Welcomeby Richard Stuart Dixon
© Richard Stuart Dixon, 2007
(Note: Performance of this play requires the author’s permission. Please contact Good School Plays for details.)
Production Notes:
• running time: approx. 40 minutes
• style: ensemble drama
• suitable for general audiences
• 26 characters (19 female, 7 male)
• gender-flexible casting
• black-box staging (no set required)
Summary of Script Content:
• “Alone” is the story of a lonely girl who seeks meaningful connections within her family, school, and community.
(This play was first performed on September 27, 28 & October 1, 2, 3, 2007, at Gleneagle Secondary School in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.)
∗Published Online by Good School Plays, February 21, 2018.
Go to:
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Scene 7
Scene 8
CHARACTERS:
Maya’s Family:
Maya Vale
Donald Vale (Maya’s father)
Lenora Vale (Maya’s mother)
April Vale (Maya’s sister)
Maya’s Teachers:
Phaedra Reed (Maya’s English teacher)
Jane Warden (Maya’s science teacher)
Maya’s English Class Peers:
Aaron Ferguson
Lyla Fitzpatrick
Jason Lock
Scarlet Medisky
Roxanne Bilodeau
Trudy Reddekopp
Maya’s Workmates:
Naomi Melanson (manager of Frank’s Café)
Maggie Dolan (waitress at Frank’s Café)
The Regular’s at Frank’s Café:
Billy McCLosky
Vincent Regasa
Cindy Crossland
Katie Fournier
Maya’s Counsellor:
Dr. Serge Kanagasabay
Maya’s Drama Club:
Larissa Sharmila (teacher sponsor)
Juanita Esperanza
Carly Reddington
Carmen Zylstra
Vic Murdoch
Lisa Fernando
Maria McCarthy
Stacey Miroslava
Alone by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Scene 1:
(MAYA is downstage center. The other members of the cast are arranged behind her in their various groups. Throughout the scene, they speak from their fixed positions.)
MAYA
(addressing the audience)
As long as I can remember, I sensed I was alone. When I was six, my mother and father confirmed my feeling.
LENORA VALE
Maya, your father and I are going out with friends tonight.
MAYA
But you said you’d take April and me skating tonight.
DONALD VALE
We got the dates mixed up. We’ll go skating another time.
MAYA
But you said!
LENORA VALE
Don’t make a fuss, Maya. April’s not complaining.
APRIL VALE
I’m not complaining.
MAYA
You promised!
DONALD VALE
Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to, Maya.
APRIL VALE
I don’t want to go skating because I’ll fall over and go owww owww owww and cry and cry like last time.
LENORA VALE
We’ll get your blades sharpened before we go skating again, Sweetie.
DONALD VALE
You see, Maya? It’s best if we don’t go to the rink tonight.
APRIL VALE
Don’t cry, Maya. Only babies cry.
MAYA
(addressing the audience)
And so, when I was six, I saw the truth: my parents and my sister were not part of me because they did not want the same things as me.
DR. KANAGASABAY
It’s perfectly normal for people to have conflicting agendas, Maya.
MAYA
I know, Doctor. But that only confirms the basic problem, doesn’t it?
DR. KANAGASABAY
So you think being separate from one another’s a problem?
MAYA
It’s why I couldn’t go skating when I was six. It’s why people hurt each other.
DR. KANAGASABAY
And why we need to forgive.
MAYA
(addressing audience)
Ms. Reed, my English teacher, likes to quote the poet John Donne.
MS. REED
“All mankind is of one author, one volume.”
MAYA
What does that mean, Ms. Reed?
MS. REED
That we are all connected, Maya. Each of us is a chapter in the same book.
MAYA
But chapters are separate from on another.
MS. REED
But every chapter is needed. The story won’t make sense if a chapter is missing.
MAYA
Ms. Warden, my science teacher, says Ms. Reed’s a hopeless romantic.
MS. WARDEN
The fact is we’re just multi-celled organisms, not chapters in a cosmic book of some sort.
MAYA
Ms. Reed says one thing, Ms. Warden another; but they’re both lonely.
MS. WARDEN
Do you have time for a cup of tea, Kathryn?
MS. REED
Sorry, Jane, too much marking.
MAYA
The kids at school are lonely too.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
A boyfriend’s great for the first couple of weeks, Maya. Then it gets messy.
SCARLET MEDISKY
Want to get together on the weekend, Maya? Dad said I could use the cottage at Lake Kathlyn.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
At first, you feel like you’re in a lovely dream together.
SCARLET MEDISKY
I wanted Dad to go with me but he’s got work or something.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
But then little things start happening that aren’t very nice and you sort of wake up.
SCARLET MEDISKY
Mom doesn’t want me spending time with dad anyway so I guess that makes her happy.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
There’s a sale at Flavour’s. Want to go, Maya? Half price on brand names.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
Everyone was drinking, Maya. I was having fun ‘til I passed out.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
The fall fashions are kind of cute. I think I should do something new with my hair.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
It was worth it, though. Everyone said I was so funny and I was doing this crazy dance.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
Tammy said my red dress made me look mature so I gave it to the thrift store.
TRUDY REDEKOP
I don’t dance when I’m sober ‘cause I get all nervous about it.
AARON FERGUSON
Do you know about compound interest, Maya? It means that money grows all by itself.
JASON LOCK
It’s been a year since Janie died. Mom says we got to pick a place to spread her ashes.
AARON FERGUSON
The more money you have, the faster it grows. The rich get richer, Maya, without even trying.
JASON LOCK
They’re not my sister. They’re just ashes. Why make a fuss about them?
AARON FERGUSON
Most people turn money into garbage by spending it on junk that ends up at the dump. Not me. Not a chance.
JASON LOCK
I mean, dead’s dead. Going around spreading ashes and crying and all that stuff isn’t going to make her alive again. Dead’s dead.
MAYA
(addressing audience)
I got a job at Frank’s Café because I like places where people are eating.
NAOMI MELANSON
Maya, don’t stand there daydreaming! Take Mr. McClosky’s order!
MAYA
Sorry, Naomi.
NAOMI MELANSON
“Waitress” doesn’t mean “wait”, it means “work”!
MAGGIE DOLAN
His Caesar salad’s sittin’ on the counter gettin’ limp, Maya!
BILLY MCCLOSKY
Where’s my food? Do I got to sit here starving to death?
NAOMI MELANSON
If you want a job for grownups, Maya, you’ll have to do a grownup job!
MAYA
Where’s Mr. McClosky’s fries, Maggie? He ordered fries too.
MAGGIE DOLAN
I’m not cooking fries for Billy McClosky. He’s got to stay away from grease…doctor’s orders.
BILLY MCCLOSKY
I ordered fries, Maya. Where’s my fries? I got to have my fries, and four cups of coffee too.
MAGGIE DOLAN
Here’s his darn old fries, Maya. If he wants a heart attack, that’s his business.
BILLY MCCLOSKY
If my ticker quits before I’m done, I won’t have to pay the bill!
MAYA
Mr. McClosky’s one of the regulars at Frank’s. They’re single people who don’t want to eat alone.
VINCENT REGASA
I’ll have steak tonight, Maya. It’s my birthday.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Could you wipe the table before I plonk myself down, Maya? I’ve been staring at other people’s messes all my life. Don’t want to do it here.
KATIE FOURNIER
Do you think I could have the special, dear? If it’s not too much trouble.
VINCENT REGASA
Yeah, make it the sirloin. A guy needs something special on his birthday.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Maya, how’d this anchovy end up in my omelet? If I want a fish, I’ll catch it myself.
KATIE FOURNIER
You look a little tired, dear. Would you like to sit for a minute? I’ll buy you a piece of pie.
VINCENT REGASA
Could you put a candle in a cupcake for me, Maya? Birthday boy’s got to have his wish!
CINDY CROSSLAND
You call this coffee? If it’s not strong enough to get me on my dogs and out the door, I don’t want it.
KATIE FOURNIER
Now, I don’t have much money at the moment, so I can only tip you a dollar. I do hope that’s enough!
MAYA
I’m in the drama club at school, too. It’s a place for people to celebrate loneliness. That’s why I joined.
LARISSA SHARMILA
All right, everyone, form a drama circle! Hurry up, now! Maria and Stacey! Come and join the rest of us!
JUANITA ESPERANZA
Ms. Sharmila, can we skip drama circle and just do improv?
(with sarcasm)
I don’t want to dig deeply into my soul today.
CARLY REDDINGTON
No! I love the drama circle. It’s the only time I get to talk about myself.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Are you kidding, Carly? That’s all you ever talk about.
VIC MURDOCH
Are we ever going to do a real play, Miss Sharmila? That’s what I signed up for.
LISA FERNANDO
If you don’t like it, you can leave, Vic. This is voluntary, remember?
MAYA
He wants to be an actor, Lisa, and actors do plays, right?
MARIA McCARTHY
Miss Sharmila, I wrote a scene last night. Can I practice it with Stacey and show you guys?
STACEY MIROSLAVA
Please let us, Ms. Sharmila. It’s a work of genius!
LARISSA SHARMILA
I think we should stick to the routine: first, the drama circle, then a warm-up game, and then some improv.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
When it’s my turn to talk, I’m just going to say, “Pass.”
CARLY REDDINGTON
Good. Then I can talk longer. You should have seen what Carmen did in science today!
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Don’t you dare tell, Carly, or I’ll tell what you did in the girls’ washroom.
VIC MURDOCH
I want to hear that! Hey, we could do a scene about Carly in the girls’ washroom! I’ll be a toilet.
CARLY REDDINGTON
You’re about as funny as a dead fish, Vic.
LISA FERNANDO
Why don’t you just go, Vic? The only reason you’re here is to show off because you’re the only guy.
MAYA
Maybe you could get some other boys to join drama club, Vic.
MARIA McCARTHY
In the scene I wrote, Vic falls in love with you, Lisa!
STACEY MIROSLAVA
It’s so funny! Lisa has his baby, and it’s a reptile!
LISA FERNANDO
Yeah? Well thank god it’s fiction.
VIC MURDOCH
Oh come on, Lisa, be the mother of my reptile!
LARISSA SHARMILA
Stacey, we should only use fictional characters in our scenes. Otherwise, there’s a danger of abuse.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
That’s why I don’t want to do the drama circle! It’s not fiction; it’s not acting; it’s more like therapy.
CARLY REDDINGTON
But it’s the only time I can be myself! I don’t get why that’s a problem!
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Obviously. If you did get it, you wouldn’t want to do it.
MARIA McCARTHY
I suppose I could change the names. Then no one would know it’s about Vic and Lisa.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
Except us. And we could show it to an English class and ask them to guess who it’s really about.
LARISSA SHARMILA
Let’s just put that scene on the back burner for now, all right girls?
MAYA
When I was six, I saw the truth. Now I’m fifteen, and for nine years I’ve seen the truth over and over again: we suffer because we’re separate; we hurt because we’re alone.
(MAYA stands quietly as the rest of the class form three silent tableaux as they go, representing separation and solitude. Then they exit, and MAYA is alone on the stage.)
MAYA
We suffer because we’re separate. We hurt because we’re alone.
(MAYA stands silently waiting.)
Alone by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Scene 2:
(DONALD VALE enters with the morning paper, which he frequently hides behind during the scene. He stops when he sees MAYA, who isn’t looking at him.)
DONALD VALE
Morning, Mayonnaise.
MAYA
(turning to see DONALD)
Mayonnaise. Dad, do you call me that because you want to be closer to me or farther away?
DONALD VALE
(sitting down and opening his paper)
It’s just a nickname.
MAYA
Just a nickname.
(MAYA crosses and sits away from her father. LENORA VALE enters.)
LENORA VALE
Don, have you seen my purse?
DONALD VALE
Lost it again?
LENORA VALE
What do you mean “again”?
DONALD VALE
You’re forty-five years old and you still lose your purse.
LENORA VALE
Look, I’ve got to get to the bank and I need my purse. Have you seen it or not?
MAYA
It’s on the side table in the hall, Mom.
LENORA VALE
What’s it doing there? I never put it there.
DONALD VALE
Were you snooping in your mother’s purse, Maya?
MAYA
No.
(APRIL VALE enters.)
APRIL VALE
Mom, I took twenty dollars from your purse for school.
LENORA VALE
What do they want twenty dollars for?
APRIL VALE
The field trip. We’re going skating. Don’t you remember anything?
DONALD VALE
Don’t talk to your mother that way.
APRIL VALE
Mothers are supposed to know what their kids are doing.
LENORA VALE
Just yesterday you told me that what you did was none of my business.
APRIL VALE
I meant my private life, not school.
DONALD VALE
Twenty dollars for skating! School should be free.
APRIL VALE
It’s not my fault they want twenty bucks.
LENORA VALE
No one said it was.
DONALD VALE
And why are you going skating? What’s that got to with education?
APRIL VALE
I don’t know! I don’t even want to go skating.
DONALD VALE
I should talk to that school. Who’s the teacher?
APRIL VALE
Don’t, Dad. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that would be?
LENORA VALE
April’s right, Don. The school knows best.
DONALD VALE
(with deep sarcasm)
Oh sorry, I forgot this is Nazi Germany where everyone follows the rules without question.
APRIL VALE
It’s just a stupid field trip, Dad.
LENORA VALE
You shouldn’t have taken money from my purse without asking first, April.
APRIL VALE
You were in the bathroom.
LENORA VALE
And you left my purse in the hall.
APRIL VALE
Since when was that a criminal offense?
DONALD VALE
Look, everyone leave everyone else’s stuff alone, okay? I shouldn’t have to search all over the house for my screwdriver.
LENORA VALE
Well, if you’d fixed that loose hinge like I asked you to, I wouldn’t have had to use your precious screwdriver.
APRIL VALE
If we’re not supposed to touch each other’s stuff, then I don’t want any of you going in my room.
LENORA VALE
Then you’ll have to clean it yourself.
APRIL VALE
It’s worth it to stop Maya from snooping in there.
MAYA
I never go in your room, April.
APRIL VALE
She does, Mom. She took my blue sandals.
LENORA VALE
You put them out for the charity truck.
APRIL VALE
I bet she goes in there when no one’s home.
DONALD VALE
You don’t own that room, April. You don’t even pay rent. You should count your blessings.
LENORA VALE
When I was a kid, I had to share with your Aunt Rosie and Auntie Velma.
APRIL VALE
Oh, oh, such tough times! Adults always talk about what hard lives they had just to make us feel guilty.
DONALD VALE
You should feel guilty. You don’t do any work around here and your mom spoils you.
APRIL VALE
What about Maya?
DONALD VALE
What about her?
APRIL VALE
She’s the spoiled one! You let her do anything.
LENORA VALE
She’s two years older than you.
APRIL VALE
I guess I was a mistake.
LENORA VALE
Mistake?
APRIL VALE
I guess I was an accident.
DONALD VALE
Wrong. Your mother made me do it.
APRIL VALE
Dad!
MAYA
There’s no such thing as an accident.
LENORA VALE
That’s right, like leaving my purse in the hall!
APRIL VALE
I’m sorry, okay? Why does everyone pick on me?
DONALD VALE
Because you pick on everyone.
MAYA
It’s first thing in the morning.
LENORA VALE
(sarcastic)
That’s right. I’ve got the whole lovely day ahead of me.
MAYA
First thing in the morning and we’ve just woken up and all we’ve done is fight.
DONALD VALE
That’s what families do, Maya. It’s how we work things out.
LENORA VALE
It doesn’t mean we don’t love you, dear.
APRIL VALE
When Maya complains, you guys put on your velvet gloves and handle her like delicate tea cup, but if it’s me, you practically hit me!
DONALD VALE
That’s right, April. You’re our own little punching bag.
LENORA VALE
Maya’s the oldest. It’s harder for her.
APRIL VALE
If she’s the oldest, why does she act like the baby?
LENORA VALE
I’ve got to get to the bank. Behave yourselves at school. My kiss, Donald?
DONALD VALE
I’ll walk you to your car. You might not be able to find it on your own.
(DONALD and LENORA exit.)
APRIL VALE
You know something, Maya? I hate you.
(APRIL exits. MAYA addresses the audience.)
MAYA
When we talk in my family, it’s like little razor cuts, one after the other, until we’re all a bloody mess.
(MAYA remains on the stage, waiting.)
Alone by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Scene 3:
(DR. KANAGASABAY enters and sits.)
MAYA
(addressing the audience)
Dr. Kanagasabay is my counselor. Seeing him is my idea. I chose him myself because I liked his name.
(MAYA crosses and sits facing him.)
DR. KANAGASABAY
Your sister said you’re the baby?
MAYA
Yes.
DR. KANAGASABAY
Why do you think she feels that way.
MAYA
I get counseling. She doesn’t.
DR. KANAGASABAY
Does she want counseling?
MAYA
No. She also said she hates me.
DR. KANAGASABAY
Do you think she does?
MAYA
In some sort of way, yes.
DR. KANAGASABAY
Do you hate her?
MAYA
I don’t know. Is hate a feeling?
DR. KANAGASABAY
It’s an extreme aversion to something.
MAYA
Then is love an extreme attraction to something?
DR. KANAGASABAY
It’s any sort of attraction.
MAYA
Then love is bigger than hate?
DR. KANAGASABAY
Yes. Some think love and hate are opposites, but they’re not. Attraction and aversion are opposites. Love is any sort of attraction. Hate is only the most extreme form of aversion. Do you understand, Maya?
MAYA
You mean you can dislike something without hating it, but you can’t like something without loving it.
DR. KANAGASABAY
Yes. Whatever we like, we love. But we don’t hate everything we dislike.
MAYA
Then I don’t hate my sister.
DR. KANAGASABAY
Are there things about her that you like?
MAYA
Yes.
DR. KANAGASABAY
Then remember, it’s impossible to like something without loving it. Be open to the love you feel for your sister.
MAYA
Do you ever feel lonely, Dr. Kanagasabay?
DR. KANAGASABAY
(after a brief pause)
Does a bear shit in the woods?
MAYA
Dr. Kanagasabay!
DR. KANAGASABAY
You asked me, so I told you.
MAYA
It’s not very professional to say something like that.
DR. KANAGASABAY
You asked me a personal question, so I gave you a personal answer.
MAYA
Actually, you gave me a question.
DR. KANAGASABAY
A rhetorical question. Don’t they teach you anything at that school?
MAYA
Now you’re starting to sound like Dad.
DR. KANAGASABAY
How is school, Maya?
MAYA
A thousand voices all trying to be heard.
DR. KANAGASABAY
That’s better than the loneliness of silence, wouldn’t you say?
MAYA
Dr. Kanagasabay, when everyone speaks and no one hears, that’s the most lonely kind of silence.
DR. KANAGASABAY
We’ll talk about that next week.
(DR. KANAGASABAY exits. MAYA goes downstage and addresses the audience.)
MAYA
Doctor Kanagasabay used to be a taxi driver. Then he crashed his cab into a pedestrian and put her in a wheelchair, so he went to university and became a psychologist.
(MAYA stands on the stage, waiting.)
Alone by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Scene 4:
(PHAEDRA REED enters and sits. MAYA addresses the audience.)
MAYA
At school, I sometimes go to Miss Reed’s room at lunchtime to finish my English work before class starts. If Miss Warden visits, I listen in on their conversation.
(MAYA crosses and sits some distance from MISS REED and mimes working on her English homework.)
MISS REED
I hope you get that finished before the end of lunch, or you’ll lose points, Maya.
MAYA
Yes, Miss Reed.
(MAYA does her English homework quietly as MISS WARDEN enters.)
MISS WARDEN
Those hallways get noisier every year.
MISS REED
Do you think so, Jane? Perhaps you’re just getting less tolerant as you grow older.
(MISS WARDEN sits opposite MISS REED.)
MISS WARDEN
Nonsense, Phaedra. Every year I teach makes me tougher. I put up with shenanigans better than ever.
MISS REED
Shenanigans! There’s a word I haven’t heard in a while, especially from a science teacher.
MISS WARDEN
Just because I teach science doesn’t mean I stick to scientific words.
MISS REED
How’s Joseph?
MISS WARDEN
Why do you ask?
MISS REED
Why not?
MISS WARDEN
All right, Miss Nosey, we talked and he said marriage was a bad idea.
MISS REED
Finally something you both agree on.
MISS WARDEN
He’s gone, Phaedra. Dropped me like a hot potato.
MISS REED
If you’re going to think of yourself as a potato, I suppose it helps to be a hot one.
MISS WARDEN
Well, I’m a cold potato now, and damned mad.
MISS REED
The dirty dog.
MISS WARDEN
Don’t call him a dog! It does a disservice to the animal kingdom.
MISS REED
So he’s gone for good?
MISS WARDEN
Slam, bam, thank you ma’am, and out the door he went!
MISS REED
After five years.
MISS WARDEN
Five years of slamming and bamming, and now there’s another woman.
MISS REED
Uh huh.
(pauses to let it sink in)
To tell you the truth, I never did like Joseph.
MISS WARDEN
Neither did I.
MISS REED
Then why did you even discuss marriage with the man?
MISS WARDEN
He’s reasonably good looking; he makes good money as a lawyer, and his mother likes me.
MISS REED
And you like her.
MISS WARDEN
She was the best thing about Joseph. I’ll never understand how such an awful specimen could have plopped out of the uterus of such a lovely woman.
MISS REED
You haven’t started drinking again, have you?
MISS WARDEN
Certainly not. I’m not letting Joseph take the credit for forcing me back into my alcoholic ways.
MISS REED
Then there’s Ben.
MISS WARDEN
Yes. How is Ben?
MISS REED
Plodding along.
MISS WARDEN
Plodding?
MISS REED
He hasn’t sold a painting in two years.
MISS WARDEN
An artist’s life is never an easy one.
MISS REED
Don’t I know it. Every time we get together, he spends the entire time wailing and whining about the unappreciative public.
MISS WARDEN
Is he any good? As an artist, I mean?
MISS REED
In his own mind.
MISS WARDEN
What sort of art does he do?
MISS REED
He painted me once.
MISS WARDEN
You? How flattering. In the nude?
MISS REED
Draped with a fishing net and holding a rubber fish as if it was a baby.
MISS WARDEN
And you let him paint you like that?
MISS REED
It was a moment of extremely bad judgment. He called the painting “Catch and Release”.
MISS WARDEN
How vile! And you’re still seeing him?
MISS REED
Only as an occasional friend. Got to stay clear of his net.
MISS WARDEN
Where are all the good men?
MISS REED
In the romance novels.
MISS WARDEN
We’re turning into bitter old maids, pining away in our condominiums.
MISS REED
Speak for yourself. Next summer I’m going on a canoe expedition up the Mackenzie River to the Arctic.
MISS WARDEN
With who?
MISS REED
My nephew Collin. The boy’s fourteen and needs a good adventure.
MISS WARDEN
May I go too?
MISS REED
(ignoring MISS WARDEN’S request)
Are you finished yet, Maya? The bell’s about to ring.
MAYA
Yes, Miss Reed.
MISS WARDEN
I said, may I go too, on your canoe adventure?
MISS REED
Be sure to hand it in before the end of class, Maya.
MISS WARDEN
Just say yes or no.
MISS REED
(finally acknowledging the question)
No.
MISS WARDEN
No?
MISS REED
No, you can’t go too.
MISS WARDEN
Why not?
MISS REED
It’s a two thousand kilometer trip in a slender canoe and it’s too dangerous.
MISS WARDEN
Not too dangerous for your fourteen-year-old nephew, though.
MISS REED
He’s kin. You’re not. Excuse me, I have to get ready for class.
MISS WARDEN
(not sure what to say or do)
Yes. Well. That’s that then.
MISS REED
Yes it is, Jane. That’s that.
(MISS WARDEN exits)
MAYA
Are you really going on a canoe trip up the Mackenzie River, Miss Reed?
MISS REED
Just be sure to hand in your work first thing tomorrow, Maya.
(MISS REED exits. MAYA crosses downstage and addresses the audience.)
MAYA
I don’t think Miss Reed is going anywhere next summer. She made it up, just to push Miss Warden away from her. Why?
(MAYA stands on the stage, waiting.)
Alone by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Scene 5:
(The six students in MAYA’S English class enter, sitting and standing in various places.)
MAYA
Miss Reed’s often late after the bell, so we all talk while we wait for her.
(MAYA crosses upstage and mingles with the other students.)
AARON FERGUSON
She’s late again. Not that it matters. This class is a waste of time whether she’s here or not.
JASON LOCK
I think Miss Reed’s nice.
MAYA
And she means well.
AARON FERGUSON
Yeah? Well “meaning well” doesn’t mean anything if it doesn’t get results.
LYLA FITZPATRCIK
Is that all you ever think about, Aaron? Getting “results”?
AARON FERGUSON
No, I think about Roxanne.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
Me?
AARON FERGUSON
Yes, you, and how good you’d look beside me five years from now in my Ferrari.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
You mean your pedal car.
JASON LOCK
Are you two going to argue all class like yesterday?
LYLA FITZPATRICK
He gets on my nerves.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
I didn’t finish the “Lord of the Flies” assignment.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Too busy shopping for shoes, Roxanne?
ROXANNE BILODEAU
I’d rather shop than do English any day.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
I hate “Lord of the Flies”. It’s such a depressing book.
SCARLET MEDISKY
It doesn’t have any women or girls in it. How am I supposed to relate?
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
Just a bunch of stupid boys running around in the forest chasing pigs.
AARON FERGUSON
It’s one of the best books I’ve read.
SCARLET MEDISKY
I thought you hated novels.
AARON MEDISKY
It’s about survival of the fittest. The strongest win; the weakest lose. Just like the real world.
MAYA
But at the end, the adults rescue them all.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
Oh sure, give away the ending! I’m already so unmotivated.
SCARLET MEDISKY
The characters are sort of interesting. Hey Jason, you’re like Ralph, and Aaron’s like Jack.
AARON FERGUSON
Darn rights I’m like Jack. Hunt the pig and spill its blood!
LYLA FITZPATRICK
You know something, Aaron? You’re an idiot.
AARON FERGUSON
Don’t stop, Lyla, you’re getting me all excited.
JASON LOCK
If I’m Ralph, who’s Piggy?
ROXANNE BILODEAU
Scarlet’s like Piggy, always snorting.
SCARLET MEDISKY
I’ve got allergies!
ROXANNE BILODEAU
Well why don’t you get some pills for it? That’s what drug stores are for.
SCARLET MEDISKY
Pills don’t work.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Scarlet snorts, but you’re not so perfect either, Roxanne.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
I never said I was.
AARON FERGUSON
Nice hair, though, Roxanne.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
Thank you, Aaron.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
God, Aaron, you’re insufferable!
AARON FERGUSON
Thank you, Lyla, I try.
JASON LOCK
Maybe you could see a naturopath, Scarlet.
SCARLET MEDISKY
Do you know a good one, Jason?
JASON LOCK
I don’t even know what it is.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Then why recommend it?
JASON LOCK
Just trying to help.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
I think someone’s got a little crush on someone.
JASON LOCK
I was just trying to help.
SCARLET MEDISKY
Thank you, Jason. That’s nice of you.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
My dad went to a naturopath to get treated for his stomachaches.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
What did he have to do? Eat tree leaves and dead bugs?
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
I don’t know. He didn’t discuss it.
SCARLET MEDISKY
Did it cure his stomachaches?
TRUDY REDEKOPP
No. He says the only thing that helps is whiskey.
AARON FERGUSON
So he likes a drink know and then like you, Trudy?
TRUDY REDEKOPP
I don’t drink that much.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Just every weekend on Friday and Saturday, right, Trudy?
TRUDY REDEKOPP
That’s not much.
JASON LOCK
I prefer marijuana.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Well, well, Mr. Innocent smokes marijuana.
JASON LOCK
I don’t smoke it. I just prefer it to alcohol.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
How could you prefer it if you haven’t tried it?
JASON LOCK
I haven’t tried alcohol either.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Then maybe you should just shut up about it.
SCARLET MEDISKY
There’s no law against a person having an opinion, Lyla.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Oh, so little Scarlet bites back when her boyfriend’s attacked.
SCARLET MEDISKY
Jason’s not my boyfriend.
AARON FERGUSON
That’s right. Jason keeps Scarlet at the fantasy level in the privacy of his bedroom.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
How would you know, Aaron? Do you join him?
JASON LOCK
I think you should both shut up, after Aaron apologizes to Scarlet.
AARON FERGUSON
For what?
JASON LOCK
For saying I have fantasies about her.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
You better apologize, Aaron, or Jason will give you a beating.
JASON LOCK
No I won’t.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
Then why should he apologize?
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Aaron never apologizes, no matter what. He’s not enough of a gentleman for that.
TRUDY REDEKOPP
Lyla, you and Aaron broke up months ago. When are you going to stop being Little Miss Bitter Heart.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Little Miss Bitter Heart? Me? You mean Scarlet.
SCARLET MEDISKY
Why me?
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Because your mom and dad broke up. You’ve been sniffling and snuffling ever since, and it’s not an allergy. It’s crying.
SCARLET MEDISKY
It is not.
JASON LOCK
Leave her alone, Lyla.
TRUDY REDEKOPP
Yes, leave her alone. You’re always trying to make trouble, Lyla.
AARON FERGUSON
Don’t waste your time picking on Lyla. Nothing gets through to her.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
(moving towards AARON, and bursting out in a sudden moment of direct honesty)
Don’t lie about me, you piece of crap!
JASON LOCK
(getting in-between Lyla and Aaron)
Whoa, now, let’s not get carried away here.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
(deciding to let it go)
Ah, what the heck. He’s not worth it.
(LYLA goes back to her original place.)
SCARLET MEDISKY
You said nothing gets through to her, Aaron, but it looks like Jason did.
JASON LOCK
I was just trying to help.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
Do you realize how often you say that, Jason?
JASON LOCK
Well, it’s true.
(He returns to his place.)
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
Where the heck is Miss Reed?
AARON FERGUSON
Maybe she’s having a quick drink in the staffroom. You should join her, Trudy.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
You’re always talking about becoming a rich businessman, Aaron, but no one’s going to trust a guy like you with their money.
AARON FERGUSON
I know who to be nice to, and it’s not you, Trudy.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
How about me, Aaron?
AARON FERGUSON
Now we’re talking.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Go ahead and take him, Roxanne, and see what you get.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
Don’t tell me what to do, Lyla Fitzpatrick.
(There is a moment of uneasy silence.)
MAYA
Did you finish the assignment, Jason?
JASON LOCK
Yes.
SCARLET MEDISKY
What did you write about?
JASON LOCK
It’s private.
TRUDY REDEKOPP
Oh come on, tell us, Jason. We won’t tease you.
JASON LOCK
I compared the killing of Simon to my sister’s death.
(This provokes another uneasy silence.)
SCARLET MEDISKY
I guess I shouldn’t have asked.
JASON LOCK
No, it’s all right, Scarlet. Writing about it helped.
SCARLET MEDISKY
You’re a brave guy to tell what you wrote about in front of us all.
JASON LOCK
It’s just the truth.
AARON FERGUSON
The truth’s important to you, isn’t it, Jason?
JASON LOCK
Yes.
AARON FERGUSON
Let me give you some advice: just because you know the truth doesn’t mean you have to tell everybody.
LYLA FERGUSON
If you’re insinuating that I told everyone your little secret, Aaron, you’re wrong.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
What secret? Tell us!
LYLA FERGUSON
Ask Aaron.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
What’s she talking about, Aaron?
AARON FERGUSON
Don’t pretend you don’t know.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
But I don’t!
SCARLET MEDISKY
Does it have anything to do with a sexually transmitted disease?
AARON FERGUSON
Oh so funny!
LYLA FERGUSON
You see, Aaron? I didn’t tell anyone.
AARON FERGUSON
And you better not.
(MISS REED enters.)
MISS REED
Sorry I’m late. Now, let’s talk about “Lord of the Flies”. One of William Golding’s themes in this novel is the idea that civilized behaviour is just a fragile veneer that conceals the savage animal instincts lying just below the surface.
(MAYA goes downstage. MISS REED and the STUDENTS exit. MAYA addresses the audience.)
MAYA
People like Aaron and Lyla and the others seem to be living in some sort of personal hell. And when they come out, they come out fighting. And Jason? Well, when he comes out of his shell, he gets hurt and scurries back inside.
Alone by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Scene 6:
(NAOMI MELANSON and MAGGIE DOLAN enter with the four patrons of Frank’s Café. They take up suitable positions on stage. The four customers sit alone. BILLY and CINDY are already eating. VINCENT and KATIE are looking at menus. MAGGIE is furthest upstage, as though behind the slot through which food is passed from the kitchen to the eating area.)
MAYA
I like it at Frank’s Café. It gives me a rest from all the painful things I see at school and at home.
(MAYA crosses to join NAOMI)
I hope I’m not late, Naomi.
NAOMI MELANSON
Ten minutes. Try to be here on time in the future.
MAYA
Sorry. The bus was full. I had to catch the next one.
NAOMI MELANSON
I’ve got to do some bookkeeping. Take care of our customers.
MAYA
You bet.
(NAOMI sits and mimes going over her books.)
MAGGIE DOLAN
Maya! Take this side of gravy to Mrs. Crossland!
CINDY CROSSLAND
And hurry up about it! I can’t stand fries without gravy!
MAYA
(getting the gravy and taking it to MRS. CROSSLAND)
Here you are, Mrs. Crossland.
CINDY CROSSLAND
It better not be lumpy.
MAYA
Ms. Crossland, did you really use to be a long-distance truck driver?
CINDY CROSSLAND
Yep. I was one of the first women to do it. Had my own rig, too. Eighteen wheels with a big Cummins diesel. Used to haul freight up north.
VINCENT REGASA
Hey, Maya, I’m ready now.
MAYA
Coming, Mr. Regasa.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Don’t let him order anything greasy. I don’t want him keeling over before I’ve done my supper.
VINCENT REGASA
Don’t you worry, Cindy Crossland, it’s Billy that’s got a bad heart, not me. I won’t die in front of you.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Now how do you know, Vincent Regasa? Has God told you when you’re going to die?
VINCENT REGASA
Yup, in a dream.
CINDY CROSSLAND
In a dream! Heck, I dreamt God told me I was going to Mars on a rocket ship. That don’t mean it’s going to happen.
NAOMI MELANSON
(looking up from her bookkeeping)
Maggie, how are we doing for hamburger patties?
MAGGIE DOLAN
We got about four dozen left, but they smell a bit off.
NAOMI MELANSON
Be sure to cook them thoroughly. That’ll take care of the bacteria.
MAGGIE DOLAN
It’s a shame to cook them ‘til the juices dry up.
NAOMI MELANSON
We don’t want a case of food poisoning.
VINCENT REGASA
I’ll have the won-ton soup tonight, Maya.
MAYA
Just soup, Mr. Regasa?
VINCENT REGASA
Yup. Just soup. I got to watch my figure.
BILLY McCLOSKY
You got your eyes on some little lady, Vince?
VINCENT REGASA
I dreamed a cute red-head asked me on a date, Billy.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Seems to me all you do is dream, big fella.
MAGGIE DOLAN
Naomi, can I have Monday off?
NAOMI MELANSON
What for?
MAGGGIE DOLAN
My niece down in Taber’s getting married.
NAOMI MELANSON
Well, it’s awfully short notice.
MAGGIE DOLAN
It came up kind of sudden.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Shotgun wedding?
MAGGIE DOLAN
Nope. Turns out her boyfriend can’t stay in Canada unless he ties the knot.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Them foreigners are nothing but trouble if you ask me.
MAGGIE DOLAN
He’s a nice guy.
BILLY McCLOSKY
My father was a drunken Irishman and he was a nice guy too, when he was sober.
NAOMI MELANSON
I suppose I’ll have to let you go, Maggie.
MAGGIE DOLAN
Thanks, Naomi. You’re a saint.
NAOMI MELANSON
Guess I’ll have to do the cooking on Monday because I won’t have time to find someone else.
MAGGIE DOLAN
Sorry about that, Naomi.
MAYA
What would you like to order, Mr. Regasa?
VINCENT REGASA
I told you already, Maya. Won-ton soup. With twenty won-tons in it.
KATIE FOURNIER
I wonder if I might order now?
NAOMI MELANSON
Of course, Mrs. Fournier. Maya, stop dawdling and take Mrs. Fournier’s order.
KATIE FOURNIER
Oh dear! Maya, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.
MAYA
You didn’t, Mrs. Fournier. What would you like to order?
KATIE FOURNIER
Well, I’ve looked at the menu closely, and I’ve made my selection.
MAYA
And?
KATIE FOURNIER
I’ve decided upon item twelve: the hard-boiled egg with toast. Dry, please, if it’s not too much trouble.
MAYA
Anything else, Mrs. Fournier?
KATIE FOURNIER
Well, I might have cup of tea, if you have any on hand.
NAOMI MELANSON
We always have tea on hand, Mrs. Fournier.
KATIE FOURNIER
Well then, I shall have some, with lump sugar. Yes, two squares of lump sugar, just as I always do.
MAYA
Right away, Mrs. Fournier.
(crossing to Maggie)
Won-ton soup with twenty won-tons, a hard-boiled egg with dry toast, and a pot of tea, please Maggie.
MAGGIE DOLAN
Twenty won-tons in one bowl of soup?
MAYA
That’s what Mr. Regasa ordered.
MAGGIE DOLAN
It’s going to have to be one of my mixing bowls, and he’ll have to pay extra.
BILLY McCLOSKY
I’m done my hot turkey sandwich, and I’m ready for dessert.
NAOMI MELANSON
Maya! Help Billy, will you?
BILLY McCLOSKY
(as MAYA crosses to him)
You know, Naomi, that was the best hot turkey sandwich I’ve ever stuffed into my belly.
NAOMI MELANSON
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Billy.
CINDY CROSSLAND
His ticker must be completely plugged with fat. Hell, he’s liable to drop dead any moment.
BILLY McCLOSKY
Eat, drink, and be merry; that’s what I say. I’ll have the cheesecake, Maya. Get Maggie to drizzle some syrup on it.
MAYA
Are you sure, Mr. McClosky?
BILLY McCLOSKY
Heck yes, Maya. I wouldn’t have asked for it if I didn’t want it.
KATIE FOURNIER
Maya! Maya! Excuse me, dear. Could I speak to you?
MAYA
(crossing to Mrs. Fournier)
Of course, Mrs. Fournier.
KATIE FOURNIER
I wonder if you might direct me to the ladies’ lavatory.
MAYA
The washroom? It’s in the same place as always, Mrs. Fournier, just down the hall there.
KATIE FOURNIER
Oh yes, how silly of me to forget. Now, I must temporarily vacate my seat. Will you watch it for me?
MAYA
Of course.
KATIE FOURNIER
Thank you, dear.
(She exits.)
CINDY CROSSLAND
Poor old thing, all mixed up. One day, she’ll get lost on her way to that washroom, and we’ll never see her again.
BILLY McCLOSKY
She’s a real lady, like in an old movie or something.
VINCENT REGASA
I wish she was my mother.
NAOMI MELANSON
She’s highly educated, and comes from a very wealthy family.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Then what’s she doing in Frank’s Cafe?
NAOMI MELANSON
The family fortune’s gone along with the family. She’s the only one left, and she’s almost penniless.
BILLY McCLOSKY
Poor old thing.
CINDY CROSSLAND
She’s not as bad off as you are, McClosky, with your heart clogged with fat.
BILLY McCLOSKY
At least I’m having fun.
MAYA
(crossing to MAGGIE)
One slab of cheesecake for Billy. And could you drizzle syrup on it for him?
MAGGIE DOLAN
Syrup on cheesecake? He’s asking for trouble.
NAOMI MELANSON
Would you like some dessert, Mrs. Crossland?
CINDY CROSSLAND
Don’t rush me. I’m not done my fries.
NAOMI MELANSON
Sorry. I just thought you might like to order early so you don’t have to wait.
CINDY CROSSLAND
I don’t see why I should ever have to wait for dessert. It’s already cooked, isn’t it? Maggie just carves off a slab and serves it up.
(KATIE FOURNIER enters.)
KATIE FOURNIER
Maya! Maya! Could you assist me to my seat?
MAYA
(crossing to her, taking her arm and guiding her to her seat)
Of course, Mrs. Fournier.
KATIE FOURNIER
I’m not as nimble as I once was.
BILLY McCLOSKY
You’re still a fine looking woman, Mrs. Fournier.
KATIE FOURNIER
Oh dear, if only that were true! But thank you for being a gentleman, Mr. McClosky.
VINCENT REGASA
Do you have any kids, Mrs. Fournier?
KATIE FOURNIER
Children? Oh my goodness no. Wherever would I find children?
VINCENT REGASA
No, I mean sons or daughters.
KATIE FOURNIER
I’m afraid I don’t. No one’s to blame, of course. My late husband did his best but nature simply wouldn’t allow it.
MAGGIE DOLAN
Maya, the hard-boiled egg and toast’s ready.
(MAYA fetches the egg and toast and delivers it to MRS. FOURNIER.)
NAOMI MELANSON
You still have a mother, Mr. Regasa?
VINCENT REGASA
Yes, but she died when I was a toddler.
NAOMI MELANSON
Who brought you up?
VINCENT REGASA
Some guy.
NAOMI MELANSON
Some guy?
VINCENT REGASA
I don’t like to talk about it.
CINDY CROSSLAND
I’m ready for dessert.
MAYA
(crossing to her)
What would you like, Mrs. Crossland?
MAGGIE DOLAN
Here’s that cheesecake for Billy.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Bring it over here, Maya. I’ve got a hankering for cheesecake and syrup.
BILLY McCLOSKY
But I ordered it!
CINDY CROSSLAND
I’m doing you a favour, Billy, what with your heart and all.
BILLY McCLOSKY
Naomi, she’s trying to steal my cheesecake!
NAOMI MELANSON
There’s enough cheesecake for everyone, Billy.
(shouting)
Maggie! Make another order of cheesecake and syrup for Billy.
MAGGIE DOLAN
He wants two orders?
NAOMI MELANSON
No, Mrs. Crossland wants some too.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Well, go and get my cheesecake, Maya.
MAYA
But what about Mr. McClosky?
CINDY CROSSLAND
Stop worrying about him. The man has a death-wish.
MAYA
All right.
(MAYA fetches the cheesecake for MRS. CROSSLAND.)
BILLY McCLOSKY
I hope you enjoy my cheesecake, Cindy Crossland.
CINDY CROSSLAND
(digging in)
If it’s yours, you can pay for it.
MAGGIE DOLAN
Here’s that other slab of cheesecake.
MAYA
(hurrying to take it to BILLY)
Here you are, Mr. McClosky. No harm done.
BILLY McCLOSKY
I’m only paying for this slab.
NAOMI MELANSON
Tell you what, you can both have that cheesecake for free.
BILLY McCLOSKY
Hot damn!
(He digs in.)
KATIE FOURNIER
Maya, Maya! Excuse me, dear, but I wonder if I might have my tea now?
MAYA
Sure, Mrs. Fournier. I forgot to fetch it for you.
(MAYA crosses to get the tea.)
KATIE FOURNIER
That’s all right, dear. I don’t want to make any trouble.
VINCENT REGASA
All those won-tons make me feel like singing a song.
NAOMI MELANSON
Well, you go right ahead, Vincent.
KATIE FOURNIER
A song! How wonderful!
CINDY CROSSLAND
He can’t hold a tune anymore than a sieve can hold water.
BILLY McCLOSKY
Nothing better than eating cheesecake while someone sings a song.
MAGGIE DOLAN
I’ll sing along.
NAOMI MELANSON
All those who can, join in!
VINCENT REGASA
Here I go!
(He stands. Everyone begins clapping, except CINDY CROSSLAND, as VINCENT begins singing.)
VINCENT REGASA
(singing)
Well, frying pan, frying pan,
I popped in a fish in my frying pan!
Frying pan, frying pan,
The fish popped out and away he ran!
(The café characters freeze and MAYA goes downstage.)
MAYA
I love my job at Frank’s Café more than anything else in my life!
(The café characters come to life, and exit clapping and softly singing the “Frying Pan” song.)
Alone by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Scene 7:
(MAYA’s drama club members and MISS SHARMILA enter and take up positions on stage.)
MAYA
In my drama club, we’ve never done a real play and no one seems to really connect, even though connections are what drama’s all about.
(MAYA joins the drama club members.)
MISS SHARMILA
All right, everyone stand in the neutral position.
(the ACTORS try to stand neutrally)
Feet slightly apart, knees unlocked, butt tucked under, shoulders relaxed, chin parallel to the floor. Come on, Juanita, you’re all wiggly.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
I don’t see what this has to do with acting.
MISS SHARMILA
You’re making yourself into a blank canvas, Juanita.
VIC MURDOCH
Can I paint on her, Miss Sharmila?
MISS SHARMILA
Don’t be silly, Vic. All right, you can relax and sit in a horseshoe on the stage facing the imaginary audience.
(The ACTORS sit in a horseshoe, with JUANITA on stage right, then CARLY, CARMEN, VIC, LISA, MAYA, MARIA, and STACEY.)
MISS SHARMILA
Now, we’re going to do some improv.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
At last!
(CARMEN ZYSTRA puts her hand in the air.)
MISS SHARMILA
Yes, Carmen?
CARMEN ZYSTRA
Do we have to participate if we’re not comfortable?
MARIA McCARTHY
It’s drama club, Carmen. Figure it out.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
We come here to act, Carmen, not sit around all day pretending to be uncomfortable.
CARLY REDDINGTON
She’s not pretending, Stacey.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
I’m not!
MISS SHARMILA
No one has to do anything that makes them uncomfortable, Carmen.
LISA FERNANDO
Can we just get started, Miss Sharmila?
MISS SHARMILA
Just remember, everyone, if you don’t want to do the improv, just say “pass” when it’s your turn.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Pass.
MARIA McCARTHY
Oh my god!
VIC MURDOCH
I’m ready.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
Let’s do it.
CARLY REDDINGTON
First, can I tell about what happened in math class?
LISA FERNANDO
No! Let’s just get on with it.
MISS SHARMILA
All right, so we do this in pairs. The two people at the end of the horseshoe start, and then the next two, and so on. Any questions?
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
What are we supposed to do?
MISS SHARMILA
Just walk to the center, and the person on stage left says, “Excuse me, but you look as if you’re about to faint.” And then the other one makes up an answer and they talk back and forth and then go and sit down and the next pair goes.
VIC MURDOCH
(standing up dramatically)
Excuse me, I think you’re going to faint!
MISS SHARMILA
Not yet, Vic. Wait your turn.
VIC MURDOCH
Just warming up.
MISS SHARMILA
All right, begin.
(JUANITA and STACEY get up and meet center stage.)
JUANITA ESPERANZA
Excuse me, I think you’re going to faint.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
Anyone would faint at the sight of your hair.
(She looks back at MARIA and the two of them giggle.)
JUANITA ESPERANZA
(turning to MISS SHARMILA)
Miss Sharmila!
MISS SHARMILA
Stacey, that’s completely inappropriate. You two sit down.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
(to STACEY)
Say something like that again and I’ll punch your lights out!
(JUANITA and STACEY sit and CARLY and MARIA stand and go to the center.)
CARLY REDDINGTON
Excuse me, I think you’re going to faint.
MARIA McCARTHY
Shut up, you stupid witch.
CARLY REDDINGTON
How dare you speak that way to your mother?
MARIA McCARTHY
You’re not my mother. You’re Adolph Hitler.
CARLY REDDINGTON
(to MISS SHARMILA)
Miss Sharmila, Maria’s blocking! How am I supposed to work with that?
MARIA McCARTHY
Can’t think on your feet, Carly?
MISS SHARMILA
Maria, in improv, if Carly says she’s your mother, you have to accept it.
MARIA McCARTHY
But I’m playing a crazy person who hallucinates and thinks her mother is Adolph Hitler.
MISS SHARMILA
Carmen and Maya, you two go up and try.
(CARLY and MARIA leave the center, and CARMEN and MAYA go in.)
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Um, excuse me, but you look as though you’re going to faint.
MAYA
(using a mildly German accent)
I am sorry, Fraulein Dreiser. It is my first day in the hospital, and I am not used to dressing the wounds of the wounded.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
(to Miss Sharmila)
Do I have use an accent?
MISS SHARMILA
Not if it makes you uncomfortable.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Good.
(turning back to MAYA and trying again)
I am looking for my husband. His name is Franz Schmidt. He is a corporal in the fifth regiment.
MAYA
I am sorry, Fraulein Schmidt, but your husband is dead.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
(to Miss Sharmila)
Miss Sharmila, do I have to cry or something?
MISS SHARMILA
It’s up to you, Carmen.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
(turning back to MAYA)
If he is dead, I must go home and tell Papa.
(She goes back to her place in the horseshoe.)
MISS SHARMILA
How wonderful! Oh, that was splendid! Now it’s Vic and Lisa’s turn.
(MAYA leaves the center and VIC and LISA go in.)
VIC MURDOCH
Excuse me, but I think…I think you’re going to faint.
LISA FERNANDO
(raising her arm to her forehead and affecting an English accent)
Hold me, Munro!
(She spins dramatically and falls into his arms.)
VIC MURDOCH
(surprised by her choice)
But what about your husband?
LISA FERNANDO
He’s at the front fighting the fascists! Oh, Munro, Munro, I’ve been so lonely!
VIC MURDOCH
(gently placing her so she’s standing on her own again)
It’s this damned war. When will it ever end?
MARIA McCARTHY
Miss Sharmila, can’t they do something modern? Why does it always have to be like a stupid black and white movie?
MISS SHARMILA
I thought it was wonderful! Thank you, Vic and Lisa.
(VIC and LISA bow and sit down.)
Now we’re going to try a new game. I will bend my body into a shape, and each of you must say what it reminds you of.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
A stick!
(She and MARIA giggle.)
MISS SHARMILA
I haven’t started yet! Now, here’s the first one.
(folding herself into an odd shape)
Go ahead whenever you want!
CARLY REDDINGTON
A snail or a croissant!
LISA FERNANDO
A drunk giraffe!
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
A baby in a uterus!
MISS SHARMILA
(unbending)
Very good. Now I’ll try another.
(She contorts into a new shape.)
VIC MURDOCH
A spaceship that’s been destroyed by torpedoes!
MAYA
A frightened hedgehog with no prickles!
STACEY MIROSLAVA
A dog turd!
MISS SHARMILA
(unbending)
Stacey, that’s quite enough!
MARIA McCARTHY
Don’t try to stifle Stacey’s imagination, Miss Sharmila.
LISA FERNANDO
Why don’t you go up there and twist yourself into something, Maria?
MARIA McCARTHY
No. It’s stupid.
LISA FERNANDO
You’re scared to.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
Miss Sharmila, Lisa’s being abusive.
LISA FERNANDO
Am I?
MARIA McCARTHY
Yes you are, Lisa.
MISS SHARMILA
I think we better move on to the next exercise.
VIC MURDOCH
No, let’s not. I’ve had enough of Maria and Stacey, and everyone else has too. Let’s kick them out of the drama club.
MARIA McCARTHY
You can’t do that.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
It’s an after-school club, Maria. Miss Sharmila can choose who’s in and who’s out.
CARLY REDDINGTON
Do it, Miss Sharmila…kick them out.
CARMEN ZYSTRA
They deserve it, Miss Sharmila. They’ve been getting worse and worse.
MISS SHARMILA
Well, I don’t know. The drama club’s supposed to be inclusive.
LISA FERNANDO
Even if it means including bullies?
MISS SHARMILA
Stacey and Maria are just high-spirited. They don’t mean to upset anyone.
VIC MURDOCH
Stacey called you a dog turd, Miss Sharmila.
LISA FERNANDO
And Maria said my improv with Vic was stupid.
CARLY REDDINGTON
They just come here to be mean.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Make them go away, Miss Sharmila.
MARIA McCARTHY
I’ll tell my dad, and he’ll make her take us back.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
Her dad works out and he’s a lawyer. You don’t want to mess with him.
MISS SHARMILA
Stacey and Maria, I’m afraid you’ll have to leave.
(The other ACTORS cheer and clap, except MAYA, who just watches.)
STACEY MIROSLAVA
We don’t want to be here anyway. It’s boring and stupid.
MARIA McCARTHY
We only came here to make fun of you losers and geeks.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
You only come here because you don’t have any friends.
(STACEY and MARIA exit.)
JUANITA ESPERANZA
Those two are stunningly selfish.
CARLY REDDINGTON
And mean.
CARMEN ZYSTRA
And dangerous. Why’d you let them stay so long, Miss Sharmila?
MISS SHARMILA
(confessing)
To tell you the truth, I was afraid of them myself.
VIC MURDOCH
But you’re a teacher.
MISS SHARMILA
I’m not sure about that. But now I’ve sent those two away, I feel like more of a teacher than I did before.
LISA FERNANDO
Can we do some more improv now?
MISS SHARMILA
Sure. Let’s all pretend that we’re being attacked by the Staceys and Marias of this world, and fighting back for all we’re worth!
(MISS SHARMILA and the ACTORS mime fighting imaginary opponents as MAYA moves downstage. MISS SHARMILA and the ACTORS freeze as MAYA addresses the audience.)
MAYA
And so, for the first time, the drama club people connected with each other. And to do that, they had to completely disconnect from Stacey and Maria. I learned something from that.
Alone by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Scene 8:
(The ACTORS and MISS SHARMILA break from their freeze as the other actors enter and form tableaux identical to the ones in the first scene.)
MAYA
(addressing the audience)
When I was six, I saw the truth. Now I’m fifteen, and for nine years I’ve seen the truth over and over again: we suffer because we’re separate; we hurt because we’re alone. But sometimes, just for a moment, we’re less alone, and we don’t hurt quite so much.
DONALD VALE
Hey, Maya, your mother and I are going out tonight.
MAYA
But this is supposed to be family night.
LENORA VALE
It’s still family night. You and April are coming with us.
APRIL VALE
We’re going to that fancy new restaurant, Maya.
DONALD VALE
It’s going to cost an arm and a leg, but my family’s worth every penny.
LENORA VALE
You can have anything you want.
APRIL VALE
Even frog legs or half a cow.
DONALD VALE
Your mom’s driving. She knows how to find the way.
LENORA VALE
And I know where my purse is, which is a good thing, because we’re going to need my credit card.
APRIL VALE
I don’t really hate you, Maya. You know that, don’t you?
DR. KANAGASABAY
Have you been loving the things you like, Maya?
MAYA
Yes, Dr. Kanagasabay. I like your name.
DR. KANAGASABAY
So you must love my name too, right?
MAYA
Yes, I love your name.
DR. KANAGASABAY
Loving and liking are inseparable, Maya, even if people aren’t.
MAYA
Loving what I like makes separation easier to live with, Doctor. Thank you.
DR. KANAGASABAY
You, my dear Maya, are welcome. And don’t forget what I said about the bear.
MISS REED
Remember what John Donne said, Maya.
MAYA
“All mankind is of one author, one volume.”
MISS REED
Correct! I’ll give you five bonus points for your answer.
MISS WARDEN
Trust science, Maya, not religion. Facts are facts.
MISS REED
And it’s a fact that Miss Warden is not going with me on my canoe trip, because there is no canoe trip.
MISS WARDEN
Her trip was fiction, like “Lord of the Flies”. She’s invited me to go to Paris with her instead.
MISS REED
But that’s another story.
MISS WARDEN
A story full of facts swimming about in a pool of fiction.
AARON FERGUSON
Maya, I loved Lyla for a while, but I’m a kid, right? Just a kid. It’s way easier to love money.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
Aaron cried when we broke up, Maya, but I didn’t. I was just so surprised to see him actually cry.
JASON LOCK
I kept some of my sister’s ashes, Maya. I don’t even know why.
SCARLET MEDISKY
My parents didn’t really separate, Maya, because they were never really together. I understand that now.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
I think Aaron’s going to ask me out, Maya, and I find that terrifying.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
I’m going to get drunk one last time, Maya, but not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
AARON FERGUSON
Money makes the world go round. I wish it didn’t, but it does.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
I thought I could change Aaron, but people have to change themselves!
JASON LOCK
They’re just ashes, but I feel better knowing they’re there.
SCARLET MEDISKY
You’re lucky, Maya. Your parents are still together.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
I guess Aaron likes my look. But that’s not enough.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
I mean, why get drunk? Nobody really cares if I do.
AARON FERGUSON
Lyla doesn’t figure into my future because I don’t know what my future’s going to be. I can’t expect her go somewhere that doesn’t exist.
LYLA FITZPATRICK
I thought he was pretending to be nice ’til he got what he wanted. But he just didn’t know what he wanted.
JASON LOCK
I got to work hard to remember my sister. That way, I’ll stay connected.
SCARLET MEDISKY
I just don’t get why someone’s parents could actually have a kid and then give up on each other.
ROXANNE BILODEAU
There’s a part of me that says Aaron’s going to be rich one day, and if I take good care of myself, I could be rich with him. I don’t like that part.
TRUDY REDDEKOPP
When I’m drunk, nothing matters, and that’s bad, because I matter.
NAOMI MELANSON
I need you to miss school on Monday to work for me, Maya.
MAGGIE DOLAN
She’s short-handed ‘cause I’m going to that wedding.
NAOMI MELANSON
I know your education’s important, but so is my business.
MAGGIE DOLAN
It’ll do her good to spend a day in the kitchen.
NAOMI MELANSON
I’m grateful to you, Maya. You’re a good waitress.
MAGGIE DOLAN
No one ever tips the cook. Good think I like working here.
BILLY McCLOSKY
The doctor says my ticker’s about ready to bust for good, Maya.
VINCENT REGASA
I shall have the raisin pie with ice cream, Maya.
CINDY CROSSLAND
You call that a waffle? It looks more like a mattress for mice!
KATIE FOURNIER
Maya, I wonder if I could trouble you for a fresh napkin.
BILLY McCLOSKY
I’m going to eat anything I want, ‘cause each bite is sort of like my last.
VINCENT REGASA
Yes, the raisin pie, even if it’s not a special occasion.
CINDY CROSSLAND
Bring me some butter, Maya. And not that margarine crap! I want something that came out of a cow’s teats!
KATIE FOURNIER
Oh, dear, I seem to have dropped my eating utensil. Could you retrieve it for me, Maya?
BILLY McCLOSKY
Yessir, you can’t eat nothin’ when you’re dead. All you’re good for then is to be eaten yourself.
VINCENT REGASA
I got to treat myself real good, ‘cause no one else is going to.
CINDY CROSSLAND
I treated you good when I loaned you fifty bucks, Vincent Regasa, which you still owe me, by the way.
KATIE FOURNIER
My legs are a little wobbly today, Maya. Could you assist me to the bus stop? I fear I might tumble and fracture my hip.
LARISSA SHARMILA
Today in drama club we’re going to pretend that Maya is a goddess.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
Is she good or evil?
CARLY REDDINGTON
Can I make secret confessions to her?
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Isn’t it against the school rules to do stuff about religion?
VIC MURDOCH
Can I be her evil son who torments her followers?
LISA FERNANDO
I’ll be her sidekick, a fairy called Feathers.
MARIA McCARTHY
You still going to that drama club, Maya?
STACEY MIROSLAVA
Do you think they’d take us back?
MISS SHARMILA
Maya will intervene in your character’s lives and bring about surprising changes.
JUANITA ESPERANZA
Evil changes! Please let them be evil changes!
CARLY REDDINGTON
I hope she’s a goddess who’s a good listener.
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
If she tries to make me dance like a ballerina, I’m not doing it.
VIC MURDOCH
I shall punish those who do not do her bidding!
LISA FERNANDO
When the goddess is feeling sad and useless, I’ll make her feel better by tickling her with my fairy feathers.
MARIA McCARTHY
I don’t know why I was so mean. I think I was just angry.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
Sometimes, being bad feels like the only way I can get people to see me.
MISS SHARMILA
And after everyone has changed, Maya will turn back into a mortal and die!
JUANITA ESPERANZA
And I will be the next goddess and I’ll turn bullets into bread loaves and bombs into babies!
CARLY REDDINGTON
But she can’t die! Who will I talk to? No one else wants to listen!
CARMEN ZYLSTRA
Won’t we get in trouble if we do something about killing god?
VIC MURDOCH
After Maya’s death, I will become supreme ruler of the universe and make everyone dance in the nude!
LISA FERNANDO
When Maya dies, I’ll fly up into the sky with her soul, and set it free in the wild, wild wind!
MARIA McCARTHY
I mean, getting kicked out of the drama club was like me and Stacey falling asleep while we were driving a car.
STACEY MIROSLAVA
And the car was going way too fast and crashed, and Maria and I got hurt real bad, but the car wasn’t even dented.
MISS SHARMILA
And remember, Maya, the only time you’ll ever be mortal is in the moment of your death, so enjoy every moment of your immortality.
MAYA
(addressing the audience)
We suffer because we’re separate; we hurt because we’re alone. But sometimes, in a moment of careful honesty, we’re less alone, and we don’t hurt quite so much.
(The CAST now form a grand tableau that includes MAYA. The tableau suggests a moment of connection.)
FULL CAST
(in unison)
Sometimes, just for a moment, we don’t hurt quite so much.
MAYA
We don’t hurt quite so much.
END OF THE PLAY.