRAINE)
Hi, Lorraine. Remember me?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Don’t tell me…let me guess…um, Franky Schwartz?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Nope.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Ummm…jeff Rample?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
It starts with a “V”.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Ummm…Vern?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
No.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Vance?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
No.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
This is embarassing.
BENITA DOBRA
(to VANDROS)
Tell her your name, for god’s sake.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Vandros…
(LORRAINE stares blankly.)
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
…Vandros Jolicoeur.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Vandros…the Vandros from my foods class?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
You bet.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
You look way different now.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Remember the duck a l’orange?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Uh huh.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
This is my fiance Benita.
BENITA DOBRA
Benita Dobra.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
I don’t recognize you, Benita. Did you go to Montcalm?
BENITA DOBRA
Nope. I’m Romanian. Fresh off the boat, as they say.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
We met on the internet.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Your boyfriend poisoned my duck.
BENITA DOBRA
Your duck?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
It was a prank. Everyone thought it was funny.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Except me.
BENITA DOBRA
(to VANDROS)
What did you do to her duck?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Nothing much…just added a little something to help Lorraine’s digestion.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
He laced my duck a l’orange with laxative.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
It was fast-acting stuff. Need I say more?
BENITA DOBRA
That sounds mean, Vandros.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Hey, kids will be kids. It was just a joke, eh?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
You were a nasty little nerd, Vandros, and you know it.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
That was a long time ago. I’m a I.T. man now, pulling in six figures plus bonuses.
BENITA DOBRA
Vandros paid for me to come to Canada. I’m very grateful.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
You mean he bought you.
BENITA DOBRA
Bought?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Like a slab of meat.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Hey!
BENITA DOBRA
He loves me.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
He couldn’t get a girlfriend in reality, so he bought one on the internet.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
The internet let me find a girlfriend on my terms. I went through a careful selection process.
BENITA DOBRA
There are thousands of internet women, and he picked me.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Just like shopping at Costco.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Hey, at least I have someone. Who are you with?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
You’re still a nerd, Vandros, and always will be.
BENITA DOBRA
What is a “nerd”?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
You can call me all the names you want, Lorraine, but I’ve got a condo and a girlfriend and a good job. What’ve you got?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
An unlimited supply of righteous indignation, and enough anger to punch you in your self-satisfied head!
(LORRAINE draws back her fist. VANDROS and BENITA back up.)
LORRAINE
So don’t push me.
(LORRAINE exits.)
BENITA DOBRA
Why did you poison her duck, Vandros?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
We were always doing pranks. The principal let us. She said it helped school spirit.
BENITA DOBRA
In Romania, you could go to jail for poisoning a duck.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
No one goes to jail in Canada unless they’re poor and desperate.
BENITA DOBRA
I hope you won’t poison my food, Vandros.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Of course I won’t, Benita. I paid way too much for you to risk losing you.
BENITA DOBRA
That’s not funny. I don’t like it when you say you “paid” for me.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
I had to do more than just pay for you. You made me fly to Romania to meet you face-to-face!
BENITA DOBRA
I needed to know what you smelled like.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Then I had to promise your father I’d give you a tax-free allowance of fifteen hundred a month, and redecorate the condo to make it more “feminine”.
BENITA DOBRA
If you think I’m too expensive, maybe I should go back to Romania.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
I love you.
BENITA DOBRA
You only say that when I’m angry.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
And I only talk about money because I’m embarrassed by my real feelings.
BENITA DOBRA
You mean guilty feelings!
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
I guess I’m still a “nerd”, with no social skills.
BENITA DOBRA
I ask again: what is a “nerd”?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
A brainy, unpopular person who’s so busy thinking he forgets to brush his teeth.
BENITA DOBRA
I’ll remind you.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Thanks. You help me minimize my nerd-like tendencies.
BENITA DOBRA
What am I going to do with you, Vandros?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Love me?
BENITA DOBRA
All right.
(BENITA gives VANDROS a hug.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 6:
(MILDRED HALTER, DENISE JESSOP, and FLORENCE MANDER enter from the gym.)
MILDRED HALTER
(pumping her arms)
I’m too hot.
DENISE JESSOP
It’s roasting in there.
FLORENCE MANDER
(blowing her nose into a hanky)
And all that perfume is playing hell with my allergies.
MILDRED HALTER
(seeing VANDROS)
Vandros! Vandros Jolicoeur!
DENISE JESSOP
Vandros! Is it really you?
FLORENCE MANDER
You look just the same, Vandros, only…way different!
MILDRED HALTER
(running to VANDROS)
Give me a hug, Vandros, I need one!
DENISE JESSOP
(running to VANDROS)
Me too!
FLORENCE MANDER
(running to VANDROS)
Me three!
(The three young women attempt to hug VANDROS in a clumsy little dance of needy intimacy.)
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Ladies! Ladies! Please!
(they step back from him)
May I present my fiance, Benita Dobra!
BENITA DOBRA
I am pleased to meet you.
MILDRED HALTER
Fiance! Vandros, you dog!
DENISE JESSOP
We used to think you were asexual, like bacteria!
FLORENCE MANDER
You had the libido of a neutered poodle.
BENITA DOBRA
Libido? What is libido, Vandros?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
They’re teasing me, Benita, just like when we were kids.
MILDRED HALTER
Florence and Denise have had too much punch.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
(to BENITA) These are my old school chums Mildred Halter, Denise Jessop, and Florence Mander…
MILDRED, FLORENCE, and DENISE
(in unison)
“The Three Little Birds”!
(They laugh.)
DENISE JESSOP
That was the name of our girl gang!
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
The other kids used to call us the “the Nerd and the Three Little Turds”.
FLORENCE MANDER
Vandros helped us do our homework.
MILDRED HALTER
We were socially awkward. Vandros was the only boy who’d talk to us.
DENISE JESSOP
Now we’re “women of the world”! Mildred even has a job at Telus.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
No boyfriends or husbands yet?
DENISE JESSOP
Florence had a boyfriend for a while. Tell him, Florence.
FLORENCE MANDER
I met him at Disneyland.
MILDRED HALTER
He was one of those guys in a Mickey Mouse costume…
DENISE JESSOP
Florence fell into the rapids on the Grizzly River Run and he pulled her out.
FLORENCE MANDER
Mickey Mouse saved me!
DENISE JESSOP
It was love at first sight.
MILDRED HALTER
But it got weird when he pulled off his Mickey Mouse head.
DENISE JESSOP
He was old, at least fifty.
FLORENCE MANDER I told him I’d only go out with him if he wore his Mickey Mouse costume.
MILDRED HALTER
And he agreed! I think he got a sort of kick out of Florence’s little fetish!
DENISE JESSOP
He’d fly up to Canada and come to Florence’s apartment wearing his Mickey Mouse head and his puffy little Mickey Mouse gloves.
MILDRED HALTER
But it all came to an end when he got fired from Disneyland and had to turn in his costume.
FLORENCE MANDER
It’s against my principles to date a fifty-year-old man.
DENISE JESSOP
But it’s okay to date a cartoon character, ‘cause they’re ageless, eh?
BENITA DOBRA
(after an awkward pause)
Vandros, can we go in to the dance now?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Sure, Benita.
(to the others)
What planet are you guys on, anyway?
DENISE JESSOP
We were just joking, Benita…just kidding around with that Mickey Mouse story…
MILDRED HALTER
…like in the old days. We used to joke our way through everything…all the pain…
BENITA DOBRA
Thank you for your stories, but Vandros and I must go now.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Talk to you later, you “Three Little Loony Birds”!
(VANDROS and BENITA exit, with the Three Little Birds watching carefully.)
MILDRED HALTER
I guess he isn’t asexual after all.
DENISE JESSOP
He must have known you had a crush on him, Mildred, so he pretended to be sexless so you wouldn’t hit on him.
MILDRED HALTER
Was I really that unattractive?
DENISE JESSOP
What does it matter? You’ve got a job at Telus now.
FLORENCE MANDER
His fiance seems nice, and she’s not even a nerd.
DENISE JESSOP
Do you think she’s one of those Eastern European mail-order brides?
FLORENCE MANDER
Maybe I should move to Eastern Europe and become a mail-order bride.
DENISE JESSOP
Sure! Then some highly unattractive Canadian guy like Vandros would marry you.
MILDRED HALTER
Who’d have thought a school reunion could be so depressing? I shouldn’t have come. What was I thinking?
DENISE JESSOP
I came to remember the suffering, so I can feel good about being single, lonely, and unemployed.
FLORENCE MANDER
High school was almost as bad as middle school.
DENISE JESSOP
And even worse than elementary.
MILDRED HALTER
Remember the way Raven Carruthers ran this school like her own little dolls’ house?
FLORENCE MANDER
Now she’s running this reunion.
DENISE JESSOP
She’s Raven Carruthers-Manbridge now, married to some wealthy business guy.
MILDRED HALTER
Popular, successful, rich…
DENISE JESSOP
Beautiful, clever, healthy…
FLORENCE MANDER
Funny, cute, spontaneous…
DENISE JESSOP
No wonder I hate her.
(JOHN MANBRIDGE enters from the street.)
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Excuse me, I’m not sure I’m at the right school. Is this Montcalm Secondary?
DENISE JESSOP Didn’t you see the statue of the Marquis de Montcalm outside?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
In the dark it looked like General James Wolfe, so I couldn’t be sure.
MILDRED HALTER
Are you looking for someone at the reunion?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
(approaching the threesome and shaking their hands in a formal way)
I’m John Manbridge.
MILDRED HALTER
Raven’s husband?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
That’s correct. And you’re…?
MILDRED HALTER
Hildred Malter…I mean Lildred Dalter…um, Dildred…what?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Try a deep breath…that always helps.
DENISE JESSOP
She’s Mildred Halter, and I’m Denise Jessop. That’s Florence Mander.
FLORENCE MANDER
Hello, Mr. Manbridge.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
John, please.
MILDRED, DENISE, FLORENCE
(in unison)
John!
JOHN MANBRIDGE
You’re all graduates of this fine institution, I take it?
MILDRED HALTER
Yes, graduates.
DENISE JESSOP
Mildred works at Telus.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Management?
MILDRED HALTER
Complaints. I talk to angry customers on the phone.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I’ll bet you’re very patient with your clients.
MILDRED HALTER
I try. There was this one guy from Macleod Lake that called me a stupid cow, so I just said, “Excuse me, Sir, if I was a cow, I wouldn’t be speaking English, now would I?”
JOHN MANBRIDGE
And what did he say?
MILDRED HALTER
He said, “All right, so you’re a dumbass parrot . Now let me speak to your manager.”
JOHN MANBRIDGE
No one should have to put up with that kind of abuse.
(offering a card)
Here’s my business card. If you want a change of occupation, drop by sometime and I’ll see what I can do.
MILDRED HALTER
(taking the card as if it was the Holy Grail)
That’s very kind of you, Mr. Manbridge.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
John.
MILDRED HALTER
John.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
(to DENISE JESSOP, though he has trouble keeping his eyes off MILDRED)
And you, Denise…what do you do?
DENISE JESSOP
I work in the service industry…
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Retail clothing?
DENISE JESSOP
Fast food.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Apparently, North Americans eat one out of five meals in their cars.
DENISE JESSOP
Some of them start gobbling their burgers the moment I pass them through the takeout window.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
You’re a server?
DENISE JESSOP
I might have a shot at the management trainee program, once I get off training wage.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
And you, Florence?
FLORENCE MANDER
Oh, I don’t work.
JOHN MANBRIDGE Lucky you.
FLORENCE MANDER
Not really. I’m on welfare.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
You’re joking.
FLORENCE MANDER
No, it’s true. I’ve never been able to hold a job. It’s my nerves.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Have you seen a doctor?
FLORENCE MANDER
They say it’s all in my head.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Pyschological illness can be devastating.
FLORENCE MANDER
It’s so nice to talk to someone who understands.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
If you need a free consultation, I can get you a referral to Raven’s psychiatrist.
MILDRED HALTER
Raven needs pyschiatric help?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Only in a trendy way. Raven calls it “fashion therapy”.
MILDRED HALTER
Fashion therapy?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Raven loves to try everything, even psychoanalysis. Do you know if she’s here?
DENISE JESSOP
She’s in the gym.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Would one of you be so kind as to fetch her for me?
MILDRED HALTER
Florence and Denise, you go.
FLORENCE MANDER
Both of us?
MILDRED HALTER
Then you’ve got a better chance of finding her.
DENISE JESSOP
Come on, Florence. Let’s leave Mildred alone with John.
MILDRED HALTER
I didn’t mean I want to be alone with…with…John, as he likes to be called.
FLORENCE MANDER
What colour’s your red face, Mildred?
(FLORENCE and DENISE exit to the gym.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 7:
MILDRED HALTER
Well.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Well!
MILDRED HALTER
Here we are.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Alone at last!
MILDRED HALTER
You’re a bit of a tease!
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Am I?
MILDRED HALTER
Are you?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Were you and Raven friends back in your high school days?
MILDRED HALTER
Nob.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Nob?
MILDRED HALTER
I mean nope. I mean no.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I’m sorry if I make you nervous. I don’t mean to.
MILDRED HALTER
It’s just that you’re…nice.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Nice guys make you nervous?
MILDRED HALTER
If they’re rich, handsome, and married.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I guess I come with a lot of baggage.
MILDRED HALTER
A lot. A lot of baggage.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Especially Raven.
MILDRED HALTER
She’s one helluva big bag…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean that.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Yes you did. And it’s true. She’s not easy to live with.
MILDRED HALTER
She’s your wife. You picked her. You’ve got to live with her.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
There’s always divorce.
MILDRED HALTER
I’ll bet she’s got a pre-nuptual agreement as tight as a drunk at an Irish wedding.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Of course.
MILDRED HALTER
So divorce is out.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Not if I meet the real love of my life. I guess I’m still looking for her.
MILDRED HALTER
I’m surprised a businessman like you believes in that sort of romantic nonsense.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
You think it’s nonsense?
MILDRED HALTER
I’m twenty-eight and single. Where’s the love of my life?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
You know where he is.
MILDRED HALTER
I do?
JOHN MANBRIDGE Sure.
MILDRED HALTER (
after a pause, during which she tries to make sense of where this is going)
You’re making fun of me.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
No. Absolutely not. Other people might have made fun of you over the years. But I wouldn’t do that.
MILDRED HALTER
I put up with a lot of teasing in high school. I’m awkward. Socially, emotionally…I’m awkward.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
And honest.
MILDRED HALTER
Honesty isn’t a very valuable commodity, as a businessman like you should know.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
You’re not interested.
MILDRED HALTER
In what?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
In me. But I’m interested in you.
MILDRED HALTER
Me?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
You.
MILDRED HALTER
Are you trying to make some sort of…deal?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
No. I’m trying to make friends with you.
MILDRED HALTER
You want to be my friend?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Nothing more, nothing less.
MILDRED HALTER
I don’t believe you.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Why not?
MILDRED HALTER
Because you’re not looking for a friend; you’re looking for the love of your life.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
(after a very thoughtful pause)
Do you think you might be her?
MILDRED HALTER
(after a very thoughtful pause, taking a tremendous risk)
…Yes.
(Another pause as she waits in a state of almost abject despair, trying to fathom his response.)
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I won’t hurt you.
MILDRED HALTER
No?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I’ll never hurt you.
MILDRED HALTER
I’ll never hurt you.
(RAVEN enters with MIDGE.)
RAVEN
John! Come on, I want to show you off to everyone!
MIDGE DANELLI
Looks like Mildred’s already got an eyeful of him, Raven.
RAVEN
Isn’t he gorgeous, Mildred?
MILDRED HALTER
Why ask a question if you already know the answer, Raven?
MIDGE DANELLI
Whoa! That’s deep!
RAVEN
I asked a rhetorical question, Midge, and Mildred answered with a rhetorical question of her own.
MIDGE DANELLI
It’s all over my head!
RAVEN
Mildred’s showing John how clever she is.
MILDRED HALTER
I’m not showing anyone anything. Excuse me, I’d like to find my friends.
(MILDRED exits.)
MIDGE DANELLI
Meaning, we’re not her friends, I suppose?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Mildred has some interesting ideas about friendship.
RAVEN
I bet she does. It’s too bad you’re so late, John. You’ve missed so much of the fun.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I’m fine.
RAVEN
No you’re not.
(going to JOHN and looking carefully into his eyes)
Come on…we’ll make the best of the time that’s left!
(RAVEN takes JOHN’S arm and exits.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 8:
(JAKE and COLETTE SLOBODA enter from the gym with ZELMA BEDROSIAN and PHOEBE NICOLATO.)
ZELMA BEDROSIAN Midge!
Why are you out here by yourself?
MIDGE DANELLI
I’ve been hanging around Raven too much, Ms. Bedrosian. I need a break.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
I suppose even best friends can get to be a bit much at times.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
Raven is so hyperactive.
MIDGE DANELLI
That’s right, Mrs. Nicolato. She’s kind of exhausting, but I love her anyway.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
JAKE SLOBODA is tired.
MIDGE DANELLI
Hey, JAKE SLOBODA! Did the dancing wear you out?
JAKE SLOBODA
I’m no spring chicken, Midge.
COLETTE SLOBODA
He just shuffles from foot to foot like a robot.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
You’ve still got an excellent sense of rhythm, Jake.
JAKE SLOBODA
I stepped on my wife’s toes one too many times, so she said we should take a break.
COLETTE SLOBODA
What nonsense! He wanted to go out to sneak a smoke.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
He still smokes two packs a day.
JAKE SLOBODA
You just stick to being the school secretary, Phoebe, and everything’ll be fine.
MIDGE DANELLI
Those things will kill you, JAKE SLOBODA.
JAKE SLOBODA
We Slobodas die young. I might as well enjoy myself while I can.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
I caught him smoking in the storage room last week.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
And you really shouldn’t smoke in the science lab, Jake. There could be an explosion.
JAKE SLOBODA
Blown to smithereens in a great blaze of glory!
MIDGE DANELLI
You’ll never die, JAKE SLOBODA. You’re too stubborn.
JAKE SLOBODA
Don’t you go telling me what I am and what I’m not, Midge Danelli.
COLETTE SLOBODA
Oh, leave her alone, Jake. She’s a grown woman now, not a kid in your science class.
JAKE SLOBODA
I know you, Midge. You’re trouble. Always were, always will be.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
Come on, now, Jake, behave yourself.
JAKE SLOBODA
I don’t need any advice from an old-maid English teacher, Zelma.
MIDGE DANELLI
Still joking after all these years!
JAKE SLOBODA Y
ou and that Raven Carruthers, Midge…you think I don’t remember what you did?
PHOEBE NICOLATO
That was a long time ago, JAKE SLOBODA.
COLETTE SLOBODA
He’s had a few too many cups of rum punch, Midge.
MIDGE DANELLI
That’s all right, Mrs. Sloboda. He’s funny.
JAKE SLOBODA
Funny? Funny? You think it was funny when I was hanging by my heels from that maple tree?
MIDGE DANELLI
It was all in fun. And besides, you let us do it.
JAKE SLOBODA
You gave me a chemical cocktail that knocked me unconscious, then strung me up like a slab of meat in a butcher shop!
COLETTE SLOBODA
Oh, Jake, stop exaggerating.
MIDGE DANELLI
You had one too many shots of that pure grain alcohol in your lab, JAKE SLOBODA.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
You let your students feed you alcohol.
COLETTE SLOBODA
You’re lucky you didn’t lose your job, Jake!
MIDGE DANELLI
If Raven hadn’t turned it all into a big joke by dangling you in that tree, you’d have been fired for sure.
JAKE SLOBODA
Raven Carruthers is one smart cookie, but someday she’s going to crumble.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
Phoebe. Let’s find an empty classroom. I want to practice my reunion speech.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
I hope it’s not too long.
(ZELMA and PHOEBE exit.)
COLETTE SLOBODA
Doesn’t Midge look pretty tonight, Jake?
JAKE SLOBODA
Eh?
COLETTE SLOBODA
Midge…doesn’t she look pretty?
JAKE SLOBODA
I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.
MIDGE DANELLI
JAKE SLOBODA!
JAKE SLOBODA
You’re not a kid anymore, Midge Danelli. You’re fair game for any man.
COLETTE SLOBODA
Jake, you’re terrible!
JAKE SLOBODA
I may be just an old science teacher, but I can still feel a faint stirring in my loins at the sight of a pretty girl!
MIDGE DANELLI
He’s on thin ice, Mrs. Sloboda.
COLETTE SLOBODA
He’s just two years away from retirement, Midge.
MIDGE DANELLI
A teacher shouldn’t drink on the job.
COLETTE SLOBODA
He doesn’t! He made one mistake ten years ago, and that’s all!
JAKE SLOBODA
Ah, what do you two know about teaching? You’ve never had to stand up in front of a mob of teenagers and pretend you know what you’re talking about.
MIDGE DANELLI
Maybe you should take him home.
COLETTE SLOBODA
He’s impossible when he gets to feeling sorry for himself. It’s best to ignore him.
JAKE SLOBODA
You know what a good teacher is? Hey? Do you? He’s a good liar, that’s what he is!
MIDGE DANELLI
I had fun in his chemistry class.
COLETTE SLOBODA
It was hard on him, Midge, the way you kids used to tease him.
MIDGE DANELLI
He was a good sport about it.
COLETTE SLOBODA
He didn’t know how to put a stop to it.
MIDGE DANELLI
I’ve got to see if Raven needs me in the gym. Can you handle him on your own?
COLETTE SLOBODA
He just needs a cigarette.
MIDGE DANELLI
We still love you, JAKE SLOBODA. I mean that.
JAKE SLOBODA
Lies! It’s all lies!
(MIDGE exits to the gym.)
COLETTE SLOBODA
You want to go out for your smoke now?
JAKE SLOBODA
Eh?
COLETTE SLOBODA
Your smoke…your cigarette…do you want it?
JAKE SLOBODA
Of course I want it, woman. I’m an addict, a hopeless, drunken old fool.
COLETTE SLOBODA
(helping him steady himself)
Come on, then, let’s get you outside.
(they exit)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 9:
(LISETTE MONTOBELLO enters, pursued by CARMEN MONTOBELLO.)
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Stay away from me, Carmen.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
But Lisette, I didn’t do anything!
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You made a move on Dee Morrison! Don’t deny it!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I was just being polite!
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Polite? You call giving her a big, wet kiss “being polite”?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I haven’t seen her for years, Lisette. What’s wrong with showing a bit of affection to an old friend?
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
An old lover, you mean!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
So we dated for a while in high school…
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You got her pregnant, Carmen!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
That was just a stupid rumour.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You’re lucky you’re not on the hook for child support!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I’m not the father.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Then who is?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Some guy.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Some guy? Some guy? What guy?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I don’t know.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Because you’re the guy!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
But I married you, Lisette, not Dee Morrison.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
We shouldn’t have come here.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
You’re not kidding.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
What’s that supposed to mean?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I should have known you’d throw a jealous fit.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
What did you expect me to do, tell you to kiss her again? Ask her if she’s interested in a threesome?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Don’t be ridiculous.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
I’m not! I’m being human! My husband kissed an old girlfriend right in front of me, and obviously enjoyed doing it!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I didn’t “enjoy” it.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Oh no? Then why did your faces stay glued together for so long?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
It was just for a second!
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Anyone could see you wanted more!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
If I had any intention of trying to seduce Dee Morrison, I wouldn’t have kissed her right in front of you!
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You were hot for her, Carmen! Don’t deny it!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Okay, have it your way.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You don’t deny it?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
What’s the point? You wouldn’t believe me anyway.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
I should never have married you.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
But I love you.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You love my father’s money.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I’m not interested in your father’s money.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
It’s me you’re not interested in, leaving me alone night after night.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
You know I have to go back to the office to finish my work…
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
So you say…
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I want to get ahead so we don’t have to rely on your dad to help with the mortgage payments!
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Dee Morrison probably meets you at the office after everyone else has gone home.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Lisette, you’re being irrational…
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You’re the one that’s irrational, necking with an old girlfriend right in front of me!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
So now it’s “necking”!
(DEE MORRISON, JUSTINE DRESCHER, and CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE enter.)
DEE MORRISON
Lisette, I feel so bad!
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Dee’s really upset…
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
…and embarrassed!
DEE MORRISON
Carmen just suddenly grabbed me and kissed me!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Oh, come on, Dee. You wanted me to kiss you, so I did!
JUSTINE DRESCHER
She didn’t want anything, Carmen…
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
This is none of your business, Justine…
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Dee’s my friend…
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
And mine, and you’ve embarrassed her in public, Carmen.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Don’t defend her. She knew what she was doing, didn’t you, Dee.
DEE MORRISON
I’m so sorry, Lisette, really. It was just one of those silly things that sometimes happens.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Accidents happen, mistakes get made. Let’s just forget the whole thing.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Maybe I want to have an accident! Maybe I want to make a mistake! There’s lots of good looking men in there! Maybe it’s my turn for a little bit of passion on the side!
(LISETTE exits back to the gym.)
DEE MORRISON
She always did have a hot temper.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Aren’t you going to go after her, Carmen?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Huh?
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
Go after Lisette?
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Is that what I should do?
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Unless you want to see her leaving this reunion with someone else!
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
But she won’t listen to me!
DEE MORRISON
You shouldn’t have kissed me.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I thought you wanted me to.
DEE MORRISON
There’s a difference between wanting something and doing something, Carmen.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
It’s this damned reunion. It’s made me all nostalgic and sad and excited.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Such a sensitive guy!
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
You didn’t use to be so sensitive.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I was a kid then. I just wanted to have fun.
DEE MORRISON
Irresponsible fun.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Hey, it takes two.
DEE MORRISON
Go and find your wife, Carmen. Try to apologize to her, like I did.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
If you don’t, you’ll be sorry.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I should never have come here.
(CARMEN exits.)
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
Poor guy.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Ah, he’ll be all right.
DEE MORRISON
Guys are always “all right”. It’s us women who suffer.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Remember how we used to say you and Carmen were made for each other?
DEE MORRISON
I made something for Carmen, but he didn’t stick around to appreciate it.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
You were just kids.
DEE MORRISON
Yeah, I was a kid with a kid inside me. And now I’ve got a ten year old daughter who looks like Carmen.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Hey, she’s way cuter than Carmen!
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
We three haven’t had much luck in the romance department.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Twenty-eight and still single.
DEE MORRISON
You two could find fellas if you really wanted to.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
So could you.
DEE MORRISON
Guys aren’t interested in single moms…at least not for more than one night.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Men! They’re all awful.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
When I was in high school, I though that the guys would eventually grow up, but they didn’t.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Girls become women, but boys just go on being boys.
DEE MORRISON
They’re so impulsive. Carmen just grabbed me and started kissing me.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
They’re not subtle, that’s for sure.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
They think flirting is an invitation for sex.
DEE MORRISON
Back in high school, they were so shy about sex.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
So shy and clumsy…there was something lovely about that.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
But now they just want to hop in the sack at the first opportunity.
DEE MORRISON
It’s all so disgusting.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
What was it like to kiss an old boyfriend, Dee?
DEE MORRISON
Well, I suppose it was sort of nice.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
Nice?
DEE MORRISON
Ten years ago, I had real strong feelings for him, Claudette.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
You loved him so much you let him off the hook after you got pregnant.
DEE MORRISON
That’s right. So when he kissed me tonight, all those feelings came back. Maybe they never went away.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
No wonder Lisette’s so upset.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
She picked up on it right away.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
It makes sense that she’d be jealous.
DEE MORRISON
There’s something about a reunion that sets us up for some sort of heartbreak .
JUSTINE DRESCHER
It’s got something to do with memories…with lost time, and lost hope, and girlhood dreams that didn’t come true.
DEE MORRISON
You were always good at pumping out one cliché after another, Justine
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
Now we’re just being maudlin. Let’s go back to the party.
DEE MORRISON
I better phone my babysitter and make sure Carmen’s okay.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Does he know you named the baby after him?
DEE MORRISON
Of course not. He wouldn’t understand anyway.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
Are you ever going to tell her that he’s her dad?
DEE MORRISON
I don’t know.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Remember back in grade twelve, how simple things seemed?
DEE MORRISON
Love seemed simple. You either felt it or you didn’t.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
It’s easy to feel loving thoughts.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
But hard to do loving things.
DEE MORRISON
Everything gets mixed up.
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 10:
(MARY TOSLAVICH and MARKO RAWLINS enter.)
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Mary! Are you having fun tonight?
MARY TOSLAVICH
I guess so, Justine. And you?
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Well, let’s just say it’s been a dramatic evening.
MARY TOSLAVICH
You used to be in all the plays, as I recall.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
I confess. I was a drama nerd.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
So was I, even though I couldn’t act my way out of a wet paper bag.
DEE MORRISON
Oh come on, Claudette. You were fabulous in “Little Shop of Horrors”!
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
I looked like an idiot in that blonde wig, and I got stuck in the plant.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Seems like every high school has to do that tired old musical.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
I had fun.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Everyone spent way too much time trying to have “fun” in high school.
DEE MORRISON
It was a long time ago, Mary. Why worry about it now?
MARY TOSLAVICH
I’m not worried about it. I’m just saying it was all kind of stupid and vacuous.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
But we had fun, didn’t we?
JUSTINE DRESCHER
It was all sort of gentle and harmless.
DEE MORRISON
The teachers did their best.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Even JAKE SLOBODA.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
The poor guy.
DEE MORRISON
Aren’t you going to introduce your friend?
MARY TOSLAVICH
Huh? Oh, Marko!
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Hi, Marko…I’m Justine.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
And I’m Claudette, and that’s Dee.
MARKO RAWLINS
You’re old friends of Mary’s?
MARY TOSLAVICH
No. Just acquaintances.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Mary was sort of on the outside of our little circle.
MARY TOSLAVICH
You wouldn’t let me in.
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
You didn’t ask to be let in, Mary.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Why did I have to ask? Wasn’t it obvious?
DEE MORRISON
There was no need to ask.
MARY TOSLAVICH
That’s easy to say ten years later.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
You were a bit prickly, Mary.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Prickly?
JUSTINE DRESCHER
We could never figure out if you wanted to be friends or not.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Did I have to wear a sign? So much for “women’s intuition”!
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
We better go check on Carmen and Lisette.
DEE MORRISON
We’ll talk later, Mary.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Later. I hope you enjoy the reunion, Marko.
MARKO RAWLINS
Is that what this is?
(DEE, JUSTINE, and CLAUDETTE exit.)
MARKO RAWLINS
I’ve never seen you so angry.
MARY TOSLAVICH
I couldn’t think. I could only feel.
MARKO RAWLINS
And you felt angry.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Why were you staring at Justine that way?
MARKO RAWLINS
Huh?
MARY TOSLAVICH
Do you think she’s cute or something?
MARKO RAWLINS
I wouldn’t call her “cute”.
MARY TOSLAVICH
What would you call her?
MARKO RAWLINS
Graceful. Patrician. A bit mysterious.
MARY TOSLAVICH
I suppose you’d like to paint her portrait.
MARKO RAWLINS
I wouldn’t mind.
MARY TOSLAVICH
I’m mysterious too.
MARKO RAWLINS
Yes.
MARY TOSLAVICH
And beautiful. I’m beautiful.
MARKO RAWLINS
Uh huh.
MARY TOSLAVICH
So why won’t you paint my portrait?
MARKO RAWLINS
I can’t.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Why not?
MARKO RAWLINS
It would spoil things.
MARY TOSLAVICH
How would it spoil things?
MARKO RAWLINS
You know about the impressionists?
MARY TOSLAVICH
They painted pictures that captured a fleeting moment in time.
MARKO RAWLINS
I don’t want to capture you.
MARY TOSLAVICH
You don’t?
MARKO RAWLINS
I don’t want to fix you in my mind. Ever.
MARY TOSLAVICH
You want me to be ephemeral, transient, fleeting?
MARKO RAWLINS
You are ephemeral. We all are.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Do you love me?
MARKO RAWLINS
Yes.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Will you ever leave me?
MARKO RAWLINS
I’m never with you.
MARY TOSLAVICH
You’re not?
MARKO RAWLINS
You’re ephemeral, remember?
MARY TOSLAVICH I’ll stop for just a moment, in this little bit of time, just for you…
(MARY becomes very still.)
MARKO RAWLINS
Thank you.
(MARKO embraces MARY.)
MARY TOSLAVICH
When I was a schoolgirl, I was always alone.
MARKO RAWLINS
Why was that?
MARY TOSLAVICH
I didn’t trust most of the kids, and the ones I did trust didn’t trust me.
MARKO RAWLINS
That would explain it.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Girls are better than boys at being bullies.
MARKO RAWLINS
How so?
MARY TOSLAVICH
When boys bully, you can see it and feel it. When girls bully, you can only feel it.
MARKO RAWLINS
You were bullied?
MARY TOSLAVICH
I felt bullied. Sometimes, just walking past a group of girls hurt as much as being punched.
MARKO RALWINS
Subtle humiliation.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Very subtle.
(RAVEN enters.)
RAVEN
Hello, Mary.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Raven.
(to MARKO)
This is Raven Carruthers-Manbridge, one of the “girls in the hall” I was telling you about.
RAVEN
(to MARKO)
And you’re…?
MARKO RAWLINS
Marko…Marko Rawlins.
RAVEN
The artist?
MARKO RAWLINS
I don’t know whether I’m “the” artist, but I’m an artist.
RAVEN Y
ou do portraits. I’ve seen some.
MARKO RAWLINS
Have you?
RAVEN
They’re good. Unconventional. I like that.
MARKO RAWLINS
You’re a critic?
RAVEN
Pardon?
MARKO RAWLINS
A critic. You pass judgments on art.
RAVEN
Everyone’s a critic, Marko, wouldn’t you say?
MARKO RAWLINS
Mary’s not.
RAVEN
Mary? Well good for her.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Another judgment, Raven?
RAVEN
Just a compliment.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Compliments are judgments.
RAVEN
I’m just direct about my judgments. You’re more subtle.
MARKO RAWLINS
Subtle humiliation.
RAVEN
Now, just what exactly is “humiliation”?
MARKO RAWLINS
The feeling Mary used to get when she had to walk past you and your friends in the halls of this school.
RAVEN
I’m not responsible for Mary’s feelings.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Thank god for that.
RAVEN
I’d like you to paint my portrait, Marko. I’ll pay you double the market value of your best work.
MARKO RAWLINS
What do you think, Mary? Should I paint her portrait?
MARY TOSLAVICH
(to MARKO)
Why bother?
(to RAVEN)
All you need is a mirror, Raven, because every time you look in it, you’ll see the same grotesque mask staring back at you until the day you die.
MARKO RAWLINS
Let’s go outside for some fresh air. It’s too stale in here.
(MARKO and MARY exit. JOHN MANBRIDGE enters.)
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Raven?
RAVEN
What?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
They want you to tell a few jokes about the old days.
RAVEN
They can all go to hell.
(RAVNE and JOHN exit.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 1:
(ZELMA BEDROSIAN and PHOEBE NICOLATO enter.)
PHOEBE NICOLATO
Your speech might make the kids angry, Zelma.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
They’re not kids anymore, Phoebe.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
But your speech is supposed to be fun, not serious and angry!
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
I’ve always asked my students to be truthful, so now I’m going to practice what I preach.
(MS. NASS enters.)
MS. NASS
Are you ready to make your big speech, Zelma?
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
I’m a bit nervous, Rosalinde.
MS. NASS
I hope there’s lots of jokes in it.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
It’s a very serious speech.
MS. NASS
Serious? Perhaps I should have reviewed it earlier.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
I just finished it half an hour ago.
MS. NASS
I hope it’s not too much of “downer”, Zelma. The kids could use a bit of a pick-me-up right now.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
They’re not kids, Rosalinde.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
She even brings up the rat incident.
MS. NASS
Rat incident?
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
Remember the time you were addressing an assembly and Raven Carruthers and her gang let a bag full of lab rats loose in the bleachers?
MS. NASS
All in good fun.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
There was panic and a girl’s arm got broken.
MS. NASS
Her parents understood.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
Because you lied to them. You told them it was a planned event and their daughter disobeyed the rules and got hurt.
MS. NASS
Ms. Bedrosian, I don’t think I can allow you to make your speech.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
This is not a school function, Ms. Nass. It’s a ten-year reunion. You can’t stop me from making a speech.
MS. NASS
Why do you want to dredge up some awful stories about the past, Zelma? Do you want to hurt me, to ruin my reputation? Is that what you want?
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
I just want to tell the truth for once.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
Maybe they’re old enough to understand.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
Maybe they’re ready to see their high school years for what they really were.
MS. NASS
You’re going to distort the past by presenting a few unsavoury stories, and leave out all the good things that happened.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
Ms. Nass, bad things don’t cancel out good things, but good things don’t excuse bad things.
MS. NASS
I’m not going to engage in a debate about morality. I’m asking you not to make that speech.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
And I’m asking you to let the truth speak for itself.
MS. NASS
What if it gets into the media?
PHOEBE NICOLATO
Everything gets into the media nowadays.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
It’s an opportunity for change, Ms. Nass…a chance to make this a better school.
MS. NASS
By ruining me?
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
You’re the principal. You’re supposed to lead. Ten years ago you let a manipulative little girl take over this school, and it’s been downhill ever since.
MS. NASS
If you’re trying to force my resignation, you’ve got yourself one hell of a fight on your hands.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
She just wants to help the school, Ms. Nass.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
Words: that’s all I’ve got, Ms. Nass. I intend to use them tonight.
MS. NASS
Ms. Bedrosian, I’m disappointed in you, but not surprised. You’ve never been a popular teacher. You don’t know the meaning of the word “fun”.
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
Fun means “amusement and enjoyment”, Ms. Nass. If “amusement and enjoyment” comes from bullying, intimidating, and humiliating people, I’m against it.
(ZELMA exits.)
MS. NASS
She must be losing her mind. Maybe no one will take her seriously.
PHOEBE NICOLATO
I take her seriously.
MS. NASS
You don’t count, Phoebe. You’re the school secretary. You’re the only one in the school who’s supposed to take things seriously.
(MS. NASS and PHOEBE both exit.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 2:
(TIPPY SLADE and ROXIE MURRACAS enter with MYRON and NOREEN BUNT.)
TIPPY SLADE
Are you crazy, Myron?
ROXIE MURRACAS
Why would we push you off the balcony?
MYRON BUNT
I have no idea. But you did it. It all comes back to me now.
NOREEN BUNT
Just like the doctors said.
TIPPY SLADE
But we liked you, Myron. You were on the football team and everything.
ROXIE MURRACAS
That automatically made you popular.
TIPPY SLADE
We’d never push a popular person off the balcony.
MYRON BUNT
You wouldn’t go out with me, Roxie.
ROXIE MURRACAS
What?
MYRON BUNT
I asked you out, and you just laughed in my face.
NOREEN BUNT
You’re too good for her anyway, honey.
ROXIE MURRACAS
I was just a kid! School was just a kind of game!
TIPPY SLADE
Just “make believe”. None of it was for real!
NOREEN BUNT
Myron’s fractured skull was for real.
MYRON BUNT
You two pushed me, and now my brain’s scrambled.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Damn right your brain’s scrambled.
TIPPY SLADE
You’re delusional, Myron. No one is going to believe you.
NOREEN BUNT
I believe him.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Only because you want to get money out of us somehow.
NOREEN BUNT
Myron was pushed off the balcony! The school’s responsible…you’re responsible…and someone’s going to pay!
MYRON BUNT
I was going to be a surgeon, now I can’t even tie my own shoes.
TIPPY SLADE
A surgeon? Don’t make me laugh! You were dumb to start with, Myron.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Everyone knows that, and your school records prove it.
NOREEN BUNT
Don’t call Myron “dumb”! He’s a nice guy who’s been through a terrible time because you two little monsters pushed him off a balcony!
MYRON BUNT
I remember hearing something behind me. I turned around, and you two were standing there with silly grins on your faces.
TIPPY SLADE
You’re nuts, Myron, you know that?
ROXIE MURRACAS
That fall made you into a lunatic as well as a gimp.
NOREEN BUNT
You’re so mean! Listen to yourselves!
MYRON BUNT
You were grinning, and Roxie said, “I won’t go out with you, Myron, but I’ll watch you go down!” and then you both pushed me over the railing!
NOREEN BUNT
That’s it, Myron…get it all out!
MYRON BUNT
And I was falling and then everything went black.
TIPPY SLADE
That’s a heck of a fantasy, Myron.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Yeah. Ten years later, you try to get revenge on me for not going out with you by accusing me of dumping you on your pointy head!
MYRON BUNT
It’s not pointy!
NOREEN BUNT
The police are going to be very interested in this story.
TIPPY SLADE
You got any witnesses?
MYRON BUNT
Don’t need witnesses.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Sure you do.
NOREEN BUNT
The police will make you tell the truth.
TIPPY SLADE
Torture’s illegal in Canada, little miss!
NOREEN BUNT
Except in high school.
MYRON BUNT
I’m getting a headache.
NOREEN BUNT
Come on, Myron…I’ll take you to the washroom so you can put a damp paper towel on your forehead.
(NOREEN and MYRON exit.)
ROXIE MURRACAS
Do you think they can prove we pushed him?
TIPPY SLADE
No way. It’s our word against his.
ROXIE MURRACAS
And he’s mentally defective.
TIPPY SLADE
We got no worries.
(MS. NASS enters.)
MS. NASS
I heard every word, ladies.
ROXIE MURRACAS
Ms. Nass!
TIPPY SLADE
We were just kidding around, like in the old days.
ROXIE MURRACAS
You won’t tell, will you?
TIPPY SLADE
You could get in a lot of trouble if you did.
MS. NASS
Yes, I’m going to “tell”. And yes, I’ll get into trouble too. It’s about time I did.
(MS. NASS exits.)
ROXIE MURRACAS
She’s bluffing.
TIPPY SLADE
What if she isn’t?
(TIPPY and ROXIE exit.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 3:
(VICTOR O’NEILL enters with LORRAINE DEFOREST.)
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Are you sure Nola doesn’t mind me being alone with you, Victor?
VICTOR O’NEILL
She’s not the jealous type, Lorraine.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
I just wanted a chance to tell you privately that I had the biggest crush on you in high school.
VICTOR O’NEILL
I thought so!
LORRAINE DEFOREST
That speech about Nola’s sexually transmitted disease…I made it to impress you!
VICTOR O’NEILL
No kidding? Wow. That was high risk.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
After Nola threw that short story book at me, something inside me just gave up. I swore I’d never speak another word so long as I lived.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Why’d you start talking again?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
My boyfriend Mike said he’d leave me if I didn’t start talking. So I started talking, and he left me anyway.
VICTOR O’NEILL
The jerk.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
You’re a really good guy, Victor.
VICTOR O’NEILL
You think?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
I know. I mean, you’re so gentle with Nola.
VICTOR O’NEILL
I make a point of being gentle with the fairer sex.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
That awful Vandros Jolicoeur is here tonight.
VICTOR O’NEILL
I know. I saw him dancing around like a clown in the gym.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
He put laxative in my duck a l’orange in foods class.
VICTOR O’NEILL
What? The little bastard!
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Nothing was ever done about it. Ms. Nass said it was just a joke, and he didn’t even apologize. And he still thinks there was nothing wrong with what he did.
VICTOR O’NEILL
I guess he’s still the same nasty little nerd he was in high school.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
It’s so unjust.
(VANDROS JOLICOEUR enters with BENITA DOBRA.)
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
Hey, you guys.
BENITA DOBRA
Vandros and I are going out for some fresh air.
VICTOR O’NEILL
(going to VANDROS)
Not so fast, Vandros. You owe Lorraine an apology.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
For what?
VICTOR O’NEILL
For putting laxative on her duck.
BENITA DOBRA
People have long memories, Vandros.
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
It was just a joke!
VICTOR O’NEILL
Oh yeah?
(VICTOR throws VANDROS down and sits on him and proceeds to strangle him.)
VICTOR O’NEILL
Is this a joke? Eh? Is it?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
(with difficulty)
I can’t breathe!
LORRAINE DEFOREST
How’s it feel to be on the receiving end, Vandros?
(NOLA DRAGONOV enters.)
NOLA DRAGONOV
Victor! What are you doing to my boyfriend?
BENITA DOBRA
(throwing herself at VICTOR and rolling him off VANDROS)
Get off him, you bully!
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
I’m going to charge you with assault, O’Neill!
VICTOR O’NEILL
Get off me, you witch!
NOLA DRAGONOV
Somebody get her off him!
BENITA DOBRA
You’re not so tough, Canadian man!
(But VICTOR succeeds in throwing her off him. Suddenly everyone seems embarrassed.)
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Well, I guess I feel a bit better now. Thank you, Victor.
VICTOR O’NEILL
You’re welcome.
NOLA DRAGONOV
What’s going on, here? Why’s she thanking you, Victor?
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
He’s her knight in shining armour.
NOLA DRAGONOV
What?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
He defended my honour.
NOLA DRAGONOV
What about my honour?
VICTOR O’NEILL
Vandros put laxative on Lorraine’s duck.
NOLA DRAGONOV
I don’t care what he did…I don’t want you getting into a fight over Lorraine!
BENITA DOBRA
Lorraine’s in love with your boyfriend, Nola.
NOLA DRAGONOV
Lorraine, how could you do this to me?
LORRAINE DEFOREST
I feel what I feel, Nola.
NOLA DRAGONOV
You’ve always been a sick, sick person, Lorraine, from day one!
VICTOR O’NEILL
Hey, all she did was say you had a sexually transmitted disease and what’s so bad about her loving me? You should be flattered!
NOLA DRAGONOV
Flattered? How’d you like to be flattened, Vicky my boy!
(NOLA boots VICTOR in the crotch. He goes down hard.)
VICTOR O’NEILL
Owwwww!
VANDROS JOLICOEUR
I’m getting he police!
BENITA DOBRA
They’re going to bust your ass, Victor!
(VANDROS and BENITA exit.)
LORRAINE DEFOREST
That wasn’t very ladylike, Nola.
NOLA DRAGONOV I’m through with being a lady!
(NOLA grabs LORRAINE, and they tussle. MR. SLOBODA enters with COLETTE.)
JAKE SLOBODA
A cat fight! This is more like it!
COLETTE SLOBODA
Victor, what’s going on?
VICTOR O’NEILL
They both love me.
JAKE SLOBODA
Lucky fellow.
COLETTE SLOBODA
(pulling NOLA and LORRAINE apart)
Stop it! Stop it! You two used to be best friends!
NOLA DRAGONOV
Used to be! She tried to steal my man!
LORRAINE DEFOREST
He’s meant to be mine! He was always meant to be mine!
COLETTE SLOBODA
Just stop it! No man’s worth fighting over!
JAKE SLOBODA
What about me, my dear?
COLETTE SLOBODA
Especially you!
VICTOR O’NEILL
JMr. Sloboda, you’re a science teacher. What should I do?
JAKE SLOBODA
Follow your heart, my lad, follow your heart.
VICTOR O’NEILL
That doesn’t sound very scientific.
COLETTE SLOBODA
He’s drunk, Victor. Pay no attention to him.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Ah, what the heck. You can have Victor, Nola. He’s done what I needed him to do. I don’t want him anymore.
NOLA DRAGONOV
If he can be so easily persuaded to go to another woman, I don’t want him either.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Friends again?
NOLA DRAGONOV
Friends again.
(LORRAINE and NOLA shake hands.)
NOLA DRAGANOV
Let’s grab a cup of punch before it’s all gone and make a toast to the future of our friendship.
LORRAINE DEFOREST
Sometimes, it takes a man to get two gals together again!
(NOLA and LORRAINE exit.)
COLETTE SLOBODA
I suppose there’s a lesson in this for you, Victor.
VICTOR O’NEILL
Yeah. Don’t go to high school reunions.
(VICTOR exits.)
JAKE SLOBODA
That boy never did have any balls.
COLETTE SLOBODA
At least he’s sober.
JAKE SLOBODA
I want to be a good teacher again.
COLETTE SLOBODA
It’s a bit late for that.
JAKE SLOBODA
I’m going to dry out, Colette, and make my last two years count for something.
COLETTE SLOBODA
I’ve heard that one before.
JAKE SLOBODA
I mean it. Seeing all these kids tonight has gotten to me.
COLETTE SLOBODA
Because they remind you of the good old days?
JAKE SLOBODA
No! Because they’re really messed up and I’m partially responsible.
COLETTE SLOBODA
If you want to rebuild your life, you could start by being a good husband.
JAKE SLOBODA
Hey, that’s way more difficult than teaching.
COLETTE SLOBODA
Well, you better try, because if you don’t, I’m going to leave you.
JAKE SLOBODA
Leave me? But who’d do my laundry?
COLETTE SLOBODA
Exactly. Now let’s get you into the gym for some coffee.
(JAKE and COLETTE exit.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 4:
(MILDRED HALTER enters with FLORENCE MANDER and DENNISE JESSOP.)
FLORENCE MANDER
Won’t you tell us what’s going on, Mildred?
DENISE JESSOP
You’ve been moping about like a lost puppy.
FLORENCE MANDER
Except when you had that dance with John Manbridge.
DENISE JESSOP
Like Cinderella and Prince Charming.
FLORENCE MANDER
I didn’t know you could dance like that.
MILDRED HALTER
Neither did I.
DENISE JESSOP
You haven’t fallen in love with him, have you?
MILDRED HALTER
Bingo!
FLORENCE MANDER
Mildred, how could you? He’s married!
DENISE JESSOP
To Raven! Mildred, she’ll hire a hit man and get you rubbed out!
MILDRED HALTER
Nothing’s going to come of it.
FLORENCE MANDER
How do you know?
MILDRED HALTER
The whole world’s not going to get turned upside down just so I can have my little romance.
DENISE JESSOP
That’s right. You’ve got to be sensible about it.
MILDRED HALTER
I don’t want to be sensible!
FLORENCE MANDER
She’s in a bad way, Denise.
MILDRED HALTER
Why’d this have to happen to me?
DENISE JESSOP
Maybe it’s just a reunion thing…you know…testosterone, estrogen, memories, dreams, all mixed into a pseudo-romantic cocktail?
MILDRED HALTER
It’s not pseudo-romantic, Denise!
DENISE JESSOP
All right, all right, no need to bite my head off.
FLORENCE MANDER
I wish it was me.
DENISE JESSOP
You stick to Mickey Mouse.
FLORENCE MANDER
At least Mildred’s not bored.
MILDRED HALTER
I wish I was dead!
DENISE JESSOP
I prefer boredom.
FLORENCE MANDER
Do you think she’ll do something stupid?
DENISE JESSOP
Mildred! Mildred!
MILDRED HALTER
Huh?
DENISE JESSOP
Are you going to do something stupid?
MILDRED HALTER
I’ve already done something stupid!
FLORENCE MANDER
What if John Manbridge dumps Raven and marries Mildred?
DENISE JESSOP
What if you grow a second head! Get serious, Florence!
MILDRED HALTER
He said he’d never hurt me.
FLORENCE MANDER
I’d say he’s already broken that promise. I mean, just look at you.
MILDRED HALTER
I’m awkward and dumpy and dull. Why would he pick me?
DENISE JESSOP
That’s right. Nothing wrong with a little dose of reality right now.
MILDRED HALTER
You’re not helping.
(JOHN MANBRIDGE enters.)
FLORENCE MANDER
This is where we exit.
DENISE JESSOP
But it’s just getting interesting.
FLORENCE MANDER
Denise!
DENISE JESSOP
All right, all right.
(DENISE and FLORENCE exit.)
JOHN MANBRIDGE
This thing’s almost over.
MILDRED HALTER
That’s all right. It was thrilling while it lasted.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
No, I mean the reunion.
MILDRED HALTER
Oh.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Raven’s in a bit of a state.
MILDRED HALTER
I can imagine.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I want this to be totally honourable.
MILDRED HALTER
My little Samurai!
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I married the wrong person. It was a big mistake, but a mistake nonetheless.
MILDRED HALTER
You sound like a talking textbook.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Sorry.
MILDRED HALTER
I’m not well-educated, but I know better than to use a word like “nonetheless” at a time like this.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
What I’m trying to say is that Raven and I are finished.
MILDRED HALTER
What if she’s pregnant?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
She’s not. In fact, she’s menstruating as we speak.
MILDRED HALTER
Now there’s a fascinating tid-bit of information.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
So she’s definitely not pregnant.
MILDRED HALTER
Neither am I.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Uh huh.
MILDRED HALTER
I mean, I’d know if I was, wouldn’t I?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I should think so.
MILDRED HALTER
So that sort of clears the deck, don’t you think?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Clears the deck?
MILDRED HALTER
She’s not pregnant, I’m not pregnant, you’re not pregnant…are you?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
To tell you the truth, I’ve missed my period. In fact, I’ve missed all of them.
MILDRED HALTER
So you’re eternally pregnant.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
With ideas. And I’ve got some pretty big ones about you.
(RAVEN enters with MIDGE DANELLI.)
RAVEN
Why do I keep finding you with Mildred, John?
MIDGE DANELLI
(to RAVEN)
They look good together, don’t you think?
RAVEN
Don’t be an idiot, Midge. John, I’d like people to see you by my side, not hers!
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I’m sure you would.
MILDRED HALTER
Raven, what would you say if I told you that John’s by my side even when he’s by your side.
RAVEN
I’d say you have a future writing cheesy romance novels.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
It was sort of cheesy, Mildred.
MIDGE DANELLI
He’s by your side even when he’s by her side! I like it!
MILDRED HALTER
You can have it, Midge.
RAVEN
Look, Mildred, John’s a classic “A” type personality. He likes women and he likes sex. Are you sure you want to continue your little dalliance with him?
MILDRED HALTER
You’re always telling people what they are and what they’re not, Raven. You should try defining yourself for once.
RAVEN
I know what I am, and so does John. That’s why he married me, and why he’ll stay married to me. Sure, he can play the romantic fool, but underneath he’s a hard-headed businessman who knows what it takes to get to the top of the food chain and stay there.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
You’ll get every penny coming to you in accordance with our pre-nuptual agreement.
RAVEN
What?
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Every penny. And not a cent more.
RAVEN
If you want to give me your fortune, that’s fine by me.
JOHN MANBRIDGE
I know how to make money honestly, Raven. You don’t. I’ll rebuild my fortune. And I’ll be sure to tell anyone who listens what kind of woman you are.
RAVEN
There’s a sucker born every minute, John. I just didn’t figure you were one of them.
(RAVEN exits.)
MIDGE DANELLI
I wish I had a pre-nuptual agreement, but I’m not even married.
MILDRED HALTER
You’re a nice woman, Midge. Why did you let yourself be part of Raven’s gang back in high school?
MIDGE DANELLI
I guess I wanted to learn what not to do, and the best way to do that was by watching Raven do her thing!
JOHN MANBRIDGE
Would you two care to escort me outside? I think I’d like to look at the moon.
(They exit.)
Reunion by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 5:
(LISETTE MONTOBELLO enters, dragging MARKO RAWLINS behind her.)
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
I’ve checked out all the men in there, and I pick you!
MARKO RAWLINS
For what?
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
For a little illicit romance!
(lisette tries to embrace him.)
MARKO RAWLINS
(gently disengagin her)
Whoa, I’m not available for that!
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Everyone’s available! At least, that’s what my husband thinks!
MARKO RAWLINS
Oh, I see. He’s been unfaithful, so you’re doing the same.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You’re very insightful.
MARKO RAWLINS
You’re very beautiful. Have you ever been painted?
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Only by a clown at a craft fair.
MARKO RAWLINS
Would you let me paint your portrait?
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
Seriously?
MARKO RAWLINS
Sure. And I’ll let you have it for nothing just so you know that a man can admire you and honour your beauty without having an affair with you!
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
You’re Mary Toslavich’s boyfriend, aren’t you.
MARKO RAWLINS
I’m the lucky fella!
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
I guess I shouldn’t have dragged you in here.
MARKO RAWLINS
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.
(CARMEN MONTOBELLO enters with DEE MORRISON.)
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
(to LISETTE)
If you can flirt with him, I can flirt with Dee.
DEE MORRISON
Flirt all you want, Carmen. But that’s as far as it’s going to go.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
I think I’m beginning to understand the beauty of flirtation.
MARKO RAWLINS
Maybe you’re beginning to understand beauty.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Hey, don’t get too intimate with my wife, fella!
DEE MORRISON
Poor Carmen…you’ve got so much to learn to catch up with the rest of us.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
(going to CARMEN and taking his hand)
I’ll be happy to teach him.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
DEE MORRISON
Exactly.
(JUSTINE DRESCHER and CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE enter.)
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Did you get hold of your babysitter, Dee?
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
Is your little girl okay?
DEE MORRISON
She’s fine.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Hello, Marko.
MARKO RAWLINS
Would you like me to paint your portrait, Justine?
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
He’s on a painting spree, Justine!
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Why me?
MARKO RAWLINS
Why not?
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
What about me?
MARKO RAWLINS
Sorry, Claudette…I’m already overbooked.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Awww! Claudette, you can go instead of me!
CLAUDETTE LAROCHELLE
(to MARKO)
Can I?
MARKO RAWLINS
Sure.
CARMEN MONTOBELLO
Look at the way the ladies swarm around Mr. Portrait Painter! Maybe I should have been an artist.
LISETTE MONTOBELLO
It takes talent, Carmen. You stick to selling laptops at Best Buy.
JUSTINE DRESCHER
Ms. Bedrosian’s going to make her speech soon. Let’s get a few breaths of fresh air before she makes her big appearance!
(All exit except MARKO. MARY TOSLAVICH enters.)
MARY TOSLAVICH
Have you been enjoying yourself with the ladies, Marko?
MARKO RAWLINS
Of course!
MARY TOSLAVICH
I surprised myself tonight, telling Raven that she always wore a mask.
MARKO RAWLINS
I know it sounds banal, but I could never paint her portrait because her soul’s so well hidden.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Thank you, Marko.
MARKO RAWLINS
For what?
MARY TOSLAVICH
For saving my life.
MARKO RAWLINS
How did I do that?
MARY TOSLAVICH
You started loving me at the exact moment I almost stopped loving myself.
MARKO RAWLINS
Timing is everything.
(MS. NASS enters.)
MS. NASS
I suppose the speech is about to happen.
MARY TOSLAVICH
That’s right, Ms. Nass.
MS. NASS
I don’t know whether to run away or kill myself.
MARY TOSLAVICH
Ms. Nass! What a thing to say!
MS. NASS
You’ll understand after you hear the speech.
(MYRON and NOREEN BUNT enter.)
MYRON BUNT
Ms. Nass, Noreen needs to tell you something.
NOREEN BUNT
Myron and I were going to sue the school, but we changed our minds.
MYRON BUNT
We solved the mystery of who pushed me.
NOREEN BUNT
And that’s all we need to do, because knowing who did it helps us understand and move on.
MS. NASS
Thank you.
(The full cast enters, in their various groupings, except that MILDRED is with JOHN, and RAVEN is with TIPPY, ROXIE, and MIDGE.)
PHOEBE NICOLATO
Now, Ms. Bedrosian is going to make her speech. You must all behave yourselves, or I will call the police! Come in, Ms. Bedrosian!
(ZELMA enters and presents her speech.)
ZELMA BEDROSIAN
I don’t have much to say tonight. I thought I did, but I changed my mind. I was going to make an angry speech about all the stupid and cruel things that happened here, but now I don’t see any reason to be angry. You all left this school ten years ago, after suffering through the usual miseries of teenage life. And you all came back ten years later to explore the past and link it to the present. That’s a brave thing to do. Then, and now, you continue to try to discover yourselves through each other. And there’s a simple and delicate beauty in that search that makes all the hardship worthwhile. That’s all I have to say.
MS. NASS
Thank you, Ms. Bedrosian.
FULL CAST
With simple, delicate beauty, we discover ourselves through each other.
ZELMA DEDROSIAN
We discover ourselves through each other.
END OF PLAY.