Welcomeby Richard Stuart Dixon
© Richard Stuart Dixon, 2006
(Note: Performance of this play requires the author’s permission. Please contact Good School Plays for details.)
Production Notes:
• running time: approx. 55 minutes.
• style: post structural satire
• suitable for general audiences
• 27 characters (20 female, 7 male)
• black-box staging (no set required)
Staging Recommendations:
• once onstage, the buskers remain throughout
• do not use blackouts between scenes
Summary of Script Content:
• “Subway Redux” examines the ambiguous converging and diverging of language and action as private and public agendas conflict deep underground in an urban subway station.
(This play was first produced on June 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 2006, and again on June 9, 10, 11, 12, 15,, 2009, at Gleneagle Secondary School, Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.)
∗Published Online by Good School Plays on March 27, 2015.
Go to:
Act One, Scene 1
Act One, Scene 2
Act One, Scene 3
Act One, Scene 4
Act One, Scene 5
Act One, Scene 6
Act One, Scene 7
Act One, Scene 8
Act One, Scene 9
Act One, Scene 10
Act One, Scene 11
Act One, Scene 12
Act One, Scene 13
Act One, Scene 14
Act One, Scene 15
Act Two, Scene 1
Act Two, Scene 2
Act Two, Scene 3
Act Two, Scene 4
Act Two, Scene 5
Act Two, Scene 6
Act Two, Scene 7
Act Two, Scene 8
Act Two, Scene 9
Act Two, Scene 10
CHARACTERS:
Police:
Officer Wanda Lonjon
Officer Cooper Coffee
Touristas:
Roddy Cowell
Babette Cowell
Do-Gooder:
Jenny Saint
Private School Field Trippers:
Ms. Tabatha Krone
Bathsheba Bienvenue, 15
Crimson Dolby, 14
Yvonne Dashwood, 14
Buskers:
Emma West
Sunset West
Elderlies:
Peg Brown
Vicky Six
Mamie Newton
Daters:
Norman Calloway, 24
Marjory Mendel, 23
Burb Teens:
Pogo Nugget
Valley Spinoza
Tilly Feldon
Tuffs:
Rat Nugent
Biff Clipper
Bad Cook
Streeters:
Minky Raffish
Toots Badoots
Snort Cabadab
Suits:
Max Neufeld
Allie Good
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
ACT ONE
Act One, Scene 1:
(The Subway Bell rings three times. OFFICER LONJON and OFFICER COFFEE are on the bench. OFFICER LONJON is doing a crossword puzzle with a pencil.)
OFFICER LONJON
Addictive good times in five. Middle square’s “U”.
OFFICER COFFEE
Um…spuds?
OFFICER LONJON
Taters not addictive.
OFFICER COFFEE
Good times, though, if fried.
OFFICER LONJON
Can’t get fried on spuds.
OFFICER COFFEE
Could on drugs.
OFFICER LONJON
Yah! Drugs. That’s addictive good times in five with “U” in the middle.
(She carefully pencils in the answer on the crossword. )
OFFICER COFFEE
Why you always do crosswords, Wanda?
OFFICER LONJON
(still carefully penciling)
Addictive good times….drugs.
OFFICER COFFEE
Why you do the crosswords?
OFFICER LONJON
(no longer penciling)
Addictive. I’m done.
(She folds and pockets the crossword and puts her pencil in her shirt pocket.)
OFFICER COFFEE
Howzabout a hug, Wanda?
(He opens his arms to her.)
OFFICER LONJON
You taking or giving?
OFFICER COFFEE
Giving ‘cause you blue now the crossword’s through.
OFFICER LONJON
Hey, Cooper, you know me.
OFFICER COFFEE
I know you.
(They hug friendly then release.)
End of Act One, Scene 1.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 2:
(The Subway Bell rings three times. Touristas enter and approach the officers.)
BABETTE COWELL
Officers, officers, Roddy and I wanna train downtown.
RODDY COWELL
We’re tourists and kinda lost.
BABETTE COWELL
We kinda losing it ‘cause we’re lost.
RODDY COWELL
We wanna train downtown.
OFFICER LONJON
What you gonna do downtown?
BABETTE COWELL
Look around.
OFFICER COFFEE
At what?
RODDY COWELL
(to Babette)
You tell, Babette. I forget.
BABETTE COWELL
Roddy forgets.
RODDY COWELL
(to Babette)
No, tell ‘em what we look at downtown.
BABETTE COWELL
(startled)
No Roddy, I don’t know what we look at.
RODDY COWELL
(to Babette)
You said we go downtown and look around.
BABETTE COWELL
Roddy, don’t.
RODDY COWELL
Don’t what?
BABETTE COWELL
Put it on me.
RODDY COWELL
I don’t put it on you. You say look around downtown and I go with the flow.
BABETTE COWELL
Shut it, Roddy. Why can’t you be the man? You put it on me and I don’t know.
RODDY COWELL
Who put it on who?
BABETTE COWELL
You on me! You on me!
RODDY COWELL
I try to be the gentle man and go with the flow but you tell me to shut it.
BABETTE COWELL
So shut it.
OFFICER LONJON
(to Officer Coffee)
Domestic violence.
OFFICER COFFEE
(to Roddy and Babette)
You’re not in some house.
OFFICER LONJON
(to Roddy and Babette)
Don’t do domestic in a tube station.
BABETTE COWELL
Officers, I need to know which tube is downtown.
RODDY COWELL
I need to know too.
BABETTE COWELL
No, Roddy. I go look around at the downtown I don’t know alone.
(The Subway Bell rings three times.)
OFFICER LONJON
(pointing)
Downtown tube train’s in. You best get on.
(BABETTE and RODDY start off towards the train, but BABETTE pushes RODDY back.)
BABETTE COWELL
(to Roddy)
No, Roddy! I go alone!
(OFFICERS LONJON AND COFFEE hold RODDY by the arms to prevent him leaving.)
RODDY COWELL
(calling)
I your hubby, Babette! Don’t go alone!
BABETTE COWELL
No, Roddy! No! No! No!
(Babette runs off to catch the tube train downtown.)
OFFICER LONJON
Easy, fella. She don’t want you.
OFFICER COFFEE
You unwanted.
RODDY COWELL
I the hub, the hub! Gotta be with Babette!
OFFICER LONJON
She don’t want you.
OFFICER COFFEE
Take the next train, Rod.
OFFICER LONJON
She put something between you.
OFFICER COFFEE
Put some tube tunnel between you, eh?
(The OFFICERS put RODDY on the bench. He puts his head in his hands and mopes.)
OFFICER LONJON
Let’s pound the pavement, Cooper.
(They begin their exit to the street.)
OFFICER COFFEE
Poor guy, so lonely on the bench.
OFFICER LONJON
He’s not violent.
OFFICER COFFEE
Yah, more like he’s crying or something.
OFFICER LONJON
He can’t do violence crying all soft.
OFFICER COFFEE
You ever cry soft, Wanda?
OFFICER LONJON
Nope. I gotta do violence. You?
OFFICER COFFEE
The same.
(They complete their exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 2.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 3:
(JENNY SAINT enters)
JENNY SAINT
Excuse me, but I can’t help noticing that you’re moping.
RODDY COWELL
(looking up)
The wife goes downtown to look around.
JENNY SAINT
I can’t help noticing.
RODDY COWELL
I’m on the subway bench and the wife looks around downtown alone.
JENNY SAINT
I can’t help, can I?
RODDY COWELL
You not the wife.
JENNY SAINT
I wish I could help.
(hands him her card)
My card.
RODDY COWELL
(reading the card)
Jenny Saint.
JENNY SAINT
Jenny Saint. How I wish I could help.
(The Subway Bell rings three times. )
RODDY COWELL
Is that for downtown?
JENNY SAINT
I can’t help not knowing if that’s for downtown.
End of Act One, Scene 3.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 4:
(MS. TABATHA KRONE enters with her PRIVATE SCHOOL GIRLS.)
TABATHA KRONE
This is the hub of the subway, girls.
RODDY COWELL
I the hub.
TABATHA KRONE
From here, the tubes snake off in many directions.
RODDY COWELL
I take that tube train. Maybe it’s for downtown. Maybe I re-connect with Babette.
(He exits.)
JENNY SAINT
If only I could have helped.
TABATHA KRONE
The subway is snakey beneath the surface.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Can we go to a hot nightspot for supper, Ms. Krone?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Can we have a peep at the pricey downtown fashions, Ms. Krone?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
If there’s boys, can we flirt, Ms. Krone?
JENNY SAINT
(to Tabatha Krone)
Perhaps I can help.
TABATHA KRONE
No nightspots, no fashions, no boys. This is education.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Are there exciting substances in the subway, Ms. Krone?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Is there a dress shop at the next stop, Ms. Krone?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Can I sit beside a boy in the tube, Ms. Krone?
JENNY SAINT
(to Tabatha Krone)
Can I help?
TABATHA KRONE
No drugs, no dresses, no drooling over boys. This is education. On the bench, now.
(BABETTE, CRIMSoN, AND YVONNE sit on the bench. TABATHA KRONE consults her notes.)
JENNY SAINT
(to the three girls on the bench)
Can I help?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
(touching her forehead)
Is my foundation flattering?
CRIMSON DOLBY
(touching her eyes)
Is my mascara magical?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
(touching her hair)
Is my do delightful?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
(touching her cheeks)
Is my rouge rose red?
CRIMSON DOLBY
(touching her lips)
Is my lipstick luscious?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
(holding her fingers out)
Are my nails a knockout?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
(touching her nose)
Is my scar submerged?
CRIMSON DOLBY
(touching her chin)
Is my blemish blocked?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
(touching her eyebrows)
Are my freckles faded?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Am I pretty?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Am I cute?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Am I beautiful?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Am I warm?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Am I cool?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Am I hot?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Am I glamourous?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Am I gorgeous?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Am I fabulous?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Am I sultry?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Am I sexy?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Am I svelte?
TABATHA KRONE
(looking up from her studies)
Stop it, girls.
(to Jenny Saint)
You’re not helping.
JENNY SAINT
I’m only here to help.
TABATHA KRONE
You’re not helping.
(OFFICER LONJON and OFFICER COFFEE enter.)
TABATHA KRONE
(pointing at JENNY SAINT)
Officers, this stranger is harassing my charges!
OFFICER LONJON
Move along, Jenny Saint, move along.
OFFICER COFFEE
(giving JENNY a loonie)
Here’s a loonie. Go buy a dog and a coffee at the shelter.
JENNY SAINT
(to the OFFICERS)
You’re not helping.
(She exits.)
TABATHA KRONE
Thank you, officers.
OFFICER LONJON
We’re the law, ma’am.
TABATHA KRONE
It does my girls good to see the law at work. Say thank you to the law, girls.
BATHSHEBA, CRIMSON, YVONNE
Thank you to the law.
TABATHA KRONE
I’m Tabatha Krone, English teacher. I teach the mother tongue at Uppercluck Private School for Girls.
OFFICER LONJON
You speak English good.
OFFICER COFFEE
You got the mother tongue under control.
TABATHA KRONE
Yes, well, my tongue is trained.
OFFICER LONJON
What brings you to the tubes, Ms. Krone?
TABATHA KRONE
We are touring the underworld.
OFFICER COFFEE
Think your girls can handle it?
TABATHA KRONE
They are stout-hearted.
OFFICER LONJON
Let’s see.
(She and OFFICER COFFEE go to CRIMSON DOLBY and pull her off the bench by her wrists. )
OFFICER LONJON and OFFICER COFFEE
Are you a stout-hearted girl?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Ms. Krone, the law is putting the squeeze on me.
TABATHA KRONE
That’s quite enough complaining, Crimson. Bear up; show some pluck.
CRIMSON DOLBY
Please, Mr. and Mrs. Police, I plucked my brows this morning.
TABATHA KRONE
Not your plucky brows, your plucky heart, Crimson!
(OFFICER LONJON and COFFEE throw the girl back down on the bench and seize BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE. )
OFFICER LONJON and OFFICER COFFEE
Maybe you have a stout heart?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Ms. Krone, Ms. Krone, the law is breaking me.
TABATHA KRONE
They must break you before you break the law, Bathsheba.
(OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE throw the girl back down on the bench and seize YVONNE DASHWOOD. )
OFFICER LONJON and COFFEE
Stout? Stout? Stout?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Ms. Krone, Ms. Krone, Ms. Krone, the law has claws!
TABATHA KRONE
A clause in the law gives the law claws, Yvonne.
(OFFICER LONJON and COFFEE throw the girl back down on the bench. The three SCOOLGIRLS cling to each other and sob. The
Subway Bell rings three times.)
OFFICER LONJON
Get them in the tube, Ms. Krone.
OFFICER COFFEE
Keep them in the dark.
TABATHA KRONE
Come along, come along, this is education, nitwits!
(She herds the sobbing trio offstage.)
End of Act One, Scene 4.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 5:
(OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE sit on the bench. OFFICERS LONJON pulls out a crossword and pencil.)
OFFICER LONJON
Addictive good times in three. Middle square’s “E”.
OFFICER COFFEE
Um…bed?
OFFICER LONJON
Bed not addictive.
OFFICER COFFEE
Good times though, making a babe.
OFFICER LONJON
Can’t make a baby with a bed.
OFFICER COFFEE
Could with sex.
OFFICER LONJON
Yah! Sex. That’s addictive good times in three with “Ewwww” in the middle.
(She carefully pencils in the answer on the crossword.)
OFFICER COFFEE
Why you labour with the word, Wanda?
OFFICER LONJON
(laboriously penciling the word)
Addictive good times…sex.
OFFICER COFFEE
Why you in labour?
OFFICER LONJON
(no longer penciling)
Addictive. I’m done.
(She folds and pockets the crossword and puts her pencil in her shirt pocket.)
OFFICR COFFEE
(opening his arms to her)
A hug, Wanda?
OFFICER LONJON
You giving or taking?
OFFICER COFFEE
Giving ‘cause you laboured to give birth to the cross word “sex”.
OFFICER LONJON
You know me, Cooper.
OFFICER COFFEE
I know you.
(They hug relievedly then release.)
End of Act One, Scene 5.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 6:
(The buskers EMMY and SUNSET WEST in western attire and with a guitar and tambourine enter.)
EMMY WEST
Howdy, officers.
SUNSET WEST
We the buskers.
OFFICER LONJON
(rising, official)
You got a permit?
OFFICER COFFEE
(rising, official)
Gotta got a permit to busk in the tubes.
EMMY WEST
(waving a paper)
We gotta permit, see.
SUNSET WEST
We permitted.
OFFICER LONJON
(reading)
“Emmy and Sunset West, the Saskatoon Sunbirds.”
(to Emmy and Sunset)
You can busk but don’t beg.
OFFICER COFFEE
Busking yes; begging no.
EMMY WEST
I beg your pardon, but our busking begs for attention.
SUNSET WEST
We busk with “begging for love” songs.
OFFICER LONJON
Beg for love but not for loonies.
OFFICER COFFEE
Busk for loonies.
EMMY and SUNSET
Beg for love; busk for loonies.
(OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE begin their exit.)
OFFICER LONJON
Officer Coffee, we go to the cop kiosk.
OFFICER COFFEE
Yah. The cop kiosk.
OFFICER LONJON
Time for a time-out.
OFFICER COFFEE
A time-out in the cop kiosk.
OFFICER LONJON
We take a bit of time out in the kiosk.
OFFICER COFFEE
Time for a bit of a time-out time out in the kiosk.
(They complete their exit.)
EMMY WEST
We made it so far down, Sunset.
SUNSET WEST
Our dead Daddy would be proud, Emmy.
EMMY WEST
We’re in the tubes underground.
SUNSET WEST
We permitted to sing beneath the earth.
EMMY WEST
What we gonna sing?
SUNSET WEST
Down here in the dark underground?
EMMY WEST
What we sing in the tubes?
SUNSET WEST
“You Are My Sunshine”.
EMMY WEST
That’s a sunny one for the dark.
SUNSET WEST
Sunny but sad.
EMMY WEST
Begging for love.
SUNSET WEST
Busking for loonies.
End of Act One, Scene 6.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 7:
(The THREE ELDERLIES enter and secretively discuss the buskers.)
PEG BROWN
Looky, ladies. Buskers.
VICKY SIX
Oh, oh, oh! They gonna sing for us three elderlies!
MAMIE NEWTON
But we not got a loonie for their mug.
PEG BROWN
They don’t know that.
VICKY SIX
If they sing, I gonna listen so hard my drums will bust.
MAMIE NEWTON
But no loonie in the mug? What if they mad?
PEG BROWN
Stop your bleating, Mamie. We want up, not down.
VICKY SIX
I love a song if it’s straight out of a living mouth.
(The ELDERLIES approach EMMY and SUNSET.)
PEG BROWN
Sing us a song and make us less ancient.
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away
(SUNSET takes the money mug and thrusts it at the ELDERLIES. The ELDERLIES stare at it.)
MAMIE NEWTON
(to Peg)
That’s the money mug, Peg.
PEG BROWN
(pointing at her own eyes)
I can see that, Mamie, with my functional balls.
VICKY SIX
(to EMMY and Sunset)
That was nice but we not got no loonie.
MAMIE NEWTON
(to VICKY)
Now they know.
(SUNSET withdraws the money mug.)
EMMY WEST
Why you make an audience if you won’t pay?
SUNSET WEST
We sing about sunshine to three black holes.
EMMY WEST
Our sunshine song sucked into three black holes and no loonie.
MAMIE NEWTON
We just poor old ladies. Forgive.
PEG BROWN
(giving MAMIE a push)
Shut it, Mamie.
(to EMMA and SUNSET)
We never said sing. No contract, no loonie.
VICKY SIX
(to herself in wonderment)
My mama sang the sunshine song when I was a foetus.
EMMY WEST
We sing. You three less ancient for a bit of time.
SUNSET WEST
But me and Emma older and still poor.
VICKY SIX
I have gratitude for you.
PEG BROWN
No one care what you got, Vicky Six.
MAMIE NEWTON
I’m the one who apologizes, buskers. Sorry for me and these two elderlies.
(EMMY and SUNSET retire to await new customers.)
PEG BROWN
(leading VICKY and MAMIE to the bench, where all three sit.)
You two old things come rest your ancient haunches on the bench.
MAMIE NEWTON
I got an ache in my gut.
PEG BROWN
Probably hungry. You eat?
MAMIE NEWTON
Nope. I got no eat money.
PEG BROWN
Where your pension funds?
MAMIE NEWTON
Spent on rent.
PEG BROWN
Later we go to the shelter for broth.
VICKY SIX
I like broth.
PEG BROWN
So?
VICKY SIX
Nothing. I just like it is all.
PEG BROWN
You got no taste.
VICKY SIX
I can taste how hot is the broth.
PEG BROWN
Later to the shelter for hot broth.
MAMIE NEWTON
I rent a room with all my pension but it’s cold.
PEG BROWN
Bundle up.
MAMIE NEWTON
I give a bundle for rent and I’m cold.
PEG BROWN
Bundle with blankies like a baby.
VICKY SIX
My mama made a bundle when I was a foetus.
PEG BROWN
Why you say foetus?
VICKY SIX
I squeezed out of mama’s dark tunnel and plopped on a doorstep.
PEG BROWN
So you dunno your ma except as a foetus?
VICKY SIX
I got squeezed out of her tunnel and dumped in a bundle on a doorstep.
MAMIE NEWTON
You got dumped.
VICKY SIX
Ma sang you are my sunshine and made a bundle.
PEG BROWN
She sing for loonies?
VICKY SIX
No, my mama a babe the addicts made in a bed for loonies.
PEG BROWN
Sing sexy for loonies.
VICKY SIX
She a babe who made a baby in a bed.
MAMIE NEWTON
You the baby, Vicky.
VICKY SIX
I the baby on the doorstep. She made a bundle.
MAMIE NEWTON
Sad.
PEG BROWN
You bin a baby, but you never bin a babe, Vicky Six.
VICKY SIX
Don’t like the males.
PEG BROWN
The males make the babes who make the babies.
MAMIE NEWTON
Addictive good times for males working the females who work to make the babies.
PEG BROWN
I miss my male now he dead.
VICKY SIX
Why you never make a baby, Peg?
PEG BROWN
My tubes got taken.
(The Subway Bell rings three times.)
PEG BROWN
We take the dark tube downtown.
MAMIE NEWTON
We got tube tokens.
VICKY SIX
(as they exit)
Why they take your tubes?
PEG BROWN
I got an ache in my gut.
MAMIE NEWTON
The dark tube’s cold.
PEG BROWN
I wish I had a bundle.
(They complete their exit.)
EMMY WEST
Poor old ladies.
SUNSET WEST
No ma, no tubes, no bundles, no broth.
End of Act One, Scene 7.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 8:
(The DATERS enter.)
MARJORY MENDEL
Look, Norman, buskers!
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I’ll offer them a loonie.
(to the buskers)
Hey, you play for a loonie?
EMMY WEST
Sure, young fella.
SUNSET WEST
(indicating Marjory)
She your sweetie-pie?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
She’s banana cream, butter pecan, and lemon meringue all whipped into one sweet and tasty deep dish special.
MARJORY MENDEL
(to the buskers)
Norman has his sweet way with words, but not necessarily with me.
EMMY WEST
We sing for a poem boy and his sweetie-pie.
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
The other night, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.
(SUNSET holds out the money mug and NORMAN drops in a loonie.)
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Sweet.
MARJORY MENDEL
Six lines of lyrics for a loonie.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I like the third line.
EMMY WEST
“I dreamed I held you in my arms”?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I like that dream.
MARJORY MENDEL
I like the fourth and fifth lines.
SUNSET WEST
“When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken…”?
MARJORY MENDEL
Only a dream, Norman.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Let’s bench.
MARJORY MENDEL
Bench?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Sit on the bench there.
MARJORY MENDEL
Is it wide enough?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I think for two.
(They go to the bench and sit.)
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Wide enough?
MARJORY MENDEL
Why ask me? You think for two.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Just about the bench.
MARJORY MENDEL
So why ask me?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Then I tell you I think it’s wide enough for two.
MARJORY MENDEL
Where you taking me tonight?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
The Sausage Shoppe.
MARJORY MENDEL
Is that a new one?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I guess. Ragdoll’s playing.
MARJORY MENDEL
Ragdoll?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
A band of women.
MARJORY MENDEL
I don’t like sausage.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
That’s just the name.
MARJORY MENDEL
What sort of band of women?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
You mean Ragdoll?
MARJORY MENDEL
Yeah, Ragdoll or whatever.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
They got a feminist thing.
MARJORY MENDEL
God, are they gonna bash men?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
It’s metal, I guess.
MARJORY MENDEL
Are they gonna bash men?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
It’s metal, so I guess they’ll bash.
MARJORY MENDEL
Men?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Yeah, men and that.
MARJORY MENDEL
So Ragdoll’s at the Sausage Shoppe bashing men?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
They got to bash something or it’s not metal.
MARJORY MENDEL
Mental metal women bashing men.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I wouldn’t say they’re mental.
MARJORY MENDEL
Metal’s mental.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
We could go to another.
MARJORY MENDEL
Without reservations?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I got no reservations I guess, except for the Sausage Shoppe.
MARJORY MENDEL
So we go watch mental metal and eat sausage?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
That’s just the name.
MARJORY MENDEL
So what do we eat?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Well, food.
MARJORY MENDEL
Food?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Yeah, food and that.
MARJORY MENDEL
Narrow it down, Norman.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Well, good food, I guess.
MARJORY MENDEL
It better be.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
There’s good food at the Sausage Shoppe.
MARJORY MENDEL
You say it’s good but you don’t say what it is.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Maybe some bread. Or a mushroom.
MARJORY MENDEL
Don’t be mental.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I guess it’s mostly sausage.
MARJORY MENDEL
That’s what I thought.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I guess I don’t think for two too good.
MARJORY MENDEL
You fail at it.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I guess I’m a failer.
MARJORY MENDEL
You always guess.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I guess.
MARJORY MENDEL
You’re vague. You’re general.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I guess I should be private.
(The Subway Bell rings three times.)
MARJORY MENDEL
Is that our tube?
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I guess.
MARJORY MENDEL
God stop saying that.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
So it’s the Sausage Shoppe?
MARJORY MENDEL
And Ragdoll. Mental metal man bashers. Come on.
(They exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 8.
Return to Scene List
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One,Scene 9:
(The BURB TEENS enter.)
POGO NUGGET
Stupid dark tube station. Stinks.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Better than the boring burbs.
TILLY FELDON
I better not get in trouble.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Buskers.
(The three BURB TEENS approach EMMY and SUNSET.)
POGO NUGGET
(to the buskers)
You gonna play or what?
EMMY WEST
For a loonie.
POGO NUGGET
(taking out a loonie)
So play.
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
(SUNSET pushes the money mug towards POGO.)
POGO NUGGET
That’s stupid.
(POGO walks away without giving the loonie. VALLEY and TILLY watch her go to the bench, then look at the buskers, then follow POGO to the bench.)
VALLEY SPINOZA
You see that guy onna train?
POGO NUGGET
What guy?
VALLEY SPINOZA
The one with no leg.
POGO NUGGET
Oh yeah him.
VALLEY SPINOZA
He godawful.
POGO NUGGET
So?
VALLEY SPINOZA
So nothing. He was staring is all.
POGO NUGGET
Guys stare. So what.
TILLY FELDON
Um, Pogo, I think I got cramps.
POGO NUGGET
You think? Do you or don’t you?
TILLY FELDON
Maybe take me home.
VALLEY SPINOZA
You don’t got cramps, Tilly.
TILLY FELDON
I was just thinking that maybe I might.
VALLEY SPINOZA
(to POGO)
You sure that Jeff guy’s downtown?
POGO NUGGET
Downtown is where Jeff hangs.
VALLEY SPINOZA
What, on the street?
POGO NUGGET
Jeff hangs wherever.
TILLY FELDON
Don’t get mad, Pogo.
POGO NUGGET
Jeff’s got guys for you so shut up.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Better not be losers.
TILLY FELDON
I think I got cramps.
VALLEY SPINOZA
If mine’s a loser, I make Tilly take him.
TILLY FELDON
No, please, Valley, not your loser.
POGO NUGGET
Shut up.
TILLY FELDON
What if there’s drugs?
VALLEY SPINOZA
We make you do them, Tilly.
TILLY FELDON
I’m not allowed.
POGO NUGGET
Shut up.
VALLEY SPINOZA
My mom thinks it’s a concert.
POGO NUGGET
She better.
TILLY FELDON
Mine too.
POGO NUGGET
Jeff’s better than a concert.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Quit bragging about him.
POGO NUGGET
Go home then.
VALLEY SPINOZA
No.
TILLY FELDON
Does Jeff have stubble?
POGO NUGGET
He looks street.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Holes in his pants.
POGO NUGGET
On purpose.
TILLY FELDON
Does he do drugs?
POGO NUGGET
He’s gotta do the street, Tilly.
VALLEY SPINOZA
A druggy.
POGO NUGGET
Go home, Valley.
VALLEY SPINOZA
No.
TILLY FELDON
Mom said enjoy the show.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Your mommy loves your lie, Tilly.
TILLY FELDON
She gave me cash for a t-shirt.
POGO NUGGET
So give it to Jeff.
TILLY FELDON
Why?
POGO NUGGET
‘Cause he’s on welfare, stupid.
TILLY FELDON
But he’s with you, Pogo.
POGO NUGGET
So? He’ll take your cash and be with me.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Welfare’s for losers.
POGO NUGGET
Jeff’s fighting the system.
TILLY FELDON
Is he a terrorist?
POGO NUGGET
He’s way more than that.
VALLEY SPINOZA
What’s he gonna do, blow up a cop kiosk?
TILLY FELDON
What about the officers?
POGO NUGGET
Shut up, Tilly.
End of Act One, Scene 9.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 10:
(The TUFFS enter.)
RAT NUGENT
Hey, Biff…there’s teenies on the bench.
BIFF CLIPPER
One for you, two for me, and none for Baddy-boy.
BAD COOK
No, three for me and none for you.
BIFF CLIPPER
You want a kick in the nads, Baddy-boy?
BAD COOK
Try it and see.
RAT NUGENT
Watch me hit on the teenies.
(going to the BURB TEENS)
I’m Rat.
POGO NUGGET
So?
RAT NUGENT
So be polite.
POGO NUGGET
You retard.
RAT NUGENT
Whatsat?
POGO NUGGET
Retard rat boy.
TILLY FELDON
Pogo, I gotta go.
(She tries to rise but VALLEY pulls her back down.)
VALLEY SPINOZA
Shut up and sit, Tilly.
RAT NUGENT
(to Pogo)
You a retard teenie queen.
POGO NUGGET
I got a knife.
TILLY FELDON
No, Pogo!
RAT NUGENT
Show me.
POGO NUGGET
It comes out, it goes up.
RAT NUGENT
Up what?
POGO NUGGET
Your rat hole.
BIFF CLIPPER
She gonna put a blade up your hole, Rat!
RAT NUGENT
So? She’s not the one.
BAD COOK
Which one, Rat?
RAT NUGENT
(pointing to TILLY)
Her.
TILLY FELDON
Save me, Pogo!
POGO NUGGET
Jesus saves, not me.
BIFF CLIPPER
She’s funny!
RAT NUGENT
(pulling TILLY to her feet)
You don’t wanna be saved.
TILLY FELDON
My mom’s a pharmacist!
BAD COOK
Look out Rat, her mom’s a pharmacist!
BIFF CLIPPER
She’ll give you a lethal dose!
RAT NUGENT
Your mom can get me drugs.
TILLY FELDON
Anything you want, Mr. Rat.
RAT NUGENT
(pushing her back on the bench)
Hey, she can get me uppers and downers.
BIFF CLIPPER
Let’s take a tube up to the burbs and down to mommy’s store.
BAD COOK
Mommy’s little helper gonna help us get up and get down.
VALLEY SPINOZA
We going downtown, Rat.
RAT NUGENT
You the leader?
VALLEY SPINOZA
I spoze.
POGO NUGGET
Shut up, Valley.
BIFF CLIPPER
Cat fight, Rat!
TILLY FELDON
Please I gotta go.
RAT NUGENT
I like Pogo best.
(RAT reaches for POGO and pulls her to her feet. As he is doing this, POGO gets her knife and holds him from behind, putting the blade against his neck. All becomes like ice.)
POGO NUGGET
I told you.
RAT NUGENT
Easy, Pogo.
POGO NUGGET
So easy. I push the blade and you pump blood and die.
RAT NUGENT
Just kidding around.
POGO NUGGET
I’m not a kid.
TILLY FELDON
God, Pogo.
POGO NUGGET
Jesus saves, not me.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Don’t, Pogo…
POGO NUGGET
Why not?
VALLEY SPINOZA
Jail and that.
POGO NUGGET
Huh?
VALLEY SPINOZA
Jail…
POGO NUGGET
I lead, Valley…
VALLEY SPINOZA
Yeah.
POGO NUGGET
(to Valley)
I cut this rat then I cut you.
VALLEY SPINOZA
No need. You lead.
POGO NUGGET
Yeah?
VALLEY SPINOZA
Yeah.
(The Subway Bell rings three times.)
POGO NUGGET
Me and Valley and that scared kid are getting on that tube.
RAT NUGENT
Sure.
POGO NUGGET
I got a guy downtown who’s gonna want a piece of rat meat.
RAT NUGENT
Uh huh.
POGO NUGGET
So don’t follow.
RAT NUGENT
Nope.
(POGO pushes RAT away. VALLEY and TILLY run for the exit as POGO backs up with the knife brandished, then turns and exits.)
End of Act One, Scene 10.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 11:
BIFF CLIPPER
She’s no teeny teen from the burbs.
BAD COOK
She-devil.
RAT NUGENT
(his hand to his neck)
She’s not Jesus.
BIFF CLIPPER
She was gonna do you, Rat.
RAT NUGENT
Jesus saves.
(The BUSKERS offer a song.)
EMMY WEST
You need a sweet tune, fellas.
SUNSET WEST
A song to settle your guts.
RAT NUGENT
Give it.
EMMA and SUNSET
(singing)
I’ll always love you
And make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me
To love another
You’ll regret it all some day.
RAT NUGENT
Maybe I get religion.
BIFF CLIPPER
Cause of a kid with a knife.
BAD COOK
She was gonna make you pump blood and die.
BIFF CLIPPER
Something saved you.
RAT NUGENT
Maybe I gotta get saved again.
End of Act One, Scene 11.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 12:
(The THREE TUFFS sit on the bench and the THREE STREETERS enter.)
MINKY RAFFISH
Dark angels!
TOOTS BADOOTS
Boys, boys, you got wings!
SNORT CABADAB
Flap ‘em, boys, and soar!
BAD COOK
What now?
BIFF CLIPPER
Three streeters.
RAT NUGENT
God’s little helpers.
MINKY RAFFISH
Dark angels down from the streets and under the asphalt…
TOOTS BADOOTS
Why you boys so dark?
SNORT CABADAB
Flap your wings and soar!
RAT NUGENT
(to the streeters)
Leave us be. We don’t need no mental stuff.
BAD COOK
Rat’s gotta get saved.
BIFF CLIPPER
He seen the light.
MINKY RAFFISH
Rat? Rat? No rat down here.
TOOTS BADOOTS
You need a rat to save, I be one!
(TOOTS imitates a rat.)
SNORT CABADAB
(chasing TOOTS BADOOTS)
I save you, Toots, you little rat!
(SNORT lunges for TOOTS and they roll around laughing, then get up.)
MINKY RAFFISH
(to the TUFFS)
Snort saved a rat so all is good.
TOOTS BADOOTS
(pointing to the buskers)
Who those women?
BAD COOK
Buskers.
BIFF CLIPPER
They did a sweet tune and settled our guts.
SNORT CABADAB
(to the buskers)
Hey, a tune for us streeters?
EMMY WEST
We gotta get loonies.
MINKY RAFFISH
You got we three loonies so sing.
SUNSET WEST
(to Emmy)
We got love.
EMMY WEST
(to SUNSET)
Don’t got to beg for it.
(EMMY and SUNSET sing. The STREETERS sing along and dance. The TUFFS sit despondently.)
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
MINKY RAFFISH
You dark angels gonna fly away?
RAT NUGENT
Shut up about that.
BIFF CLIPPER
You talking about death.
BAD COOK
So shut up about it.
TOOTS BADOOTS
You scared?
SNORT CABADAB
You don’t like death?
MINKY RAFFISH
What did death ever do to you?
RAT NUGENT
Death was gonna do me with a knife.
TOOTS BADOOTS
But you didn’t get done.
SNORT CABADAB
If death is gonna do, you get done.
MINKY RAFFISH
But you didn’t get done did you, so death wasn’t gonna do you.
BIFF CLIPPER
(leaping up from the bench and chasing TOOTS BADOOTS.)
Shut up about it!
TOOTS BADOOTS
(fleeing)
Fly away! Fly away!
BAD COOK
(leaping from the bench and chasing SNORT CABADAB)
Shut up! Shut up!
SNORT CABADAB
(fleeing)
Fly away! Fly away!
RAT NUGENT
(leaping up and chasing MINKA RAFFISH)
Shut it! Shut it!
MINKY RAFFISH
(fleeing)
Dark angels fly! Dark angels fly!
(The BUSKERS start singing “You Are My Sunshine” as the TUFFS and the STREETERS run about, yelling. OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE enter.)
OFFICERS LONGJON and COFFEE
Hey!
(louder)
Hey!
(Everyone stops.)
OFFICER LONJON
You tuffs gonna get cuffed if you been molesting streeters!
OFFICER COFFEE
Chasing the mental! Whaddaya thinking?
OFFICER LONJON
(to OFFICER COFFEE)
They don’t think.
OFFICER COFFEE
(to OFFICER LONJON)
Should we cuff?
OFFICER LONJON
(to the TUFFS)
Should we cuff?
BIFF CLIPPER
Them streeters was tormenting us!
OFFICER LONJON
Oh? Oh? Poor little tough guys tormented by the mentally unstable?
BAD COOK
They was talkin’ about death and that.
OFFICER COFFEE
Making threats?
RAT NUGENT
They said death is gonna do us.
OFFICER LONJON
Death don’t make threats. Death just does.
BIFF CLIPPER
But I got torment in me ‘cause of them!
BAD COOK
They was messing us.
RAT NUGENT
I got messed by a teeny from the burbs; then them streeters messed me some more.
OFFICER COFFEE
Gee, I feel like I’m gonna cry soft. How about you, Officer Lonjon?
OFFICER LONJON
I’m hurting real bad, Officer Coffee. Maybe I’m not gonna cuff these toughs after all.
BIFF CLIPPER
You good cops.
BAD COOK
We like you.
RAT NUGENT
We go on the street and be good all night.
OFFICER LONJON
Then git!
(OFFICER LONJON claps her hand and the toughs exit.)
OFFICER COFFEE
You streeters behave now.
MINKY RAFFISH
The dark angels have flown.
TOOTS BADOOTS
They didn’t get done by death.
SNORT CABADAB
Up, up, up they go onto earth’s surface.
OFFICER COFFEE
Buskers, beg for love, busk for loonies.
(as he and OFFICER LONJON exit)
You think them streeters is magic?
OFFICER LONJON
They got some kinda extra sensory sense or something.
OFFICER COFFEE
They make energy or something.
OFFICER LONJON
Yah, energy or like that, coming outta their pores.
OFFICER COFFEE
It’s like electric or maybe invisible fire.
OFFICER LONJON
Yah, fire.
(They complete their exit.)
Ed of Act One, Scene 12.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 13:
(MINKY, TOOTS, and SNORT sit on the bench.)
MINKY RAFFISH
I got a picture in my head.
TOOTS BADOOTS
What of?
MINKY RAFFISH
A black hole.
SNORT CABADAB
What it look like?
MINKY RAFFISH
Black. Like a hole.
TOOTS BADOOTS
It deep?
MINKY RAFFISH
The black hole is as deep as the universe is wide.
SNORT CABADAB
Don’t fall in.
MINKY RAFFISH
Already falling.
TOOTS BADOOTS
(grabbing MINKY)
I save you!
MINKY RAFFISH
Leggo!
SNORT CABADAB
(grabbing MINKY)
I save too!
MINKY RAFFISH
Leggo! Lemme fall!
TOOTS and SNORT
No!
MINKY RAFFISH
(struggling to burst free)
Lemme plunge! I gotta plunge in the hole!
TOOTS and SNORT
No!
SNORT CABADAB
You plunge, you not come back!
TOOTS BADOOTS
Death gonna do you, Minky!
MINKY RAFFISH
(breaking free and running about)
I fall! I falling! I fallen! I fallen inna hole! I the fallen! I fallest into thine eternal abyss of dark abandon!
SNORT CABADAB
(chasing MINKY)
Toots Badoots! Help me help Minky, oh help, help!
TOOTS BADOOTS
(chasing MINKY)
Minky, Minky, you running loose as a goose!
MINKY RAFFISH
(dodging SNORT and TOOTS)
Get away! You block my plunge! You not let Minky plunge! I gotta plunge inna hole, don’t you know that?
EMMA and SUNSET
(singing)
You told me once, dear
You really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you’ve left me
And love another
You have shattered all my dreams.
(As they sing, the SUITS enter, and MINKY, TOOTS, and SNORT come to a stop.)
End of Act One, Scene 13.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 14:
(In the silence, the SUITS go to the bench and sit)
MINKY RAFFISH
I don’t wanna plunge no more.
TOOTS BADOOTS
Crazy old Minky.
SNORT CABADAB
You crazy old crazy Minky.
MINKY RAFFISH
(going to MAX NEUFELD)
Say, mister, you got secrets?
MAX NEUFELD
Pardon me?
MINKY RAFFISH
In your case.
MAX NEUFELD
Oh, you mean my briefcase.
TOOTS BADOOTS
Briefcase, Minky.
MINKY RAFFISH
You got secrets in it?
MAX NEUFELD
Not exactly secrets, but private.
SNORT CABADAB
(to MAX NEUFELD)
Is it a pineapple?
MAX NEUFELD
No. No pineapple.
TOOTS BADOOTS
(to MAX NEUFELD)
Is it a rat?
(She makes her rat character and prances, then stops.)
MAX NEUFELD
Just business papers.
MINKY RAFFISH
Private business?
MAX NEUFELD
Yes. Private business.
ALLIE GOOD
Oh, for god’s sake, Max, ignore them.
SNORT CABADAB
(to ALLIE GOOD)
You got privates in your bag?
ALLIE GOOD
(to MAX)
I’m not going to say a word.
TOOTS BADOOTS
(to ALLIE GOOD)
You just said words.
MINKY RAFFISH
(to ALLIE GOOD)
That a business bag?
ALLIE GOOD
(to MAX NEUFELD)
Do something.
MAX NEUFELD
(to ALLIE GOOD)
What?
ALLIE GOOD
(to MAX NEUFELD)
Make them go.
MAX NEUFELD
Where?
ALLIE GOOD
Somewhere else.
MAX NEUFELD
(to the streeters)
Excuse me, but my associate and I need space.
MINKY RAFFISH
Space is infinite. Your case is finite. It confines.
TOOTS BADOOTS
You don’t need your case.
SNORT CABADAB
You need space so we take your case.
(She snatches MAX NEUFELD’S briefcase.)
MAX NEUFELD
(getting up to retrieve his case)
That’s private.
SNORT CABADAB
Ha! I make your case public!
(She throws it to MINKY. MAX pursues it.)
MINKY RAFFISH
You a public case, mister.
(She throws it to TOOTS. MAX pursues it.)
TOOTS BADOOTS
Your case flies through space!
(She throws it to Snort. MAX pursues it.)
SNORT CABADAB
(handing MAX his case)
Here, mister. Public private again.
MAX NEUFELD
(sitting, to ALLIE GOOD)
Where are the police when needed?
ALLIE GOOD
(to MAX)
Don’t let them snatch my bag.
(The Subway Bell rings three times.)
MINKY RAFFISH
(dancing)
The tube! The tube! Ride the snake through the dark tube!
TOOTS BADOOTS
(dancing)
Tube snake! Tube snake!
SNORT CABADAB
(dancing)
Gotta catcha snakey-wormy-tube-slither-under-asphalt!
(Dancing wildly and muttering these lines over and over they exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 14.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 15:
ALLIE GOOD
Thank goodness they’ve gone.
MAX NEUFELD
The government puts them on the street and we pay.
ALLIE GOOD
Government never should have closed the funny farm.
MAX NEUFELD
They put ‘em on the street and make my case public.
ALLIE GOOD
Thank goodness my bag stayed private.
MAX NEUFELD
I got documents in my case not meant for the street.
ALLIE GOOD
My docs in my bag are confidential in the extreme.
MAX NEUFELD
They throw my case and the docs get jostled.
ALLIE GOOD
Yah. No respect for documents.
MAX NEUFELD
Me, I respect docs hard or electronic.
ALLIE GOOD
I respect all docs even if written on a stone tablet.
MAX NEUFELD
Those mental cases think they’re more important than the docs.
ALLIE GOOD
How wrong they are.
MAX NEUFELD
They are so, so wrong.
ALLIE GOOD
They better off in the funny farm.
MAX NEUFELD
In the funny farm with the proper docs.
ALLIE GOOD
The docs make it legal.
MAX NEUFELD
Legal docs put them in the funny farm and my case is safe.
ALLIE GOOD
You got a good-looking case.
MAX NEUFELD
My docs deserve real hide.
ALLIE GOOD
That real hide on the case?
MAX NEUFELD
Real. Something died to make that hide.
ALLIE GOOD
Those docs inside hide.
MAX NEUFELD
Yup. Private. Why you tote a bag?
ALLIE GOOD
Fashion. Look it up. Bags are the fashion.
MAX NEUFELD
So what makes it a fashion bag?
ALLIE GOOD
Negative space.
MAX NEUFELD
Huh?
ALLIE GOOD
The space around the bag and in the bag.
MAX NEUFELD
The space defines the bag?
ALLIE GOOD
Yes. Space defines the bag, defines me, defines you.
MAX NEUFELD
I try not to be negative.
ALLIE GOOD
But you’re in my space.
MAX NEUFELD
(moving away from her slightly)
Sorry.
ALLIE GOOD
I’m a bag.
MAX NEUFELD
Huh?
ALLIE GOOD
My skin, it’s a bag.
MAX NEUFELD
It’s real hide.
ALLIE GOOD
I hide in my skin bag. Inside I got private docs and negative space. It’s all legal.
MAX NEUFELD
You’re a fashionable bag.
ALLIE GOOD
I fashion the hide inside and fashion fashions the hide outside.
MAX NEUFELD
Fashion hides the bag.
ALLIE GOOD
Negative space.
MAX NEUFELD
Are you positive?
ALLIE GOOD
Fashion fashions a lie that helps us hide.
MAX NEUFELD
Fashion puts money in the bag.
ALLIE GOOD
And it’s legal.
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
(The Subway Bell rings three times.)
MAX NEUFELD
The tube train’s in the station space.
ALLIE GOOD
I’m in a good space.
MAX NEUFELD
Now the streeters are gone out on the asphalt space.
ALLIE GOOD
Now there’s only negative space.
MAX NEUFELD
The buskers are fashionable.
ALLIE GOOD
They fashion a lie that helps us hide.
MAX NEUFELD
No sunshine, no gray skies, no happy, no love.
(The SUITS exit.)
EMMA and SUNSET
(singing)
The other night, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.
(The buskers sit disconsolately.)
End of Act One, Scene 15.
End of Act One.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
ACT TWO
Act Two, Scene 1:
(BABETTE COWELL enters from the subway and sits on the bench. JENNY SAINT enters and goes to the BUSKERS.)
JENNY SAINT
Can I help?
EMMY WEST
Can you sing?
JENNY SAINT
No.
SUNSET WEST
Then you can’t help.
(JENNY SAINT goes to BABETTE on the bench.)
JENNY SAINT
Can I help?
BABETTE COWELL
Huh?
JENNY SAINT
Help. Can I help.
(She hands her card to BABETTE.)
BABETTE COWELL
(reading the card)
Jenny Saint. Helper.
JENNY SAINT
I like to help.
BABETTE COWELL
Do you want loonies for your help?
JENNY SAINT
That wouldn’t be helping.
BABETTE COWELL
Well, then, help me find my hubby.
JENNY SAINT
I wish I could.
BABETTE COWELL
Wishing won’t help.
JENNY SAINT
Help me help you.
BABETTE COWELL
Well, I fight with hubby, and go look around downtown alone.
JENNY SAINT
Uh huh.
BABETTE COWELL
Now no hubby.
JENNY SAINT
Uh huh.
BABETTE COWELL
I mean hubby gone, maybe for good.
JENNY SAINT
Maybe good that hubby gone?
BABETTE COWELL
No, maybe bad.
JENNY SAINT
Too bad. I want to help.
BABETTE COWELL
You’re not helping.
JENNY SAINT
Tell more and I’ll help.
BABETTE COWELL
Why? You just talk. No action.
JENNY SAINT
(giving BABETTE a hug and standing back)
Action.
BABETTE COWELL
But no hubby.
JENNY SAINT
(hugs BABETTE again, longer)
This is helping.
BABETTE COWELL
Oh.
JENNY SAINT
I help you, not hubby. Hubby’s not here to help.
BABETTE COWELL
Hubby used to hug.
JENNY SAINT
I hug you, not hubby. Hubby’s not here to hug.
BABETTE COWELL
Hubby’s kind of lost.
JENNY SAINT
You lost hubby; I found you.
BABETTE COWELL
You find me and hug me.
JENNY SAINT
Finders keepers.
BABETTE COWELL
Keepers?
JENNY SAINT
I’m a keeper.
BABETTE COWELL
I keep you or you keep me?
JENNY SAINT
I keep helping you, and you keep being helped.
(RODDY COWELL enters.)
RODDY COWELL
Babette!
(He rushes to her. They hug.)
BABETTE COWELL
Roddy! Roddy! I want to keep you, hub.
RODDY COWELL
We reconnect in this hub.
BABETTE COWELL
I love you, hub.
RODDY COWELL
I go downtown, look around, no see my Babette.
BABETTE COWELL
Oh, Roddy, you looked but didn’t see.
RODDY COWELL
I look at the babes, but not one of them is the Babette I want.
BABETTE COWELL
I’m your Babette babe, babe.
RODDY COWELL
I’m your Roddy babe, Babette.
(They hug again.)
RODDY COWELL
(seeing JENNY SAINT)
Jenny Saint.
JENNY SAINT
I’m a keeper.
BABETTE COWELL
(to RODDY)
Can we keep her?
RODDY COWELL
(to JENNY SAINT)
Do you want to be kept?
JENNY SAINT
I want to keep helping..
BABETTE COWELL
(to RODDY)
She kept helping me, Roddy hubby babe.
RODDY COWELL
How?
BABETTE COWELL With hugs.
RODDY COWELL
(to JENNY)
You hug my Babette babe?
JENNY SAINT
Babette wants action. I help.
RODDY COWELL
(to BABETTE)
I’m the hub. I do the hugs.
BABETTE COWELL
Jenny wants to help.
RODDY COWELL
She put something between us.
BABETTE COWELL
No, Roddy, no, no, no!
(OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE enter.)
RODDY COWELL
Officers, Jenny Saint put something between me and my Babette babe.
OFFICER COFFEE
Jenny, we said move along, Jenny Saint, move along.
OFFICER LONJON
We gave you a loonie for a dog and coffee at the shelter.
OFFICER COFFEE
But you come back and put something between this hub and his Babette babe.
OFFICER LONJON
(to JENNY SAINT)
Hubby don’t want you, Jenny.
BABETTE COWELL
I want you, Jenny. You help.
JENNY SAINT
I want to help Babette.
OFFICER COFFEE
(to RODDY)
Babette wants Jenny’s help.
OFFICER LONJON
(to RODDY)
Jenny helps Babette.
RODDY COWELL
I’m the hub. I help Babette.
BABETTE COWELL
No, Roddy, no, no, no.
(The Subway Bell rings three times.)
OFFICER COFFEE
Uptown tube train’s in.
BABETTE COWELL
I get on for uptown. With Jenny.
(JENNY and BABETTE start off towards the train. RODDY tries to stop BABETTE. The officers hold RODDY.)
BABETTE COWELL
No Roddy. I go but not alone.
RODDY COWELL
I your hubby, Babette. Don’t go not alone!
BABETTE COWELL and JENNY SAINT
No, Roddy! No! No! No!
(They run off to catch the tube train uptown.)
OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE
(holding RODDY)
Easy fella, they want you alone.
(They set him on the bench. He puts his head in his hands.)
OFFICER COFFEE
You be a lone fella.
OFFICER LONJON
Let’s hit the street, Cooper..
(They begin their exit.)
OFFICER COFFEE
Poor guy’s on the bench again
OFFICER LONJON
He always crying.
OFFICER COFFEE
He calls Babette “babe” but he the baby.
OFFICER LONJON
He the baby crying soft. ‘cause he can’t do violence.
OFFICER COFFEE
You every want a baby, Wanda?
OFFICER LONJON
Nope. I gotta baby myself. You?
OFFICER COFFEE
The same.
(They complete their exit.)
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
You told me once, dear
You really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you’ve left me
And love another
You have shattered all my dreams.
End of Act Two, Scene 1.
Return to Scene List
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 2:
(The PRIVATE SCHOOL TRIPPERS and their TEACHER enter.)
TABATHA KRONE
Here we are back at the hub of the subway, girls.
RODDY COWELL
I the hub of the subway on the bench.
TABATHA KRONE
(herding the girls away from RODDY)
He’s a sub-human. Look but don’t touch ‘til I give the go ahead. It’s education.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Sub-human. Is he sub-normal?
CIMSON DOLBY
Sub-human. Is he sub-ordinate?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Sub-human. Is he sub-standard?
RODDY COWELL
Babette!
TABATHA KRONE
The sub-human cries.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Is the sub-human a man?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Is the sub-human a boy?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Is the sub-human a baby?
RODDY COWELL
Babette!
TABATHA KRONE
The sub-human is a man-boy-baby.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Want to touch.
CRIMSON DOLBY
Want to hug.
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Want to comfort.
RODDY COWELL
Babette!
TABATHA KRONE
Bathsheba! Go to the sub-human-man-boy-baby and touch.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Yes, Miss Krone.
(BATHSHEBA goes to RODDY and makes utterances.)
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
No drugs, no dresses, no drooling over boys. But I can touch you, sub-human-man-boy-baby.
(putting a hand on his shoulder)
This is education.
RODDY COWELL
Not Babette.
TABATHA KRONE
Crimson! Go to the sub-human-man-boy-baby and hug!
CRIMSON DOLBY
Yes, Miss Krone!
(CRIMSON goes to RODDY and makes utterances.)
CRIMSON DOLBY
No nightspot, no pricey downtown fashions, no exciting substances. But I can hug you, sub-human-man-boy-baby.
(hugging RODDY)
This is education.
RODDY COWELL
Not Babette Babette.
TABATHA KRONE
Yvonne! Go to the sub-human-boy-baby and comfort!
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Yes, Miss Krone!
(YVONNE goes to RODDY and makes utterances.)
YVONNE DASHWOOD
No drugs, dresses, or drooling, but I can comfort you, sub-human-boy-baby.
(taking his hand)
This is education.
RODDY COWELL
Not Babette Babette Babette.
(The Subway Bell rings three times. RODDY lurches to his feet.)
RODDY COWELL
I go up to the street and under a bus. I be a sub-bus-dead-man-boy-baby!
(He exits.)
End of Act Two, Scene 2.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 3:
TABATHA KRONE
On the bench, girls.
(The three SCHOOLGIRLS sit on the bench.)
TABATHA CRONE
What is learned for your education?
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
My touch didn’t help.
CRIMSON DOLBY
My hug didn’t help.
YVONNE DASHWOOD
My comfort didn’t help.
TABATHA KRONE
Nothing can help the sub-human-man-boy-baby. This is education.
(She stands behind the three girls on the bench, and puts her arms around the outer two.)
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
I’ll always love you
And make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me
To love another
You’ll regret it all some day.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
I’ll never leave you, Miss Krone.
CRIMSON DOLBY
I’ll never love another, Miss Krone.
YVONNE DASHWOOD
I will make you happy, Miss Krone.
TABATHA KRONE
This is education.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
You are my sunshine, Miss Krone.
CRIMSON DOLBY
My only sunshine, Miss Krone.
YVONNE DASHWOOD
You make me happy when skies are gray.
TABATHA KRONE
You’ll never know dears, how much I love you. This is education.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
Miss Krone, will the bus stop the sub-human?
CRIMSON DOLBY
Miss Krone, will the sub-bus sub-human be stopped?
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Miss Krone, will the stopped sub-human be sub-merged with the bus?
TABATHA KRONE
The sub-human will be stopped. The bus is already stopped and always was except the driver’s leather shoes which once were alive as hide on a cow.
BATHSHEBA, CRIMSON, and YVONNE
Will we stop?
TABATHA KRONE
Yes.
BATHSHEBA, CRIMSON, and YVONNE
(convulsed with grief)
Oh, oh, oh!
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
I will stop too!
CRIMSON DOLBY
I don’t want to stop.
YVONNE DASHWOOD
I stop? No! No!
BATHSHEBA, CRIMSON, and YVONNE
We want nightspots, fashions, boys, and drugs!
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
I wanna make a baby-baby.
CRIMSON DOLBY
I wannabe a baby-maker.
YVONNE DASHWOOD
I a wannabe baby-maker.
(The girls begin to run about, with all freezing each time one says something, then moving again. While they are running, OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE enter and watch.)
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
(touching her forehead)
I wanna flattering foundation!
CRIMSON DOLBY
(touching her eyes)
I wanna magical mascara!
YVONNE DASHWOOD
(touching her hair)
I wanna delightful do!
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
(touching her cheeks)
I wanna rose-red rouge!
CRIMSON DOLBY
(touching her lips)
I wanna luscious lipstick!
YVONNE DASHWOOD
(holding her fingers out)
I wanna knock-out nails!
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
No scars, no blemishes, no freckles!
CRIMSON DOLBY
Just pretty, cute, beautiful…
YVONNE DASHWOOD
Just warm, cool, hot…
BATHSHEBA, CRIMSON, and YVONNE
Glamourous, gorgeous, fabulous, sultry, sexy, svelte!
MS. KRONE, OFFICER LONJON and OFFICER COFFEE
Stop it, girls! You must stop!
BATHSHEBA, CRIMSON, and YVONNE
It’s the law!
OFICERS LONJON and COFFEE
The law says you must stop!
TABATHA KRONE
My girls are trying to break the law, officers.
OFFICER LONJON
It’s natural.
OFFICER COFFEE
Everyone tries to break the law.
OFFICER LONJON
But they must be stopped.
(The Subway Bell rings three times.)
OFFICER COFFEE
Get them in the tube, Ms. Krone.
OFFICER LONJON
Keep them in the dark.
TABATHA KRONE
Come along, come along, this is education.
(She herds the sobbing trio offstage.)
EMMY WEST
Officers, is it sunshine on the street?
OFFICER LONJON
Moonshine on the street.
SUNSET WEST
The sunshine is taken away?
EMMY WEST
Sunshine, you are not there? Oh dear!
(EMMY and SUNSET sob.)
OFFICER COFFEE
Hang your head and cry.
OFFICER LONJON
It’s the law.
(OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE exit.)
End of Act Two, Scene 3.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 4:
(The ELDERLIES enter.)
EMMY WEST
Looky, Sunset, it’s the elderlies.
SUNSET WEST
No ma, no tubes, no bundles, no broth.
EMMY WEST
No loonies.
SUNSET WEST
No song for the elderlies.
PEG BROWN
Looky, ladies. Buskers.
VICKY SIX
Oh, oh, oh! They not gonna sing for us three elderlies!
MAMIE NEWTON
We got no loonie for their mug.
MAMIE NEWTON Gratitude is not enough.
(They sit on the bench.)
MAMIE NEWTON
I got a pain in my gut.
PEG BROWN
You should have eaten broth at the shelter.
MAMIE NEWTON
My gut is helter-skelter.
VICKY SIX
(to PEG)
I ate her broth.
(to MAMIE)
I have gratitude.
PEG BROWN
Gratitude don’t pay her rent.
MAMIE NEWTON
It’s cold.
PEG BROWN
Too bad you can’t bundle up like a baby.
MAMIE NEWTON
Are we stopping on this bench?
VICKY SIX
We’re stopping on the bench, aren’t we, Peg?
PEG BROWN
We should go.
MAMIE NEWTON
We stop and go.
VICKY SIX
My ma make a bundle and a baby who is me then she stop on the doorstep and go.
PEG BROWN
I got not tubes so no baby who is anyone and soon I stop and go.
MAMIE NEWTON
Where do we go when we stop?
VICKY SIX
To the shelter?
PEG BROWN
No, the dark tube is where we go.
MAMIE NEWTON
We stop and go in the dark tube.
VICKY SIX
No broth and no bundles and no making babies in the dark tube.
PEG BROWN
The dark tube underground.
End of Act Two, Scene 4.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 5:
(The DATERS enter.)
MARJORY MENDEL
The Sausage Shoppe sucked, Norman.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
But Ragdoll was superb metal.
MARJORY MENDEL
No. Ragdoll was superbly mental. They fail; you fail.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I guess I’m a failer in your mind.
MARJORY MENDEL
That’s a good guess.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
You want on the bench?
MARJORY MENDEL
It’s either that or stand.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
(to the ELDERLIES)
Is there room for my date on the bench?
PEG BROWN
We’re stopping on the bench. Leave us be.
MARJORY MENDEL
Norman! I’m standing!
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Just squidge over a mite for my date.
PEG BROWN
We here first and longest.
MARJORY MENDEL
Norman, if you want to get me on the bench you’ll have to do better that.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Please, elderlies, I really want to get my date on the bench.
MAMIE NEWTON
Give me a bundle, mister, and maybe I’ll let you get her on the bench.
VICKY SIX
Mamie’s cold.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I don’t have a bundle.
MARJORY MENDEL
Get me on the bench, Norman.
PEG BROWN
(asking NORMAN about MARJORY)
Is she your babe?
MAMIE NEWTON
(to MARJORY)
Do you want to make your baby on the bench?
PEG BROWN
(to VICKY)
The males make the babes who make the babies.
VICKY SIX
(to NORMAN)
Look, mister, I don’t got to let a male get his date on the bench.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
(to Marjory)
I guess I can’t get you on the bench.
MARJORY MENDEL
You don’t know how to make a date happy. Try.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
You’re my banana cream, butter pecan, and lemon meringue all whipped into one sweet and tasty deep dish special?
MARJORY MENDEL
Not working.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I dreamed I held you in my arms?
MARJORY MENDEL
Just stop.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
You want me to stop?
MARJORY MENDEL
I want you to stop and go.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Stop and go without you?
MARJORY MENDEL
You couldn’t even get me on the bench.
(She crosses away from him to sulk. He sulks too.)
MAMIE NEWTON
My gut is in pain.
VICKY SIX
Is it an emergency?
MAMIE NEWTON
Nothing will emerge. It’s just pain.
PEG BROWN
You want emergency?
VICKY SIX
Emergency will make a bundle out of your pain.
MAMIE NEWTON
Nothing will emerge. No bundle. Just pain.
VICKY SIX
(to PEG)
Will the pain ever stop?
PEG BROWN
(to VICKY)
Only when she stops and goes in the dark tube.
MAMIE NEWTON
(in physical distress)
I want to go in the dark tube!
VICKY SIX
No, Mamie, no, no, no! Stay with your pain!
PEG BROWN
(to VICKY)
Mamie is stopping, Vicky.
VICKY SIX
No!
(going to NORMAN)
There’s an emergency on the bench. Help.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I told you I don’t have a bundle.
VICKY SIX
(crossing to MARJORY)
I give you my stopping spot on the bench if you help with the emergency.
MARJORY MENDEL
Too late.
VICKY SIX
(crossing to EMMY and SUNSET)
Is there a song for an emergency?
EMMY WEST
Is there, Sunset?
SUNSET WEST
No. The sunshine is taken away.
PEG BROWN
(standing and stepping away from MAMIE)
Vicky! Vicky! Mamie is emerging!
VICKY SIX
(crossing to the bench)
Mamie stops and goes!
(MAMIE dies on the bench. There is a moment of silence.)
PEG BROWN
Mamie stopped.
VICKY SIX
Mamie’s gone.
PEG BROWN
The emergency is over.
VICKY SIX
She’s emerged and gone.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
She’s gone on her last date.
MARJORY MENDEL
Something cold and dark got her on the bench.
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
The other night, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.
End of Act Two, Scene 5.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 6.
(The three BURB TEENS enter.)
TILLY FELDON
I got to take a dark tube home right now.
VALLEY SPINOZA
(to POGO)
Jeff rubbed his stubble on Tilly. She got burned.
POGO NUGGET
(to VALLEY)
It’s his kiss, stupid. Jeff kisses all girls. He says that’s equality.
TILLY FELDON
He didn’t kiss Valley.
POGO NUGGET
Her breath.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Shut up, Pogo.
POGO NUGGET
It’s true so you shut up.
TILLY FELDON
I got to get on the bench. My legs wobble.
(She sits on the bench. The jostle of her sitting causes MAMIE to slump onto TILLY’S lap. TILLY freezes)
TILLY
Oh, god.
PEG BROWN
There’s been an emergency.
TILLY FELDON
What?
VICKY SIX
An emergency, child.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
That woman has stopped.
MARJORY MENDEL
She’s gone.
EMMYand SUNSET
She’s not there, dear.
TILLY FELDON
Oh, god.
POGO NUGGET
Tilly wants Jeff now.
VALLEY SPINOZA
He’s not god.
POGO NUGGET
Tilly, you want Jeff now?
VALLEY SPINOZA
She wants god.
TILLY FELDON
Something’s on my lap.
VALLEY SPINOZA
God knows what it is.
POGO NUGGET
Jeff says males make babes who make babies and they all stop and go.
VALLEY SPINOZA
God, who cares what Jeff says.
TILLY FELDON
Jeff, Jeff, make her go!
POGO NUGGET
I told you Valley; she wants Jeff.
NORMAN CALLOWAY
Someone get it off the teen.
MARJORY MENDEL:
That teen is between the bench and the body.
EMMY and SUNSET
(to TILLY)
Hold her in your arms.
TILLY FELDON
Pogo get Jeff.
POGO NUGGET
Already got him.
VALLEY SPINOZA
(to POGO)
God, you’re always Jeff Jeff Jeff.
POGO NUGGET
(taking out her knife)
You want me to stop you, Valley?
VALLEY SPINOZA
(backing off)
No, sorry, it’s just that Jeff is not god, Pogo.
POGO NUGGET
(putting knife away)
Jeff says that it’s just that god is not Jeff because god is just and Jeff can just be. You get me, Valley?
VALLEY SPINOZA
God is just not Jeff.
VICKY SIX
Mamie emerged and what’s left of her on the bench is just god.
PEG BROWN
Let’s get what’s left of her off the teen.
(She and VICKY gently move the dead MAMIE off TILLY. TILLY jumps up and scampers to a corner. VICKY and PEG lay the body down
on the floor downstage and arrange it tidily.)
VICKY SIX
There. What’s left of Mamie is on the ground underground in the dark tube.
PEG BROWN
Vicky, we will get the officers.
(She and VICKY exit.)
NORMAN CALLOWAY
I must get up on the street top and have air from above.
(He starts to exit.)
MARJORY MENDEL
Norman, this is a date so you will wait.
(joining him)
I must be up in the air too.
( NORMAN and MARJORY exit.)
End of Act Two, Scene 6.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 7:
POGO NUGGET
(taking out her knife and going over to MAMIE)
I put my knife in her and nothing.
TILLY FELDON
Pogo, don’t.
VALLEY SPINOZA
You want meat, Pogo, order a steak.
POGO NUGGET
I could cut her easy and no squawking.
TILLY FELDON
Where is the tube train?
VALLEY SPINOZA
In the dark tube, stupid.
POGO NUGGET
Before, I jab her and trouble. Now, nothing. Jeff says the dead are part of god and god don’t fight back.
VALLEY SPINOZA
I never knew Jeff had no legs in a wheelchair ‘til I saw him.
TILLY FELDON
He got strong arms and pulled me into his stubble.
POGO NUGGET
Jeff says legs are jerky except mine. His are underground someplace.
TILLY FELDON
How did they come off?
POGO NUGGET
One at a time, plucked.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Who plucked ‘em?
POGO NUGGET
Dunno. Jeff says the legs got plucked one at a time and that’s all.
(The TUFFS enter)
VALLEY SPINOZA
Hey, it’s the rat retards.
RAT NUGENT
What’s that on the ground?
TILLY FELDON
A stopped woman. Officers are on the way down.
BIFF CLIPPER
What stopped her?
VALLEY SPINOZA
God knows.
POGO NUGGET
(taking out her knife)
Why you here, rat boy?
RAT NUGENT
I dunno and I don’t got to know.
TILLY FELDON
Pogo, please don’t make it a knife thing.
POGO NUGGET
(to RAT)
I cut you Rat if you got ideas.
RAT NUGENT
I got no ideas Pogo.
(POGO puts her knife away. RAT, BIFF, and BAD go to MAMIE.)
BIFF CLIPPER
(inspecting MAMIE)
She’s so stopped.
BAD COOK
(inspecting MAMIE)
Old. That’ why she stopped.
RAT NUGENT
(inspecting MAMIE)
Nothing left to save.
POGO NUGGET
Valley, I go up for a nic-stick puff.
VALLEY SPINOZA
I wanna puff.
(VALLEY and POGO begin to exit)
TILLY FELDON
Oh god, take me too!
POGO NUGGET
Only if you puff.
TILLY FELDON
Not allowed.
POGO NUGGET
Then stay with Rat.
TILLY FELDON
No! I’ll puff.
(She exits with POGO and VALLEY.)
En of Act Two, Scene 7.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two Scene 8:
RAT NUGENT
Maybe them streeters is here someplace.
BIFF CLIPPER
Why you want the streeters, Rat?
RAT NUGENT
They gonna save me somehow.
BAD COOK
I wanna get drunk.
BIFF CLIPPER
(to BAD COOK)
Yeah, Bad, you got it. Rat, we gotta get a bottle.
RAT NUGENT
Shut it, Biff. No bottle. Can’t be saved if drunk.
(The Three STREETERS enter.)
MINKY RAFFISH
(to the TUFFS)
Hey! Death didn’t do you?
RAT NUGENT:
Not yet, but death did an old woman.
(The three STREETERS observe MAMIE.)
SNORT CABADAB
Looks like an emergency.
TOOTS BADOOTS
She’s emerged.
SNORT CABADAB
A dark angel now.
MINKY RAFFISH
Fly away, fly away, dark angel.
RAT NUGENT
I got to get saved. Can you streeters save poor Rat?
MINKY RAFFISH
Rat’s in a black hole trap.
SNORT CABADAB
He’s falling.
TOOTS BADOOTS
Falling forever.
BIFF CLIPPER
Make him stop falling, then, with your witch stuff.
BAD COOK
He don’t even want a bottle. Save him.
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
We are Rat’s nest!
(They lie on the floor side by side.)
MINKY RAFFISH
Rat! Fall into your safety nest!
RAT NUGENT
How?
SNORT CABADAB
On us, Rat…we are your safety nest!
TOOTS BADOOTS
Do it, Rat! End your fall!
BIFF CLIPPER
Don’t Rat.
BAD COOK
It’s the bottom, Rat. You’ll stop!
RAT NUGENT
Got to try. Need saving.
(RAT goes and lies crossways on the three streeters. He stops. The three streeters get out from under him and form a tableau.)
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
Rat has stopped falling.
BIFF CLIPPER
(going to RAT)
Rat! Rat!
BAD COOK
(going to RAT)
Rat, don’t stop!
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
Rat has stopped.
BIFF CLIPPER
(realizing)
Rat’s stopped, Bad.
BAD COOK
This was an emergency?
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
Rat emerged.
(BIFF and BAD go to the bench and sit.)
BIFF CLIPPER
Is Rat saved?
MINKY RAFFISH
Rat is saved.
BAD COOK
Poor Rat is stopped like the old one there.
SNORT CABADAB
He’s saved.
(The three STREETERS drag RAT to MAMIE and lay him out beside her, then stand off to one side in a tableau.)
End of Act Two, Scene 8.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 9:
(The SUITS enter.)
MAX NEUFELD
What is this before us?
ALLIE GOOD
Two on the ground hiding in their skin bags.
BIFF CLIPPER
They’ve stopped.
MAX NEUFELD
Is it legal?
ALLIE GOOD
(to BIFF and BAD)
Where are the officers?
BAD COOK
Don’t know.
MAX NEUFELD
(to BIFF and BAD)
Maybe you fashion a lie?
BIFF CLIPPER
No lie. Stick your toe in them and see.
(MAX goes to RAT and MAMIE and tests them with his toe.)
ALLIE GOOD
Stopped?
MAX NEUFELD
Stopped.
ALLIE GOOD
They’re not hiding in their hides. They’ve escaped.
MAX NEUFELD
What stopped them?
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
God knows.
ALLIE GOOD
Good god.
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
God knows if good is God..
MAX NEUFELD
Is it legal?
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
It’s the law.
ALLIE GOOD
This is a negative space.
MAX NEUFELD
The space around the stopped and in the stopped.
ALLIE GOOD
Where are the officers? Where are the legal docs?
MAX NEUFELD
The docs aren’t in my case.
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
Your case is safe.
MAX NEUFELD
It’s real hide. Something died to make that hide.
ALLIE GOOD
Fashion fashions a lie that helps us hide.
MAX NEUFELD
We need officers.
ALLIE GOOD
Those two are stopped. We need legal docs.
MAX NEUFELD
It’s official. They’re negated.
ALLIE GOOD
Officially, they’ve stopped. It’s all legal.
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
It’s the law.
EMMY WEST
No sunshine.
SUNSET WEST
No gray skies.
EMMY WEST
No happy.
SUNSET WEST
We lie dreaming.
End of Act Two, Scene 9.
Subway Redux by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 10:
(JENNY SAINT enters with BABETTE COWELL)
JENNY SAINT
Look. Stopped. I can’t help.
BABETTE COWELL
(to the STREETERS)
Is my sub-human Roddy stopped under a bus?
(RODDY COWELLl enters.)
RODDY COWELL
I wanted to merge with a bus, Babette…
(looking at the stopped)
…but stopping is hard.
JENNY SAINT
Help him, Babette.
BABETTE COWELL
Poor Roddy! Jenny helped me and now I’ll help you.
JENNY SAINT
(to RODDY and BABETTE)
Roddy wants action, Babette.
(BABETTE hugs RODDY as MISS KRONE enters with BATHSHEBA, CRIMSON, and YVONNE)
TABATHA KRONE
Look, girls. Two who have stopped. The law cannot be broken.
BATHSHEBA BIENVENUE
(peering at the stopped)
They stop, but I go. One day I will stop. It’s education.
CRIMSON DOLBY
(peering at the stopped)
Two stop. One young. One old. They don’t need fashions.
YVONNE DASHWOOD
(peering at the stopped)
Two stopped underground. The law says I must stop.
TABATHA KRONE
It’s education.
(POGO, VALLEY, and TILLY enter.)
POGO NUGGET
Rat’s on the ground.
VALLEY SPINOZA
Looks like he stopped.
BIFF and BAD
He’s stopped.
TILLY FELDON
His stubble’s gonna keep growing in the dark tube.
POGO NUGGET
Jeff says a close shave is a way to get saved.
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
Rat is saved.
(VICKY SIX and PEG BROWN enter with OFFICERS LONJON and COFFEE.)
PEG BROWN
There is Mamie stopped underground, officers.
VICKY SIX
But who is the other?
MINKY, SNORT, and TOOTS
Rat. He fell and got stopped.
OFFICER LONJON
(inspecting the stopped with OFFICER COFFEE)
They stopped. It’s official. The law has not been broken.
OFFICER COFFEE
It’s all legal. The emergency is over.
EMMY and SUNSET
(singing)
You told me once, dear
You really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you’ve left me
And love another
You have shattered all my dreams.
FULL CAST
(singing)
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are gray.
You’ll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
End of Play.