Welcomeby Richard Stuart Dixon
© Richard Stuart Dixon, 2006
(Note: Performance of this play requires the author’s permission. Please contact Good School Plays for details.)
Production Notes:
• running time: approx. 55 minutes
• style: light realist drama
• suitable for general audiences
• 28 characters (21 female, 7 male)
• black-box staging (no set required)
Summary of Script Content:
• “Canada Day” is the story of a variety of small town characters who meet on Canada Day to celebrate their joys and mourn their sorrows. The characters engage each other with wit and whimsy, and sometimes with frustration and pain, but always with love.
(This play was first performed on March 6, 7, 8, 9, & 10, in the year 2006, at Gleneagle Secondary School in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.)
∗Published Online by Good School Plays, April 11, 2018.
Go to:
Act One, Scene 1
Act One, Scene 2
Act One, Scene 3
Act One, Scene 4
Act Two, Scene 1
Act Two, Scene 2
Act Two, Scene 3
Act Two, Scene 4
CHARACTERS:
Ben Abbott, 42, owner of Northern Wings Airline
Susan Abbott, 40, his wife, a weaver
Laurie Abbott, 15, their daughter
Trish Abbott, 13, their daughter
Danny Boucher, 38, car & truck salesman for Mud Creek Chevrolet
Cindy Boucher, 37, his wife, works at Last Chance Gas ‘n Go
Aline Boucher, 17, their daughter, just graduated from high school
Marissa Kobanova, 65, a house cleaner
Boris Kobanov, 45, her son, a carpenter
Sonia Kobanova, 41, his wife, panel board factory worker
Yana “Yanochka” Kobanova, 19, their daughter, taking nursing at Northern Sky College
Vance Redenbach, 46, a logging-truck driver
Elly Redenbach, 43, his wife, an artist
Diedre Redenbach, 16, their daughter
Val Redenbach, 12, their daughter
Gertie Asbido, 77, retired civil servant
Becky Bernicke, 78, Gertie’s friend, widow
Wendy Ben, 76, Gertie and Becky’s friend, widow
Ernie Velasco, 50, farmer
Vicky Velasco, 47, his wife, pilot car driver
Kit Velasco, 15, their daughter
Randy Patko, 20, panel board factory worker
Sheila Kristie, 19, his girlfriend, a waitress
Lily Sherman, 34, unemployed
Nancy Sherman, 16, her daughter
Rudi Landsfried, 38, a farmer
Larissa Landsfried, 34, his wife, a farmer
Marina Landsfried, 15, their daughter
Canada Day by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 1:
(The play is set just outside the Legion Hall in the small town of Coeur Brisé, on a lovely summer evening on July 1st., Canada Day. The stage is empty. Backstage, the cast sings the last two lines of “Oh Canada” and cheer. Following this, we faintly hear a lively jig, indicating that people have started to dance. Cindy Boucher enters from stage right, Danny and their daughter Aline from stage left.)
CINDY BOUCHER
You get the fireworks set up, Danny?
DANNY BOUCHER
Ask our little girl here.
ALINE BOUCHER
He just watched while I did it.
DANNY BOUCHER
She had it all figured out on a piece of paper.
ALINE BOUCHER
It’s gonna be fully automatic, Mom. All I got to do is press this remote button, and “boom!”, instant fireworks display.
CINDY BOUCHER
I hope it works, considering how much those fireworks cost.
ALINE BOUCHER
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mom.
CINDY BOUCHER
She’s kind of young to be fooling with fireworks, Danny.
DANNY BOUCHER
C’mon, Cindy, she’s a grad, isn’t she? That’s two more years of schooling than I’ve got.
ALINE BOUCHER
And honours in chemistry, Mom.
CINDY BOUCHER
I suppose, but I don’t want you getting your hands blown off just ‘cause your dad thinks you’re a genius.
DANNY BOUCHER
What’s Canada Day without fireworks?
ALINE BOUCHER
It’s my favourite part!
CINDY BOUCHER
It’s too American.
DANNY BOUCHER
American?
CINDY BOUCHER
Like the Fourth of July.
(she sings)
“The rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air.”
ALINE BOUCHER
Fireworks are pretty, and you like pretty things, Mom.
CINDY BOUCHER
Just so long as I don’t get burned.
(BORIS KOBANOV enters from stage left.)
BORIS KOBANOV
Hey folks.
DANNY BOUCHER
Where you been, Boris?
BORIS KOBANOV
(he has a mild accent)
Truck broke down. Why you sell me a bad truck, Danny?
DANNY BOUCHER
There was nothin’ wrong with that Ford when I sold it to you, Boris.
BORIS KOBANOV
Maybe you hide problem by putting sawdust in transmission.
DANNY BOUCHER
Maybe you should try shifting gears once in a while.
CINDY BOUCHER
Sonia and Yanochka are in the Legion, Boris.
BORIS KOBANOV
Where is my mother?
ALINE BOUCHER
Here she comes.
(MARISSA KOBANOVA enters)
MARISSA KOBANOVA
(who also has a mild accent)
Phew! Is hard to walk up hill. Why you not pick me up, Boris?
BORIS KOBANOV
Truck is broken.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
I told you to buy Toyota, but you pick Ford. You should listen to your mama. Do you have a cabbage for a brain?
DANNY BOUCHER
He doesn’t shift gears. It burns out the tranny.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
What does he mean, Boris?
BORIS KOBANOV
He tries to blame me for bad truck.
CINDY BOUCHER
Isn’t it on warranty?
DANNY BOUCHER
It’s used, honey. He bought it “as is”.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
You should have bought a new truck, Boris. In Canada, you make easy monthly payments.
BORIS KOBANOV
No! I will not take loan! Is like a ball and chain!
ALINE BOUCHER
I set up the fireworks all by myself, Mr. Kobanov!
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Clever girl!
(SONIA KOBANOVA and her daughter YANOCHKA enter.)
SONIA KOBANOVA
Boris, my husband! Why are you late?
BORIS KOBANOV
Truck is broken.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
What do you expect, Papa? That Ford’s older than me!
SONIA KOBANOVA
I have a nice little Toyota, never a problem, and only two hundred and twenty dollars a month.
DANNY BOUCHER
I could do you better than that, Sonia…one of them little Chevy Sparks for one ninety eight.
CINDY BOUCHER
Take the day off, Danny, for god’s sake.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
I’d like one, Mr. Boucher.
DANNY BOUCHER
You old enough to get a loan without a co-signer, Yanochka?
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
I’m nineteen. That’s old enough to buy liquor and get a loan.
ALINE BOUCHER
I guess you’re gonna make lots of money when you’re a nurse, eh, Yanochka?
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Just two years to go, and I’ll be registered.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Yanochka is smart. Are you sure you are the father, Boris?
BORIS KOBANOV
Please, Mama.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Perhaps it skips a generation.
BORIS KOBANOV
Everyone makes fun of poor Boris.
CINDY BOUCHER
You’re a darn good carpenter, Boris, even if you do overload your truck with two-by-fours.
BORIS KOBANOV
See! Canadian woman believes in me! But my own people mock and scold.
SONIA KOBANOVA
He’s like a little boy!
CINDY BOUCHER
That porch you built on our shack is better than the house itself, Boris.
DANNY BOUCHER
It’s not a shack, honey.
ALINE BOUCHER
C’mon, Dad, it’s a “knock-down”! In winter, there’s frost on the inside walls!
CINDY BOUCHER
Why can’t we get a double-wide, Danny? They’re cheap and you’d have your own den for your computer.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
They burn, Cindy. You drop a match, and “whoosh!”, the double-wide is gone!
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Remember the Patko’s trailer? Burned to the ground in fifteen minutes, and old Mr. and Mrs. Patko along with it.
BORIS KOBANOV
I will build you a good, sturdy house.
DANNY BOUCHER
Costs too much.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Can’t you see Cindy must have a new home, Danny? It’s as plain as the nose on your face.
ALINE BOUCHER
Something that’s easy to clean. Our shack’s always dirty, no matter how much you vacuum.
DANNY BOUCHER
Stop calling it a “shack”. It’s a heritage house.
CINDY BOUCHER
A heritage of hard times, you mean. No one should have to live in a converted horse barn in this day and age!
ALINE BOUCHER
Can’t we at least have a double-wide, Dad?
CINDY BOUCHER
Think about it, honey. Our shack’s about ready to fall down!
DANNY BOUCHER
All right, all right, I’ll think about it! I’m going in for a beer.
(DANNY exits.)
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Danny is angry, no?
SONIA KOBANOVA
Perhaps he will get drunk.
CINDY BOUCHER
Not if I can help it. That man will use any excuse to knock back a Molson’s.
(CINDY exits)
ALINE BOUCHER
I’m sorry about your truck, Mr. Kobanov.
BORIS KOBANOV
Is old truck. I tease your father, but I know I was a fool to buy it.
ALINE BOUCHER
It is kind of rusty.
SONIA KOBANOVA
You can see the road right through the holes in the floor.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
In old country, we were poor. Now, Boris has lots of money, but he is afraid to spend.
SONIA KOBANOVA
He is only happy when he is sitting on a mountain of dollars.
ALINE BOUCHER
That’s okay, Mr. Kobanov. I wish I had a big pile of money.
(ALINE exits.)
MARISSA KOBANOVA
She is a pretty child!
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
And I’m not?
SONIA KOBANOVA
Yanochka!
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Everyone loves Aline Boucher, but she’s no saint.
SONIA KOBANOVA
What do you mean?
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
She’s fooling around with Randy Patko behind Sheila Kristie’s back.
BORIS KOBANOV
That is not a nice thing to say, Yanochka.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
You only say it because you are jealous of Aline.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
No! I saw them together down by the river!
SONIA KOBANOVA
Randy Patko is a good boy. He would not cheat.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
You favour him because he works with you at the panel board plant, Mama.
SONIA KOBANOVA
He is good. His mama and papa died in the trailer fire, but he does not give up.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
So it’s okay for him to cheat on Sheila Kristie?
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Perhaps you want him to cheat with you, Yanochka. Perhaps you are in love with him.
BORIS KOBANOV
I am uncomfortable.
(TRISH ABBOTT comes running on from stage right with a beer bottle, followed by LAURIE ABBOTT.)
LAURIE ABBOTT
Where’d you get that bottle of beer, Trish?
TRISH ABBOTT
It’s not even real, Laurie.
(pointing to the label)
See…non-alcoholic!
BORIS KOBANOV
Is a joke, Laurie!
LAURIE ABBOTT
It’s not funny, Mr. Kobanov. Trish got drunk last year, don’t you remember?
TRISH ABBOTT
So? I got to do something to have fun at this stupid old dance!
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Your papa should spank you, Trish Abbott!
TRISH ABBOTT
Mind your own business, old woman.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Trish! Don’t talk that way to Mrs. Kobanov!
MARISSA KOBANOVA
A-ho-ho! Such a mouth on that one!
SONIA KOBANOVA
Perhaps Trish needs a boyfriend too.
TRISH ABBOTT
There are no boys in this stupid town.
LAURIE ABBOTT
She’s only thirteen.
SONIA KOBANOVA
She is old enough to have a baby, so she is old enough to have a boy.
TRISH ABBOTT
What boy? Do you see a boy? Maybe there’s one in your pocket, Mrs. Kobanov.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Yes, in my secret pocket. All women have handsome boys in secret pockets!
LAURIE ABBOTT
Please don’t encourage her, Mrs. Kobanov.
(BEN and SUSAN ABBOTT enter.)
SUSAN ABBOTT
Laurie, we asked you to keep an eye on Trish.
LAURIE ABBOTT
What am I supposed to do, handcuff her to my wrist?
BEN ABBOTT
Where’d you get that beer, Trish?
LAURIE ABBOTT
It’s non-alcoholic, Dad.
BORIS KOBANOV
The little girl makes a joke, no?
BEN ABBOTT
You’re not too old to get grounded for a month, kid.
TRISH ABBOTT
(holding the beer bottle up as if she’s going to hit someone)
Just try it, and see what you get!
LAURIE ABBOTT
She’s impossible, Dad!
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Maybe she’s on drugs.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Drugs! Trish, are you on drugs?
TRISH ABBOTT
You’re the one on drugs, Mom.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Those are for depression, Trish.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Perhaps we should go in the Legion, Boris.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Yes. This is a family matter, and we are not part of family.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Will you dance with me, Papa?
BORIS KOBANOV
Do you have steel toed boots?
(The KOBANOVS exit.)
Canada Day by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 2:
SUSAN ABBOTT
Trish, why do you insist on embarrassing us at every public function?
TRISH ABBOTT
Because you embarrass me.
LAURIE ABBOTT
What’s so embarrassing about us?
TRISH ABBOTT
You think you’re better than everyone else in Coeur Brisé.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Your father owns Northern Wings Air Freight. He’s an important man in the community.
TRISH ABBOTT
Then he should make someone pull that stick out of his butt.
BEN ABBOTT
There’s no point talking to her, Sue. Let’s just take her home and forget the dance.
LAURIE ABBOTT
But I want to stay! She always spoils everything! It’s not fair!
BEN ABBOTT
You’re too young to attend the dance without supervision.
LAURIE ABBOTT
I’m fifteen! What could happen? There aren’t even any boys my age here.
SUSAN ABBOTT
It’s the men we’re worried about dear.
BEN ABBOTT
They get liquored up, then there’s trouble.
TRISH ABBOTT
Some drunken old man, Laurie, stinking of beer, making you go in his stupid old pickup truck.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Shut up, Trish.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Please! Mommy’s got a headache! I can’t stand all this bickering! This is Canada Day! A holiday!
BEN ABBOTT
See how you upset your mother?
TRISH ABBOTT
She upsets herself.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Well, I’m sick and tired of being upset! I’m going to take some aspirin, then enjoy myself at the dance. The rest of you can do whatever you want.
(SUSAN begins to exit.)
BEN ABBOTT
Sue!
(she turns to him)
I can’t let you got to the dance alone.
TRISH ABBOTT
Oh, listen to him! Big strong ape-man giving orders to his little ape-wife!
LAURIE ABBOTT
I swear, Trish, if you don’t shut up, I’ll tell Mom and Dad what you did to my jeans.
BEN ABBOTT
What did you do to Laurie’s jeans?
TRISH ABBOTT
Nothing! They smelled bad already!
SUSAN ABBOTT
Before all of you came along, I was a farm girl without a care in the world.
BEN ABBOTT
Funny how people’s memories play tricks on them.
SUSAN ABBOTT
What’s that supposed to mean?
BEN ABBOTT
You hated your dad’s farm. You wanted to run away to the city to become a famous actress.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Just an actress, not a famous one.
TRISH ABBOTT
And now she weaves blankets on that stupid giant loom that takes up half the basement.
LAURIE ABBOTT
They’re beautiful blankets, Mom.
TRISH ABBOTT
But she’s always down there, like a slave, weaving and weaving.
SUSAN ABBOTT
In the dark, my migraines aren’t so bad. And the blankets appear like magic from the threads, without a single complaint.
LAURIE ABBOTT
They’re beautiful.
BEN ABBOTT
Maybe if you spent more time with Laurie and Trish, they wouldn’t complain so much.
TRISH ABBOTT
Aw, isn’t this nice? Mommy’s sad and Daddy’s mad.
(VANCE REDENBACH enters from the left with his wife ELLY and daughters DIEDRE and VAL.)
VANCE REDENBACH
Hey, Ben, Sue. The fun started yet?
BEN ABBOTT
The band’s playing and folks are dancing.
ELLY REDENBACH
I do love to dance!
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Hi, Laurie.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Hey.
VAL REDENBACH
Hi Trish. Is that real beer?
SUSAN ABBOTT
Non-alcoholic, Val.
ELLY REDENBACH
Non-alcoholic! Why drink beer that makes you pee but doesn’t get you pissed?
TRISH ABBOTT
I’m only thirteen.
ELLY REDENBACH
When it’s convenient.
VANCE REDENBACH
Hey, happy Canada Day!
BEN ABBOTT
You took a day off from hauling logs, Vance?
VANCE REDENBACH
I’d drive my rig every day if I could.
ELLY REDENBACH
We need the money.
VANCE REDENBACH
But Elly talks me into taking a break once in a while.
ELLY REDENBACH
The truth is, he’s not happy unless he’s hauling a load of poplars to the panel board plant.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Dad says that honest work is the only thing that’s clean and decent on this earth.
VAL REDENBACH
But Mom says all you gotta do to stay clean and decent is take a good hard look in the mirror at your own guilty eyes.
ELLY REDENBACH
Funny how my kids believe me even when I’m only teasing.
TRISH ABBOTT
What’s the matter with your hair, Val?
VAL REDENBACH
Huh?
SUSAN ABBOTT
Trish! Forgive her, Elly, she’s not having a good day.
TRISH ABBOTT
I’m just fine, Mom.
VAL REDENBACH
Is there something wrong with my hair, Mom?
ELLY REDENBACH
It’s fine, Val. Trish is just picking her own scabs.
VANCE REDENBACH
Elly calls it as she sees it.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Your hair’s cute, Val. Trish should get the same cut.
TRISH ABBOTT
As if.
BEN ABBOTT
That’s enough, Trish.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Dad, can’t we just go back to the dance?
BEN ABBOTT
(taking Trish by the arm)
Come on, Trisha. You’ve had your fun.
TRISH ABBOTT
Let go of me! See what he’s doing? He’s abusing me again!
VANCE REDENBACH
The kid’s got a heck of an imagination, eh Ben?
ELLY REDENBACH
She’s quite the little actor.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Excuse us.
(The ABBOTTS exit.)
DIEDRE REDENBACH
They’re not having much fun.
VANCE REDENBACH
Just goes to prove that money don’t necessarily bring happiness.
VAL REDENBACH
Mrs. Abbott always looks tired.
VANCE REDENBACH
Speaking of which, how you doing, Elly?
ELLY REDENBACH
Not bad. It’s easier now the chemo’s over for the month.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
You look good, Mom.
ELLY REDENBACH
I guess, all things considered.
VAL REDENBACH
Remember when they said they didn’t think you’d make it to Canada Day?
ELLY REDENBACH
And here I am.
VANCE REDENBACH
Think you can dance?
ELLY REDENBACH
I know it.
VAL REDENBACH
I got a lump, Mom.
ELLY REDENBACH
What?
VAL REDENBACH
A lump, on my knee.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
It’s just that bump, Mom, from when she fell off her bike.
VAL REDENBACH
Maybe it’s a tumour.
ELLY REDENBACH
(checking it out)
It wasn’t there this morning, honey. It’s just a bump from your fall.
VANCE REDENBACH
Only one tumour per family, Val. That’s all we can afford.
ELLY REDENBACH
And my tumour’s getting smaller all the time.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Is it really, Mom, or do you just say that?
ELLY REDENBACH
If I say it, think it, and live it, it’ll come true.
VAL REDENBACH
I tried that when I wanted a horse, but I never got one.
ELLY REDENBACH
That’s because you didn’t work for it. You’ve got to do more than just wish, you know.
VANCE REDENBACH
Your mom works hard to get better. She paints a new picture every couple of days.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
So many paintings, Mom.
VAL REDENBACH
And every one is a self-portrait.
ELLY REDENBACH
Those paintings are like mirrors, kids. They let me look at myself and figure out how I got sick, and what I got to do to get better.
VANCE REDENBACH
I wish I could spend more time helping you help yourself, Elly, but we got bills to pay.
ELLY REDENBACH
Oh, just go ahead and drive that old truck of yours, Vance. I know it’s what you love to do most, and you’re right: we need the money.
VAL REDENBACH
It’s the shiniest truck in Coeur Brisé, Dad.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
And the fastest.
VANCE REDENBACH
I get paid by the load, so I got to hustle.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
What if you crash, Dad?
VAL REDENBACH
What if you crash?
VANCE REDENBACH
That’s what life insurance is for.
(GERTIE ASBIDO, BECKY BERNICKE, and WENDY BEN enter.)
GERTIE ASBIDO
Elly and Vance!
BECKY BERNICKE
And Diedre and little Val!
VANCE REDENBACH
You gals are late!
GERTIE ASBIDO
It’s Wendy’s fault.
BECKY BERNICKE
She whomped up a pan of lasagna.
GERTIE ASBIDO
And made us eat it all.
WENDY BEN
Not all of it! There’s leftovers.
ELLY REDENBACH
You sure do like to fire up your stove, don’t you Wendy.
WENDY BEN
I guess. But what I really love is to cook over an open fire in the bush.
GERTIE ASBIDO
She makes a mean bannock loaf.
BECKY BERNICKE
There’s nothing like a slice of hot bannock when you’re in the bush on a snowy day.
ELLY REDENBACH
Next winter, let’s all go snowshoeing together.
(The three elderly women look at one another.)
GERTIE ASBIDO
If the good Lord’s willing, Elly.
BECKY BERNICKE
How you feeling, Elly?
VANCE REDENBACH
She’s doing good.
ELLY REDENBACH
I’m doing good.
WENDY BEN
You look good, Elly.
GERTIE ASBIDO
She looks good, don’t you think, Becky?
BECKY BERNICKE
Yes I do, Gertie. I thinks she looks good.
DIERDRE REDENBACH
How was your trip to Nashville, Mrs. Asbido and Mrs. Bernicke?
GERTIE ASBIDO
We saw Randy Travis and Garth Brooks. They’re easy on the eyes and they sing good, too.
BECKY BERNICKE
But Gertie got food poisoning.
GERTIE ASBIDO
There’s too much food in America.
BECKY BERNICKE
She ate a steak that was off.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Had to spend two days sitting on the toilet.
VANCE REDENBACH
I guess that put the kibosh on your vacation, eh?
ELLY REDENBACH
What a shame.
(They all listen for a moment to the faint dance music.)
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Could you do your special dance for us, Mrs. Bernicke?
BECKY BERNICKE
Well, I’m not really in the mood.
VAL REDENBACH
Please, Mrs. Bernicke, for Mom?
ELLY REDENBACH
Diedre! Val! If there’s any dancing to be done, I’ll do it myself!
WENDY BEN
Oh, now, Elly, watching’s almost as good as doing! Come on, Becky, I’ll join you!
BECKY BERNICKE
Can your knees take it?
WENDY BEN
Of course!
BECKY BERNICKE
Oh, all right.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Uh-oh! Stand back, everyone!
(BECKY takes WENDY’s arm and they do a sort of shuffle-dance in time to the music as the others clap. Their dance ends with laughter all around.)
VANCE REDENBACH
The older you get, the better you get!
BECKY BERNICKE
I learned that one from a farm boy in Vermilion when I was a nurse.
GERTIE ASBIDO
He had one leg, but he could dance up a storm.
BECKY BERNICKE
Let me tell the story!
WENDY BEN
We’ve heard it a hundred times.
ELLY REDENBACH
And it gets better with every telling.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Mom’s a good dancer.
ELLY REDENBACH
Watch this!
(ELLY cuts a caper, but collapses. They rush to her and help her up.)
VANCE REDENBACH
Elly!
DIEDRE and VAL
Mom!
GERTIE, BECKY, and WENDY
Elly! Elly!
ELLY REDENBACH
I’m fine! I’m fine! Just let me get my breath! Owwww!
(ELLY grasps her side and bends in that direction.)
ELLY REDENBACH
Damn!
VANCE REDENBACH
We’d better get you home, honey.
ELLY REDENBACH
No! I came here to see all our neighbours, and that’s what I’m going to do. Help me into the Legion. I just need to get my breath.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Do you need us, Vance?
VANCE REDENBACH
No, we’re fine, Gertie. Come on, Diedre, Val, help me with your mother.
(The REDENBACHS exit.)
WENDY BEN
Poor Elly.
GERTIE ASBIDO
She’s so brave.
BECKY BERNICKE
It’s a miracle she’s here at all.
GERTIE ASBIDO
They do wonders nowadays, with all those new drugs and that.
WENDY BEN
Like my knees.
BECKY BERNICKE
Last fall, you was in a wheelchair, and now you prance like a kid.
GERTIE ASBIDO
I never figured it would work, cutting out both your knees like that and putting in metal ones.
WENDY BEN
It hurt at first.
BECKY BERNICKE
And now you can dance a jig!
WENDY BEN
I’m grateful for every day.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Amen. And as for Elly Redenbach, well, I guess I should tell you I pray for her just about as hard as I’ve ever prayed for anyone.
BECKY BERNICKE
She’s got those two kids to worry about, but Vance is a fine husband.
GERTIE ASBIDO
He’s a good-looking fella, too.
WENDY BEN
Vance Redenbach’s easy on the eyes, that’s for sure.
BECKY BERNICKE
Been a long time since I’ve had a man.
GERTIE ASBIDO
I never did have one, nor cared to, neither.
BECKY BERNICKE
They’re trouble all right, but they they keep the bed warm on a winter night.
WENDY BEN
Yours died so young, Becky.
BECKY BERNICKE
Tractor rolled over on him.
GERTIE ASBIDO I never did have one, nor cared to, neither.
Canada Day by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 3:
(ERNIE VELASCO enters with his wife VICKY and their daughter KIT.)
ERNIE VELASCO
I thought this was Canada Day, not a senior’s dinner.
GERTIE ASBIDO
In a couple of years you’ll be a senior, Ernie Velasco. Then you won’t talk so smart.
VICKY VELASCO
He may as well be a senior. Makes me do most of the work on the farm.
ERNIE VELASCO
I got a chronic back problem.
VICKY VELASCO
Yeah, like he don’t want to go “back” to work!
BECKY BERNICKE
What’s the matter, Kit, the cat got your tongue?
KIT VELASCO
Hello, Mrs. Bernicke.
GERTIE ASBIDO
No hello for me or Mrs. Ben?
KIT VELASCO
Um, hello.
VICKY VELASCO
Kit, speak up. Jeeze, you want everyone to think your somebody else’s kid?
KIT VELASCO
No, Mom.
ERNIE VELASCO
Then speak up like your mama does!
KIT VELASCO
I got a sore throat.
VICKY VELASCO
Since when?
KIT VELASCO
I don’t know.
VICKY VELASCO
That’s ‘cause you don’t got one.
KIT VELASCO
I do so.
VICKY VELASCO
Let me take a look in there.
(VICKY tries to look in KIT’s mouth.)
KIT VELASCO
Don’t, Mom! It hurts!
VICKY VELASCO
Do you want a Fisherman’s Friend?
KIT VELASCO
No! They taste like lacquer thinner!
GERTIE ASBIDO
She’s cute.
BECKY BERNICKE
Nothing wrong with being shy.
WENDY BEN
They say Ghandi was shy.
VICKY VELASCO
You hear that, Kit? Ghandi was shy! I guess there’s still hope for you.
KIT VELASCO
But I’m a girl.
ERNIE VELASCO
You could be a girl version of Ghandi.
KIT VELASCO
I’m not gonna wear a loincloth, if that’s what you got in mind.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Did she make it through grade nine, Vicky?
VICKY VELASCO
Everything except math.
KIT VELASCO
I don’t like numbers.
ERNIE VELASCO
You got to count if you want to be rich, Kit.
KIT VELASCO
I can count to infinity. That should be good enough for anyone.
WENDY BEN
Aw, she’s so cute! I wish she was my granddaughter.
VICKY VELASCO
She’s already got enough grandmas.
KIT VELASCO
But Grandma Pryor’s dead, Mom.
VICKY VELASCO
Gone but not forgotten, child, gone but not forgotten!
GERTIE ASBIDO
Your Grandma Pryor was a fine woman, Kit, always helping the church.
VICKY VELASCO
Gave everything she owned to that church, and not a thing for me.
ERNIE VELASCO
You must have irritated her one too many times, honey.
VICKY VELASCO
It’s a daughter’s job to irritate her mother, Ernie! Any fool knows that!
BECKY BERNICKE
Kind of sad the way kids and parents fight, though.
WENDY BEN
The church isn’t complaining. Your mom left ‘em a fine piece of property down by the river.
KIT VELASCO
Mom, can I go home?
VICKY VELASCO
No you can not, Katherine Ann Velasco! You’re gonna have fun whether you like it or not!
ERNIE VELASCO
Maybe you’ll meet a boy, Kit.
KIT VELASCO
Dad!
GERTIE ASBIDO
Oh, Ernie, see what you’ve done?
BECKY BERNICKE
Poor kid, she’s blushing.
WENDY BEN
She’s not ready yet.
VICKY VELASCO
Are you kidding? You should see the teen magazines in her room, and she spends all night in those “chat rooms”.
KIT VELASCO
Mom!
GERTIE ASBIDO
Oh dear! What about pedophiles?
BECKY BERNICKE
Elma Gunther told me a girl from Mud Creek got lured into a basement suite full of nerds.
WENDY BEN
That’s what happens when girls use the internet.
ERNIE VELASCO
That’s it! I’m unplugging that computer!
VICKY VELASCO
Sure, Ernie. You spend more time on the computer than any of us. Gosh knows what you’re doing on it…you hate to read.
ERNIE VELASCO
I’m looking at…cars and stuff.
KIT VELASCO
Please don’t unplug the computer, Dad! If you do, I’ll tell Mom what you downloaded.
VICKY VELASCO
What’s she talking about?
ERNIE VELASCO
A game. I downloaded a game.
GERTIE ASBIDO
I got a computer, but I don’t know how to use it. Can you show me, Kit?
KIT VELASCO
Do you want to surf the net?
GERTIE ASBIDO
Pardon?
BECKY BERNICKE
Kit’s talking computer language, Gertie.
GERTIE ASBIDO
I’m too old to surf, and why would I use a net?
VICKY VELASCO
Don’t waste your time with Mrs. Asbido, Kit. She’s computer illiterate and always will be.
GERTIE ASBIDO
But I’ve got one.
VICKY VELASCO
Just like Ernie’s got a brain, but he don’t use it either.
WENDY BEN
How are your chickens, Vicky?
VICKY VELASCO
Good. Those Rhode Islands pump out eggs like machines.
BECKY BERNICKE
How’s Splendour?
VICKY VELASCO
That little bantam rooster? Still kicking, Becky, still pecking and crowing.
KIT VELASCO
He pecked my eye.
VICKY VELASCO
You got too close to the bird. He don’t like cuddling.
ERNIE VELASCO
When that rooster pecked Kit’s eye, she came in the house and got the shotgun.
VICKY VELASCO
I had to wrestle that damn gun away from her before she laid waste to the hen house. She was some peeved.
KIT VELASCO
I won’t let a rooster boss me around.
WENDY BEN
I’d be happy to cook that bird, then he won’t go pecking anyone ever again.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Wendy makes the best chicken cordon-bleu in Canada.
VICKY VELASCO
No one’s gonna kill my rooster except me, when the time’s right.
BECKY BERNICKE
C’mon, girls, let’s go in the Legion and watch the dancing.
WENDY BEN
I’m going to dance if they play a slow one.
GERTIE ASBIDO
By yourself?
WENDY BEN
Just ‘cause a man hasn’t fallen in love with me yet doesn’t mean it’s never gonna happen.
(GERTIE, WENDY, and BECKY exit.)
VICKY VELASCO
Those old women sure know how to get me upset.
ERNIE VELASCO
Now, now, Mama, they’re just three harmless old ladies with nothin’ better to do.
KIT VELASCO
Can I go home, please?
VICKY VELASCO
Child, I don’t know how you can stand to be in this beautiful world and spend all the time hiding!
KIT VELASCO
The Canada Day Dance is for grown-ups.
ERNIE VELASCO
There’s kids your age in there.
KIT VELASCO
They’re not my friends.
VICKY VELASCO
Well, it’s time you made a couple of friends.
KIT VELASCO
But all they do is talk like girls.
ERNIE VELASCO
You’re a girl.
KIT VELASCO
I know, but I wanna change the way girls talk.
VICKY VELASCO
At least you got ambition.
ERNIE VELASCO
How you gonna change the way they talk?
KIT VELASCO
I dunno.
VICKY VELASCO
Daddy, our little girl is something special, isn’t she.
ERNIE VELASCO
She sure is, Mama.
KIT VELASCO
Can I go home?
VICKY VELASCO
N-O spells “no!”, Kit.
(RANDY PATKO and SHEILA KRISTIE enter)
RANDY PATKO
Hey, it’s the Velascos!
SHEILA KRISTIE
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Velasco. Hello, little Kit!
ERNIE VELASCO
Randy Patko! Long time no see!
RANDY PATKO
I guess you guys don’t get into town much.
VICKY VELASCO
I’m always drivin’ in, but Ernie prefers to hunker down on the farm with Kit.
SHEILA KRISTIE
I see you in your truck all the time, Mrs. Velasco, hustling along like there’s no tomorrow.
VICKY VELASCO
Well, now, Sheila, there’s only one way to get from A to B, and that’s fast!
SHEILA KRISTIE
I heard your eye got pecked, Kit.
KIT VELASCO
The rooster did it.
VICKY VELASCO
I told her not to cuddle it.
RANDY PATKO
Maybe she needs a puppy.
KIT VELASCO
Can I, Mom?
VICKY VELASCO
No! A dog would play hell with my chickens!
RANDY PATKO
Poor kid.
ERNIE VELASCO
There’s nothing wrong with Kit.
SHEILA KRISTIE
She looks nice tonight.
RANDY PATKO
I bet you’d be something to see if you wore a dress, Kit.
KIT VELASCO
Randy…
RANDY PATKO
Uh huh?
KIT VELASCO
Don’t ever ask me to wear a dress again, okay?
RANDY PATKO
Now, Kit, I didn’t ask you to wear one, I just said you’d look good in one.
SHEILA KRISTIE
And let’s leave it at that, Randy.
RANDY PATKO
Can’t a guy give a girl a compliment anymore?
SHEILA KRISTIE
Randy…
RANDY PATKO
All right, all right!
VICKY VELASCO
Well, I didn’t come here to stand outside and argue about dresses. Let’s go in the Legion, and Kit can watch me slam back a beer.
KIT VELASCO
You don’t have to slam a beer, Mom.
VICKY VELASCO
I like slamming beers, honey. It reminds me of your grandpa.
ERNIE VELASCO
Only six, Vicky, okay?
VICKY VELASCO
Six, Ernie. Nothing more and nothing less.
(The VELASCOS exit.)
SHEILA KRISTIE
Doesn’t the moon look pretty tonight, Randy?
RANDY PATKO
It’s a big yellow disc.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Look harder, Randy. Come on, really look.
RANDY PATKO
I’m looking about as hard as a man can look, Sheila.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Don’t you see the word “love” written on the moon’s face?
RANDY PATKO
Nope.
SHEILA KRISTIE
I love you, Randy.
RANDY PATKO
Sheila, what are you doing?
SHEILA KRISTIE
I’m being hopelessly romantic.
RANDY PATKO
Is this about engagement rings and marriage and all that?
SHEILA KRISTIE
No.
RANDY PATKO
Did I just hurt you?
SHEILA KRISTIE
Yes.
RANDY PATKO
I’m sorry.
SHEILA KRISTIE
“Sorry’s” an easy word to say.
RANDY PATKO
So’s “love”.
SHEILA KRISTIE
I love Canada, and I mean it.
RANDY PATKO
Nothing wrong with that.
SHEILA KRISTIE
I guess I’m the only girl in Canada who gets all sentimental on Canada Day.
RANDY PATKO
Most girls just want to go shopping for Canada Day bargains.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Don’t you want to hold me?
RANDY PATKIN
Maybe after a couple of beers.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Quit kidding.
RANDY PATKIN
(putting his arms around her)
How’s this?
SHEILA KRISTIE
Better.
Canada Day by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 4:
(LILY and NANCY SHERMAN enter.)
LILY SHERMAN
Randy!
RANDY PATKO
(breaking away from SHEILA)
Lily!
SHEILA KRISTIE
Hello, Mrs. Sherman. Hi, Nancy.
LILY SHERMAN
Call me Lily, Sheila.
NANCY SHERMAN
Mom’s not that much older than you, Sheila.
RANDY PATKO
And you’re what…seventeen, Nancy?
NANCY SHERMAN
Something like that.
LILY SHERMAN
She’s sixteen, just barely.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Randy and I were enjoying the moon.
LILY SHERMAN
Sorry to interrupt.
RANDY PATKO
That’s okay. I couldn’t see the word “love” anyway.
NANCY SHERMAN
Huh?
SHEILA KRISTIE
The word “love” written on the moon’s face.
NANCY SHERMAN
Sounds like some sort of trick.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Yes. It’s a trick.
NANCY SHERMAN
The moon’s just a rock.
LILY SHERMAN
Nancy likes science.
RANDY PATKO
Nothing wrong with that.
NANCY SHERMAN
Science is pure, unlike people.
RANDY PATKO
I guess there’s no arguing with science.
SHEILA KRISTIE
I like the way the moon follows me when I walk at night.
LILY SHERMAN
Funny how it does that.
NANCY SHERMAN
An illusion.
RANDY PATKO
Hey, you ever walk down a school hallway with a mirror in your hands, looking down at the mirror?
SHEILA KRISTIE
The moon follows me home, Nancy.
NANCY SHERMAN
Whatever.
LILY SHERMAN
Happy Canada Day, by the way.
RANDY PATKO
The same to you, Lily.
LILY SHERMAN
I’m broke, but I thought Nancy and I would spend the twenty in my sock tonight.
NANCY SHERMAN
She’s not kidding. She has twenty bucks in the toe of a sock.
LILY SHERMAN
Twenty is enough to get us in the door. No drinking, though, which is just as well.
RANDY PATKO
Who needs booze.
SHEILA KRISTIE
I bet you like dancing, Mrs. Sherman.
LILY SHERMAN
Lily.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Lily.
LILY SHERMAN
I used to be a dancer, a long time ago.
NANCY SHERMAN
She could kick your head, Randy, without even jumping in the air.
RANDY PATKO
Great.
LILY SHERMAN
A dancer, Nancy, not the Karate Kid.
RANDY PATKO
Didn’t Pat Morita get best supporting actor for that?
SHEILA KRISTIE
Do scientists have an explanation for violence, Nancy?
NANCY SHERMAN
Every action is accompanied by an equal and opposite reaction.
LILY SHERMAN
How’s your job at the panel board plant, Randy?
RANDY PATKO
I work with Sonia Kobanov. She’s nice.
LILY SHERMAN
I bet she gets a kick out of you.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Randy’s saving up.
LILY SHERMAN
Good boy.
RANDY PATKO
Gonna rebuild on Mom and Dad’s land.
NANCY SHERMAN
Wasn’t that sold after the fire?
RANDY PATKO
Gonna buy it back.
LILY SHERMAN
We’ll be neighbours, almost.
RANDY PATKO
Almost.
SHEILA KRISTIE
I’m helping Randy out with the down payment.
RANDY PATKO
Her tip money, from waiting tables at the Boston Pizza in Mud Creek.
NANCY SHERMAN
Wouldn’t it make more sense just to get a loan from the bank, Randy?
SHEILA KRISTIE
He trusts me, and I trust him.
LILY SHERMAN
I’ll be just down the road, just a couple of properties away.
NANCY SHERMAN
I’ll be there too, Mom.
LILY SHERMAN
Huh? Oh, of course, Nancy…you’ll be there too.
RANDY PATKO
I’m going to get Boris Kobanov to build a house for us. I mean me.
NANCY SHERMAN
Having trouble with pronouns, Randy?
RANDY PATKO
You sure are a bright kid, Nancy.
NANCY SHERMAN
I like to think, but I don’t always like the things I think about.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Can we go in to the dance now, Randy? I’m a bit cold.
RANDY PATKO
Me too. Excuse us.
LILY SHERMAN
Excuse you?
RANDY PATKO
Excuse. Us.
(RANDY and SHEILA exit.)
NANCY SHERMAN
I should never have brought him home that night.
LILY SHERMAN
That’s right. He was drunk.
NANCY SHERMAN
I felt sorry for him.
LILY SHERMAN
That wasn’t all you felt.
NANCY SHERMAN
Don’t tell me what I feel or don’t feel.
LILY SHERMAN
You’re just a mirror of me. What I feel, you feel.
NANCY SHERMAN
I shouldn’t have brought him home.
LILY SHERMAN
Not while I was out.
NANCY SHERMAN
By the time you got home, it was too late.
LILY SHERMAN
If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have given him a ride back to his apartment in Mud Creek.
NANCY SHERMAN
But you did.
LILY SHERMAN
He was just another mistake in a long line of mistakes.
NANCY SHERMAN
For you, maybe, but for me it was my first mistake.
LILY SHERMAN
You’re only sixteen. You’ll make lots more.
NANCY SHERMAN
Not like you. I won’t be like you, Mom.
LILY SHERMAN
You can’t fight who you are, Nancy. It doesn’t work.
(RUDI LANDSFRIED enters with his wife LARISSA and their daughter MARINA.)
RUDI LANDSFRIED
We are the last to arrive, I suppose?
LILY SHERMAN
Probably, Rudi.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Nancy! How pretty you look tonight!
NANCY SHERMAN
All sixteen year old girls are pretty, Mrs. Landsfried.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
But you have a special something…a glow…
MARINA LANDSFRIED
She never says anything like that to me, Nancy.
NANCY SHERMAN
If a thing is true, it doesn’t have to be spoken.
LILY SHERMAN
Nancy is being poetic and mysterious tonight.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Ah, poetry! It makes the night so much more romantic!
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Rudi is a fan of Rainer Maria Rilke.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
He makes me listen while he reads “Sonnets to Orpheus” out loud on winter nights.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Poetry is the truth, Nancy, and it must be spoken.
NANCY SHERMAN
If you say so, Mr. Landsfried.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
I hope there are a few boys at the dance.
LILY SHERMAN
There aren’t many boys in Coeur Brisé, I’m afraid.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Or eligible men, Lily.
LILY SHERMAN
I’m fine on my own, Larissa.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
You have Nancy.
LILY SHERMAN
Yes. I have Nancy.
NANCY SHERMAN
Mom feeds me and keeps a roof over my head. What more could a girl ask for?
RUDI LANDSFRIED
What more indeed.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
I had my bedroom redecorated, Nancy.
NANCY SHERMAN
In pink?
MARINA LANDSFRIED
No…dark green, brown, and cream.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Like the forest in moonlight. Like Canada at night.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Canada is mostly a big dark forest, after all.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
She had it finished in time for Canada Day.
NANCY SHERMAN
I suppose you hung a maple leaf flag in your room, too.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Of course. The red is the maple leaves in autumn, and the white is the snow.
LILY SHERMAN
I always forget that I’m a Canadian.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
That’s what’s so wonderful about this country.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
You can forget all about it, but it’s still there, helping you like a quiet friend.
NANCY SHERMAN
But it’s so big and empty. I want to go inside, Mom.
LILY SHERMAN
Excuse us.
(LILY and NANCY exit.)
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Lily Sherman is an unhappy woman.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
She’s lonely.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Nancy is a strange girl.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
She’s clever.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
And cold.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
She says she wants to be some sort of scientist or doctor.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
I would not want her performing surgery on my heart.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
She might steal it to replace the broken one in her own body.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Rudi, do you think you could give Lily Sherman a job?
RUDI LANDSFRIED
What sort of job?
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Oh, I don’t know…maybe doing the books for the farm.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
I suppose she’s clever enough to do that sort of thing.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
They don’t have any money, Papa. Nancy can’t even pay her course fees at school.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
All they have is that tiny little trailer and that rusty old car.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
I wonder why no one will hire her?
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Because of the way she is around men.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
But you’d trust her around me?
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Do you think she’s attractive?
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Of course.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Papa! That’s not what you’re supposed to say!
RUDI LANDSFRIED
But it’s the truth.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Then perhaps we shouldn’t hire her.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
I can admire beauty without touching it, Larissa.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
You’re a man, Rudi, and men like to get their hands on everything they admire!
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Mama!
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
It’s true, Marina, as you will soon find out when you start going out with boys.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
I won’t let a boy fiddle with me like some sort of machine.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
No, but it will be hard to resist his tender fascination with you when you find yourself alone with him.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Tender fascination…is that what it’s called, Larissa?
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Yes, Rudi. I know it’s called many other things, too, but “tender fascination” is more poetic, don’t you think?
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Poetry won’t protect me from a boy who has the wrong idea about me, Mama.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Sometimes, the wrong idea is the right idea, and the right idea is the wrong idea, and a girl must know which is which if she is to be truly happy.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
In other words, I must try to understand what I really want.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
See! You are just as clever as Nancy Sherman!
RUDI LANDSFRIED
And just as pretty!
(ALINE BOUCHER enters)
ALINE BOUCHER
Mr. and Mrs. Landsfried! You’re just in time! They’re going to make the draw to see who gets to cut the Canada cake!
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Let’s hurry, Papa.I’ve got a feeling it’s my turn to win!
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
You look so worried, Aline.
ALINE BOUCHER
I’m in charge of the fireworks.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
I’m sure they’ll be a splendid success!
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Don’t start without us!
(The LANDSFRIEDS exit.)
Canada Day by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 1:
(TRISH ABBOTT enters)
TRISH ABBOTT
Aren’t you going to watch the stupid Canada cake draw, Aline?
ALINE BOUCHER
I’m worried about the fireworks, Trish.
TRISH ABBOTT
Why worry about a bunch of dumb rockets?
ALINE BOUCHER
Everyone expects a perfect display.
TRISH ABBOTT
I don’t care whether they work or not.
ALINE BOUCHER
Yeah, but you didn’t pay for them.
TRISH ABBOTT
My dad paid the most of everyone.
ALINE BOUCHER
He’ll be so mad if they don’t work right.
TRISH ABBOTT
He thinks he owns this town.
ALINE BOUCHER
He practically does.
TRISH ABBOTT
He thinks he owns me, too.
ALINE BOUCHER
Well, he is your dad, eh?
TRISH ABBOTT
You’re lucky. You can do anything you want and your dad lets you.
ALINE BOUCHER
He trusts me, I guess.
(BEN ABBOTT enters.)
BEN ABBOTT
Trish! Get in here right now!
TRISH ABBOTT
I don’t want to watch that cake get cut.
BEN ABBOTT
It’s the Canada Cake, for God’s sake.
TRISH ABBOTT
So?
BEN ABBOTT
So show a little gratefulness for a country that lets a businessman like me do what he does best.
TRISH ABBOTT
Oh, thank you Canada for letting my dad get rich while my mom gets more and more depressed and my sister thinks she has to be the mommy.
ALINE BOUCHER
I did my best with the fireworks, Mr. Abbott.
BEN ABBOTT
Huh?
ALINE BOUCHER
The fireworks. I did my best.
BEN ABBOTT
I’m sure you did, Aline. Trish, in the Legion, now!
TRISH ABBOTT
Screw you.
(TRISH runs off as LAURIE ABBOTT enters.)
BEN ABBOTT
Trish, get back here!
(LAURIE ABBOTT enters.)
LAURIE ABBOTT
Dad, Mom’s asking for you.
BEN ABBOTT
Your sister ran off.
LAURIE ABBOTT
I’m sorry, Dad.
BEN ABBOTT
What the heck’s the matter with her?
LAURIE ABBOTT
I’m doing the best I can, Dad, honest.
ALINE BOUCHER
Laurie’s only in grade ten, Mr. Abbott.
BEN ABBOTT
What’s that got to do with anything?
LAURIE ABBOTT
I’m doing the best I can.
ALINE BOUCHER
Trish is kind of stubborn.
BEN ABBOTT
Stubborn? She’s out of control. What the hell is wrong with you kids?
LAURIE ABBOTT
It’s not all of us.
BEN ABBOTT
Sure it is. You think you know everything, but you don’t know squat. You’ve never had to slug it out with the world, and fight for every dollar.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Aline works at the pharmacy in Mud Creek.
BEN ABBOTT
That’s not what I mean.
(SUSAN ABBOTT enters.)
SUSAN ABBOTT
They’re making the draw, Ben. Better get in there if you want to see it.
BEN ABBOTT
Damn rights I want to see it. At least one of us is going to honour this country on its birthday.
(BEN exits.)
LAURIE ABOTT
Trish ran away, Mom.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Yes.
ALINE BOUCHER
Don’t worry, Mrs. Abbott. She probably went home.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Aren’t you going to watch them cut the Canada Cake, Mom?
SUSAN ABBOTT
It doesn’t feel like a birthday.
ALINE BOUCHER
I’m responsible for the fireworks.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Are you?
ALINE BOUCHER
I hope they work right.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Laurie, go join your Dad.
LAURIE ABBOTT
But it’s so peaceful out here, Mom.
SUSAN ABBOTT
I’ve got a headache, Laurie. Don’t make it worse.
LAURIE ABBOTT
I’m sorry, Mom.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Go stand beside your Dad or he’ll be furious with us all.
LAURIE ABBOTT
All right.
(LAURIE exits.)
ALINE BOUCHER
Laurie sure tries hard, Mrs. Abbott.
SUSAN ABBOTT
What?
ALINE BOUCHER
Laurie…she tries hard.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Tries hard at what?
ALINE BOUCHER
I don’t know. Being good, I guess.
SUSAN ABBOTT
I suppose she does.
ALINE BOUCHER
Always trying to help you out.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Aline, I know you mean well, but Laurie’s my business, not yours.
ALINE BOUCHER
I was just trying to…
SUSAN ABBOTT
I know what you were trying to do, and I’m telling you to stop.
ALINE BOUCHER
All right, Mrs. Abbott. Laurie’s your business, not mine.
(CINDY BOUCHER enters.)
CINDY BOUCHER
Aline! Your dad won the draw! Go watch him cut the cake!
ALINE BOUCHER
Dad won? That’s a first! I gotta see this.
(ALINE exits.)
CINDY BOUCHER
You okay, Sue?
SUSAN ABBOTT
I’ve got a bit of a headache.
CINDY BOUCHER
Do you want some aspirin?
SUSAN ABBOTT
No, thank you. They don’t help.
CINDY BOUCHER
Jeeze, my husband finally wins something, and it’s just a cake.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Not like winning the lottery.
CINDY BOUCHER
I mean, he does all right as a salesman, but our house is a dump, and I don’t mind saying so to anyone who’ll listen.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Isn’t it a heritage house?
CINDY BOUCHER
It’s a converted horse barn, Sue.
SUSAN ABBOTT
A nice house hasn’t solved my problems.
CINDY BOUCHER
No, but it’s got to help. I mean, you got five acres and a big new stucco palace on the hill there, looking down on the rest of us.
SUSAN ABBOTT
I don’t want to look down on anyone.
CINDY BOUCHER
Oh, I don’t mean it that way. I just mean that it must be nice to have a view like that, out across the land, with the big old sky spread out like an upside down ocean!
SUSAN ABBOTT
I’d trade my stucco palace for your horse barn if it would help me get rid of these headaches.
CINDY BOUCHER
There’s a guy in Mud Creek who cures headaches by yanking on your head with a machine of some kind.
SUSAN ABBOTT
That doesn’t sound very promising.
CINDY BOUCHER
Nellie Gunderson tried it, and said it worked wonders.
SUSAN ABBOTT
I’ve been to specialists, Cindy.
CINDY BOUCHER
Specialists! I guess a guy with a head-pulling machine can’t do nothing for a gal who’s been to specialists.
SUSAN ABBOTT
I don’t mean to sound superior.
(DANNY BOUCHER enters with ALINE.)
DANNY BOUCHER
I cut the cake, honey!
ALINE BOUCHER
You should have seen him, Mom! His face was beet red!
DANNY BOUCHER
I guess I was the same colour as the flag, eh…red and white!
ALINE BOUCHER
And the first piece fell on the floor!
DANNY BOUCHER
I hope that’s not bad luck.
CINDY BOUCHER
Did it land on the icing?
DANNY BOUCHER
Nope.
CINDY BOUCHER
Then you’re in the clear, honey.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Danny, Cindy…do you want my house?
CINDY BOUCHER
Pardon?
SUSAN ABBOTT
Do you want my stucco palace?
DANNY BOUCHER
Is it for sale? If it is, we can’t afford it, Sue.
SUSAN ABBOTT
I was thinking of a trade. Your house for mine.
CINDY BOUCHER
But why would you trade your place for our little shack?
SUSAN ABBOTT
I’m going to talk to Ben about it right now.
(SUSAN exits.)
Canada Day by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 2:
DANNY BOUCHER
What’s she talking about?
ALINE BOUCHER
She’s gotten all mixed up. Trish ran away, and Laurie’s got to be the mom, and, well, I guess she’s kind of on the verge.
CINDY BOUCHER
The verge of what, honey?
ALINE BOUCHER
Of trading houses with us.
(ALINE exits. VANCE and ELLY REDENBACK enter.)
VANCE REDENBACH
Nice work on that cake, Danny.
DANNY BOUCHER
Thanks, Vance. The first piece hit the deck, but I got better with practice.
ELLY REDENBACH
It sure was a pretty cake, with all that red and white icing, but to tell the truth it tasted like a vanilla sand castle.
CINDY BOUCHER
It was store-boughten. You deserve home-made, Elly.
ELLY REDENBACH
I’d say the only part of me that’ll benefit from that Canada cake is my tumour.
DANNY BOUCHER
At least you can kid about it, Elly.
VANCE REDENBACH
It’s funny how she talks about her tumour.
DANNY BOUCHER
How so?
VANCE REDENBACH
Sort of like it’s an old buddy or something.
ELLY REDENBACH
I’ve even got a name for my tumour.
CINDY BOUCHER
No kidding?
ELLY REDENBACH
I call her Lucrezia Borgia.
DANNY BOUCHER
How come?
ELLY REDENBACH
Lucrezia Borgia poisoned her enemies.
VANCE REDENBACH
Just like Elly’s tumour tries to poison her.
CINDY BOUCHER
At least you got a sense of humour about it.
DANNY BOUCHER
Speaking of tumours, how’s your old Kenworth making out, Vance?
CINDY BOUCHER
Danny, I told you already, it’s a holiday!
VANCE REDENBACH
My rig’s fine, Danny. I’ll let you know when it’s not.
(DIEDRE and VAL REDENBACK enter.)
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Are you feeling better, Mom?
VAL REDENBACH
Does the fresh air help?
VANCE REDENBACH
Didn’t I tell you two to stay inside?
ELLY REDENBACH
I’m fine, girls. We’re just enjoying a little tumour humour.
CINDY BOUCHER
Talking about bad old Lucrezia.
DANNY BOUCHER
You old enough to drive yet, Diedre?
DIEDRE REDENBACH
I’m sixteen.
VANCE REDENBACH
She doesn’t have a license yet, Danny.
VAL REDENBACH
But what if Mom has an emergency while you’re at work, Dad?
DIEDRE REDENBACH
How’s she going to get to the hospital if I can’t drive her?
VANCE REDENBACH
That’s what ambulances are for.
ELLY REDENBACH
(grabbing her side)
Owwwww! That hurts!
VANCE REDENBACH
Honey?
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Mom…mom!
VAL REDENBACH
It’s her tumour.
VANCE REDENBACH
I’m taking you to emergency, Elly. Kids, you stay here.
ELLY REDENBACH
Mr. and Mrs. Boucher will look after you.
CINDY BOUCHER
You bet we will.
DANNY BOUCHER
(holding out his car keys)
You want to borrow my Taurus?
ELLY REDENBACH
That’s better than the pickup. I could lie down in the back seat.
VANCE REDENBACH
(taking keys)
Thanks, Danny. C’mon, Hon.
(VANCE and ELLY start to exit.)
VAL REDENBACH
Don’t leave us here!
CINDY BOUCHER
Your mom’ll be fine, kids. Best to stay out of the way.
ELLY REDENBACH
Owwww! We better hurry, Vance.
(ELLY and VANCE complete their exit. ALINE BOUCHER enters.)
ALINE BOUCHER
Sure is hot in there.
CINDY BOUCHER
Vance Redenbach just took Elly to emergency, Aline.
ALINE BOUCHER
She’s been kind of pale all night.
CINDY BOUCHER
Be a good kid and stay out here with Diedre and Val, okay?
ALINE BOUCHER
Sure.
CINDY BOUCHER
Danny, let’s go in and tell folks what’s going on.
DANNY BOUCHER
You kids need us, you come running, you hear?
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Yes, Mr. Boucher.
(CINDY and DANNY exit.)
ALINE BOUCHER
You guys gonna be all right?
VAL REDENBACH
Maybe Mom’s gonna die.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Don’t say that, Val.
VAL REDENBACH
She looked awful sick.
ALINE BOUCHER
Your mom’s real tough. She’ll be fine.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
I don’t know, Aline.
Canada Day by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 3:
(SONIA KOBANOV and BORIS KOBANOV enter.)
SONIA KOBANOVA
Children!
(SONIA gathers DIEDRE and VAL in her arms.)
BORIS KOBANOV
Your mama will be all right, children.
SONIA KOBANOVA
She is strong. No need to be afraid.
BORIS KOBANOV
Once, I had a ruptured appendix, and they fix me up good as new.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
That’s not the same as a tumour.
BORIS KOBANOV
Perhaps they will take it out, and your mama will get back all her lost colour.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Boris, it’s best if you don’t speak.
ALINE BOUCHER
He tells good jokes, though.
VAL REDENBACH
It’s not fair that we have to stay here while Mom’s at the hospital.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Poor children, don’t you see? Your mama must focus on herself. She cannot be with you at this time.
BORIS KOBANOV
Aline, go get my daughter Yanochka. She is learning to be a nurse.
SONIA KOBANOVA
These girls are not the sick ones, Boris.
BORIS KOBANOV
Go, Aline. Fetch her.
ALINE BOUCHER
All right, Mr. Kobanov.
(ALINE exits as MARISSA KOBANOV enters.)
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Poor girls! First there is pain, then there is sorrow.
BORIS KOBANOV
They are being brave, Mother.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Diedre, do you know how to cook?
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Sort of.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
If your mother must stay in the hospital, I will come to your house and show you how to cook good food for your papa and sister.
VAL REDENBACH
Mama cooked a whole bunch of dinners and put them in the freezer, Mrs. Kobanova.
SONIA KOBANOVA
They will be fine, Mother Kobanova.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Diedre must learn how to take care of her papa and her sister.
BORIS KOBANOV
But Elly is still in the world, Mama.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
All girl children must learn how to take care of men.
SONIA KOBANOVA
It’s not like that anymore, Mother Kobanova.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
You are wrong, Sonia. We will always be mothers and wives, will we not?
(ALINE BOUCHER enters with YANOCHKA KOBANOVA.)
ALINE BOUCHER
Here’s Yanochka, Mr. Kobanov.
(ALINE sits in the background and watches.)
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Papa, you say these girls need me?
BORIS KOBANOV
If you are going to be a nurse, you must learn to talk like one, Yanochka. Talk now to these girls.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Don’t be silly, Boris.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
It’s okay, Yanochka, you don’t have to say anything to us.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Your mother will receive priority treatment at the hospital, and she’ll get the best possible care right away.
BORIS KOBANOV
There! You see, Sonia, our daughter knows exactly what to say.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
But can she clean a bedpan? Can she give an enema?
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Of course I can, Granny.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Good, because that is what a nurse does.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
I’m not afraid of a bedpan. I’m not afraid of anything.
BORIS KOBANOV
Listen to her! My daughter!
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Because I’m not a beauty like Aline Boucher, I must be strong instead.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Always, she talks of Aline Boucher!
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Aline Boucher can send up fireworks, but I can empty bedpans and give enemas! Who is most useful?
SONIA KOBANOVA
Look how pale Val has become!
VAL REDENBACH
Oh, I feel sick!
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Take her to the lavatory, Yanochka, for heaven’s sake.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Come with me, Val.
(YANOCHKA exits with VAL.)
ALINE BOUCHER
(going downstage)
Is there anything I can do?
BORIS KOBANOV
You are a pretty girl. That is enough.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Boris, you are impossible!
DIEDRE REDENBACH
You make me laugh, Mr. Kobanov.
BORIS KOBANOV
Laughter is good medicine. Perhaps I should be a nurse!
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Will you go inside with me, Aline? I want to be with my sister.
ALINE BOUCHER
Sure, Diedre. Anything you want.
(ALINE and DIEDRE exit.)
MARISSA KOBANOVA
There is no hope for their mother.
SONIA KOBANOVA
How do you know?
MARISSA KOBANOVA
I have looked into her eyes and they do not look back.
BORIS KOBANOV
Those poor girls. Such grief awaits them.
SONIA KOBANOVA
All people die, and always there is grief.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
You must go to the doctor, Sonia.
SONIA KOBANOVA
I am well, Mother Kobanova.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
You must go to the doctor.
BORIS KOBANOV
Is she ill, Mama?
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Perhaps, but if she goes now, then there will not be a tragedy for us.
SONIA KOBANOVA
I told you, I am well.
BORIS KOBANOV
Sonia, you must go to the doctor tomorrow. I insist.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Very well, but they will find nothing.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
No Sonia, there is something in you. It must be cut out before the leaves fall in October.
SONIA KOBANOVA
They will find nothing.
(TRISH ABBOTT enters.)
BORIS KOBANOV
There is the one who ran away!
TRISH ABBOTT
I just went for a walk.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Silly girl! To walk alone in the dark is dangerous for one so young.
TRISH ABBOTT
Huh?
MARISSA KOBANOVA
There are things in the dark that lie waiting for young girls.
TRISH ABBOTT
You guys are just a bunch of crazy gypsies.
BORIS KOBANOV
I will spank you now!
(BORIS makes a feint at TRISH, who runs off into the Legion. BORIS, MARISSA, and SONIA laugh. GERTIE ASBIDO, BECKY BERNICKE, and WENDY BEN enter.)
BECKY BERNICKE
Hoo, boy! Hot in there!
GERTIE ASBIDO
And smelly, like a high school after the last bell.
WENDY BEN
That Canada cake tasted like Styrofoam.
SONIA KOBANOVA
How is the little sick girl, Mrs. Asbido?
GERTIE ASBIDO
Throwing up in the lavatory, Sonia.
BECKY BERNICKE
The poor kid was sobbing about her mother.
WENDY BEN
Any word from the hospital?
BORIS KOBANOV
Why ask us? The hospital does not phone Boris about everything.
SONIA KOBANOVA
Yanochka said the hospital will do everything possible for Elly Redenbach.
GERTIE ASBIDO
They fixed Wendy’s knees, didn’t they, Mrs. Ben.
WENDY BEN
I’ve got metal knees now, and they say they’ll last ten years or more.
BECKY BERNICKE
Long enough to let you dance through your golden years, eh, Wendy?
GERTIE ASBIDO
But poor Elly Redenbach’s days are numbered, I’m afraid.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
You do not have many days left, either, Mrs. Asbido.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Whatever do you mean, Mrs. Kobanova?
BORIS KOBANOV
She gives to you a warning. Use your last days well, Mrs. Asbido.
BECKY BERNICKE
You’re teasing us.
SONIA KOBANOVA
No, Mrs. Asbido. My mother-in-law is wise in these matters. Please take her counsel seriously.
WENDY BEN
Poor Gertie! You’ve been so tired lately!
BECKY BERNICKE
You’ve not been your usual self, Gertrude, that’s for sure.
GERTIE ASBIDO
But I feel fine!
SONIA KOBANOVA
Do not fret, Mrs. Asbido. Live each day that is given to you as if it was your last, and then, when the last day comes, it will be just as good as all the others!
GERTIE ASBIDO
Seems like you Kobanovs want to get inside my head and live there like it’s a hotel room.
MARISSA KOBANOVA
We are your neighbours, Mrs. Asbido, and we are friendly to you. But you do not want friendship. You want only information about others, so you can gossip and spread rumours.
BORIS KOBANOV
Mama is teasing you, Mrs. Asbido. Come, Sonia. Come, Mama. We will go now into the Legion to see how the frightened girls are doing.
(The KOBANOVS exit.)
BECKY BERNICKE
I always said those Kobanovs are a mystery, like the moon and stars.
WENDY BEN
The little one, Yanochka, is going to be a nurse.
GERTIE ASBIDO
She’ll muddle it up with dark magic, mark my words.
(KIT VELASCO bursts onstage, wrestling with TRISH ABBOTT.)
KIT VELASCO
I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!
TRISH ABBOTT
Let go of me, you little freak!
(BEN ABBOTT enters and pulls the girls apart.)
BEN ABBOTT
Stop it! Stop it, right now!
KIT VELASCO
She called me a stupid chicken-lover!
TRISH ABBOTT
She’d rather have a chicken than a boyfriend!
KIT VELASCO
(struggling to hit TRISH)
I’ll kill her! I’ll kill her!
(SUSAN ABBOTT, LAURIE ABBOTT, and VICKY and ERNIE VELASCO enter and speak in overlaps.)
VICKY VELASCO
Get your mitts off my kid, Ben Abbott!
SUSAN ABOTT
Trish! What have you done now!
LAURIE ABBOTT
Can we go home, please, Mom?
ERNIE VELASCO
Kit, get a grip on yourself!
BEN ABBOTT
(releasing the girls)
Your girl took a poke at Trish, Ernie.
VICKY VELASCO
That girl of yours is nothing but trouble, Ben, and you know it!
SUSAN ABBOTT
Please, let’s not make things worse than they are! No one got hurt.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Girls shouldn’t fight like men.
KIT VELASCO
She called me a chicken-lover, Mom!
VICKY VELASCO
That’s something to be proud of Kit.
ERNIE VELASCO
We grow chickens, and do a good job of it, too.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Apologize to Kit, Trish.
TRISH ABBOTT
Apologize yourself!
(TRISH runs off.)
BECKY BERNICKE
Well, this is some Canada Day.
BEN ABBOTT
I’m going in for a beer. If anyone wants me, I’m not available.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Ben! Ben!
(BEN ignores SUSAN as he completes his exit.)
SUSAN ABBOTT
I’m sorry about this, everyone. I’ve been having headaches, you see, and I guess I’ve not been on top of my game with Trish.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Don’t blame yourself, Mom. Trish is old enough to know better.
VICKY VELASCO
She should be charged with assault!
SUSAN ABBOTT
I’ve already apologized. I can’t do more than that.
(SUSAN exits.)
LAURIE ABBOTT My mom’s sick. You can see that. Why doesn’t anyone help her!
(LAURIE exits.)
WENDY BEN
My, my, what a night. Reminds me of that time the river flooded and drowned the little pony my dad gave me.
BECY BERNICKE
That must’ve hurt you a lot, Wendy, ’cause you’ve told the story a thousand times.
GERTIE ASBIDO
Let’s go see how poor little Val Redenbach’s doing. It’ll take my mind off that prophecy.
(GERTIE, BECKY, and WENDY exit.)
VICKY VELASCO
I hope you landed a couple of good punches before Ben Abbott stopped the fight, Kit.
KIT VELASCO
I wanted to kill her, Mom. I’m not kidding. I actually wanted to kill her!
VICKY VELASCO
We all feel like that from time to time. Heck, I even want to kill your Dad once in a while.
ERNIE VELASCO
She’s come damn close to doing it, too.
VICKY VELASCO
Thank god for my chickens. They keep me calm, with their bukking and pecking and scratching. They’re therapeutic, eh?
KIT VELASCO
Mom, I never told you this, but I get teased a lot about those chickens.
ERNIE VELASCO
If it wasn’t chickens, it’d be something else, Kit. You’re kind of different, eh?
VICKY VELASCO
And kids don’t like folks who are different. It spooks them, makes them mad, ‘cause they’re scared of things they don’t understand.
KIT VELASCO
How’d I get to be so different?
VICKY VELASCO
You was just born that way, Kit. Even when you was a baby in a stroller, passers-by would say, “She’s different, isn’t she!” And I’d just say, “Yep, but I like her that way.”
ERNIE VELASCO
We’re proud of you, Kit, and don’t you ever forget it.
(RUDI LANDSFRIED enters with LARISSA and MARINA.)
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Anyone hear anything about Elly Redenbach?
VICKY VELASCO
Yanochka Nobakov called the hospital, and they said she’s in intensive care.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Intensive care! Rudi, she must be very sick!
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Shouldn’t somebody take her daughters to her?
ERNIE VELASCO
That’s up to the father.
KIT VELASCO
How could she get sick so quick?
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
She’s been sick for a long time, Kit. I guess it just flared up.
VICKY VELASCO
Your Grandma Pryor was like that. She had a long-term illness, eh, with good days and bad days, and then one day she up and died, just like that.
KIT VELASCO
Poor Grandma.
VICKY VELASCO
Don’t you go feeling sorry for her, Kit. She was a mean old cuss who treated me like dirt just because I spoke my mind to her instead of rolling over and letting her kick me.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Sometimes, a mother can be a monster.
ERNIE VELASCO
Let’s take Kit back in the Legion. She looks like she could use a sandwich.
VICKY VELASCO
They’re kind of dried up by now, but they’re still a source of comfort for a girl with a growly tummy.
KIT VELASCO
I don’t mind if they’re dry, Mom, because at least they won’t call me names.
(The VELASCOS exit.)
MARINA LANDSFRIED
It’s sad about Mrs. Redenbach, Mama.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Yes, Marina.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
What will happen to her daughters when she dies?
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
They’ll go on living with their papa.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
But he’s never home.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Those girls are not so young. Val’s about twelve, and Diedre’s sixteen. That’s old enough to be alone.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
So you think I’m old enough to be on my own?
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
If necessary, yes.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
If necessary, Marina.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
If a girl is old enough to have a baby, she’s old enough to live on her own.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Or with a husband?
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Marina, every one of us is capable of anything. It helps to be older and more experienced, but even the young can learn to live wisely if they have to.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
So don’t ever use your youth as an excuse for doing what you know is wrong.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Or as an excuse to not do things you’re afraid to do when you know you must do them.
(TRISH ABBOTT enters.)
TRISH ABBOTT
Where’s Kit Velasco?
RUDI LANDSFRIED
In the Legion, Trish.
TRISH ABBOTT
She wants to kill me. She should be arrested.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
All you have to do is apologize to her, Trish, and everything will be fine.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
You teased her, Trish, so of course she got angry.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Be brave, Trish. Go to Kit, take a deep breath, and apologize to her.
TRISH ABBOTT
I’m going to make my dad make her apologize to me.
(TRISH exits.)
MARINA LANDSFRIED
I doubt she could live on her own.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
She’s chased by her fear. How much longer can she run?
(ALINE BOUVHER enters.)
ALINE BOUCHER
I guess it’s dark enough for the fireworks, but nobody seems interested anymore.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Don’t worry, Aline, everyone loves fireworks.
ALINE BOUCHER
You know, it’s funny, but I don’t! I’ve never liked fireworks. Everyone makes such a fuss about them, but they don’t do a thing for me.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Then why’d you volunteer to set up the display?
ALINE BOUCHER
For the challenge, I guess. And now it just seems like a big waste of time.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Wait until after the display, and see how you feel then, Aline.
ALINE BOUCHER
Those fireworks aren’t going to make Mrs. Redenbach get better.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
But she might be able to see them from her hospital room.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Like springtime blossoms lighting the night! Maybe they’ll cheer her up.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
Come, Marina, Rudi, let’s go tell the others the real fireworks are about to start.
(The LANDSFRIEDS exit. ALINE wanders to the side, alone in thought as RANDY PATKO enters with SHEILA KRISTIE. They don’t see ALINE watching.)
Canada Day by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 4:
SHEILA KRISTIE
You’re a good dancer, Randy.
RANDY PATKO
I bet you say that to all the boys.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Did you see the way Yanochka Kobanova watched us?
RANDY PATKO
It was kind of creepy. Sort of like a predator.
SHEILA KRISTIE
I guess she’s jealous or something.
RANDY PATKO
You think maybe she’s in love with you?
SHEILA KRISTIE
Ha, ha, very funny.
RANDY PATKO
‘Cause I’m in love with you.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Don’t say it unless you mean it, Randy.
RANDY PATKO
I mean it! You’re cute and you dance good…why wouldn’t I be in love with you?
SHEILA KRISTIE
All you ever do is tease.
RANDY PATKO
I’m not teasing, Sheila.
SHEILA KRISTIE
Prove it.
RANDY PATKO
How?
SHEILA KRISTIE
I don’t know.
RANDY PATKO
Well if you don’t know, how am I supposed to?
SHEILA KRISTIE
I guess you’ll have to figure that one out. I need a glass of water. That’ll give you time to think.
(SHEILA exits and ALINE steps forward.)
RANDY PATKO
Hey, good lookin’, watcha got cookin’!
ALINE BOUCHER
Hi, Randy!
RANDY PATKO
You ready to set off those fireworks?
ALINE BOUCHER
What if they don’t work?
RANDY PATKO
(taking her in his arms)
There’s other ways to make fireworks.
ALINE BOUCHER
(pushing him away)
What if Sheila sees us?
RANDY PATKO
We’ll tell her we’re just wrassling, which is the truth!
(RANDY wrestles her down to the ground.)
ALINE BOUCHER
(wrestling back, and sitting on him)
You’re not so tough, Randy.
RANDY PATKO
Oh no?
(RANDY flips her over and sits on her.)
RANDY PATKO
Say “uncle”!
ALINE BOUCHER
Never!
(ALINE flips him off her, jumps up and puts her foot on his chest.)
ALINE BOUCHER
The winner!
RANDY PATKO
Okay, okay, so you’re tougher than me.
(ALINE lets him get up.)
ALINE BOUCHER
Are you serious about Sheila Christie, Randy?
RANDY PATKO
Yep. I’m gonna marry her.
ALINE BOUCHER
Really?
RANDY PATKO
I’m saving up to buy back the old homestead, and I’m gonna give her a ring, too.
ALINE BOUCHER
I guess you think she’s worth it.
RANDY PATKO
Oh yeah, she’s worth it.
(YANOCKA KOBANOVA enters.)
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Well, the two lovebirds.
RANDY PATKO
Pardon?
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
How many women do you have, Randy Patko? Two, three…five?
ALINE BOUCHER
He’s my friend.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
It must be nice for you, Randy…the only handsome young man in Coeur Brisé, and so many young girls.
RANDY PATKO
I’ve only got one girlfriend, Yanochka, and that’s Sheila Kristie.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
I’m inside, helping a sick girl, and you’re out here making love to Aline Boucher.
ALINE BOUCHER
Have you gone nuts, Yanochka?
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Why don’t you make love to me, Randy? What’s wrong with me?
RANDY PATKO
Nothing’s wrong with you, except maybe your brain.
ALINE BOUCHER
Have you been drinking, Yanochka?
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
Perhaps I have. Perhaps I’ve got half a mickey of lemon gin in my belly.
RANDY PATKO
That explains a lot.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
I’m going down to the river. Excuse me.
(YANOCHKA runs off.)
RANDY PATKO
What the heck is she doing?
ALINE BOUCHER
Whatever it is, we better stop her from doing it.
(RANDY and ALINE exit as LILY and NANCY SHERMAN enter.)
LILY SHERMAN
I can’t stand these dances.
NANCY SHERMAN
Then why do you bother to go?
LILY SHERMAN
Everyone needs company, Nancy, even me.
NANCY SHERMAN
Look, Mom, I know I’m only sixteen, but that’s old enough to leave home legally. I think that’s what I’m going to do.
LILY SHERMAN
Don’t be silly. How would you live?
NANCY SHERMAN
The same way everyone else does…by working.
LILY SHERMAN
But you want to go to university.
NANCY SHERMAN
I’ll get in as an adult student when the time comes. High school’s a waste of time.
LILY SHERMAN
And where would you work? You can’t live on minimum wage, you know.
NANCY SHERMAN
Maybe I’ll do what you did.
LILY SHERMAN
Oh no, Nancy, that’s no kind of life for you or anyone else.
NANCY SHERMAN
You survived.
LILY SHERMAN
Survived? I’m unemployed and living in a broken down trailer, Nancy, waiting for the next welfare cheque.
NANCY SHERMAN
I’m tougher than you, Mom. I’ll be all right.
LILY SHERMAN
Who are you trying to kid? Say what you like, Nancy, but I’ve kept you from the ugly side of life. Sure, you’ve had to deal with being poor, but you’ve never had to suffer the kind of abuse I put up with for the first twenty years of my life!
NANCY SHERMAN
Just because I haven’t lived it doesn’t mean I can’t handle it. I’m leaving, Mom. Then we’ll see just how tough I am, won’t we?
LILY SHERMAN
Finish high school. Get student loans and go to university. Become a doctor. If you leave home now, you’ll end up sick and addicted in some awful place where no one cares if you live or die.
NANCY SHERMAN
I’m not you, Mom! I’m not you! When will you understand that?
LILY SHERMAN
All right. You’re not me. But stay with me until you finish high school. Please.
NANCY SHERMAN
Too late for that. In my mind I’m already gone. I left the day you drove Randy Patko home.
LILY SHERMAN
Why does that boy have to be the trigger, Nancy? Why leave because of him?
NANCY SHERMAN
It’s not because of him! It’s because of you! He was a gentleman to me that night, and I fell in love with him, Mom! In love! And you took him away from me and turned it into something ugly!
LILY SHERMAN
He was never yours, Nancy.
NANCY SHERMAN
He didn’t have to be mine that way, Mom. It was enough just to have that quiet friendship with him. But I couldn’t even have that after what you did.
LILY SHERMAN
I’m sorry.
NANCY SHERMAN
Some things change our lives forever, Mom. That changed mine.
(BEN ABBOTT, SUE, LAURIE, and TRISH enter.)
BEN ABBOTT
Time for the fireworks.
SUSAN ABBOTT
Trish, please don’t run off again.
LAURIE ABBOTT
Just stay with us and watch the fire in the sky, okay?
TRISH ABBOTT
Do you still have a headache, Mom?
SUSAN ABBOTT
Just stay with us.
BEN ABBOTT
Just watch the fire in the sky.
(DANNY BOUCHER enters with CINDY BOUCHER.)
DANNY BOUCHER
I’m giving some serious thought to buying a new house for you, Cindy.
CINDY BOUCHER
Sure, Danny. That’ll be the day.
DANNY BOUCHER
I mean it, honey. I don’t want you living in a shack.
CINDY BOUCHER
So now it’s a shack. An hour ago it was a heritage house.
DANNY BOUCHER
It’s a shack, Cindy. Always was, always will be.
(MARISSA KOBANOVA enters.)
MARISSA KOBANOVA
Come on! Come on! Mother of god, must you plod along like peasants on a death march?
(BORIS KOBONOV and SONIA KOBANOVA enter.)
BORIS KOBANOV
Where is Yanochka, Mama?
MARISSA KOBANOVA
How should I know? Why should I think of her when there are fireworks to watch!
SONIA KOBANOVA
She will be here. I’m certain of it. You worry like a little boy who has lost his mama, Boris.
BORIS KOBANOV
She’s is my lovely daughter, so it is natural that I should worry.
(GERTIE ASBIDO enters with BECKY BERNICKE and WENDY BEN.)
GERTIE ASBIDO
This has been a long night, Becky. I think I just want to go home now.
WENDY BEN
Nonsense, Gertie. First, the fireworks, then home to your quilt and cable T.V.
GERTIE ASBIDO
But I’ve been cursed by those Kobanovs!
BECKY BERNICKE
Tomorrow, we’ll tell everybody what they said.
WENDY BEN
And then we’ll see some real fireworks!
BECKY BERNICKE
Everyone thinks we’re nothing but three silly old gossips. And it’s true!
(ERNIE VELASCO enters with VICKY and KIT.)
ERNIE VELASCO
Ready for the fireworks, Kit?
KIT VELASCO
I sure am, Dad.
VICKY VELASCO
Those egg salad sandwiches fixed you up real good, Kit.
KIT VELASCO
They smelled bad but tasted good.
VICKY VELASCO
Sort of like life itself.
(SHEILA KRISTIE enters.)
SHEILA KRISTIE
Randy! Has anyone seen Randy?
(RANDY PATKO enters with ALINE BOUCHER. They are assisting YANOCHKA KOBANOVA, and all three are wrapped in blankets.)
RANDY PATKO
I’m right here, Sheila.
(RANDY goes to SHEILA and embraces her.)
ALINE BOUCHER
We went with Yanochka for a walk by the river, and she fell in.
YANOCHKA KOBANOVA
No, no! I was alone, in the water. Aline and Randy ran down and pulled me out. They saved my life.
BORIS KOBANOV
Yanochka! My little daughter!
(YANOCHKA runs to BORIS and SONIA, and they embrace her.)
ALINE BOUCHER
It was just an accident. Everything’s okay…we’re all okay.
(RUDI, LARISSA, and MARINA LANDSFRIED enter with DIEDRE and VAL REDENBACK.)
RUDI LANDSFRIED
Watch the fireworks with us, Diedre and Val.
LARISSA LANDSFRIED
And then we’ll take you to your father and mother.
MARINA LANDSFRIED
Just think, your mother will see the fireworks from her hospital window.
RUDI LANDSFRIED
So it’s like she’s here with you!
(ELLY REDENBACK enters with VANCE REDENBACK.)
ELLY REDENBACH
I am here with you!
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Mom!
VAL REDENBACH
Mom! Mom!
(DIEDRE and VAL run to ELLY and embrace her.)
VANCE REDENBACH
She’s weak, but the doctor said her strength’s coming back, and the pain’s gone.
ELLY REDENBACH
It was just old Lucrezia the Tumour acting up. But my pain killers and I had a little talk with her, and she settled down.
VAL REDENBACH
I was so scared, Mom.
DIEDRE REDENBACH
Val puked, Mom.
VAL REDENBACH
But now I’ll be fine.
DANNY BOUCHER
Aline, it’s time.
CINDY BOUCHER
Push the remote, Aline.
ALINE BOUCHER
I hope it works!
CINDY BOUCHER
Once we’ve made our plans, all any of us can do is push the button and hope!
ALINE BOUCHER
Here goes! Happy Canada Day, everyone!
(ALINE pushes the remote, and everyone looks up in wonder at the fireworks as the lights fade.)
END OF PLAY.