Welcomeby Richard Stuart Dixon
© Richard Stuart Dixon, 2005
(Note: Performance of this play requires the author’s permission. Please contact Good School Plays for details.)
Production Notes:
• running time: approx. 55 minutes
• style: dramatic realism
• suitable for general audiences
• 28 characters (20 female, 8 male)
• a gentle play suitable for introducing young actors to the basic requirements of live theatre.
• black-box staging (no set required)
Summary of Script Content:
• “Falling Stars” is the story of a tight-knit rural community who gather on a hillside to watch falling stars. Their interactions reveal the complex yearnings of the human heart.
(This play was first performed on October 28, 29, & 30, and November 3 & 4, in the year 2005, at Gleneagle Secondary School in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.)
∗Published Online by Good School Plays, March 4, 2018.
Go to:
Act One, Scene 1
Act One, Scene 2
Act One, Scene 3
Act One, Scene 4
Act One, Scene 5
Act One, Scene 6
Act One, Scene 7
Act One, Scene 8
Act One, Scene 9
Act One, Scene 10
Act Two, Scene 1
Act Two, Scene 2
Act Two, Scene 3
Act Two, Scene 4
Act Two, Scene 5
Act Two, Scene 6
Act Two, Scene 7
Act Two, Scene 8
Act Two, Scene 9
Act Two, Scene 10
CHARACTERS:
Sky Norden, 15
Gordy Norden, 42, her father
Donny Klimchuk, 45, owner, Wildwood Store/Café/Gas Station
Ginger Klimchuk 42, his wife
Deena Klimchuk, 14, their daughter
Rebecca Klimchuk, 12, their daughter
Sherry Tillus, 32, waitress at Wildwood Café
Constable Jenny Warden, 34, RCMP
Tim Warden, 35, her husband
Theresa Creed, 38, a farmer
Mason Creed, 15, her son
Felicity Creed, 11, her daughter
Hercules Danko, 34, mechanic
Mercury Danko, 29, his wife
Tilly Danko, 10, their daughter
Mary Reno, 42, a truck driver
Tammy Reno, 15, her daughter
Trixie Reno, 13, her daughter
Duck Coswell, 17, a boy who loves science
Butch Dortmunder, 18, a boy who loves science
Wayne Esposito, 46, a carpenter
Wendy Esposito, 42, a hair stylist
Megan Esposito, 15, their daughter
Nonny Esposito, 12, their daughter
Mandy Racker, 14, schoolgirl
Bunny Squint, 14, schoolgirl
Gloria Wilton, 15, schoolgirl
Candice Mortella, 14, schoolgirl
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 1:
SETTING: A field on a hillside on GORDY NORDEN’S farm.
(SKY and GORDY NORDEN are onstage looking at the sky.)
SKY
Why’d you have to sell tickets, Dad?
GORDY
If I didn’t, folks would sneak out here for a peekaboo anyways.
SKY
Why not let them come out here and watch the falling stars for free? It’s just a hayfield.
GORDY
It’s got the best view of the night sky anywheres around here, so it’s worth ten bucks to stand in it and stare at the stars.
SKY
It doesn’t seem right to charge money for it.
GORDY
Why the hell not? People gotta pay for everything nowadays, me included. Just for once, someone’s gonna pay me.
SKY
I can see them paying for the coffee and pie I made for the booth, but ten bucks to look at the sky?
GORDY
It’s not every night you get to see thousands of falling stars, Sky. I’d say it’s worth a lot more than ten bucks. They’re getting a bargain.
SKY
That’s just it, Dad. It’s worth so much more than ten dollars, it’s almost an insult to make people pay it.
GORDY
Then maybe I should charge fifty, or a hundred.
SKY
You can’t put a price on something as big as a sky full of falling stars.
GORDY
You like this hayfield, don’t you, Sky? You like to come out here whenever you want and look at the view?
SKY
Yeah, more than just about anything.
GORDY
Well, if I don’t find ways to make some money, we’re gonna lose the whole damn farm, hayfield and all. Then what’re you gonna look at, the dirty walls of some low-rent condo in town?
SKY
Is it that bad, Dad?
GORDY
It’s that bad. The bank’s breathing down my neck, and the truck’s busted, not to mention the government making me put down the chickens.
SKY
Then I guess it’s okay to sell tickets.
GORDY
It’s already been done. There’s no going back on it now.
SKY
Too bad Mom’s not here to see the falling stars.
GORDY
You know I don’t like talking about her.
SKY
It’s just that I’ve never met her, and I guess I’d like to know what she’s like.
GORDY
It’s best that you don’t know anything about her, Sky.
SKY
I don’t see why.
GORDY
She left us, Sky. That’s all you need to know.
SKY
Couldn’t I at least see a photo of her?
GORDY
I told you, I got rid of all the photos. Too painful.
SKY
You didn’t even keep a single one hidden away somewhere?
GORDY
No. Now you stay here and welcome folks. I’m gonna get that snack booth up and running.
SKY
Okay, Dad.
(Gordy exits)
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 2:
(DONNY KLIMCHUK enters.)
SKY
Mr. Klimchuk! Did you close the gas station early?
DONNY KLIMCHUK
You bet. They say this only happens once every thousand years. Next time it comes around, I’ll be dead.
SKY
Where’s Mrs. Klimchuk?
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Over yonder, coming up the path. Ginger! Get a move on!
(GINGER calls from offstage.)
GINGER KLIMCHUK
What’s the hurry? It’s not even dark yet.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
She didn’t want to come, so I said to her, “Ginger, it’s worth ten bucks apiece to see God’s fireworks, ain’t it?”
SKY
And what’d she say?
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Didn’t say nothin’, just kept on fryin’ burgers. But I convinced her in the end. Ginger! Haul your butt!
(GINGER calls from offstage.)
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Damn it, Donny, I’m going as fast as I can. Deena, Rebecca, hurry up! Your dad’s gettin’ mad.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
(from offstage)
There’s mosquitos, Mom!
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
(from offstage)
I’m sick of going up this stupid hill!
GINGER KLIMCHUK
(from offstage)
Well, you’re gonna keep goin’ whether you like it or not.
SKY
They sound kind of mad, Mr. Klimchuk.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
They’ll get over it when they see them fallin’ stars.
(GINGER KLIMCHUK enters with REBECCA and DEENA.)
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Well, this better be worth it, Sky Norden. We paid forty bucks to see it.
SKY
Sorry, Mrs. Klimchuk.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
I got bites all over. I told you we shoulda used bug dope.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
There’s no mosquitos out here in the field, Deena.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Feel that breeze! You don’t get nice air like that in town.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I got a virus, and you make me come all the way out here.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
You don’t got a virus, Rebecca.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
What do you call my sore throat, then?
DEENA KLIMCHUK
I call it ugly.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Shut up, Deena. Mom, make her quit.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Deena, leave Rebecca alone.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
She’s such a little snot face.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Mom!
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Deena, I won’t ask you again!
DEENA KLIMCHUK
What you gonna do, send me home? That’s where I wanna be.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
You three stop arguing and start watching. The stars are gonna start falling anytime now.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
You’re the only one who wants to watch the stars, Dad.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
We paid forty bucks to see these stars, so you and Rebecca are going to watch whether you want to or not.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I’m hungry. I need something real bad. I might faint if I don’t eat right now.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Go ahead and faint. Then we won’t have to listen to you whine.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
She’s got low blood sugar. Let’s go down to the food booth and get her a chocolate bar.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
I’ll stay here.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
The hell you will. We’re a family, and we’re sticking together.
SKY
I don’t know if Dad’s got any chocolate bars.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
I’ll make her eat raw sugar if necessary.
(The KLIMCHUKS begin to exit)
DEENA KLIMCHUK
(pushing REBECCA)
Little piggy’s gonna get a treat.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Quit it, Deena, you know I got a bad back!
(The KLIMCHUKS complete their exit.)
SKY
(looking up at the sky)
They don’t know it yet, but when the stars start to fall, something wonderful is going to happen.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 3:
(SHERRY TILLUS enters.)
SHERRY TILLUS
Hey, Sky. You waiting for the big show?
SKY
It’s so exciting, Sherry.
SHERRY TILLUS
Definitely worth ten bucks.
SKY
I’m sorry that Dad made you pay.
SHERRY TILLUS
Don’t be. He tipped me ten dollars today, so I just gave it right back to him.
SKY
He gave you a ten dollar tip?
SHERRY TILLUS
Said he was feeling generous ‘cause of all the money he’s making tonight.
SKY
I’m kind of embarrassed that he’s charging money.
SHERRY TILLUS
Money makes the world go round, Sky.
SKY
I guess, but this is a special night, a magic night.
SHERRY TILLUS
Magic?
SKY
It only happens once every thousand years.
SHERRY TILLUS
That don’t make it magic.
SKY
Sure it does. The night sky’s going to be filled with magic wishing stars.
SHERRY TILLUS
You still believe that stuff, Sky?
SKY
Sure.
SHERRY TILLUS
You’re fifteen, right?
SKY
Yeah.
SHERRY TILLUS
Then you’re old enough to know there’s no such thing as magic wishes. There’s only hard work.
SKY
Why’d you come here tonight, Sherry?
SHERRY TILLUS
Lonesome for company. Thought I’d like to be where everyone else is.
SKY
Aren’t you excited about all the falling stars?
SHERRY TILLUS
Not as excited as you are, kid, that’s for sure. That a food booth over there?
SKY
Dad’s selling coffee and pie.
SHERRY TILLUS
I could use a coffee. Been on my feet all day.
(SHERRY exits.)
SKY
It is magic, no matter what anyone says.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 4:
(CORPORAL WARDEN enters with her husband TIM.)
SKY
Hi, Constable Warden.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Evening, Sky. Do you know if your Dad has a permit for this?
SKY
A permit?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Got to have a permit to hold a festival.
SKY
This isn’t really a festival, Constable.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
He’s charging admission. And it looks like he’s got a booth over there. I’d say it’s a festival.
SKY
We’re just going to watch nature, Constable Warden. We shouldn’t need a permit to do that.
TIM WARDEN
No use talking to Gordy’s kid, honey. Let’s go find the man himself.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
(taking TIM aside)
Trying to do my job for me, Tim?
TIM WARDEN
No, no, honey. I just think we should talk to the guy who’s selling the tickets.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Are you the police officer here?
TIM WARDEN
No, no, I’m just your husband.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
That’s right. Just my husband. So don’t tell me how to do my job.
TIM WARDEN
I’m not trying to tell you anything, honey. I just think it’s best if we talk to Gordy.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
I knew I should have come out here by myself.
TIM WARDEN
But I like to go out with you on your rounds, honey.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
It’s time you got a job of your own.
TIM WARDEN
Pardon?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
You heard me.
TIM WARDEN
But you make enough money for both of us.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
It’s not about the money.
TIM WARDEN
Most gals would love to have a husband who takes an interest in their work.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
If you want to be a police officer, go to school like I did.
TIM WARDEN
Why are you talking like this all of a sudden?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Because I’ve had all I can take of you following me around.
TIM WARDEN
But you never said anything about it before.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Everyone has a breaking point.
TIM WARDEN
That’s the thanks I get for trying to help?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
This is my first job. It’s been two weeks, and no one knows whether I’m the cop or you.
TIM WARDEN
You got the uniform.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
And you’ve got a big mouth full of unwanted advice.
TIM WARDEN
That’s harsh.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
I’m sorry, Tim. I know you mean well. I know you want to help. But I’ve got to do this on my own. Besides, you’re not really allowed to ride in the cruiser unless you’re a prisoner.
TIM WARDEN
Bad guys get to ride with my wife, but I don’t?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
If the folks around Wildwood are going to take me seriously, they’ve got to see me doing the job on my own.
TIM WARDEN
It’s too bad you feel that way, Jenny.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
It’s too bad you don’t understand.
TIM WARDEN
Oh, I understand. I’m going to walk home now.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
It’s twenty klicks, Tim.
TIM WARDEN
It’ll give me time to think about stuff.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Stuff?
TIM WARDEN
About being married and that.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Go ahead then, walk twenty klicks for all I care.
TIM WARDEN
Maybe I’ll see you, maybe I won’t.
(TIM exits.)
CONSTABLE WARDEN
(to SKY)
I got business to take care of with your dad.
(CONSTABLE WARDEN exits.)
SKY
How could they fight on a night like this?
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 5:
(THERESA CREED enters with her son MASON and her daughter FELICITY.)
THERESA CREED
What’s the matter with the new cop’s husband, Sky?
FELICITY CREED
He’s mad about something.
SKY
I guess Constable Warden’s tired of him hanging around while she’s trying to do her job.
THERESA CREED
If I had a man, I sure as hell wouldn’t complain if he wanted to do some of the work.
SKY
You’re a farmer, Mrs. Creed. That’s not quite the same as being a police officer.
MASON CREED
Are you excited about the falling stars, Sky?
SKY
It only happens once in a thousand years, Mason.
FELICITY CREED
Mason’s flirting with Sky!
MASON CREED
I’m just being polite.
THERESA CREED
I don’t know what your Dad’s thinking, Sky, charging ten bucks for his friends and neighbours to come up here. Used to let us go on the field for free.
SKY
We’re poor, Mrs. Creed. Dad has to make money somehow.
THERESA CREED
I’m a farmer too, Sky. I don’t got much money. But the kids really wanted to see this, so I sold a goat to pay for it.
FELICITY CREED
My pet goat!
MASON CREED
I was the one that looked after it, Felicity.
FELICITY CREED
So? Mom said it was mine and then she sold it.
THERESA CREED
You didn’t give a damn about that goat, Felicity.
FELICITY CREED
A gift is a gift, Mom.
MASON CREED
Yes, and tonight’s a gift! You begged and begged to come up here to see the stars.
FELICITY CREED
(to Sky)
Mom sold my goat without even asking!
THERESA CREED
You never paid any attention to that goat when it was yours. Now it’s gone, you fuss like a mother that’s lost her baby.
MASON CREED
She’s trying to manipulate you, Mom.
FELICITY CREED
You guys gang up on me all the time.
THERESA CREED
Don’t be silly.
FELICITY CREED
Mason’s the favourite.
THERESA CREED
I love both of you the same.
FELICITY CREED
Then how come he got the motorbike?
THERESA CREED
You’re too young. And besides, that bike’s for work, not play.
FELICITY CREED
He’s always playing on it.
MASON CREED
I got to keep it running good, don’t I?
THERESA CREED
I bought it so he could round up the cattle, and that’s what he does.
FELICITY CREED
I could do it as good as him.
MASON CREED
You can’t even ride a bicycle!
FELICITY CREED
Bicycles are too slow and hard to peddle.
THERESA CREED
Learn to ride a bicycle first, then we’ll see about the motorbike.
MASON CREED
That’s my bike, Mom.
THERESA CREED
The bike is a tool, Mason, a tool that belongs to the farm.
MASON CREED
Hey, Sky, would you like to come out to my place tomorrow and help me round up the cattle on that bike?
SKY
I don’t know, Mason. Isn’t it kind of dangerous with two?
MASON CREED
I got everything under control in that department.
SKY
Well, I might if you promise to let me off if I get scared.
MASON CREED
You won’t get scared. I know what I’m doing.
FELICITY CREED
They’re making love right in front of you, Mom.
THERESA CREED
He’s not asking her to marry him, Felicity.
FELICITY CREED
I know what they’re gonna do when they go into the bush on that motorbike.
THERESA CREED
Felicity! That’s enough.
SKY
That’s all right, Mrs. Creed.
MASON CREED
It is?
SKY
Felicity can think what she wants. It’s a free country.
THERESA CREED
Is that a booth over there?
SKY
Coffee and pie for two fifty.
THERESA CREED
I could use some pie. Come on, kids, let’s go spend some more of that goat money.
MASON CREED
(as they exit)
Maybe you could come over on Saturday afternoon, Sky?
SKY
Maybe.
FELICITY CREED
They make me sick.
(The CREEDS complete their exit.)
SKY
I wish I could ride a motorbike up to the stars.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 6:
(TILLY DANKO runs in.)
TILLY DANKO
Come on, you guys! It’s gonna start soon!
HERCULES DANKO
(from offstage)
Hold your horses, little Tilly! Your ma and me are goin’ as fast as we can.
MERCURY DANKO
(from offstage)
How much further, Hercules?
HERCULES DANKO
(from offstage)
Just through those blackberry bushes.
TILLY DANKO
The stars are going to fall on the ground, Sky!
SKY
Are they?
(HERCULES and MERCURY enter.)
HERCULES DANKO
Sky! You seen any action yet?
SKY
I think it’s still too light out, Mr. Danko.
HERCULES DANKO
You hear that, Mercury? You haven’t missed a thing.
MERCURY DANKO
Thank the Lord.
TILLY DANKO
I’m going to pick one up.
MERCURY DANKO
Pick what up, little Tilly?
TILLY DANKO
A star!
SKY
She says they’re going to fall on the ground right in front of her.
HERCULES DANKO
Maybe one will fall on Tilly’s head.
MERCURY DANKO
Oh, now, Hercules, don’t tease little Tilly.
TILLY DANKO
Our teacher told us a star fell down and hit the ground, and a scientist found it.
HERCULES DANKO
And what did he do with it?
TILLY DANKO
It wasn’t a “he”. It was a “she”. Women can be scientists, too, Dad.
HERCULES DANKO
I never said they couldn’t, little Tilly.
TILLY DANKO
A woman scientist grabbed hold of the star and broke it open with a hammer.
MERCURY DANKO
And what was inside?
TILLY DANKO
A baby star, waiting to be born.
HERCULES DANKO
Your teacher told you that?
TILLY DANKO
It was in a story book he read to us.
MERCURY DANKO
Just a story.
TILLY DANKO
No, it’s true! There was pictures and everything.
HERCULES DANKO
That’s just art, little Tilly.
TILLY DANKO
Oh, Daddy Hercules, why don’t you ever believe me?
MERCURY DANKO
Your daddy’s a mechanic, honey.
HERCULES DANKO
What’s that got to do with it?
MERCURY DANKO
When you open up an engine, you don’t find a baby engine inside it.
HERCULES DANKO
What the heck are you talking about, Mercury?
SKY
She’s talking about magic, Mr. Danko.
HERCULES DANKO
Magic? Let me tell you about magic. When I get Mrs. Reeno’s big old Cummins diesel to run as smooth as a star shooting through heaven, that’s magic.
TILLY DANKO
You sound like a poet, Daddy Hercules!
HERCULES DANKO
Do I?
MERCURY DANKO
He used to write poems for me back in high school, Tilly.
TILLY DANKO
Holy!
SKY
Did you ever write a poem about falling stars, Mr. Danko?
HERCULES DANKO
Nope. But I did write one about a dog called Doof.
SKY
Doof?
HERCULES DANKO
Let’s see if I can remember.
(reciting)
I got a dog called Doof,
He’s a cute little goof,
But he’s not as cute as you!
I like to play with Doof
But to tell you the truth
I’d much rather play with you!
MERCURY DANKO
I remember that one! But it’s not really meant for Tilly’s little ears.
TILLY DANKO
Why not?
MERCURY DANKO
It’s what you call a dirty-flirty poem.
TILLY DANKO
Dirty-flirty?
MERCURY DANKO
It’s suggestive.
TILLY DANKO
What’s “suggestive” mean?
HERCULES DANKO
It means it’s about the magic of making a baby.
TILLY DANKO
You mean like the star that had a baby star inside it?
HERCULES DANKO
Your mom’s my star, and you’re my baby star.
SKY
Do you want some coffee and pie? It’s only two fifty for both.
MERCURY DANKO
Oh, now, see what you’ve done, Hercules? You’ve gotten Sky all uncomfortable.
HERCULES DANKO
Yup. Way too much talk about babies. Let’s go get some of that pie.
TILLY DANKO
Oh boy! Pie! Is there strawberry pie?
SKY
There’s apple-strawberry; it’s nearly as good.
TILLY DANKO
I wonder if apples and strawberries like being in a pie together?
MERCURY DANKO
Let’s go find out!
(The DANKOS exit.)
SKY
I wonder if the stars like being in the sky together?
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 7:
(TRIXIE RENO runs in, followed by TAMMY RENO.)
TAMMY RENO
Give me back my handbag!
TRIXIE RENO
Not until you stand on your head!
TAMMY RENO
That’s stupid! I’m not gonna stand on my head in this dumb field!
TRIXIE RENO
Then you’re not getting your stupid bag!
(MARY RENO enters.)
MARY RENO
Trixie, stop bugging your sister.
TRIXIE RENO
Make her stand on her head, Mom!
TAMMY RENO
She’s crazy!
MARY RENO
Come on, Tammy, stand on your head for Trixie. Then she’ll give you your bag.
TAMMY RENO
It’s not a “bag”. It’s a “handbag”!
TRIXIE RENO
I don’t need a bag! I keep everything in my pockets.
TAMMY RENO
It’s a fashion accessory, you little worm!
MARY RENO
Just stand on your head, Tammy, and I mean right now!
TAMMY RENO
No way!
TRIXIE RENO
She’s always so serious, Mom.
MARY RENO
You got to loosen up, Tammy.
TAMMY RENO
I’m fifteen now, not some snotty little kid like Trixie.
MARY RENO
You think you’re too good to stand on your head?
TAMMY RENO
No. I just don’t think I should have to.
TRIXIE RENO
They make all the girls stand on their heads in physed, Mom.
TAMMY RENO
I stand on my head when the teacher says, but not on my own time.
MARY RENO
All right, Tammy, be a poor sport. Give her back her bag, Trixie.
TRIXIE RENO
Awwwww!
(TRIXIE gives her bag to TAMMY, who snatches it away.)
SKY
That’s a pretty bag, Tammy.
TAMMY RENO
It cost a lot, but I like it.
SKY
It would look great with star stickers on it.
TAMMY RENO
Star stickers?
SKY
Yes. Little stickers shaped like stars.
TAMMY RENO
I like it the way it is.
SKY
Oh.
MARY RENO
You excited about the stars, Sky?
SKY
Yes I am, Mrs. Reno.
TRIXIE RENO
Me too. I’m excited too, Sky. But Tammy said it’s just boring.
TAMMY RENO
I didn’t say that. I said I was supposed to go to a movie with Greg tonight.
MARY RENO
Well, Greg can wait until tomorrow. This is more important than a movie.
TAMMY RENO
I don’t see how.
TRIXIE RENO
The stars are going to fall out of the sky, Tammy! What could be more important than that?
TAMMY RENO
I can think of a lot of stuff.
TRIXIE RENO
Like what?
TAMMY RENO
I don’t have to tell you.
TRIXIE RENO
That’s ‘cause you can’t think of anything.
TAMMY RENO
Can so.
TRIXIE RENO
Then name one thing more important than the stars falling out of the sky.
TAMMY RENO
Me. I’m more important.
MARY RENO
Tammy! Only a girl with a swelled head says a thing like that!
TRIXIE RENO
You got a swelled head, Tammy.
TAMMY RENO
I know what I got, and it’s more than you’ll ever have, Trixie the Pixie with the funny-looking face!
MARY RENO
Trixie’s as cute as a little snow bunny, Tammy, and you know it.
TRIXIE RENO
Mom, can you see the stars when you’re driving your big truck at night out on the highway?
MARY RENO
Sometimes, especially on a cold, clear winter night with the snow all shining from the moon.
SKY
That must be wonderful.
MARY RENO
Maybe you’d like to go for a ride with me in my rig someday, Sky.
SKY
I sure would.
MARY RENO
Trixie likes to ride in the rig, but Tammy gets bored.
TAMMY RENO
She doesn’t even have a radio in that truck.
MARY RENO
I just listen to the music of that big old diesel.
SKY
Does Hercules Danko look after the engine?
MARY RENO
He sure does. He’s the best mechanic between here and Edmonton.
TRIXIE RENO
Did you make pies, Sky?
SKY
Twenty-five, Trixie. The most I ever baked at one time.
TRIXIE RENO
I love your pies.
SKY
I put pastry stars on the top.
MARY RENO
Trixie, remember the pie Sky made for you when you were in hospital?
TRIXIE RENO
It was blueberry, and it had a pastry can-can dancer on it.
SKY
I know how much you love dancing, and it was your legs, after all.
TRIXIE RENO
They’re better now.
MARY RENO
It’s a hell of a thing when a little girl has to have knee surgery.
TRIXIE RENO
I can twirl as good as ever.
(twirling)
See?
TAMMY RENO
Quit showing off.
MARY RENO
Tammy thinks I spoil Trixie.
TAMMY RENO
You do, because she’s mental.
MARY RENO
She’s not “mental”, Tammy, she’s creative and imaginative.
TAMMY RENO
I wish I had a normal family.
SKY
Do really think there is such a thing, Tammy?
TAMMY RENO
Like the ones on T.V. and that.
SKY
Television isn’t real, you know.
TAMMY RENO
It is so. It’s more real than this field and those stars that are going to fall.
MARY RENO
That’s a pretty mixed-up thing to say, Tammy.
TAMMY RENO
I’m going over there where everyone else is hanging around. Maybe I can find someone normal, but I doubt it.
(TAMMY exits.)
TRIXIE RENO
Tammy’s a mess, isn’t she, Mom.
MARY RENO
Yes, Trixie. She’s wasting a lot of energy pretending to be dumb.
TRIXIE RENO
Why does she do that?
MARY RENO
She’s turning into an adult, and it scares the hell out of her.
SKY
Pie and coffee’s just two fifty, Mrs. Reno.
TRIXIE RENO
Let’s get pie, Mom.
MARY RENO
You bet. See you when the stars come sailing down, Sky.
(MARY and TRIXIE exit.)
SKY
No one’s normal.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 8:
(DUCK COSWELL enters with BUTCH DORTMUNDER.)
DUCK COSWELL
Hey, is this where them stars are gonna fall?
SKY
You can get a good view from here.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Me an’ Duck paid twenty bucks to see ‘em, so they damn well better fall.
SKY
I’m sure they’ll be falling soon.
DUCK COSWELL
You selling any beer?
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
We had a six-pack but it’s all gone now.
SKY
Sorry.
DUCK COSWELL
How old are you?
SKY
Fifteen.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Same age as your little sister, Duck.
DUCK COSWELL
Any other girls around here?
SKY
There’s one over there called Tammy. But she’s just fifteen too.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Hey, remember Louise, Duck?
DUCK COSWELL
Don’t remind me.
BUTCH DORMUNDER
She was in the bar, acting like she owned the place.
DUCK COSWELL
Gives me the shakes just thinking about it.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
How old was she again?
DUCK COSWELL
Dunno, but whatever it was, she looked a hell of a lot older.
SKY
You guys from Mud Creek?
DUCK COSWELL
Maybe we are, and maybe we’re not.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
So what if we’re from Mud Creek?
SKY
I heard about a couple of guys called Butch and Duck that live there.
DUCK COSWELL
Well, maybe I’m the Duck you heard about, and maybe he’s the Butch. Then again, maybe we’re not.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
What’d you hear about those guys?
SKY
Not much. Just that they’re interested in stars.
DUCK COSWELL
You think we’re interested in stars?
SKY
Yeah.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
You don’t think we’re a couple of dumb drunks who are trying to get lucky?
SKY
Nope. I think you’re a couple of young scientists up here to do some secret observing of the falling stars.
DUCK COSWELL
Damn. We worked hard on that misogynist routine.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
What gave us away?
SKY
You kept looking up. And your eyes are shining, but not from alcohol.
DUCK COSWELL
Shining?
SKY
Shining with excitement.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Please don’t give away our secret.
SKY
Why does it have to be a secret?
DUCK COSWELL
Because we really are trying to get lucky. I mean, meet girls.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
We thought maybe we could check out this meteor shower, and maybe find a couple of girls who like to watch stars too.
SKY
Well, you won’t get any girls if you act like a couple of dorks.
DUCK COSWELL
We thought girls liked wild, crazy guys.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Yeah, wild crazy guys with a lot of energy.
DUCK COSWELL
We thought that girls like to try to save guys like that.
SKY
Save?
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Yeah. The way it works is, the guy is all wild and everything, and gets in trouble all the time.
DUCK COSWELL
And the girl gets kind of excited by his wild crazy ways.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
So she gets into this little dramatic game with him.
DUCK COSWELL
She likes him to be wild.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
But she wants to tame him as well, to save him from himself.
DUCK COSWELL
It’s what you call a paradox. She wants him to be wild, but tame, at the same time.
SKY
Maybe there’s some girls like that, but I think it’s kind of stupid.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
You mean you might go out with me even if I’m already tame?
SKY
I didn’t say that.
DUCK COSWELL
I’m the better looking one, don’t you think.
SKY
Neither of you is going to win the Mr. Universe contest.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Great about those stars, though.
SKY
Yes it is.
DUCK COSWELL
Butch and I are going to take notes.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Duck has a camera.
SKY
I’m not scientific.
DUCK COSWELL
That’s okay.
SKY
I’m more interested in magic.
DUCK COSWELL
That’s okay.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Nothing wrong with magic, because there’s always a scientific explanation for it.
SKY
No there isn’t.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Don’t you think you’re being a bit naïve?
SKY
I’m no more naïve than guys who think they can pick up girls by acting like a couple of drunken idiots.
DUCK COSWELL
Touché. She’s bright, isn’t she, Butch.
SKY
I’m right here! Don’t talk about me in the third person, please. It’s patronizing.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Yeah, don’t patronize her, Duck.
SKY
(to BUTCH)
Now you’re doing it.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Whoops.
DUCK COSWELL
Is that a booth over there?
SKY
Pie and coffee for two fifty.
DUCK COSWELL
It’s been over an hour since we ate. Excuse us.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Our brains need lots of food tonight.
DUCK COSWELL
Girls, falling stars, and pie and coffee. What a night!
(BUTCH and DUCK exit.)
SKY
I bet lots of girls like guys who watch the stars.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 9:
(WAYNE ESPOSITO enters with his wife WENDY, and his daughters MEGAN and NONNY.)
WAYNE ESPOSITO
Looks like Gordy built a booth over there.
WENDY ESPOSITO
He should’ve hired you to build it, Wayne.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
He owes you, Dad.
NONNY ESPOSITO
Your dad owes us, Sky.
SKY
He does?
WENDY ESPOSITO
Wayne helped your dad build that chicken house for free, remember?
SKY
But the government made us kill the chickens because of bird flu.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
That’s okay, Sky. Don’t give her such a rough time, you guys.
WENDY ESPOSITO
We’re just joshing, Sky.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Can’t you take a joke?
NONNY ESPOSITO
It’s better to laugh than to cry.
SKY
I’m fine, thank you.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
How you feeling, Wendy?
WENDY ESPOSITO
Good, considering.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Mom just got out of hospital, Sky.
NONNY ESPOSITO
She had her gall bladder removed.
SKY
Did she?
WENDY ESPOSITO
Hurt like hell, so I had ‘em take it out. I’m good now.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
So we brought her out here as a reward for being a good patient.
WENDY ESPOSITO
The doctor said I was good.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Mom’s been good, so she deserves a treat.
NONNY ESPOSITO
Sometimes she’s bad, but lately she’s been good.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
What do you mean, “Sometimes she’s bad,” Nonny?
NONNY ESPOSITO
Remember what she did with Megan’s shoes?
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Oh yeah, my shoes!
WAYNE ESPOSITO
You mean when she put them in the oven and roasted them?
NONNY ESPOSITO
Yeah.
(to SKY)
Mom roasted Megan’s moccasins.
WENDY ESPOSITO
I guess that was sort of bad, but I was real mad.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Just because Granny gave me moccasins.
WENDY ESPOSITO
She was trying to buy your love.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
Now, now, Wendy. Mom meant well.
WENDY ESPOSITO
Don’t you start with me, Wayne. Your mom has a mean streak and you know it.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
It was just a pair of moccasins, Mom.
NONNY ESPOSITO
But you know Granny hates Mom, Megan.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
I guess, but what’s wrong with giving me moccasins?
WAYNE ESPOSITO
Nobody hates anybody. Your granny gave you moccasins, and your mom got a bit jealous, that’s all.
WENDY ESPOSITO
I did not get jealous! Your mother, Wayne, your dear lovely mother who has never once given me anything, gave your daughter a two hundred dollar pair of hand-made moccasins!
WAYNE ESPOSITO
Megan’s my daughter but she’s your daughter too, honey, right?
WENDY ESPOSITO
Yeah, she’s my daughter too. So?
WAYNE ESPOSITO
So Mom was kind of giving you something too.
NONNY ESPOSITO
But the moccasins were trimmed with rabbit fur, and Granny knows Mom’s allergic to fur.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
It was funny the way you sneezed whenever I wore them, Mom.
WENDY ESPOSITO
You weren’t laughing when I put them in the oven and roasted them.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
It was scary the way your eyes were all bugged out.
NONNY ESPOSITO
I remember what you said, Mom. You said, “It’s cold out. Let’s warm those moccasins up for you, Megan.” Then you pushed the self-cleaning button on the oven, and incinerated the shoes.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
There was nothing left, Mom. Just ashes.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
But we forgive you, Wendy. You were under a lot of strain, with your gall bladder and everything.
WENDY ESPOSITO
I don’t need to be forgiven! I should get a medal for finally putting your mother in her place, Wayne.
NONNY ESPOSITO
Isn’t this fun!
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Can’t we just watch the falling stars, instead of arguing.
SKY
There’s coffee and pie for two fifty over there at the booth.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
(as they begin to exit)
C’mon, honey. Let’s get you some pie. You like pie, don’t you?
WENDY ESPOSITO
I’m not supposed to eat anything with fat in it.
NONNY ESPOSITO
Do you miss your gall bladder, Mom?
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Of course she does. She used to love to eat things with fat in them.
(The ESPOSITOS complete their exit.)
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 10:
(MANDY RACKER enters on the run.)
MANDY RACKER
I win! I win!
BUNNY SQUINT
(from offstage)
It’s not a race, you doofus!
(entering)
Why are you always running?
MANDY RACKER
‘Cause I got fine, strong legs, Bunny!
(GLORIA WILTON enters.)
GLORIA WILTON
I hate walking, especially through the bush.
BUNNY SQUINT
Where’s Candice, Gloria?
GLORIA WILTON
Huh?
MANDY RACKER
Candice. Where’s Candice?
GLORIA WILTON
Oh my god, I forgot about her.
BUNNY SQUINT
How could you forget?
GLORIA WILTON
I dunno. The bugs, I guess, and the thorns and the mud.
MANDY RACKER
(calling)
Candice!
(louder)
Candice!
(They all listen for a reply. Nothing.)
BUNNY SQUINT
What if she’s dead?
GLORIA WILTON
Dead? How could she be dead?
BUNNY SQUINT
I don’t know. Maybe a bear got her.
MANDY RACKER
We’d have heard something if it was a bear.
BUNNY SQUINT
Maybe a silent bear.
GLORIA WILTON
Are some bears silent?
MANDY RACKER
(calling again)
Candice! CANDICE! Call, you guys!
MANDY, BUNNY, and GLORIA
(shouting)
Candice! Candice!
(They listen. Nothing.)
MANDY RACKER
That’s it. I’m going back down there to find her.
BUNNY SQUINT
Don’t go, Mandy! What if it really is a bear?
(They hear CANDICE calling
from offstage.)
CANDICE MORTELLA
(in the distance)
Help! Help, someone!
GLORIA WILTON
Did you hear that?
MANDY RACKER
Of course I heard it.
BUNNY SQUINT
She sounds scared!
CANDICE MORTELLA
Help! Help! Oh my god! Help meeeeeee!
SKY
I’ll go.
(SKY begins to exit, but MANDY RACKER stops her.)
MANDY RACKER
No way. Candice is our friend; we’ll save her. Come on, Gloria and Bunny.
(MANDY grabs GLORIA’S and BUNNY’s arms and drags them offstage)
GLORIA WILTON
(as she’s being dragged)
No, Mandy, I don’t want to!
BUNNY SQUINT
(as she’s being dragged)
Don’t Mandy. What if it’s a monster?
(MANDY drags them offstage.)
SKY
There hasn’t been a bear around here for fifty years.
(CANDICE MORTELLA enters.)
CANDICE MORTELLA
Sky Norden! Thank goodness I’ve found someone!
SKY
What happened, Candice?
CANDICE MORTELLA
My earring fell off.
SKY
Your earring?
CANDICE MORTELLA
Yes, the one my great grandmother left me.
SKY
Did you find it?
CANDICE MORTELLA
Uh huh. It got hooked on a branch.
SKY
Your friends thought you were dying.
CANDICE MORTELLA
Dying? Well, my mom would’ve killed me if I’d gone home without this earring.
SKY
You made a joke, Candice. That’s good. Is your earring a family heirloom?
CANDICE MORTELLA
A what?
SKY
An heirloom. Something valuable that gets passed down from generation to generation.
CANDICE MORTELLA
I don’t know. I just think it’s pretty. I’m not supposed to wear it, though.
(MANDY, GLORIA, and BUNNY enter.)
MANDY RACKER
There she is!
BUNNY SQUINT
Are you okay, Candice?
GLORIA WILTON
We thought you were dead or something.
CANDICE MORTELLA
Do I look dead?
GLORIA WILTON
No, but…
CANDICE MORTELLA
Why’d you guys leave me all alone in the bush?
MANDY RACKER
It was Gloria’s fault. She was supposed to keep an eye on you.
CANDICE MORTELLA
I don’t need anyone to “keep an eye” on me!
BUNNY SQUINT
Yes you do, Candice. You’re hopeless at finding your own way anywhere.
CANDICE MORTELLA
Well, I’m here, aren’t I? And no one helped me.
GLORIA WILTON
Take it easy, Candice. We’re just trying to help.
CANDICE MORTELLA
I don’t need any help!
MANDY RACKER
You’re agitated. Did you forget to take your medication again?
BUNNY SQUINT
Did she take her medication, Gloria?
GLORIA WILTON
I don’t know. I’m not her mother!
MANDY RACKER
First, you didn’t check if she’d taken her pills, then you lose her in the bush!
BUNNY SQUINT
What kind of friend are you?
GLORIA WILTON
Why do I always have to look after her?
MANDY RACKER
Because you were her best friend before the accident.
GLORIA WILTON
I can’t even take care of myself.
CANDICE MORTELLA
My contact! It fell out!
MANDY RACKER
All right, start looking, everyone.
(They begin to search around for the contact lens.)
BUNNY SQUINT
Where did it fall out, Candice?
CANDICE MORTELLA
I don’t know. Somewhere, I guess.
GLORIA WILTON
Back in the bush?
CANDICE MORTELLA
I don’t know. Maybe.
(They stop searching.)
MANDY RACKER
Well, then, we may as well forget it.
CANDICE MORTELLA
I’m sorry, guys. I’m such an idiot.
BUNNY SQUINT
Don’t say that, Candice. You can’t help what happened to your brain.
GLORIA WILTON
Bunny!
MANDY RACKER
Bunny Squint, you’ve got a big mouth.
CANDICE MORTELLA
My brain? What happened to my brain?
MANDY RACKER
Nothing, Candice. Do you think you’ll be able to see the falling stars without your contact?
CANDICE MORTELLA
I’ve still got the other one, so if I cover one eye I should be okay.
MANDY RACKER
That’s good. You wouldn’t want to miss the big show.
GLORIA WILTON
Her mom’s gonna be so mad.
BUNNY SQUINT
We take her out for the first time since the accident, and look what happens.
MANDY RACKER
Oh, stop it. It’s just a contact. It’s not as if her leg got chopped off or something.
CANDICE MORTELLA
My leg?
GLORIA WILTON
Mandy’s just trying to make a point, Candice.
SKY
It’s nice of you to bring Candice out here.
MANDY RACKER
It was Ms. Huntington’s idea; you know, the English teacher.
BUNNY SQUINT
It’ll help our grades.
SKY
Oh. I thought you were just being nice.
GLORIA WILTON
We are being nice. Just because it’s for English doesn’t mean we’re not nice.
SKY
Who paid for her ticket?
BUNNY SQUINT
Ms. Huntington, sort of as a memorial.
SKY
A memorial?
MANDY RACKER
Candice used to be Ms. Huntington’s favourite, before the accident.
CANDICE MORTELLA
When will the stars fall?
SKY
Soon, Candice. It’s getting dark.
MANDY RACKER
Is that a booth over there where that crowd is?
SKY
Coffee and pie for two fifty.
MANDY RACKER
Let’s get her over there and give her some coffee. That’ll cheer her up.
CANDICE MORTELLA
I’m not supposed to drink coffee.
BUNNY SQUINT
Just this once, Candice.
GLORIA WILTON
It’ll keep you awake, Candice. You know how sleepy you get.
CANDICE MORTELLA
I’m sleepy.
MANDY RACKER
Come on, let’s get her over there before she faints.
(They start to exit.)
BUNNY SQUINT
We better get an “A” for this.
GLORIA WILTON
Or at least a “C plus”.
(They complete their exit.)
SKY
The human brain is such a delicate organ.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 1:
(GORDY NORDEN enters.)
GORDY
All the pie and coffee’s gone.
SKY
Did Candice Mortella get a cup?
GORDY
Who?
SKY
Candice. The girl who had the accident.
GORDY
I couldn’t say. Sherry Tillus took over the booth. I went in the trailer and had a nap.
SKY
Are you really tired, Dad?
GORDY
I’ve never been so tired, Sky. Guess I should have listened to the doctor.
SKY
You went to the doctor?
GORDY
Yep. First time since I had my tonsils out when I was seven.
SKY
What’s wrong with you?
GORDY
Nothing much.
SKY
Nothing much! What is it, Dad?
GORDY
Oh, just a spot of heart trouble.
SKY
Heart trouble!
GORDY
Don’t worry, they gave me pills.
SKY
How bad is it?
GORDY
Well, now, they want me to go for more tests.
SKY
Why didn’t you tell me before?
GORDY
No point getting you all worked up.
SKY
You shouldn’t be doing any work.
GORDY
Got to work, Sky. Got to make some money.
SKY
Let me do it all.
GORDY
You already do enough.
SKY
But what if you end up in hospital, Dad, or…or…
GORDY
Everyone has to die sometime, Sky.
SKY
I don’t want to be alone.
GORDY
You got good neighbours, Sky. They’ll help you out.
SKY
You talk like you know you’re going to die.
GORDY
Everyone has to die sometime.
(SHERRY TILLUS enters.)
SHERRY TILLUS
And everyone likes your pies, Sky. There’s not a single slice left.
GORDY
Someone who can cook good can always find a job somewhere.
SHERRY TILLUS
Where’d you learn to bake, honey?
SKY
I just kind of experimented ‘til it tasted good.
SHERRY TILLUS
Getting dark.
GORDY
Them stars are going to start falling pretty soon.
SHERRY TILLUS
Who owned this hay field before you, Gordy?
GORDY
My dad. Sky’s grandpa.
SKY
I never knew him.
GORDY
He was a tough old mule of a man. Always working.
SHERRY TILLUS
What became of him?
GORDY
Dropped dead while stretching barbed wire on that fence over yonder.
SHERRY TILLUS
And your mother?
GORDY
She left him when I was a kid.
SHERRY TILLUS
That’s too bad.
GORDY
He wasn’t much of a husband. Just like me.
SHERRY TILLUS
What’s that supposed to mean?
GORDY
It means he couldn’t hold onto his woman, and neither could I.
SKY
I never knew my mom.
SHERRY TILLUS
That’s too bad. Every kid needs a mom.
GORDY
Don’t rub it in, Sherry. I done the best I could with the girl.
SHERRY TILLUS
Sure you did, Gordy. I didn’t mean nothing by it.
SKY
Dad’s always tried really hard to be a good father, Ms. Tillus.
SHERRY TILLUS
Well, you don’t have a mom, and I never really had a dad, so we sort of got something in common, Sky.
SKY
I guess.
SHERRY TILLUS
My dad was a drinker. Mom told him if he had to choose between his family and the bottle. He picked the bottle.
GORDY
They always do.
SHERRY TILLUS
We kids was glad when he left, ‘cause that meant we didn’t have to put up with his temper tantrums no more.
GORDY
They say alcoholism’s a disease.
SHERRY TILLUS
That don’t make it any easier to live with.
GORDY
Is that why you’re not married, Sherry?
SHERRY TILLUS
Huh?
GORDY
You scared you’ll get mixed up with another alcoholic like your dad?
SHERRY TILLUS
I’m scared I’ll get mixed up period.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 2:
(DONNY, GINGER, DEENA, and REBECCA KLIMCHUK enter.)
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I feel sick from that pie. I think I got appendicitis.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
The only thing you got is a case of the stupids.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Mom, I’m sick and Deena’s just making it worse.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Deena, how many times do I have to tell you to leave your sister alone?
DONNY KLIMCHUK
I take my wife and kids out for a fun evening and all you do is fight.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Can’t we just go home?
DONNY KLIMCHUK
No. Now, I’m a patient man, but you got to stop all this complaining, or I’m gonna get real impatient.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
You kids better settle down. You know how your dad can be when he loses his temper.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
I don’t lose my temper.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Yes you do, dear. Remember when you put your boot through the TV?
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Just because of some stupid hockey game.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
I lost five hundred dollars on that game.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Gambling is a sin.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I’m gonna throw up!
SHERRY TILLUS
She looks awful pale, Ginger.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Deena, take your sister into those bushes over there!
DEENA KLIMCHUK
No way!
SHERRY TILLUS
I’ll do it!
(SHERRY escorts REBECCA offstage.)
SKY
I hope it’s not my pie.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
I ate two slices, and I’m fine.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
You got a stomach made of iron.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Rebecca’s just faking it, like always.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
I’ve been thinking maybe it’s time you started working in the gas station, Deena.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
What? No way!
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Maybe you’d do less complaining if you had to do an honest day’s work for once.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
I’m just a kid!
GINGER KLIMCHUK
When I was fifteen, I was washing dishes for ten hours a day in a greasy spoon at Jackfish Lake.
(SHERRY TILLUS enters with REBECCA KLIMCHUK.)
SHERRY TILLUS
She’ll feel better now.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I hate throwing up.
GORDY
It’s best to get it out of your system.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 3:
TIM WARDEN enters.
SKY
Mr. Warden! You came back!
TIM WARDEN
Yep, I guess I did. Anyone seen my wife?
GORDY
You bet. She was after me to buy some kind of permit.
TIM WARDEN
Just doing her job, Mr. Norden.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
There’s too many damn rules nowadays.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
She’s not going to shut her all down, is she, Gordy?
GORDY
Don’t see how she could do that, Ginger.
(CONSTABLE WARDEN enters.)
CONSTABLE WARDEN
There you are, Mr. Norden.
GORDY
Look, Constable, I know I don’t got a permit, but this here is a kind of fund-raiser.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Doesn’t make any difference what it is. You need a permit.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Are you going to arrest Mr. Norden, Constable?
SHERRY TILLUS
We don’t mind paying ten bucks to use this field, Constable.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
We’re glad to do it. Gordy here needs a bit of cash right now.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I think I’m gonna puke again.
(SHERRY takes her offstage.)
TIM WARDEN
Can’t you bend the rules just this once, honey?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
I thought you were going to walk back to town.
TIM WARDEN
I got to feeling bad.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
So you come back here and tell me how to do my job again.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
She’s mad.
TIM WARDEN
No, no, I wouldn’t do that. How much is a permit, anyway?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
It’s too late to get one now.
TIM WARDEN
Why?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Because you’re supposed to make an application to the municipality.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Well, I’m on the town council. Maybe Gordy could apply through me.
TIM WARDEN
Sure.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
I don’t have blank application with me.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
How about “word of mouth”?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Doesn’t sound legal.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Oh, come on, constable. Give us a break, or we’ll stand here all night arguing!
SKY
We’re all witnesses.
(SHERRY and REBECCA enter.)
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I got nothing left to puke.
SHERRY TILLUS
You did real good, Rebecca. That must be the last of that blueberry pie.
TIM WARDEN
Honey, I know I got kind of pushy with you, and you’re the cop and everything, but these people are our neighbours, and one day I hope they’ll be our friends. Let’s let them have their evening of star-gazing, okay?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Well, just so long as no one tells my boss up at Big River.
SKY
We won’t tell, Constable Warden.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
All right then. Gordy, you’ve applied for a permit by word of mouth, and Mr. Klimchuk has accepted it. That’ll be two hundred dollars.
GORDY
I can’t pay two hundred dollars!
TIM WARDEN
Is a cheque okay?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
You’re going to pay?
SHERRY TILLUS
Thanks, Mr. Warden.
TIM WARDEN
Why not? I got two hundred dollars in my bank account.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
That’s money I gave you!
TIM WARDEN
That’s right. You gave it to me, Jenny.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Oh, all right. I can see that nothing works by the book here in Wildwood.
SKY
Thanks, Constable Warden, we’re grateful.
GORDY
Getting dark now.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Should be getting some action any time now.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 4:
(THERESA, FELICITY, and MASON CREED enter.)
THERESA CREED
Any stars fallen yet?
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Nope, but they’re gonna start any time now.
MASON CREED
That was real good pie, Sky.
SKY
Thanks, Mason.
FELICITY CREED
Hey, everybody, Mason and Sky are in love!
THERESA CREED
Felicity!
MASON CREED
Can’t a guy talk to a girl without everyone saying they’re in love?
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Everyone knows you got a crush on Sky, Mason.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Isn’t that cute.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Careful, Mason. Next thing you know you’ll be walking up the aisle with her.
SHERRY TILLUS
You kids ever come into the restaurant together, I’ll see that you get a nice romantic dinner.
SKY
We’re just friends.
TIM WARDEN
That’s how the ball gets rolling.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Just don’t take her for rides on that motorbike.
MASON CREED
I can take her on private property, Constable.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Listen to him! A boy of fifteen, and he talks like a man!
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Why don’t you take me for a ride some day, Mason?
MASON CREED
Only got room for one girl, and that’s Sky.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Motorbikes are scary.
FELICITY CREED
I’m never going to have a stupid boyfriend.
THERESA CREED
Don’t say “never”, Felicity. One day you’ll fall in love just like the rest of us.
GORDY
Just pray you don’t fall “out” of love after you get hooked up with someone.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 5:
(HERCULES, MERCURY, and TILLY DANKO enter.)
HERCULES DANKO
That sure was fine pie.
MERCURY DANKO
You must give me your recipe, Sky.
TILLY DANKO
I’m going to learn how to make pies so I can put all sorts of special things in them.
THERESA CREED
Special things, little Tilly Danko?
TILLY DANKO
Yes. Special things, like flowers, and pretty rocks, and shiny black bugs.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
I’m never eating one of her pies.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Bugs! Oh, Tilly, don’t you know that bugs are toxic?
HERCULES DANKO
Oh, I wouldn’t say they’re toxic, Rebecca. In fact, they’re a good source of protein.
MERCURY DANKO
Once I was lost in the forest, and I ate two or three handfuls of bugs just to keep my energy up.
TILLY DANKO
I won’t let anyone eat the bugs in my pies, because they’ll be alive.
FELICITY CREED
Tilly, why do you always say such weird things?
SHERRY TILLUS
Because she’s got an imagination, Felicity.
MASON CREED
And you don’t.
FELICITY CREED
Do too!
HERCULES DANKO
Little Tilly takes after her granny, who was an actress and an animal trainer.
MERCURY DANKO
She could make a dog do anything for a biscuit.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Just so long as the dog didn’t break the law.
TIM WARDEN
Dog’s can’t grow marijuana, dear.
MERCURY DANKO
No, but they can guard the marijuana patch.
GORDY
Growing marijuana is a good way to make money in a hurry. Too bad it’s illegal.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
I thought you were against drugs, Gordy.
GORDY
I am. But marijuana’s not as dangerous as alcohol, so why is booze legal?
THERESA CREED
You can’t stop people from drinking.
HERCULES DANKO
Or smoking dope.
MERCURY DANKO
Hercules used to smoke marijuana when he was a teenager.
TILLY DANKO
He admits he was a pot head.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Lots of kids do it.
SKY
I don’t see why they need to.
HERCULES DANKO
It stunted my emotional development.
MERCURY DANKO
But he grew up in the end. Just look at him!
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Marijuana is supposed to be good for nausea.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 6:
(MARY, TAMMY, and TRIXIE RENO enter.)
MARY RENO
I’m so full of pie I can hardly walk.
TRIXIE RENO
And coffee. You drank a lot of coffee, Mom.
TAMMY RENO
I’m old enough to drink coffee. Why couldn’t I have some?
MARY RENO
Because you’re already hyper enough.
TAMMY RENO
How can you even say that when Trixie’s the one who’s always running around doing stupid gymnastics and that.
TRIXIE RENO
I got to do lots of exercises for my knees, Tammy.
SHERRY TILLUS
Don’t worry, Mary. Tammy won’t be a teenager forever.
MARY RENO
She’s so mixed up right now.
TAMMY RENO
Mom! How can you say that in front of everyone?
TRIXIE RENO
Because it’s true, and everyone knows it already anyway.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
It’s hard to be a teenage girl in this little place in the middle of nowhere.
SKY
I like it here.
TAMMY RENO
You’re not normal, Sky.
MASON CREED
Hey, she’s more normal than you, Tammy Reno.
HERCULES DANKO
Now, now, kids, don’t start a ruckus over nothing.
MERCURY DANKO
Soon, the stars will fall down from the sky, and our little squabbles will seem silly.
MARY RENO
That’s right. Our little arguments don’t mean much in the great scheme of things.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Maybe we need a special police officer to work with the teens in Wildwood.
TIM WARDEN
Hey, I’d like to do that.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Are you trained to work with kids, Tim?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
No he’s not. He’s still trying to finish grade twelve.
TIM WARDEN
She’s kidding, of course.
TAMMY RENO
Don’t be embarrassed, Mr. Warden. I know how hard school is.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
No kidding. I hate school.
SHERRY TILLUS
You kids should take advantage of a free education.
MASON CREED
But they don’t teach us the important stuff, like how to ride motorbikes.
SKY
Nature is the best teacher.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
School’s just a babysitting service. Send ‘em out in the real world, I say.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I’m dizzy.
TILLY DANKO
What’s the matter with Rebecca, Mr. Klimchuk?
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Too much pie.
GORDY
Poor kid. Her eyes are bigger than her stomach.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 7:
(DUCK COSWELL and BUTCH DORTMUNDER enter.)
DUCK COSWELL
Have any stars fallen yet?
SKY
Not yet, Duck.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
We got a little carried away with the pie.
DUCK COSWELL
We were doing a little scientific research on what makes a pie like that taste so good.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Please stop talking about that pie!
SHERRY TILLUS
Rebecca’s thrown up twice already.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
She’s just faking.
DUCK COSWELL
Does she suffer from psychosomatic illness?
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Huh?
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
The mind and body are connected in ways that we’re only now beginning to understand.
TAMMY RENO
You guys sound like a documentary soundtrack.
DUCK COSWELL
Thanks.
GORDY
I don’t think she meant it as a compliment, boys.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Me and Duck know lots about astronomy.
DUCK COSWELL
Any of you girls want to know more about falling stars, we’d be happy to assist.
FELICITY CREED
I’d like to know more!
TILLY DANKO
Me too!
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Sorry girls, you’re underage.
DUCK COSWELL
You’re not old enough to handle the truth about the stars.
MERCURY DANKO
What a couple of smooth operators!
MARY RENO
Look out, ladies, we’ve got a couple of hustlers here.
SHERRY TILLUS
Are you boys man enough for a real woman?
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Gee, lady, you’re kind of old.
DUCK COSWELL
Butch! Forgive him, ma’am. He’s inexperienced.
SHERRY TILLUS
Maybe that’s the way I like ‘em.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Help me, Duck!
DUCK COSWELL
You’re on your own, big guy.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
All right, let’s try to keep it clean. This is a family gathering.
TIM WARDEN
But doesn’t romance lead to families?
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Whoa! Who said anything about “romance”?
SKY
I think you guys better stick to watching stars.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 8:
(WAYNE, WENDY, MEGAN, and NONNY ESPOSITO enter.)
WAYNE ESPOSITO
How’s your stomach, Wendy?
WENDY ESPOSITO
Good, Wayne. I guess there wasn’t much fat in that pie.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Mom just had her gall bladder out.
NONNY ESPOSITO
She can’t eat fat.
SKY
I don’t use fat in my pies.
GORDY
I like fat, but Sky just won’t cook with it.
SHERRY TILLUS
You got to watch out for gas, Wendy.
WENDY ESPOSITO
Don’t I know it. Yesterday, I must have passed ten litres.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Mom! Don’t tell everyone!
NONNY ESPOSITO
It’s natural, Megan. Even you pass gas.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
No I don’t.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
We’d all pass a lot less gas if we ate right.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Ginger’s got us on a diet.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
All because of Rebecca.
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
I got health issues.
WENDY ESPOSITO
You poor kid! How many days of school you miss this year?
GINGER KLIMCHUK
Too many. That’s why I got to get her fixed up.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
You get a permit to build that deck up at Johnson’s place, Wayne?
WAYNE ESPOSITO
‘Course I did, Constable. Jeeze, you’re always on the job, eh?
TIM WARDEN
She’s just kidding you, Wayne.
CONSTABLE WARDEN
Stop saying I’m just kidding, Tim.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
My dad doesn’t break the law.
NONNY ESPOSITO
Except that time he stole underarm deodorant when he was a kid.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
I should never have told you kids about that.
DUCK COSWELL
“Stealing” is an abstract concept.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
Some would call it “transferring ownership”.
TRIXIE RENO
Like Tammy’s handbag. She tried to steal it.
TAMMY RENO
I did not! I just forgot it was in my hand when I walked out the door.
MARY RENO
You’ve been doing a lot of forgetting lately, Tammy.
MERCURY DANKO
That’s all right, Tammy. You’ll get a boyfriend soon.
TILLY DANKO
I’m going to get a perfect boy one day. He’ll be like a god.
HERCULES DANKO
Hang in there, little Tilly. You’re going to be looking for a long time.
THERESA CREED
Seems like the good ones die young.
MASON CREED
I’m not planning on dying young.
FELICITY CREED
Then you better slow down when you’re riding that motorbike.
SKY
Especially if I’m riding with you.
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 9:
(MANDY RACKER, BUNNY SQUINT, GLORIA WILTON, and CANDICE MORTELLA enter.)
MANDY RACKER
Here we are, Candice. This is where we can see best.
CANDICE MORTELLA
See what?
BUNNY SQUINT
The falling stars.
GLORIA WILTON
Don’t you remember? We came out here to watch the falling stars.
CANDICE MORTELLA
I can’t see too good out of this eye.
MANDY RACKER
You lost your contact in the bush.
GORDY
It was nice of you kids to bring Candice up here.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
She’s looking good, considering.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
But she doesn’t even know where she is.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
Deena, you got a big mouth, you know that?
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
Mom, I’m sort of scared of Candice.
GORDY
She won’t hurt you, kid. The doctors say she’s harmless.
MANDY RACKER
Her mom couldn’t come with her.
BUNNY SQUINT
It’s a school project.
GLORIA WILTON
Bunny!
BUNNY SQUINT
I mean, we’re still being nice and everything.
GLORIA WILTON
You go to school to learn, right? We’re learning about helping others.
CANDICE MORTELLA
Why do I only have one earring?
MANDY RACKER
It’s all right, Candice. The other one is in your pocket.
SHERRY TILLUS
You’re doing great, Candice.
CANDICE MORTELLA
I am?
CONSTABLE WARDEN
You kids be sure to get her home okay.
THERESA CREED
You make sure she goes right in the door to her house.
TIM WARDEN
Make sure her mom knows she’s home.
MANDY RACKER
Of course we will. What do you think we are?
MASON CREED
Is Old Lady Huntington going to give you an “A” for this, Mandy?
BUNNY SQUINT
We told you, we’re doing it ‘cause we’re nice, too.
FELICITY CREED
What’s the matter with Candice, Mom?
THERESA CREED
She was in an accident, dear.
FELICITY CREED
What sort of accident?
MERCURY DANKO
It’s best not to talk about it, Felicity.
HERCULES DANKO
Some things are better left alone.
TILLY DANKO
Poor Candice. She had a secret accident!
MARY RENO
You should be grateful for your good health, Tammy.
TAMMY RENO
Who says I’m not?
TRIXIE RENO
You never get any exercise. You won’t even stand on your head.
TAMMY RENO
I don’t need exercise ‘cause I look good anyway.
DUCK COSWELL
You sure do.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
You look great.
WAYNE ESPOSITO
You boys aren’t from around here.
SKY
They’re from Mud Creek.
WENDY ESPOSITO
Be sure and behave yourselves, now.
DUCK COSWELL
We intend to be perfect gentlemen.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
At all times.
MEGAN ESPOSITO
You don’t talk like normal boys.
NONNY ESPOSITO
Maybe they’re aliens.
CANDICE MORTELLA
Why are we all here? What’s happening?
Falling Stars by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 10:
SKY
Look up at the night sky, Candice!
(Everyone looks up.)
SKY
See, a star is falling. And another, and another.
GORDY
Look at that! Like golden threads across the sky.
DONNY KLIMCHUK
So many of them! And each one is different.
GINGER KLIMCHUK
And the same. Different and the same.
DEENA KLIMCHUK
Where do they go?
REBECCA KLIMCHUK
How do they get there?
SHERRY TILLUS
So many. And see how they criss-cross over each other!
CONSTABLE WARDEN
They meet and part, and then they disappear.
TIM WARDEN
They burn so bright.
THERESA CREED
Then suddenly they’re gone.
MASON CREED
And new ones are born.
FELICITY CREED
Baby stars that grow old.
HERCULES DANKO
Every one of them has it’s moment.
MERCURY DANKO
Every one leaves a trail of gold.
TILLY DANKO
If only they could fall forever!
MARY RENO
Such a wonderful dance of light!
TAMMY RENO
So golden and pretty…
TRIXIE RENO
A dance that ends too soon…
DUCK COSWELL
We see them but we don’t know them.
BUTCH DORTMUNDER
We try to understand…
WAYNE ESPOSITO
But in the end we can only watch…
WENDY ESPOSITO
And wonder…
MEGAN ESPOSITO
Every star is a mystery.
NONNY ESPOSITO
Every star is alone.
MANDY RACKER
In the night, alone…
BUNNY SQUINT
Each star is beautiful…
GLORIA WILTON
And we are watching…
CANDICE MORTELLA
Why do we watch?
SKY
We watch because we are the audience to our own lives. And as we watch, we fall through the heavens on our lonely journeys, wondering who will cross our paths and what we will give them.
FULL CAST
We fall through the heavens on our long, lonely journeys. Who will cross our paths, and what will we give them?
END OF PLAY