Welcomeby Richard Stuart Dixon
© Richard Stuart Dixon, 2007
(Note: Performance of this play requires the author’s permission. Please contact Good School Plays for details.)
Production Notes:
• running time: approx. 55 minutes
• style: supernatural satire
• suitable for general audiences
• 23 characters (17 female, 6 male)
• some gender-flexible casting
• black-box staging (minimal set required)
Summary of Script Content:
• “Cooking for Three” is the lyrical tale of a group of families in a trailer park who are committed to the promise of a magical transformation of their lives through a supernatural event that must be triggered by their eldest daughters. Thematically, the play satirizes magical thinking by giving it poetic plausibility.
(This play was first performed on May 4, 7, 8, 9, 14, 2007 at Gleneagle Secondary School in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.)
Published Online by Good School Plays, February 20, 2019.
Go to:
Act One, Scene 1
Act One, Scene 2
Act One, Scene 3
Act One, Scene 4
Act Two, Scene 1
Act Two, Scene 2
Act Two, Scene 3
Act Three, Scene 1
Act Three, Scene 2
Act Three, Scene 3
CHARACTERS:
Belle Cook, 50, owner of Lazy Daze Trailer Park
Gabby Cook, 16, her eldest
Calpurnia Cook, 15, her youngest
Stan Mann, 42, a roofer
May Mann 35, his wife
Sugar Mann, 16, their eldest child
Suzy Mann, 11, the middle child
Dinky Mann, 7, the baby
Rufus Stone, 43, a forklift driver
Libby Stone, 39, his wife
Brooklyn Stone, 16, their eldest
Tiffy Stone, 11, the middle child
Tadpole Stone, 7, the baby
Tex Lopez, 39, a taxidermist
Nina Lopez, 37, his wife
Lilac Lopez, 15, their eldest
Button Lopez, 7, the baby
Officer Gray, 36, a police officer of any gender
Officer Black, 36, a police officer of any gender
Miss Lucy Casey, 42, a social worker
Crazy Daisy, indeterminate age
Mad Alice, indeterminate age
Tucker Tucker, indeterminate age
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 1:
(Lazy Daze Trailer Park. The MANN trailer is stage left. The STONE trailer is stage right. Seated upstage center is BELLE COOK, reading a magazine. Suddenly MAY MANN emerges from her trailer, hollering for her children.)
MAY MANN
(shouting loudly)
Sugar! Sooo-zeee! Dinnnnnkeeeee! Get on home now, you hear! Shoooo-garrrr! Sooooooozeeeee! Dinnnnnnkeeee! Your supper’s waitin’!
(From offstage we hear the voices of SUGAR, SUZY, and DINKY.)
SUGAR MANN
We’re comin’, Ma!
SUZY MANN
Dinky fell in the river, Ma!
DINKY MANN
Sugar made a hot, hot fire and dried my clothes, Ma!
MAY MANN
(hollering)
Well, get on home now! Them pork chops ain’t gettin’ any hotter!
(MAY goes back into her trailer as SUGAR, SUZY, and DINKY MANN enter.)
SUZY MANN
You coulda drownded, Dinky!
SUGAR MANN
What were you thinkin’, Dinky?
DINKY MANN
I jus’ wanted one ‘a them baby frogs, Sugar, for my collection.
SUGAR MANN
You know darn well Ma don’t want you bringin’ pets home.
SUZY MANN
Remember when you brung that skunk and it sprayed on Daddy?
DINKY MANN
A baby frog don’t stink like a skunk. It jus’ sorta hops about and goes “ribbet” all night long.
SUZY MANN
We don’t need no baby frog ‘cause we already got one.
DINKY MANN
Where?
SUZY MANN
(putting her arm around DINKY’s neck and giving her head a noogy)
Right here!
SUGAR MANN
You’re the frog, Dinky, you little squirt!
DINKY MANN
(struggling)
Lemme go, Suzy, or I’ll bust you one!
(MAY MANN enters and SUZY releases DINKY.)
MAY MANN
Get your butts in this trailer right now! Your daddy’s already chowin’ down, and I like the family to be together at eatin’ time!
SUGAR MANN
Yes, Ma! C’mon, let’s get in there before Daddy eats my chop!
(They run into the trailer while their mother holds the door.)
MAY MANN
(shouting after them as she goes in)
Wipe your feet! This ain’t a barn!
(MAY completes her exit. LIBBY STONE emerges from her trailer on stage right and calls for her eldest.)
LIBBY STONE
(hollering loudly)
Broooook-lynnnnnn! Brooook-lynnnnnn! Where are you, honey?
BROOKLYN STONE
(from offstage)
Eatin’ berries off a bush, Ma!
LIBBY STONE
(hollering)
Get on home now, Brooklyn!
BROOKLYN STONE
(entering from stage left)
Here I am, Ma. No need to holler!
LIBBY STONE
Brooklyn, go fetch Tiffy and Tadpole. Supper’s on the table and your Daddy’s got a man-size appetite.
BROOKLYN STONE
I don’t know where they’s at, Ma.
LIBBY STONE
You do too. Don’t be lazy, Brooklyn; just go get ‘em and right now, honey!
BROOKLYN STONE Yes, Ma.
(BROOKLYN exits stage right.)
LIBBY STONE
(calling after her)
Hurry it up! Your Daddy don’t like to wait!
(LIBBY goes in. From offstage left we hear the voice of NINA LOPEZ, calling for her children.)
NINA LOPEZ
(hollering)
Lilac! Lilac! Button! Button! Get on home now! Your supper’s ready!
(LILAC enters from stage right with BUTTON, dragging her by the arm.)
LILAC LOPEZ
Come on, Button. You heard ma!
BUTTON LOPEZ
I don’t wanna go home!
LILAC LOPEZ
Why not?
BUTTON LOPEZ
Ma cooked fish. I hate fish!
LILAC LOPEZ
You gotta get your protein, Button! Doncha wanna be big and strong?
BUTTON LOPEZ
No! I wanna be a kid forever!
LILAC LOPEZ
(tugging her along, propelling her offstage)
Well, you gotta grow up like everyone else, Button, so come on now!
(LILAC and BUTTON begin to exit stage left. GABBY and CALPURNIA COOK enter from stage left with a paper bag containing fried chicken, passing LILAC and BUTTON.)
GABBY COOK
Hey, Lilac! Your ma’s hollerin’ for you.
LILAC LOPEZ
Don’t I know it!
BUTTON LOPEZ
Quit pullin’ at me, Lilac!
LILAC LOPEZ
Then quit holdin’ back!
(BUTTON stops struggling and she and LILAC exit stage left. BELLE folds her magazine and stands up.)
BELLE COOK
Did you and Calpurnia have yourselves a nice time in town, Gabby?
GABBY COOK
We looked at dresses.
CALPURNIA COOK
Gabby wants a fancy gown, Ma.
GABBY COOK
‘Course I want a fancy gown! What girl don’t? Whatcha doin’ out here, Ma?
BELLE COOK
Who owns this here trailer park?
CALPURNIA COOK
You do, Ma!
BELLE COOK
That’s right, so’s I got to keep an eye on things, don’t I?
CALPURNIA COOK
You sure do, Ma.
GABBY COOK
(holding up the bag)
We got the fried chicken like you asked.
BELLE COOK
(inhaling deeply)
Well now, the smell ‘a that chicken’s makin’ my mouth water.
CALPURNIA COOK
There’s fries and coleslaw, too!
BELLE COOK
Ain’t that fine! Let’s take it on home and have ourselves a feast, girls.
CALPURNIA COOK
Gabby already ate some ‘a them fries!
GABBY COOK
Kids who tell burn in Hell, Calpurnia!
BELLE COOK
Gabby’s got to eat and eat often, Calpurnia. She’s sixteen and needs to fatten up to give the young men somethin’ to gawk at and dream about!
GABBY COOK
Ma!
BELLE COOK
It’s the truth, child. Why deny it? Come on now.
(BELLE, GABBY, and CALPURNIA exit stage right. LIBBY STONE enters again from her trailer on stage right.)
LIBBY STONE
(hollering)
Brooklyn! Brooklyn!
(BROOKLYN enters from stage right with TIFFY and TADPOLE.)
BROOKLYN STONE
Here they are, Ma, safe and sound.
TIFFY STONE
Brooklyn pulled my ear, Ma!
TADPOLE STONE
She kicked me, Ma!
BROOKLYN STONE
They wouldn’t come, Ma, so’s I had to use force!
TADPOLE STONE
Tiffy found some gold, but Brooklyn made her throw it away!
BROOKLYN STONE
It was fool’s gold!
TIFFY STONE
I hate you, Brooklyn!
BROOKLYN STONE
You want me to pull your ear again, Tiffy?
TIFFY STONE
She’s mean, Ma!
LIBBY STONE
She’s sixteen and she’s restless, Tiffy. Now get in this trailer and ear your supper.
(LIBBY holds the door open for her girls as they file in. CRAZY DAISY and MAD ALICE enter from stage left. They have sacks full of assorted totems and wear ragged clothes.)
CRAZY DAISY
You got anything good in your sack today, Mad Alice?
MAD ALICE
Secrets aplenty, Crazy Daisy, secrets aplenty!
CRAZY DAISY
You gonna show me them secrets, huh? Are you, huh?
MAD ALICE
Nope. Gonna keep ‘em secret so’s only me and the Devil knows what’s in there.
CRAZY DAISY
Then I ain’t showin’ you what’s in my sack, Mad Alice. No sir, if you don’t show me, I don’t show you.
MAD ALICE
(scratching her head in thought)
Wanna trade sacks?
CRAZY DAISY
I sure do!
(They trade sacks.)
MAD ALICE
(looking in her sack)
Hey, this here’s my stuff!
CRAZY DAISY
(looking in her sack)
And this here’s my stuff!
MAD ALICE
I guess we musta already traded sacks back up the trail a ways.
CRAZY DAISY
I guess.
MAD ALICE
Let’s get on up to our tent in the bush. There’s a can ‘a beans in my sack. We’ll start a hot, hot fire and have ourselves a feed.
CRAZY DAISY
I got a can ‘a Spam we can fry!
MAD ALICE
Allelujah!
(MAD ALICE and CRAZY DAISY exit stage right as OFFICER GRAY and OFFICER BLACK enter from stage left.)
OFFICER GRAY
Now where’s that social worker?
OFFICER BLACK
She better show up.
OFFICER GRAY
Trouble in Unit 13, she said.
OFFICER BLACK
Some sort of domestic dust-up.
OFFICER GRAY
This trailer park’s generally nice and quiet.
OFFICER BLACK
The folks are mostly peaceable.
OFFICER GRAY
Haven’t driven out here more than twice in the last five years.
(MISS LUCY CASEY enters from stage right.)
MISS CASEY
There you are! My goodness, why did it take you so long to get here?
OFFICER GRAY
Relax, Miss Casey. We’re here now.
OFFICER BLACK
You want to show us the way to Unit 13?
MISS CASEY
Yes, yes, of course. I think something might have happened to the family in that trailer.
OFFICER GRAY
Now don’t you worry, Miss Casey, we’ll take care of it.
MISS CASEY
Come on, then, there’s not a moment to lose!
(They exit stage right. OLD MAN TUCKER enters from stage left and crosses to centre stage.)
OLD MAN TUCKER
Everybody’s eatin’ supper, but there ain’t none for Old Man Tucker.
(TUCKER flops down on the stage disconsolately and sings to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas”.)
OLD MAN TUCKER
Oh, I ain’t got no supper!
Oh, I ain’t got no food!
I don’t got meat nor taters,
I don’t got drugs or booze!
I can wail and moan and cry all night
But it won’t do no damn good!
‘Cause if you’re Old Man Tucker
You don’t get to eat no food!
(MAY MANN comes out of her trailer, stage left.)
MAY MANN
Hey, Old Man Tucker! Quit your yodellin’! You’re spoilin’ our supper!
OLD MAN TUCKER
Gimme a crust, May!
MAY MANN
(tossing him a bit of bread)
Here you go!
OLD MAN TUCKER
(snagging the bread)
Bless you, May. If you wasn’t married, I’d take you downtown and tie the knot right now!
(OLD MAN TUCKER hustles offstage right with his bit of bread. MAY goes back in her trailer.)
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 2:
(A change of light to indicate the passage of time. STANN MANN emerges from his trailer on stage left. He rubs his belly, sits, and commences to rolling a cigarette. RUFUS STONE emerges from his trailer on stage right. He stretches and sits and commences to rolling a cigarette, too. TEX LOPEZ enters from stage left and saunters to stage centre to sits where BELLE COOK was sitting earlier. TEX already has a cigarette.)
STAN MANN
(looking up at the sunset)
Well now, that’s a fine sunset.
RUFUS STONE
(looking out at the sunset)
Sorta like a picture, only in three-dee.
TEX LOPEZ
Every night, I look out at that sunset, and I wonder if it’s the last one I’m ever gonna see.
STAN MANN
Is your eyes giving out on you, Tex?
TEX LOPEZ
Nope. I’m talkin’ about dyin’, Stan. Happens to everyone.
RUFUS STONE
Wouldn’t mind dyin’ right here and now, with that sunset flamin’ like a hot, hot fire and my belly full of meatballs and spaghetti.
STAN MANN
What about Libby and the kids?
RUFUS STONE
Don’t you think they know how to suck air and eat berries?
STAN MANN
Well, sure, but…
RUFUS STONE
Folks get by, Stan, no matter who’s alive and who’s dead.
TEX LOPEZ
Man brought in an owl for me to stuff.
STAN MANN
Where’d he get it?
TEX LOPEZ
Found it in the pond out back of his shack.
STAN MANN
Drowned?
TEX LOPEZ
Yep.
STAN MANN
A dead owl’s bad luck.
TEX LOPEZ
Only if you’re the one that killed it.
RUFUS STONE
You ever think about stuffin’ a human being, Tex?
TEX LOPEZ
‘Course. I could do it, too.
STAN MANN
Why the hell would you want to?
TEX LOPEZ
They make them statues of famous people, don’t they?
STAN MANN
I guess.
TEX LOPEZ
So what’s the difference?
RUFUS STONE
I’ll tell you what, Tex: if I was to drown like that owl, would you stuff me?
TEX LOPEZ
Sure, Rufus, if you can afford it.
RUFUS STONE
How much?
TEX LOPEZ
Let’s see. You’re about the size of a bear, and bears are a couple thousand…
RUFUS STONE
How about my great-grandpappy’s gold pocket watch?
TEX LOPEZ
Sure, but that watch is an heirloom, Rufus. Dontcha want your kids to have it?
RUFUS STONE
They’d have me, all stuffed up and pretty as a picture. Ain’t that better than some old watch?
STAN MANN
It’s got be against the law or somethin’.
TEX LOPEZ
Don’t see why. It’s clean and cheaper than one ‘a them fancy coffins.
(DINKY MANN runs out of the trailer stage left, and TADPOLE STONE comes out of the trailer on stage right. BUTTON LOPEZ enters from stage left. They meet at centre stage.)
DINKY MANN
I got a pork chop in my tummy and it was yummy.
TADPOLE STONE
So? I got a hundred miles of spaghetti in my tummy.
BUTTON LOPEZ
Ma made me eat a fish.
DINKY MANN
A whole fish?
BUTTON LOPEZ
It’s swimming in my belly.
TADPOLE STONE
(running to RUFUS)
Daddy, is today the day?
RUFUS STONE
Don’t know, Tadpole.
DINKY MANN
(running to STAN)
Do you know if today’s the day, Daddy?
STAN MANN
No one knows, Dinky.
BUTTON LOPEZ
(running to TEX)
Daddy, if no one knows when it’s gonna happen, maybe it never will.
TEX LOPEZ
Does the sun go down every night, Button?
BUTTON LOPEZ
Sure.
RUFUS STONE
Does the sun rise every morning, Tadpole?
TADPOLE STONE
Yeah.
STAN MANN
Well, if that can happen, so can anything else, Dinky.
DINKY MANN
If anything can happen, then somethin’ dead can come back to life, right, Pa?
STAN MANN
Sure, like the bushes in the berry patch every spring.
TEX LOPEZ
You kids go get yourselves some ripe berries.
RUFUS STONE
Nature’s desert!
STAN MANN
Nothin’ like berries to keep your tummies runnin’ like clockwork!
DINKY MANN
Come on, you guys!
(DINKY, TADPOLE, and BUTTON run offstage right.)
TEX LOPEZ
I’m goin’ down to the river to do a little fishin’. You fellas wanna join me?
RUFUS STONE
Evenin’s the best time to fish.
STAN MANN
I’ll get my rod.
(STAN and RUFUS exit into their trailers and TEX exits left.)
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 3:
(SUZY MANN comes out of her trailer, stage left, and TIFFY STONE out of hers, stage right. The run to meet each other centre stage.)
SUZY MANN
Didja find some gold up at the old mine, Tiffy?
TIFFY STONE
Sure, but stupid Brooklyn took it from me and threw it away.
SUZY MANN
Why?
TIFFY STONE
She said it was fool’s gold, and I was just a stupid kid.
SUZY MANN
Dinky fell in the river again.
TIFFY STONE
Did your ma get mad at you?
SUZY MANN
No, ‘cause Sugar made a hot, hot fire and dried Dinky’s clothes.
TIFFY STONE
If Tadpole fell in the river, Brooklyn wouldn’t even pull her out. She’d make me do it.
SUZY MANN
Ma says girls like Sugar and Brooklyn get all mixed up ‘cause they’re almost wimmen.
TIFFY STONE
Brooklyn’s no fun.
(in a rush of words)
She’s always grumpy and wants to be by herself and I end up doin’ all the babysittin’ and then I get in trouble from Ma when Tadpole does somethin’ bad.
SUZY MANN
Sugar’s the same. Dinky wouldn’t ‘a fell in the river if Sugar’d bin watchin’ like she’s spozed to.
TIFFY STONE
And Lilac Lopez is just like Brooklyn and Sugar…all caught up in herself like she’s special or somethin’.
SUZY MANN
I guess it’s ‘cause they’re the oldest and everything.
TIFFY STONE
If I pushed Brooklyn in the river, she’d drown ‘cause she can’t swim.
SUZY MANN
If you did, Tiffy, you’d be the oldest daughter and you know what that means.
TIFFY STONE
Do your really think it’s gonna happen, Suzy?
SUZY MANN
Everyone says so.
TIFFY STONE
If it does, I guess Brooklyn will hafta smarten up in a hurry.
(SUGAR MANN enters from the stage left trailer, BROOKLYN STONE from the stage right trailer, and LILAC LOPEZ from stage left. They gather near the two younger girls.)
SUGAR MANN
Suzy, Ma says you got to dry the dishes.
SUZY MANN
Awwww! It’s spozed to be your job, Sugar. Why don’t you do it?
SUGAR MANN
Because, that’s why! Now git!
SUZY MANN
But I’m spozed to be watchin’ Dinky.
SUGAR MANN
Well, you ain’t, are you?
LILAC LOPEZ
Better do what Sugar says, Suzy. She’s the eldest daughter.
SUZY MANN
Don’t I know it.
(SUZY exits into the stage left trailer.)
BROOKLYN STONE
You gotta go in and help Ma too, Tiffy.
TIFFY STONE
You don’t got to say it like you’re the boss, Brooklyn, ‘cause you’re not.
BROOKLYN STONE
Where’s Tadpole?
TIFFY STONE
I don’t know. Find her yourself.
(TIFFY exits into the stage right trailer.)
SUGAR MANN
(looking out at the sunset)
That’s a pretty sunset.
LILAC LOPEZ
Looks like the whole sky’s on fire. Makes my skin all jittery.
BROOKLYN STONE
I wonder why they say it’s gonna happen at sunset?
SUGAR MANN
I guess ‘cause it’s the end of the day.
LILAC LOPEZ
The end of the day. Like dyin’.
BROOKLYN STONE
I ain’t scared or nothin’, but I guess I get to wonderin’ what it’s gonna be like.
SUGAR MANN
No one knows ‘cept maybe Mrs. Cook, and she ain’t talkin’.
LILAC LOPEZ
I hope there’s boys there.
BROOKLYN STONE
Where?
LILAC LOPEZ
I mean after. I hope there’s boys after.
SUGAR MANN
Yeah, after it’s all done, just some boys.
BROOKLYN STONE
You seen Mary Burnside today?
LILAC LOPEZ
No.
SUGAR MANN
Mary Burnside’s a strange one.
BROOKLYN STONE
She don’t got no brothers or sisters and her daddy never lets her do nothin’.
SUGAR MANN
She hardly ever comes outta her daddy’s old trailer.
BROOKLYN STONE
I ain’t even said more than ten words to her.
LILAC LOPEZ
She don’t want to be friends, I guess.
SUGAR MANN
Their ain’t no rule says we gotta all be friends, least not so far as I know.
(GABBY and CALPURNIA COOK enter.)
GABBY COOK
Ain’t you spozed to be lookin’ after your kid sisters?
CALPURNIA COOK
What if they drown in the river?
GABBY COOK
Or fall down that old mine shaft?
BROOKLYN STONE
They’re over in the berry patch stuffin’ their fat little tummies with ripe fruit.
SUGAR MANN
Nothin’ dangerous about that ol’ berry patch.
LILAC LOPEZ
Just some thorns.
GABBY COOK
Oh yeah? One time, a little kid got eaten by a bear in that patch.
CALPURNIA COOK
They found her left leg with a shiny black shoe still on it.
BROOKLYN STONE
Don’t kid us.
GABBY COOK
You enjoy your suppers?
SUGAR MANN
We eat what we’re given.
CALPURNIA COOK
We had fried chicken from town, with fries and ‘slaw.
LILAC LOPEZ
Kinda greasy. What’d you wash it down with?
CALPURNIA COOK
Springwater from Ma’s well, of course.
BROOKLYN STONE
How come your ma never lets no one else drink from that big ol’ well?
GABBY COOK
Just ‘cause it’s big don’t mean it’s public. ‘Sides, the rest ‘a you get all the water you need from the river.
SUGAR MANN
Don’t seem right for a well to have a lock on it, ‘less it’s poison or somethin’.
CALPURNIA COOK
It ain’t poison. I’m standin’ here talkin’ to you, ain’t I?
LILAC LOPEZ
One time, I asked your ma for a drink ‘a that well water, and she told my ma, and I got a lickin’ for it.
GABBY COOK
Ma owns this trailer park, so she makes the rules. That well’s out-of-bounds, girls, and so be it!
BROOKLYN STONE
You ever feel like you want a boyfriend, Gabby?
GABBY COOK
Don’t got to answer that.
BROOKLYN STONE
Sometimes you look kinda lonely.
GABBY COOK
I’m a young woman, ain’t I? I got needs and they don’t all get met.
CALPURNIA COOK
She got asked on a date once.
GABBY COOK
He was a nice fella and we went to Franky’s for baron ‘a beef with three vegetables and pecan pie fer dessert.
SUGAR MANN
Did you kiss him goodbye after?
GABBY COOK
That’s for me to know and you to find out.
CALPURNIA COOK
Gabby don’t tell no one secrets like that, not even me.
GABBY COOK
There’s some things best left unspoken, as Ma always says.
LILAC LOPEZ
I guess I wish I could go on a date sometime.
(LILAC, BROOKLYN, and SUGAR become wistful, standing awkwardly, knowing they won’t be going on any dates anytime soon.)
GABBY COOK
(sincerely)
Awww, ain’t that just an awful shame! You must get awful sad sometimes ‘cause you can’t get together with the fellas.
(MAY MANN comes out of her trailer, stage left.)
MAY MANN
Sugar, you’re spozed to be lookin’ after Dinky!
SUGAR MANN
I don’t know where she’s at, Ma!
MAY MANN
Don’t fib. You know darn well she’s down at the berry patch. Now go keep an eye on her, Sugar. There’s bears, eh?
SUGAR MANN
Yes, Ma.
(SUGAR exits stage right.)
MAY MANN
Brooklyn and Lilac, ain’t you spozed to be watchin’ Dinky and Tadpole?
BROOKLYN STONE
Yes, Mrs. Mann.
MAY MANN
Well, get to it then before I tell your ma’s.
(BROOKLYN and LILAC exit stage right.)
GABBY COOK
They was just daydreamin’ about boys, Mrs. Mann.
CALPURNIA COOK
Can’t blame ‘em.
MAY MANN
Well now, that’s the truth, ain’t it.
(MAY goes back into her trailer. OFFICERS GRAY and BLACK enter with MISS CASEY from stage right. All three are worked up about something.)
MISS CASEY
You’re Mrs. Cook’s daughters, aren’t you?
GABBY COOK
Well now, we sure ain’t her sisters.
OFFICER GRAY
And she’s the owner of this trailer park?
CALPURNIA COOK
Yep. She don’t owe a single cent on it.
GABBY COOK
And she’s got the property deed locked up snug as a squirrel in a knothole.
OFFICER GRAY
Your ma around here somewhere?
OFFICER BLACK
We got to talk to her about Unit 13.
MISS CASEY
There’s been some trouble.
GABBY COOK
Trouble?
OFFICER GRAY
Do you know where yer Ma is?
OFFICER BLACK
It’s police business.
GABBY COOK
She’s over in the vegetable patch, weedin’ the ‘taters.
CALPURNIA COOK
What’s goin’ on in Unit 13?
MISS CASEY
It’s police business, girls.
GABBY COOK
Is it about Mary Burnside?
MISS CASEY
We’re not at liberty to discuss it.
OFFICER GRAY
You say your mother’s in the vegetable patch?
GABBY COOK
Yes, ma’am, she’s over there pullin’ out them pesky mornin’ glory vines that threaten to choke her ‘taters.
MISS CASEY
Thank you, girls. Come along, Officers. I know the way.
(MISS CASEY and the OFFICERS exit stage left.)
GABBY COOK
Somethin’ musta happened ta Mary Burnside.
CALPURNIA COOK
Maybe her ma took her into the forest and left her there.
GABBY COOK
Or maybe her pa put her in a sack and threw her in the river.
CALPURNIA COOK
Won’t hurt for us to listen when them cops interrogate Ma.
(GABBY and CALPURNIA exit stage left)
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 4:
(CRAZY DAISY and MAD ALICE enter from stage right.)
CRAZY DAISY
Nothin’ like steamin’ beans and sizzlin’ spam ta make a body feel like dancin’.
MAD ALICE
You cook somethin’ over a nice hot fire, and it tastes like nature itself.
CRAZY DAISY
You think somethin’s gonna happen tonight, Alice?
MAD ALICE
Dunno. I’m sort of tingly, but it could be the beans and spam.
(Breathing deeply and reaching her arms up, MAD ALICE closes her eyes and spreads her fingers to test the air.)
MAD ALICE
There’s somethin’ in the air all right.
(dropping her arms)
You try!
CRAZY DAISY
Here goes.
(reaching up in the same way as Mad Alice)
I’m gettin’ somethin. Yes indeed, somethin’s goin’ on. Hard to tell what it is.
MAD ALICE
Guess tonight could be the night.
CRAZY DAISY
What do you ‘spoze them cops is doin’ here?
MAD ALICE
I’ll betcha dimes to dollars it’s got somethin’ to do with that Burnside kid and her crazy ma and pa.
CRAZY DAISY
I seen a sort of black mist flowin’ across the ground and inta Unit 13.
MAD ALICE
I seen the outsides of that trailer all wet and sweatin’ as if it was sick with fever.
CRAZY DAISY
And that social worker’s bin nosin’ around over there.
MAD ALICE
Wouldn’t be surprised if that trailer burned down some night.
CRAZY DAISY
Where there’s sin, there’s fire.
MAD ALICE
If somethin’s gone bad, burn it, my pappy used ta say.
CRAZY DAISY
All it takes is a keg of gas and box of matches.
MAD ALICE
Ain’t nothin’ kin escape from the flames of a hot, hot fire.
CRAZY DAISY
Fire’s just about the cleanest thing there is on this here earth.
MAD ALICE
A nice hot fire makes everythin’ taste like nature.
CRAZY DAISY
Let’s go hide down by the vegetable patch. Maybe we kin watch them cops and read their lips.
MAD ALICE
We got to do our bit to keep this trailer park clean.
(CRAZY DAISY and MAD ALICE exit stage left.)
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 1:
(OLD MAN TUCKER enters from stage right.)
OLD MAN TUCKER
All I got fer my supper was a crust ‘a bread. It ain’t enough, it ain’t enough.
(OLD MAN TUCKER sits and sings a song to the tune of “Oh Suzannah”.)
Well, I took my crust and chewed it up
And swallowed it right down
And when I saw there was no more
I started in to frown.
Oh, my bread crust!
Oh, where, oh where are you?
You’re lost and gone and it’s no fun
I want something to chew.
(LIBBY STONE comes out of her trailer, stage right.)
LIBBY STONE
Quit that caterwaulin’, Tucker Tucker!
OLD MAN TUCKER
You got somethin’ fer me, Missus Stone?
LIBBY STONE
Here you go!
(LIBBY throws TUCKER an apple, which he catches.)
LIBBY STONE
Now don’t gobble. Chew slowly so’s you kin get the most out of it!
OLD MAN TUCKER
Thank you, Missus Stone! You’re an angel! Old Tucker Tucker won’t ferget your kindness! No sir, I won’t ferget!
(TUCKER exits stage right, polishing the apple with excitement. MAY MANN comes out of her trailer, stage left.)
MAY MANN
I swear, it takes me two hours to cook supper, and that family ‘a mine gobbles it up in ten minutes flat.
LIBBY STONE
I cooked a pound and a half of spaghetti and twenty-six meatballs, and it’s all gone.
MAY MANN
They ain’t never satisfied.
LIBBY STONE
They shovel it down, burn it off, and come back for more.
(NINA LOPEZ enters.)
NINA LOPEZ
Well, ladies, supper’s done for another day.
LIBBY STONE
Tiffy’s dryin’ the dishes as we speak.
MAY MANN
So’s Suzy.
NINA LOPEZ
Count yourselve’s lucky to have someone to do it. Button’s too young and Lilac’s too busy worryin’ about the future.
LIBBY STONE
That Lilac’s a beauty, Nina.
NINA LOPEZ
Don’t I know it. If them boys in town got one look at her, they’d be out here sniffin’ around the trailer in no time.
MAY MANN
Don’t want our eldest girls on display. Got to keep ‘em tucked away like precious treasure.
LIBBY STONE
That’s hard to do. Brooklyn’s bin mopin’ around like a lost puppy. I know she wants to go inta town even if she don’t say so.
MAY MANN
Sugar’s the same. She don’t mope much, but she’s lonely.
NINA LOPEZ
Well, their time’s comin’, their time’s comin’.
LIBBY STONE
You think so, Nina?
NINA LOPEZ
It’s gotta be. They’re of age, ain’t they?
MAY MANN
‘Cordin’ to Mrs. Cook, they gotta be ‘zactly between bein’ a girl and bein’ a woman.
NINA LOPEZ
Which is right about now.
LIBBY STONE
I don’t like to think about it, but I guess I gotta in case it sneaks up when I ain’t lookin’.
NINA LOPEZ
I figure when it comes, it’ll come quick.
MAY MANN
You mean like lightnin’?
NINA LOPEZ
It’ll come quick.
LIBBY STONE
I know Brooklyn will do what’s gotta be done, and so will Lilac and Sugar. It the Burnside girl that’s got me worried.
NINA LOPEZ
Yup. Mary Burnside’s the one we gotta watch. She ain’t exactly on side with all this.
MAY MANN
Her ma and pa fight like cats and dogs, and it’s bin gettin’ worse and worse of late.
NINA LOPEZ
That social worker, Miss Casey…she was out to Unit 13 last night.
LIBBY STONE
I seen her and a couple of cops talkin’ right out here just now.
MAY MANN
We don’t need no cops gettin’ mixed up in our bizness!
NINA LOPEZ
It’s them Burnsides…they’re the weak link in the chain.
MAY MANN
Mary Burnside’s got to be goin’ through the same thing as my Sugar when it happens.
NINA LOPEZ
Mrs. Cook says it’s got to be all the eldest daughters in the trailer park.
LIBBY STONE
You know what gets me?
MAY MANN
What?
LIBBY STONE
Mrs. Cook’s eldest, Gabby. She don’t got to take part in any of it.
NINA LOPEZ
Mrs. Cook says Gabby’s not a tenant, so she don’t count.
LIBBY STONE
I’d feel ninety-nine percent better if her Gabby had to go through the same thing as my Brooklyn.
MAY MANN
Well, it’s too late to fuss about the details. We committed ourselves to this a long time ago, and I ain’t turnin’ back now.
NINA LOPEZ
Me neither. Our families is dependin’ on this, and I for one won’t change my mind now.
LIBBY STONE
Well, I won’t neither. I was just sayin’ that I got my doubts, like any normal human being.
MAY MANN
We love our daughters just as much as any mothers anywhere, don’t we?
LIBBY STONE
Yeah.
MAY MANN
But sometimes you got to be willin’ to risk everythin’ to gain everythin’.
NINA LOPEZ
‘Course we all got doubts and worries. But ain’t that the nature of life? I mean, ain’t none of us knows if we’re gonna live to see the mornin’ sun.
MAY MANN
That’s the truth, yes, that’s the truth.
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 2:
(MRS COOK enters with GABBY and CALPURNIA.)
BELLE COOK
Well, it’s a lovely evenin’ to sit out on the steps and enjoy the air, now ain’t it?
LIBBY STONE
That’s what we’re doin’, Mrs. Cook.
BELLE COOK
Just sittin’ there lookin’ like three wildflowers in the forest. Gabby, Calpurnia, run on home and put the kettle on. I’d like a cup ‘a tea.
GABBY COOK
You want one bag or two, Ma?
BELLE COOK
Hell, I don’t care, so long as it’s hot and sweet.
CALPURNIA COOK
Sweet like you, Ma.
(CALPURNIA and GABBY exit stage right.)
BELLE COOK
So, you’re out here relaxin’ in the warm evenin’ air.
MAY MANN
Supper’s done and the men have gone fishin’.
BELLE COOK
Now ain’t that just like a man, doin’ whatever he wants, whenever he wants.
LIBBY STONE
Rufus says he don’t got much choice about what he does at work, Mrs. Cook.
BELLE COOK
Drives a forklift, don’t he?
LIBBY STONE
Yeah, all day every day six days a week, liftin’ stuff and stackin’ it.
BELLE COOK
Well, then, I guess he’s got a right to pull a fish or two outta the river.
NINA LOPEZ
Mrs. Cook, how much longer do you think it’s gonna be?
BELLE COOK
‘Til what, Nina?
NINA LOPEZ
‘Til my girl Lilac’s got to face the unknown?
BELLE COOK
Why, she faces the unknown just by being alive, Nina, just like the rest of us.
MAY MANN
You know what Nina means, Mrs. Cook. How much longer do we got to wait?
BELLE COOK
Oh, I’d say it could be any time now.
NINA LOPEZ
you mean like this summer?
BELLE COOK
Any time now.
LIBBY STONE
We’re puttin’ our trust in you, Mrs. Cook. Our daughters…they’re kind of in your hands.
BELLE COOK
Nobody’s forcin’ you to do a damn thing, Libby. You all decided of your own free wills.
LIBBY STONE
Yeah, but I still get to feelin’ anxious. You kin understand that, can’t you?
BELLE COOK
Just take a good look at me, ladies.
(they all stare at her)
Look real close. you see anythin’ wrong with me?
MAY MANN
You look fine, Mrs. Cook.
BELLE COOK
So quit worryin’ and enjoy the ride.
NINA LOPEZ
Mrs. Cook, what are the police doin’ in the trailer park?
BELLE COOK
Oh, there’s bin a bit ‘a nonsense up at Unit 13.
LIBBY STONE
You mean the Burnside trailer?
BELLE COOK
Just a bit ‘a nonsense. Nothin’ to worry about.
MAY MANN
What sorta nonsense?
BELLE COOK
Well, now, I can’t ‘zactly say. I don’t got no right to barge into someone’s private trailer.
NINA LOPEZ
But them police musta told you somethin’.
BELLE COOK
Nope. They just let me know no one’s to go near Unit 13 ’til they give us the go ahead.
MAY MANN
That’s all they said?
BELLE COOK
They’re too busy for chit-chat, ladies.
LIBBY STONE
What if somethin’ happened to Mary Burnside?
BELLE COOK
We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, Libby. Now s’cuse me, I got to git home and wash the dirt offa my hands from weedin’ them ‘taters.
(BELLE exits stage right.)
LIBBY STONE
Somethin’ bad’s happened at Unit 13. Why else would the cops say we ain’t allowed to go near it?
MAY MANN
I’m callin’ my kids in right now.
(standing up on her porch and hollering)
Sugarrrrr! Dinkyyyyy! Get on home now!
NINA LOPEZ
(hollering)
Lilac! Button! Get outta that berry patch right now!
LIBBY STONE
(hollering)
Brooklyn! Tadpole! Come on back to the trailer, kids!
MAY MANN
Sometimes, you got to gather together with your family.
NINA LOPEZ
I hope them men get back from fishin’ soon.
LIBBY STONE
Feels kind of cold all of a sudden.
(SUGAR, DINKY, LILAC, BUTTON, BROOKLYN and TADPOLE enter from stage right.)
BROOKLYN STONE
Whatcha hollerin’ for, Ma. It ain’t late.
LIBBY STONE
Never you mind.
TADPOLE STONE
We was just eatin’ berries, Ma.
LIBBY STONE
Brooklyn, take Tadpole in the trailer and scrub her hands. They got juice all over them.
BROOKLYN STONE
Yes, Ma. Come on, Tadpole.
TADPOLE STONE
We was just eatin’ berries and Dinky did somethin’ dumb.
(BROOKLYN takes TADPOLE into the trailer, stage right.)
SUGAR MANN
Ma, Dinky swallowed a bee.
DINKY MANN
It flew right in my mouth and I thought it was a berry.
MAY MANN
Dinky, a bee is nothing like a berry.
DINKY MANN
Yes it is, Ma. It’s soft and gushy and it don’t taste bad at all!
SUGAR MANN
You could’ve gotten stung in your throat, Dinky. Then what?
DINKY MANN
I bin stung lotsa times and nothin’ happened ‘cept for pain.
MAY MANN
I guess you got luck on your side, Dinky.
DINKY MANN
I do, Ma. I’m luckier than Sugar ‘cause she’s the one that’s got to do somethin’ real scary.
SUGAR MANN
You don’t know nothin’ about that, Dinky.
DINKY MANN
I do too, Sugar!
MAY MANN
Take her in the trailer, Sugar, and give her a glass ‘a milk in case that bee done some damage to her throat.
SUGAR MANN
Yes, Ma. Come on, Dinky.
(SUGAR takes DINKY into the trailer, stage left.)
LILAC LOPEZ
Ma, I get tired of watchin’ out for Button.
BUTTON LOPEZ
So don’t! I never asked you to.
NINA LOPEZ
Button, don’t be rude to your sister.
BUTTON LOPEZ
She don’t watch me anyway, Ma. She just sits by herself and stares at the ground or talks and talks to Brooklyn and Sugar.
NINA LOPEZ
Well, she’s at that age, Button. One day you’ll understand.
BUTTON LOPEZ
I don’t want ever to be like Lilac.
LILAC LOPEZ
No one’s ever gonna be like me, Button…not you or anyone else.
NINA LOPEZ
That’s right. Now take Button home, Lilac, and fix yourselves some pie.
LILAC LOPEZ
Yes, Ma.
(LILAC and BUTTON exit stage left and we hear TEX addressing them from offstage.)
TEX LOPEZ
(from offstage)
Hey, kids, you headin’ for home?
BUTTON LOPEZ
(from offstage)
We’re gonna have pie, Daddy!
TEX LOPEZ
Well save some for me.
(TEX, RUFUS, and STAN enter.)
MAY MANN
Well look who’s back. Where’s your fishin’ poles?
STAN MANN
Threw ‘em in the back of Rufus’s truck.
RUFUS STONE
Gonna go out to the lake tomorrow.
TEX LOPEZ
Might have better luck there.
STAN MANN
Not one nibble in the river. Guess them fish got spooked by somethin’.
(The MEN go and join each of their wives, in a familiar, friendly fashion, putting their arms around the WOMEN’s waists, etc.)
LIBBY STONE
Rufus, somethin’s goin’ on at Unit 13.
RUFUS STONE
The Burnsides?
LIBBY STONE
Yeah. The cops told Mrs. Cook no one’s to go near that beat-up old trailer.
STAN MANN
I don’t like the sound ‘a that.
TEX LOPEZ
Maybe they’re gone, and good riddance.
NINA LOPEZ
But what if they tell someone about us, Tex?
TEX LOPEZ
Who’d believe ‘em?
MAY MANN
Should we go take a look just in case there’s somethin’ we should know?
STAN MANN
If the cops say to stay away, we better do it. Don’t want to get the police all riled up.
RUFUS STONE
That’s right. It’s too close to the time.
LIBBY STONE
You think so, Rufus? You think the time is here at last?
RUFUS STONE
I sure do, honey. The fish ain’t bitin’ and sky’s a flamin’ red. Hell, the signs are all there.
NINA LOPEZ
Since when was you an expert on readin’ signs, Rufus Stone?
RUFUS STONE
Don’t got to be an expert. Just got to trust my gut.
LIBBY STONE
(patting his belly)
It’s full ‘a my spaghetti! How are them meatballs doin’, Babe?
RUFUS STONE
I got a bit ‘a heartburn, honey, but it ain’t no cause for alarm.
STAN MANN
Where’s the kids, May?
MAY MANN
In the trailer, safe and sound.
STAN MANN
That’s good. If them Burnsides are makin’ trouble, it’s best to keep inside.
RUFUS STONE
Is our babies in the trailer, Libby?
LIBBY STONE
Wouldn’t have ‘em no place else, Rufus.
STAN MANN
You know, we was sittin’ out here earlier and Rufus was talking about getting’ himself stuffed when he’s dead, and I got this feelin’ that somethin’ was gonna happen tonight.
TEX LOPEZ
Your talkin’ like a woman, Stan.
MAY MANN
What’s that spozed to mean, Tex?
TEX LOPEZ
Dunno. Just felt like the right thing to say.
LIBBY STONE
What’s this about you gettin’ stuffed, Rufus?
RUFUS STONE
Nothin’, honey. I was just shootin’ the breeze, passin’ the time, talkin’ about a whole lot of nothin’.
STAN MANN
Somethin’s gonna happen tonight. I don’t know what it is, but it’s comin’, just as sure as I’m sittin’ with my arm around this cute little lady here.
LIBBY STONE
Maybe the time’s come, but it’s too soon. I’m not ready to lose my lovely Brooklyn.
NINA LOPEZ
She’s a first-born girl-child, Libby, just like my Lilac.
MAY MANN
And my Sugar.
TEX LOPEZ
We all swore to give Mrs. Cook what she wanted; there’s no backin’ out now.
STAN MANN
But that Burnside girl…what if her folks ain’t willing to let her go?
RUFUS STONE
Maybe she’s dead.
LIBBY STONE
Don’t say that, Rufus.
RUFUS STONE
Why not? If she’s dead, she ain’t gonna be a problem, now is she?
TEX LOPEZ
Want me to stuff her too, Rufus, to keep you company in the hereafter?
NINA LOPEZ
It’s nothin’ to joke about, Honey. Trouble at the Burnside trailer is trouble for all of us.
(TIFFY STONE enters from the trailer, stage right with TADPOLE.)
TIFFY STONE
Ma, Brooklyn’s doin’ somethin’ weird.
TADPOLE STONE
It’s scary, Ma!
LIBBY STONE
Whaddaya mean, Tiffy?
TIFFY STONE
She’s standin’ in the kitchen like some sorta zombie.
LIBBY STONE
It’s startin’, Rufus…I just know it!
(LIBBY gets up and starts exiting into the trailer)
RUFUS STONE
Now, don’t panic, Libby…
(RUFUS gets up and follows LIBBY into the trailer. SUZY MANN enters with DINKY from the trailer, stage left.)
SUZY MANN
Ma! Pa! Sugar’s gone sorta dead or somethin’. She’s just standin’, with her eyes starin’ at nothin’!
DINKY MANN
She’s like a statue, Ma!
MAY MANN
Come on, Stan…our girl needs us!
(MAY and STAN exit into the trailer. BUTTON LOPEZ enters from stage left.)
BUTTON LOPEZ
Ma! Ma! Lilac won’t move! She’s just starin’ at your berry pie, holdin’ the knife in it, like as if she’s frozen!
NINA LOPEZ
Come on, Tex…it’s begun at last!
TEX LOPEZ
Sure sounds like it.
(TEX and NINA exit, stage left. The younger girls stay close to each of their older sisters, but BUTTON stands apart from them, uncertain about what to do.)
TADPOLE STONE
I’m scared.
TIFFY STONE
Don’t be, Tadpole. It won’t do no good.
DINKY MANN
I don’t wanna go back in the trailer, Suzy.
SUZY MANN
We won’t, Dinky, not for a while anyways.
BUTTON LOPEZ
(still standing apart from the others)
What am I spozed ta do?
TIFFY STONE
Jus’ stay here with us, Button, ‘til your ma hollers for you!
BUTTON LOPEZ
But what if she don’t?
SUZY MANN
She won’t ferget about you, Button. Come over here with me and Dinky.
(BUTTON goes to SUZY, who puts her arm around her to comfort her.)
DINKY MANN
Ma’s fergot about me, Suzy.
SUZY MANN
She’s got more to worry about than a little bitty thing like you, Dinky.
TADPOLE STONE
Somethin’ bad’s gonna happen, ain’t it, Tiffy?
TIFFY STONE
Now, don’t go talkin’ that way, Tadpole. It don’t do no good to think bad thoughts.
BUTTON LOPEZ
Do you think my big sister’s gone crazy, Suzy?
SUZY MANN
No more crazy than my big sister, Button.
DINKY MANN
Maybe they got to go to the hospital and have an operation like when I had my tonsils chopped off.
TIFFY STONE
It ain’t like that, Dinky.
DINKY MANN
Then how are they gonna get better?
TIFFY STONE
Well, ain’t none of us knows the answer to that.
TADPOLE STONE
Is Brooklyn gonna die?
TIFFY STONE
Ma says Brooklyn’s the eldest, and the eldest always has to break the trail for us younger kids.
TADPOLE STONE
But does that mean she’s dying, Tiffy?
TIFFY STONE
We’re all dyin’, Tadpole, from the day we’re born.
SUZY MANN
It ain’t nothin’ to be scared about, ‘cause its as natural as breathin’.
DINKY MANN
Why did I get born if I’m only gonna die anyways?
SUZY MANN
Don’t ask stupid questions, Dinky.
DINKY MANN
It’s not a stupid question. You’re stupid, ‘cause you don’t know the answer.
BUTTON LOPEZ
My granny died and I seen her in a coffin.
DINKY MANN
What’d she look like?
BUTTON LOPEZ
An old person doll.
TADPOLE STONE
A dead granny ain’t a doll, Button.
DINKY MANN
Anyone knows you can’t play with a dead granny.
(CRAZY DAISY and MAD ALICE enter. The girls bunch up in a cowering group.)
CRAZY DAISY
Ain’t it kinda late for you kids to be outside?
MAD ALICE
Doncha know that there’s danger in the dark?
TIFFY STONE
We don’t wanna go in ‘cause of our big sisters.
CRAZY DAISY
What’s wrong with ‘em?
TIFFY STONE
They’re goin’ through some kinda change.
MAD ALICE
Poor things. Is they turnin’ inta pumpkins?
(MAD ALICE and CRAZY DAISY laugh at their own jest.)
SUZY MANN
It ain’t funny, you crazy old wimmen!
CRAZY DAISY
Don’t you call us crazy, you little turd.
MAD ALICE
(speaking with slow deliberation and insinuation)
Now, do you kids want some candy?
(MAD ALICE pulls out a crumpled bag and holds it out towards the cowering girls.)
TADPOLE STONE
No thank you Mrs. Alice.
TIFFY STONE
We got lots already in the trailer.
CRAZY DAISY
Don’t tell tales, girls. You don’t got no candy in them trailers.
MAD ALICE
Little girls with candy eat it all up and ask for more.
SUZY MANN
Me and Dinky ain’t allowed to eat candy ‘cause of our teeth.
DINKY MANN
Ma says I don’t need no candy ‘cause I’m already a sweet little girl!
CRAZY DAISY
Then how come I seen you in the berry patch stuffing your little face fulla them sweet red berries?
DINKY MANN
I was eatin’ bees and they ain’t sweet!
MAD ALICE
You think this candy is poison? I’ll show you it ain’t.
(MAD ALICE takes out a piece and pops it in her mouth and chews vigourously.)
MAD ALICE
Mmmmmm….good! Want some, Daisy?
CRAZY DAISY
I sure do.
(CRAZY DAISY reaches into the bag, pulls out a piece, and munches.)
CRAZY DAISY
Mmmmmmm! That’s the best candy I ever tasted!
MAD ALICE
(pushing the bag toward them)
Now you kids better eat some of this here candy before it’s all gone!
TIFFY STONE
It’s time for us to go in, now, ‘cause it’s night. Maybe we kin eat some ‘a that candy tomorrow.
SUZY MANN
Yeah, we gotta get inside now. Ain’t got time to eat no candy.
(CRAZY DAISY reaches out her hand and grabs BUTTON, pulling her away from the group.)
CRAZY DAISY
This one ain’t related to you others. She’s all alone out here, now ain’t she?
BUTTON LOPEZ
Owww! Your hand is like a claw!
TADPOLE STONE
She’s tryin’ ta steal Button!
TIFFY STONE
Let go of her, you crazy old woman!
SUZY MANN
Let her go or we’ll holler for our dads!
CRAZY DAISY
(releasing BUTTON, who runs back to the group)
Well, now, Alice and me ain’t afraid of your daddies. Hell, a grown man’s even better than candy.
MAD ALICE
Call fer ‘em and see what happens!
TIFFY STONE
Tadpole, we better go in the trailer now.
TADPOLE STONE
You wimmen leave Button alone!
(TIFFY and TADPOLE go into the stage right trailer.)
SUZY MANN
Button, you better come with me and Dinky.
DINKY MANN
Don’t be scared, Button. My pa’s got a thirty-thirty and he ain’t afraid to use it.
BUTTON LOPEZ
(rubbing her sore shoulder)
Her hand is like a claw!
(TEX LOPEZ enters)
BUTTON LOPEZ
Pa!
TEX LOPEZ
Come on home with me, Button. Suzy, you and Dinky get in that trailer right now.
SUZY MANN
Yes, Mr. Lopez.
(SUZY and DINKY exit into the stage left trailer.)
CRAZY DAISY
Evenin’, mister.
BUTTON LOPEZ
She stuck her fingers inta my shoulder, Pa.
TEX LOPEZ
You bin tormentin’ our kids?
MAD ALICE
You shouldn’t leave ‘em alone in the dark, mister.
TEX LOPEZ
I’m here now, ain’t I? Come on, Button. Your ma wants you home right now.
(TEX exits with BUTTON.)
CRAZY DAISY
Don’t know why a man like that wants the woman he’s got when he could have me.
MAD ALICE
Doncha mean you could have him, Daisy?
CRAZY DAISY
Yeah, but I ain’t got much use for a dead man.
(CRAZY DAISY and MAD ALICE find this remark amusing, and have a brief laugh about it.)
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 3:
(BELLE COOK enters with GABYY and CALPURNIA.)
BELLE COOK
You two bin feedin’ candy to them little kids?
MAD ALICE
I held out the bag to them, but they wouldn’t eat none.
BELLE COOK
(to GABBY and CALPRUNIA)
You want some candy, girls?
GABBY COOK
No, Ma. I wanna nice thin waist above these womanly hips of mine.
CALPURNIA COOK
I’m partial to candy, but only if I buy it fresh off the store shelf.
MAD ALICE
You think store-bought is a guarantee of purity, Calpurnia?
CALPURNIA COOK
Well, that fried chicken from town sure ain’t made from some dirty bird that’s tied to a tree by a tent in the forest.
BELLE COOK
Calpurnia don’t approve of the way you manage them hens of yours.
MAD ALICE
We got to have our mornin’ eggs, don’t we?
CRAZY DAISY
You kin have your fried chicken fulla grease and salt. I like to feel a raw egg slidin’ down my throat like liquid sunshine.
MAD ALICE
Ain’t nothin’ finer than that.
BELLE COOK
Each to her own.
GABBY COOK
What’s goin’ on in them trailers?
CRAZY DAISY
Not much. It’s just them eldest girls…
(with great drama)
…they’s in the throes of catatonia!
GABBY COOK
Catatonia? What’s that, Ma?
BELLE COOK
It means them girls is almost ready for the main event.
CALPURNIA COOK
You wish you was catatonic too, Gabby?
GABBY COOK
No need for that. I’m on the winnin’ team already.
BELLE COOK
(to ALICE and DAISY)
I seen you two spyin’ on me when them cops and that social worker was givin’ me the fifth degree in the ‘tater patch.
CRAZY DAISY
You got eyes in the back of your head.
BELLE COOK
That’s right, so don’t go tryin’ to pull a fast one on me.
GABBY COOK
You can’t fool Ma.
CALPURNIA COOK
She’s lived too long and seen too much to be fooled by the likes of you.
MAD ALICE
You got a lot ta learn about bein’ a nice little girl, Calpurnia.
CALPURNIA COOK
I kin look in the mirror as good as anyone, and what I see lookin’ back is nice enough to make them red-faced boys in town just about bust with lust.
GABBY COOK
We’re both good-lookin’. That’s nature’s way of sayin’ we’re gonna get whatever we want in this world.
BELLE COOK
I must admit I get a helluva kick outta listenin’ to you two gals braggin’ about your girlish charms.
GABBY COOK
But it’s too late for you old wimmen.
CALPURNIA COOK
You’re past the point of no return.
GABBY COOK
Nothin’ kin turn back the clock and make you look half-decent again.
CRAZY DAISY
Maybe one day that well of yours is gonna run dry.
MAD ALICE
And a couple days later them smug mugs of yours’ll look like wrinkled old walnut shells.
CRAZY DAISY
And your bodies’ll sag like a pair of half-rotten eggplants.
BELLE COOK
The well ain’t gonna run dry, so there ain’t no point in pursuing that line of reasonin’, now is there?
GABBY COOK
Every time I slake my thirst with the water from that well, every cell in my body says, “Thanks, Gabby, fer givin’ me a shot of the finest elixir this side of the burnin’ fires of Hell!”
CALPURNIA COOK
That water’s kinda like a mother’s love…it never stops givin’!
MAD ALICE
I don’t got to listen to this.
CRAZY DAISY
Me neither. Can’t stand to hear them two little peacocks sassin’ and braggin’ ‘cause they got a magic mama.
GABBY COOK
Oh, I ain’t magic. I’m just blessed with good fortune, and so are my girls. And if you two want to keep on livin’ in that tent on my property, you better mind what you do and how you do it.
MAD ALICE
C’mon, Daisy, we got bigger fish to fry.
CRAZY DAISY
Don’t count on your good fortune to last forever, Belle Cook.
(CRAZY DAISY and MAD ALICE exit.)
CALPURNIA COOK
They sure are riled up, Ma.
GABBY COOK
They’re mad enough to burn something down.
BELLE COOK
Yes. Mad enough to burn something down. Things is workin’ out just fine. Let’s go down by the river for a bit, and let Old Man Time deal out them cards of his.
(BELLE, GABBY and CALPURNIA exit stage left.)
(TUCKER TUCKER enters from stage right.)
OLD MAN TUCKER
An apple and a crust of bread ain’t hardly enough to feed a chipmunk. I sure am hungry.
(singing to the tune of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”)
Someone hear my hungry cry
I’m so hungry I could die
Give me beef and ‘taters too
Give me tasty food to chew
Give me food or I will die
And up to heaven I will fly.
(OLD MAN TUCKER waits expectantly, but no one comes out to give him anything.)
OLD MAN TUCKER
I guess there ain’t nothin’ in them trailer’s ‘cept shadows and cobwebs.
(OLD MAN TUCKER sighs, and exits stage right.)
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Three, Scene 1:
(OFFICERS GRAY and BLACK enter with MISS CASEY from stage right. The OFFICER each have a little note book and pencil, and as they interrogate MISS CASEY, they check their notes and make amendments.)
MISS CASEY
It’s late, Officers, and I’m exhausted. I don’t see why I’ve got to go over all this again.
OFFICER GRAY
Just for the record, Miss Casey…
OFFICER BLACK
…to get this straight.
MISS CASEY
Well all right, if you insist.
OFFICER GRAY
You say you were called out to Unit 13 last night?
MISS CASEY
Yes, by the mother, Mrs. Burnside, while the father was at work in town.
OFFICER BLACK
And the mother claimed he was making threats?
MISS CASEY
Yes, threatening their daughter Mary.
OFFICER GRAY
Because she wanted to run away?
MISS CASEY
Mary wasn’t happy here. He wanted her to stay.
OFFICER GRAY
Tell us again what you said to Mary, Miss Casey.
MISS CASEY
I asked her why she wanted to leave.
OFFICER BLACK
And?
MISS CASEY
She said she was afraid.
OFFICER GRAY
Of her father?
MISS CASEY
No. Of what her father wanted her to do.
OFFICER BLACK
And what was that?
MISS CASEY
Well, that’s the confusing part.
OFFICER GRAY
Confusing?
MISS CASEY
Yes, confusing. The father just wanted Mary to wait.
OFFICER BLACK
For what, exactly?
MISS CASEY
Like I told you…an event of some sort.
OFFICER BLACK
And they wouldn’t tell you anything about that event?
MISS CASEY
Nothing…only that the father was making Mary stay here ’til it happened.
OFFICER GRAY
As if she was a prisoner?
MISS CASEY
Yes. And Mary was frightened and wanted to get away.
OFFICER BLACK
They said other girls were waiting for this so-called “event”?
MISS CASEY
Yes, other girls, but they wouldn’t tell me who or how many.
OFFICER GRAY
Why not?
MISS CASEY
I’ve told you over and over I don’t know. They were very stubborn and secretive about it.
OFFICER BLACK
And the father was convinced his daughter should be part of the event?
MISS CASEY
Yes. Sort of like blind faith, I guess.
OFFICER GRAY
Think hard. Did Mary or her mother give you any other details?
MISS CASEY
No. They were too frightened.
OFFICER BLACK
Of the father?
MISS CASEY
Obviously, and of something else too.
OFFICER GRAY
Tell us about that again.
MISS CASEY
They said the people here are caught up in some sort of group delusion.
OFFICER BLACK
You mean like a cult?
MISS CASEY
Yes, and now Mary and her mother and father have disappeared, as if they were never here.
OFFICER GRAY
(as the OFFICERS close their notebooks and put them away)
I know you’re tired, Miss Casey, but we’re going to ask you to stay out here with us a bit longer.
MISS CASEY
But why?
OFFICER BLACK
If something else is going to happen tonight, we’d best be here when it does.
OFFICER GRAY
We’ll go hunker down in the patrol car for a bit, just outside the park.
OFFICER BLACK
We’ll wait for an hour. If nothing happens, we’ll call it a day.
(The OFFICERS and MISS CASEY exit stage right.)
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Three, Scene 2:
(STAN MANN comes out of his trailer, stage left. SUZY MANN joins him.)
SUZY MANN
Pa, why don’t you take Sugar to the hospital?
STAN MANN
Ain’t no doctor gonna give her what she needs, Suzy.
SUZY MANN
What does she need?
STAN MANN
Don’t know.
SUZY MANN
What if she dies, Pa?
STAN MANN
We’ll have to go on without her, I guess.
SUZY MANN
Go on where?
STAN MANN
Down the dark and lonely road of life, honey.
SUZY MANN
Did you and Ma make some sorta deal with Mrs. Cook, Pa?
STAN MANN
No. We just listened to what she had to say, and it sounded good, so we went along with it.
SUZY MANN
But it’s like you’re trusting her with Sugar’s life!
STAN MANN
I know it sounds crazy, Suzy, but when Mrs. Cook talked to us, we couldn’t come up with a single reason not to believe her.
(STAN sits with SUZY, who puts her head on his shoulder. RUFUS STONE enters with TIFFY STONE from the trailer on stage right.)
TIFFY STONE
Is Brooklyn sleeping now, Pa?
RUFUS STONE
I guess you could say she’s sleeping, Tiffy.
TIFFY STONE
Why is she all stiff like a statue?
RUFUS STONE
Maybe she’s havin’ some kinda strange dream.
TIFFY STONE
Or maybe we’re all dreamin’, Pa.
RUFUS STONE
Maybe.
TIFFY STONE
Pa, why can’t you tell me what Brooklyn’s spozed to do?
RUFUS STONE
‘Cause I don’t know, Tiffy. No one does, not even Mrs. Cook.
TIFFY STONE
Is Mrs. Cook a witch, Pa?
RUFUS STONE
Could be. I don’t know much about witches.
TIFFY STONE
Witches put spells on people.
RUFUS STONE
That’s only in stories, Tiffy.
TIFFY STONE
But ain’t our lives a kind of story, Pa?
RUFUS STONE
Well, yes, but our lives ain’t make-believe.
TIFFY STONE
How do you know?
RUFUS STONE
Quit asking questions. It makes me tired.
TIFFY STONE
I’m sorry, Pa.
(TIFFY too leans her head on her dad’s shoulder, just like SUZY, and the two sit quietly together. TEX LOPEZ enters with little BUTTON. TEX is holding her hand.)
STAN MANN
Shouldn’t you be at home with Lilac and Nina, Tex?
TEX LOPEZ
Just had to get out and take a walk, Stan.
BUTTON LOPEZ
Pa says that there ain’t nothin’ any of us can do for Lilac anyways.
TEX LOPEZ
It’s like she’s gone on an airplane some place far away, even though she’s lyin’ on her bed in the trailer.
RUFUS STONE
I guess our daughters is somethin’ like them stuffed animals in your shop, Tex. Their bodies are here, but their spirits is gone someplace else.
TEX LOPEZ
Yeah, someplace else. I kind of feel like that myself.
RUFUS STONE
Like you’re stuffed?
TEX LOPEZ
May as well be stuffed. I’m all numb, Rufus.
BUTTON LOPEZ
Pa’s hand is cold like as if he’s dead or something.
TEX LOPEZ
I’ve got kind of a chill, Button.
TIFFY STONE
I’m cold, too. My hair feels like icicles.
SUZY MANN
So do my fingers.
RUFUS STONE
It’s kind of like sitting outside on a winter mornin’.
STAN MANN
Like a frosty mornin’, but the air’s warm. It’s my blood that’s cold.
(DINKY MANN comes out of the stage left trailer.)
DINKY MANN
Sugar’s all sweaty, Pa. She looks like she’s bin swimmin’ in a boilin’ hot pond or somethin’.
STAN MANN
Poor kid.
DINKY MANN
Ma wiped her down with a towel, but she got all sweaty again right away, like a wet sponge gettin’ squeezed.
DINKY MANN
We’re cold and Sugar’s hot.
SUZY MANN
It’s like she’s sucking the heat outa our bodies.
DINKY MANN
Am I gonna turn into ice, Pa?
STAN MANN
I dunno, Dinky.
(TADPOLE STONE comes out of the trailer on stage right.)
TADPOLE STONE
Brooklyn’s all hot like she’s on fire, but I’m cold.
BUTTON LOPEZ
Lilac’s like a burnin’ fire too.
TEX LOPEZ
You could pour ice water on her and it wouldn’t make no difference.
DINKY MANN
Like fire…like burnin’ fire.
(BELLE COOK enters with GABBY and CALPURNIA.)
BELLE COOK
Well now, I spoze them three girls is with their ma’s in them trailers.
GABBY COOK
Spoze those girls is mighty warm at the moment.
CAPURNIA COOK
Guess that’s how it goes. They get hotter and hotter like a blazin’ fire.
BELLE COOK
It’s best if they’re left alone to let the fever run its course. You men go get your wives. Go on, now, don’t waste my time. You know you wanna do what I tell you.
(STAN and RUFUS exit into their trailers; TEX exits stage left.)
GABBY COOK
Sure is a nice night. I was feelin’ kinda tired, but I had a nice drink of water and now I’m ready for anythin’.
CALPURNIA COOK
When we get tired, we take a nice long drink of water from that well of ours and our aches and pains just dissolve like magic.
BELLE COOK
If you all could drink from that well, you’d know what my girls are talkin’ about.
DINKY MANN
Can I go get a drink from that well, Mrs. Cook? Just a little, tiny drink?
BELLE COOK
Well, now, Dinky, that’s a helluva big request from such a tiny little elf.
DINKY MANN
Am I an elf?
GABBY COOK
Ain’t you never took a good look at yerself in a mirror, Dinky?
CALPURNIA COOK
One look at them ears of yours oughta be enough ta prove to anyone that you’re an elf.
SUZY MANN
Don’t tease Dinky. She don’t know what’s real and what’s not.
BELLE COOK
That’s what I like about her…she don’t know what’s real and what’s not.
Cooking for Three by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Three, Scene 3:
(RUFUS, STAN, and TEX re-enter with LIBBY, MAY, and NINA.)
LIBBY STONE
Brooklyn’s so hot I can’t even touch her. I never seen nothin’ like it before.
MAY MANN
Sugar’s the same…burnin’ with a fever…heatin’ up the whole trailer.
NINA LOPEZ
Lilac’s like a furnace or somethin…the heat’s comin’ off her in waves.
LIBBY STONE
Is this the moment we bin waitin’ for, Mrs. Cook?
MAY MANN
Is our daughters about to go through some sorta magic transformation?
NINA LOPEZ
Are they gonna show us the secret of eternal happiness and good health?
BELLE COOK
The moment is at hand, ladies…the moment is at hand.
GABBY COOK
Your daughters is so lucky.
CALPURNIA COOK
What I wouldn’t give to be one ‘a them.
LIBBY STONE
I’m glad the waitin’ is over. I’m ready to face whatever comes our way, no matter what it is.
MAY MANN
The waitin’s always the hardest part of anything. Time goes by, and you feel like you’re goin’ crazy.
NINA LOPEZ
you wait and wait for somethin’, and every second is like a slow-burnin’ fuse. When it finally happens, it’s a relief, even if it hits you like dynamite explodin’.
(CRAZY DAISY and MAD ALICE enter from stage right.)
CRAZY DAISY
You folks look like you’re all frozen up like sides of beef in cold-storage.
MAD ALICE
Don’t worry, you won’t be froze much longer.
CRAZY DAISY
There’s a little fire burnin’ over yonder.
(CRAZY DAISY indicates to the right.)
MAD ALICE
Soon it’ll be real big, and you kin warm up your hands and feet all you want.
(EVERYONE looks to the right.)
RUFUS STONE
Somethin’s going on over at the Burnsides’ trailer.
STAN MANN
It’s got some kind of glow comin’ off it.
TEX LOPEZ
Looks like it might be on fire.
CRAZY DAISY
Yup. That ‘ol trailer musta caught on fire somehow.
MAD ALICE
And them things burn fast.
LIBBY STONE
We got to get over there.
MAY MANN
We got to try to put the fire out.
NINA LOPEZ
The whole park could go up.
TIFFY STONE
Ma, I wanna help fight the fire.
SUZY MANN
Me too, Ma.
TADPOLE STONE
Let me help! I’m big enough to throw water on a fire!
DINKY MANN
But there ain’t no runnin’ water over in that part of the park!
BUTTON LOPEZ
It’s as dry as a desert over there!
BELLE COOK
You all go on over to my well. I took the lock off and there’s a big fire hose you kin hook up.
GABBY COOK
And there’s a pump. A couple of strong men can pump enough well water to make that fire hose stand straight up in the air.
CALPURNIA COOK
There’s buckets and pails, too. You all go help yourselves to that water. You go fight that fire.
BELLE COOK
Go on now…go fight that fire…do as I say; don’t waste no time!
RUFUS STONE
We got to get over there before it spreads.
STAN MANN
What if them Burnsides is in there, waitin’ to flame up like the Devil’s matches?
TEX LOPEZ
Let’s get started.
(There’s a general exit to the right in family groups. The COOKS, MAD ALICE, and CRAZY DAISY remain on stage.)
CRAZY DAISY
Where there’s sin, there’s fire.
MAD ALICE
If somethin’s gone bad, burn it, my pappy used to say.
CRAZY DAISY
All it takes is a keg of gas and box of matches.
MAD ALICE
Ain’t nothin’ kin escape from the flames of a hot, hot fire.
CRAZY DAISY
Fire’s just about the cleanest thing there is on this here earth.
BELLE COOK
Them three girls sleepin’ in their trailers oughta be real clean by now.
GABBY COOK
They bin burnin’ up for a long time.
CALPURNIA COOK
Burnin’ and burnin’ ‘til they’re the cleanest things on this here earth.
BELLE COOK
(to ALICE and DAISY)
When you two old witches lose your tempers, you always do what I need you to do.
MAD ALICE
You’ll be goin’ away soon, Belle Cook.
CRAZY DAISY
And them two brats of yours will be goin’ with you.
MAD ALICE
You’ll run away from us like you always do.
CRAZY DAISY
But we’ll find you again, like we always do.
MAD ALICE
All we gotta do is look for them flames risin’ up again in some dark corner of this old world.
CRAZY ALICE
…in some forsaken little nook where folks is lonely and lost….lonely and lost.
(CRAZY DAISY and MAD ALICE exit left.)
GABBY COOK
(looking off right)
The fire’s burnin’ bright now.
CALPURNIA COOK
(looking off right)
The flames is reachin’ up to heaven.
GABBY COOK
Those folks are goin’ down the hill to the well.
CALPURNIA COOK
They’re all slip-slidin’ down to the well…slip slidin’ all outa control.
GABBY COOK
They’re slip-slidin down and fallin’ inta the well, one after the other.
CALPURNIA COOK
Down they go…one, two, three, four and more, fallin’ down inta the deep dark waters of the well.
GABBY COOK
They’ll be happy down there.
CALPURNIA COOK
There’s a whole new life for them on the shining banks of a new world, way down in the well, way way down in the well.
GABBY COOK
They’ll be happy, just like you promised, Ma.
BELLE COOK
They won’t even know they was ever anywhere else. Down, down in the well, they’ll forget this old trailer park and all their hard times, just like I promised.
(BROOKLYN and SUGAR emerge from their trailers, as does LILAC from stage left. They walk as if in a dream downstage and stand in a line. They are calm and impassive.)
BELLE COOK
Well, look who’s here.
GABBY COOK
I want Lilac.
CALPURNIA COOK
I’ll take Sugar.
BELLE COOK
That leaves Brooklyn. She wouldn’t be my first choice, but she’ll do.
(BELLE, GABBY, and CALPURNIA go and stand behind their chosen person.)
BELLE, GABBY, and CALPURNIA
(in unison)
Something old wants something new
And so we’ll take the three of you
You’ve burned and burned but now you’re cold
And so we’ll fill you with our souls.
(BELLE, GABBY, and CALPURNIA collapse, because their souls have left their bodies. BROOKLYN, LILAC, and SUGAR come to life and stand up as the reincarnated souls of BELLE, GABBY, and CALPURNIA. When BROOKLYN, LILAC, and SUGAR speak, they only lip-synch. BELLE, GABBY, and CALPURNIA, who are lying on the stage, do the actual speaking with their faces turned so the audience can’t see their lips moving.)
BROOKLYN/BELLE
Brooklyn don’t feel too bad at all. How’s Lilac feel, Gabby.
LILAC/GABBY:
She’s feels real young, Ma.
BROOKLYN/BELLE
What’s Sugar like, Calpurnia?
SUGAR/CALPURNIA
She musta took real good care of herself, ‘cause she’s healthy as a horse, Ma.
BROOKLYN/BELLE
Let’s get them old bodies out of here.
BROOKLYN/BELLE, GABBY/LILAC, SUGAR/CALPURNIA
(forming a tableau upstage of the old bodies of BELLE, GABBY, and CALPURNIA)
The magic well kept you alive;
We filled you with our souls and thrived.
But flesh grows old, and bones grow weak
And so new bodies did we seek.
You served us well; you were our friends,
But now you must go to your ends.
You need not fear the flames of Hell…
Go throw yourselves into the well.
(The old bodies of BELLE, GABBY, and CALPURNIA get up and move calmly offstage right.)
BROOKLYN/BELLE
Here come them cops and that social worker. You girls know what to do.
(BROOKLYN, LILAC, and SUGAR now speak with their own voices. OFFICERS GRAY and BLACK enter with MISS CASEY.)
OFFICER GRAY
These the three runaways, Miss Casey?
MISS CASEY
Yes, Officer Gray. You’ve led us on quite a chase, girls.
OFFICER BLACK
Did you three set fire to that old trailer over there?
BROOKLYN
Yes, Officer. It was an accident.
LILAC
We were tryin’ to light a campfire, and the dry grass started burnin’.
SUGAR
And first thing you know that old trailer was on fire.
BROOKLYN
We’re real sorry. We didn’t mean to make no trouble.
MISS CASEY
We’ve been looking for you all day. Why’d you run away from the home?
BROOKLYN
We wanted to come out here and see this ol’ deserted trailer park.
LILAC
We heard somethin’ bad happened here a long time ago.
SUGAR
So we came lookin’ for ghosts.
OFFICER GRAY
Did you see any?
BROOKLYN
No, unless shadows are ghosts.
OFFICER GRAY
You shouldn’t be hanging around here. It’s dangerous.
OFFICER BLACK
The place is condemned.
OFFICER GRAY T
he whole thing shoulda been bulldozed years ago.
MISS CASEY
In a way, you did the county a favour by burning down that old trailer.
OFFICER BLACK
Too bad you didn’t burn down the rest of ‘em.
MISS CASEY
Officer Black’s teasing you. I don’t want to catch you out here again, ever.
OFFICER GRAY
You could be charged with arson, but Miss Casey here will let that go if you promise not to run away again.
BROOKLYN
We promise. Thanks for givin’ us a break, Miss Casey.
SUGAR
We won’t ferget it!
LILAC
It makes my skin all jittery out here anyway. I don’t ever wanna come back.
MISS CASEY
Now let’s get you back to town. It’s a long drive and you must be starving.
BROOKLYN
I’d like some spaghetti and meatballs.
LILAC
I could go for some fried fish.
SUGAR
I’d love a pork chop.
MISS CASEY
Now don’t get greedy. Beggars can’t be choosers. Oh, I’m so glad we found you girls. I was really worried about you.
BROOKLYN
I guess we’re your favourites!
MISS CASEY
I guess you are!
(Laughing happily, BROOKLY, LILAC, and SUGAR exit with the OFFICERS and MISS CASEY. TUCKER TUCKER enters and goes centre stage and sings to the tune of “You Are My Sunshine”.)
OLD MAN TUCKER
They say that life is
A tragic story
That always ends with darkness and death,
But I say life is
A sunny daydream
With a secret in each happy breath.
END OF PLAY.