Welcomeby Richard Stuart Dixon
© Richard Stuart Dixon, 2006
(Note: Performance of this play requires the author’s permission. Please contact Good School Plays for details.)
Production Notes:
• running time: approx. 55 minutes.
• style: satire
• suitable for general audiences
• 25 characters (13 female, 12 male)
• black-box staging (no set required)
Summary of Script Content:
• “Rotten Not Forgotten” takes a satirical look at death and food when a small-town man and woman defy mortality by refusing to bury their dead spouses.
(This play was first performed on January 26, 27, 30, 31 and Febrary 1, in the year 2006, at Gleneagle Secondary School in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.)
Go to:
Act One, Scene 1
Act One, Scene 2
Act One, Scene 3
Act One, Scene 4
Act One, Scene 5
Act One, Scene 6
Act One, Scene 7
Act One, Scene 8
Act One, Scene 9
Act One, Scene 10
Act One, Scene 11
Act One, Scene 12
Act One, Scene 13
Act Two, Scene 1
Act Two, Scene 2
Act Two, Scene 3
Act Two, Scene 4
Act Two, Scene 5
CHARACTERS:
James Everett, 36, a mill worker
Charity Everett, 32, his wife
David Morningfield, 40, a mill worker
Star Morningfield, 38, his wife
Paul Nightingale, 53, a farmer
Della Nightingale, 50, his wife
Bell Nightingale, 76, Paul’s mother
Constable Bill Wilder, 38
Mary Wilder, 36, his wife
Reverend Thomas Evensong, 47
Trinity Evensong, 44, his wife
Haley Evensong, 12, their daughter
Frank Cosman, 50, store owner
Lily Cosman, 50, his wife
Robert Versal, 55, mill owner
Lady Versal, 43, his wife
Jane Versal, 15, their daughter
Finster Skyman, 48, the town foreman
Glory Skyman, 46, his wife
Dorian Skyman, 16, their son
Gordie Stellar, 50, mayor of Jackpine
Dawn Stellar, 46, his wife
Nathan Moon, 50, a farmer
Polly Moon, 50, his wife
Martin Gemini, 64, an eccentric loner
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 1:
(The community is gathered for a dance, with couples in frozen postures of dancing, with MARTIN GEMINI watching, REVEREND EVENSONG, TRINITY EVENSONG, and HALEY EVENSONG clapping along, and DORIAN SKYMAN and JANE VERSAL dancing together. The scene comes to life with everyone singing along.)
Round and round the wheel is turning
Round and round it goes
Some are born, and some are dying,
Lord God, save our souls.
The sun must rise, the sun must set
The day must turn to night
But God is kind and lets us find
His everlasting light.
Some die young and some die old
We all go by and by
God gives life to every soul,
And those who live must die.
The sun must rise, the sun must set
The day must turn to night
But God is kind and lets us find
His everlasting light.
(The song ends and the couples form a tableau. REVEREND EVENSONG speaks.)
REVEREND EVENSONG
I want to thank you folks for coming to the church hall on such a foul and rainy night.
NATHAN MOON
Heck, Reverend, it’s a whole lot better than sittin’ in our lonesome old farmhouse whittlin’ wood an’ spittin’ on the stove.
POLLY MOON
And it’s a tradition. Me and Nathan bin attendin’ the Sunday celebration since we was snotty-faced brats wearin’ undy-pants made from flour sacks.
NATHAN MOON
You might say Polly and me fell in love right here in this meeting house.
POLLY MOON
He asked me to be his bride right after the last “amen” on Easter Sunday thirty-two years ago.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Although you don’t have children, Mr. and Mrs. Moon, you have nonetheless grown plenty of good eats.
TRINITY EVENSONG
Thomas, Haley and I are grateful to you all for the many wholesome vegetables you’ve deposited on our doorstep.
REVEREND EVENSONG
We’re mighty glad to be here in Jackpine, folks. You’ve all given us a warm welcome. That was mighty fine pie, Mrs. Nightingale.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
There’s more where that came from, Reverend. Pie’s my middle name.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
We got to keep you fat and sassy so’s God can see how good we treat ya.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
I bin’ bakin’ pies for thirty years or more.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
I taught Della how to make pie the day she married my boy Paul.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
That’s right, Mama. My wife Della can bake a pie as sweet as an angel’s kiss.
TRINITY EVENSONG
Well, I do like pie and so does little Haley. Say thank you to the good folks of Jackpine, Haley.
HALEY EVENSONG
Do I have to?
FRANK COSMAN
She’s a shy one. Come on over to my store tomorrow, Haley. I’ll give you a lollipop.
LILY COSMAN
Why, Frank Cosman, we don’t stock lollipops!
FRANK COSMAN
I just might have a few tucked away under the counter.
LILY COSMAN
That’s news to me, Frank; that’s news to me.
FRANK COSMAN
I got me a secret or two, same as any man.
LILY COSMAN
Thirty years of marriage, and I still don’t know his middle name.
MARTIN GEMINI
In the old days, Reverend Earthmore used to give me five dollars out of the collection plate.
ROBERT VERSAL
If Reverend Evensong wants to do things different, Marty, that’s his right.
MARTIN GEMINI
I used to get five dollars just for turning up at the meeting. It costs money to live, eh.
LADY VERSAL
You know my husband Robert has a job waiting for you at the lumber mill, Martin.
ROBERT VERSAL
A hard day’s work never hurt anyone, Martin Gemini.
LADY VERSAL
The Lord provides, Marty, but you got to reach out and pick up his gifts by yourself.
REST OF CAST
Amen.
JANE VERSAL
Mama, Marty’s looking at you kind of mean and his face is all bunchy with malice.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Don’t you go botherin’ the rich folks, Martin Gemini.
MARY WILDER
My husband’s paid to uphold the law, Martin, and that’s just what he’ll do.
JANE VERSAL
He’s still staring at Mama, Constable. See how he’s all puckered and angry?
MARTIN GEMINI
How am I gonna get my wieners without no money?
REVEREND EVENSONG
The lord provides, Martin. Let’s leave it at that.
CONSTABLE WILDER
You folks better be making your way home. The roads are bad and getting worse.
MARY WILDER
No moon tonight, and the rain’s falling harder than ever, honey.
CONSTABLE WILDER
I know, Mary, I know. Any word on the roads, Mayor Stellar?
GORDIE STELLAR
I got a call from the highways office. Ol’ Bob Pucker says there’s a chance of mudslides, folks.
DAWN STELLAR
Drive safe, neighbours. Don’t want Gordie tellin’ me no sad stories in the morning.
GORDIE STELLAR
Don’t you worry, honey: Finster Skyman’s on the job tonight. He’s the village foreman, so he’s going to do his bit to keep folks safe. Right, Finster?
FINSTER SKYMAN
You bet, Mayor Stellar. I’ll be patrolling in the town jeep, and my good wife Glory’s gonna ride shotgun.
GLORY SKYMAN
That jeep’s got a winch that can yank a car out of a mud hole as easy as pulling a ripe cherry off a tree.
FINSTER SKYMAN
And we got a box on the back big enough for our boy Dorian.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Mom and Pop make me ride in that box like one of them mean ol’ redneck dogs.
GLORY SKYMAN
You wouldn’t want to ride up front with the gearshift jammed in your crotch, now would you son?
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Sure hope we make it home in this rain. Shoulda come inta town on the tractor, eh, Della? Safer than that sissified car.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
My big John Deere can go most anyplace. Drove it clear acrost Jimmy Creek one Christmas.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
She had one too many shots of rye, and made a bet with Polly Moon.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
It’s a wonder she’s alive to tell the story.
NATHAN MOON
My good wife Polly fired up that big green tractor and headed for the creek as if it was the promised land.
POLLY MOON
Me and Della drove them tractors through that creek like we was being chased by demons.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
I don’t need no bridge ta git to ta the other side of a crick no bigger than a trickle of horse piddle!
BELL NIGHTINGALE
I said to my boy Paul, “That wife of yours loves that tractor more than she loves you.” ‘Course, I was only teasin’.
POLLY MOON
A tractor’s more reliable than a man.
NATHAN MOON
A John Deere can sashay through hell itself and live to tell the story. But put a man in a car and he can’t go noplace without some sorta road forcin’ him ta stay on the straight and narrow.
MARTIN GEMINI
Used to get five bucks just for showing up. Five bucks every Sunday just as sure as God speaks English.
JAMES EVERETT
How are you and Star gettin’ home, Dave?
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Gotta walk. The Chevy’s got a blown head gasket. That car’s not worth the dirt in its wheel-wells!
STAR MORNINGFIELD
The rain’s gonna ruin my meetin’ clothes, Dave, and these are twenty dollar shoes.
CHARITY EVERETT
Me and Jim can give you a ride in the Buick.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Thanks, Charity. We’ll be safe and dry as toads in a jam jar in that big old Roadmaster.
JAMES EVERETT
I bought that Buick seven years ago, brand spanking new and fresh off Buck Cook’s car lot down in Woodsmoke.
CHARITY EVERETT
He still drives it like a kid in a hot rod.
JAMES EVERETT
I seen it parked there on the lot, and I said to Charity, “It ain’t right for a car like that to be sittin’ still. It’s got to be drove, and
drove hard.”
CHARITY EVERETT
You should see the smile on his puss when he hits a hundred!
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Nothing like a big V8 to give a man a kick in the pants and remind him who he is.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Dave’s always after me to let him trade the Chevy on somethin’ with eight cylinders.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Just drive safe, Jim. Don’t want to be scraping you folks off the road.
MARY WILDER
Oh, now, Bill, they’ll be fine. That Buick’s built like a brick shithouse.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Well, then, I guess we can call it a night. God bless you all.
(Everyone exits except the REVEREND and his WIFE and DAUGHTER.)
TRINITY EVENSONG
Thomas, sometimes I think we should cancel Sunday gatherings when the weather’s bad and the roads are dangerous.
HALEY EVENSONG
What if someone gets hurt on the way home, Daddy? What if someone dies?
TRINITY EVENSONG
“Die” rhymes with “pie”. And we had pie tonight.
REVEREND EVENSONG
People must worship and eat pie together, even if the roads are bad. If someone dies tonight, it’s the will of the lord and no fault of ours.
(They exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 1.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 2:
(JAMES and CHARITY EVERETT, and DAVID and STAR MORNINGFIELD enter with folding chairs, which they make into the interior of the Buick
Roadmaster, and sit down.)
CHARITY EVERETT
The rain’s falling hard, Jim. Can’t the wipers go faster?
JAMES EVERETT
Heck, I could drive home blindfold, honey.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
It’s like being in a boat on a lake.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Sure is coming down.
JAMES EVERETT
I like driving in a storm like this.
CHARITY EVERETT
It’s cozy in here.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Beats walking.
JAMES EVERETT
Too many potholes, though. Hard on the shocks.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
When are they gonna fix this road?
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
When someone gets killed.
CHARITY EVERETT
Don’t say that, Dave; it’s bad luck.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Hey, Jim, if you get her up over fifty, you won’t feel the potholes.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Don’t make him speed, Dave. I don’t mind the bumps.
CHARITY EVERETT
We’re going fast enough.
JAMES EVERETT
We got to get over Jimmy Creek Bridge before it washes out.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
It’s not going to wash out. Quit trying to scare us.
JAMES EVERETT
Can’t see more than a few yards ahead.
CHARITY EVERETT
Slow down, Jim.
JAMES EVERETT
That bridge should be just around the corner.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We’re really flying.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
I can’t see a thing.
CHARITY EVERETT
Jim, slow down.
JAMES EVERETT
Here we go!
CHARITY EVERETT
Jim! What if the bridge is gone?
(All four freeze. Then they all arrange themselves as if the car has crashed. JAMES is still alive, as is STAR, but CHARITY and DAVID are dead. JAMES crawls to CHARITY, and STAR crawls to DAVID.)
JAMES EVERETT
Charity! Charity!
(He can see she’s dead…he falls unconscious.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
David? David…
(She see’s he’s dead, then falls unconscious. CONSTABLE WILDER enters with FINSTER, GLORY, and DORIAN SKYMAN.)
CONSTABLE WILDER
Jesus wept!
DORIAN SKYMAN
Guess they didn’t know the bridge was gone.
FINSTER SKYMAN
(going to STAR MORNINGFIELD)
She’s still alive.
GLORY SKYMAN
(going to JAMES EVERETT)
So’s Jim.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Charity and Dave are gone. Anyone can see that.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Are they really dead, Dad?
FINSTER SKYMAN
Yes, son. Got to get ‘em in your car, Bill.
GLORY SKYMAN
Got to take ‘em home, alive or dead.
(Everyone freezes, the lights dim, and CHARITY and DAVID exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 2.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 3:
(The FULL CAST assembles for the funeral speech of REVEREND EVENSONG. JAMES and STAR stand alone on opposite sides of the stage. The cast
sings.)
Some die young and some die old
We all go by and by
God gives life to every soul,
And those who live must die.
The sun must rise, the sun must set
The day must turn to night
But God is kind and lets us find
His everlasting light.
REVEREND EVENSONG
The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.
REST OF CAST
(except JAMES, STAR, and MARTIN)
The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Lord, take our brother David Morningfield and our sister Charity Everett into your loving arms.
REST OF CAST
(except JAMES, STAR, and MARTIN)
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
MARTIN GEMINI
Where’s my five dollars?
POLLY MOON
Hush, Marty. Don’t you know what’s going on?
MARTIN GEMINI
Someone’s dead, but I still got to eat, eh?
NATHAN MOON
For the love of heaven, get that old coot out of here.
REVEREND EVENSONG
No, Nathan. Martin is one of us. I’ll give him his five dollars.
MARTIN GEMINI
Bless you, Reverend. Five bucks will get me a dozen wieners and a tub of jam.
TRINITY EVENSONG
And butter too, Martin. But remember, some poor cow had to take that last long journey over the bridge to the slaughterhouse so you can feast on boiled wieners.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Each of us is travelling down a road to a river where the bridge is washed away. On the way, we eat pie. When we get to that river, we must surrender to the waters and allow ourselves to be carried to the sea of eternity. Amen.
REST OF CAST
(except JAMES, STAR, and MARTIN)
Amen.
REVEREND EVENSONG Go in peace, with compassion for the dead bodies that rest in the grief-stricken darkness of the Everett and Morningfield
homes.
(The CAST exits, until only the REVEREND, his WIFE and DAUGHTER, JAMES, STAR, and MARTIN remain.)
REVEREND EVENSONG
James, Star…Charity and David are gone to God.
TRINITY EVENSONG
You cannot keep their bodies in your homes forever.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Let us lay them to rest in the cemetery, so they can be with their ancestors.
MARTIN GEMINI
You going to give me that five bucks or not?
HALEY EVENSONG
(tugging at her daddy’s garments)
Daddy, are Mr. Morningfield and Mrs. Everett really dead?
TRINITY EVENSONG
Hush, Haley. Can’t you see that James and Star are crying?
REVEREND EVENSONG
Let us lay them to rest.
MARTIN GEMINI
My five dollars.
HALEY EVENSONG
Are they really dead?
TRINITY EVENSONG
James, Star…the government won’t allow the dead to remain unburied.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Let us lay them to rest. It is a sin to cohabit with the dead.
TRINITY EVENSONG
You won’t enjoy the long days and nights living alongside the putrid bodies of your loved ones.
REVEREND EVENSONG
They have shuffled off their mortal coils and gone to a better place.
TRINITY EVENSONG
Their souls are in heaven, feasting on piping-hot slices of delicious ambrosia at God’s all-you-can-eat buffet.
REVEREND EVENSONG
But their bodies are on earth with nothing but partly-digested rhubarb pie in their bellies.
TRINITY EVENSONG
They’ve gone. Only the dead flesh remains.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Let that flesh turn to clay in the soft earth from whence they came.
(He exits with his WIFE and DAUGHTER.)
MARTIN GEMINI
If I’d gotten my five bucks last Sunday, none of this would’ve happened. Meet me in the forest at midnight. Bring five dollars.
(He exits.)
(JAMES EVERETT and STAR MORNINGFIELD look at each other, and take a step towards each other, then turn and exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 3.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 4:
(CHARITY EVERETT enters from the right and lies down. DAVID MORNINGFIELD enters from the left and lies down. JAMES EVERETT enters and talks to CHARITY. STAR MORNINGFIELD enters and talks to DAVID.)
JAMES EVERETT
They’re trying to make me bury you, Charity.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
They want me to plant you in the dirt, Dave.
JAMES EVERETT
But I’m not gonna do it. This is where you live, alive or dead.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
I’m gonna make sure you stay here in your home.
JAMES EVERETT
You belong here, just like the couch and the stove and the radio and me.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
You’re losing weight, honey.
JAMES EVERETT
I wish you would eat something.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
But don’t you worry about being dead. I’m doing research.
JAMES EVERETT
There’s ways of bringing the dead back to life.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
I don’t care how rotten you get.
JAMES EVERETT
I’ll get you fixed up as good as new.
(JAMES and STAR cross and meet at stage centre as DAVID and CHARITY get up and exit.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Dave’s looking rough.
JAMES EVERETT
Try make-up. It did wonders for Charity.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Where’s Martin Gemini? He said he’d meet us here in the forest at midnight.
(MARTIN GEMINI enters.)
MARTIN GEMINI
Here I am, here I am. No need to fret. Where’s my five dollars?
JAMES EVERETT
(handing him a bill)
Here it is, Martin.
MARTIN GEMINI
That’s a fine-looking bill!
(He pockets the fiver.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Now what have you got for us?
MARTIN GEMINI
(handing them each a paper bag)
Take these brown paper bags.
JAMES EVERETT
What’s in them?
MARTIN GEMINI
A special mixture of herbs and insects, plus some volatile dry-cleaning chemicals.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Volatile?
MARTIN GEMINI
You can’t restore the dead with ordinary household cleansers, you know.
JAMES EVERETT
How do we use the stuff?
MARTIN GEMINI
Mix it with motor oil and inject it into your dead spouses’ body cavities.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Will do. Martin…
MARTIN GEMINI
Yes?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
You’ve got something stuck between your teeth…
JAMES EVERETT
This isn’t the time, Star…
MARTIN GEMINI
No, no. I understand. It’s a bit of wiener.
(He works at his teeth with his fingers)
Better?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
All gone.
MARTIN GEMINI
Good. I’ll be back tomorrow with more ointments, unguents, and salves for your dead ones.
(He slides offstage in an oily way.)
JAMES EVERETT
This looks like the bag lunch my mom used to make me for school.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
It smells foul.
JAMES EVERETT
Yes, but it might bring my beloved Charity back to life.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
If it resuscitates David for just five precious seconds, it’ll be worth every penny of that five bucks in Martin’s grubby little fist.
JAMES EVERETT
Star…
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Yes, James?
JAMES EVERETT
Nothing.
(She and JAMES exit in opposite directions.)
End of Act One, Scene 4.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 5:
(PAUL and DELLA NIGHTINGALE enter with PAUL’s mother BELL.)
BELL NIGHTINGALE
You go to the funeral parlour to make the payment on our family burial plot?
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Yep. Gotta make sure we get it paid in full before any of us is dead.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
I don’t wanna sit around waiting to be buried after I’m dead, that’s for sure.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
That funeral parlour sure is gloomy.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
It’s a home for the dead, son. It’s not spozed to be all sunshine and lollipops.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
It’s good to be out here on the street, breathing the sweet, clean air.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Look at that sun! It’s gonna warm up real good by noon.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
That oughta make Charity Everett and Dave Morningfield stink like there’s no tomorrow.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Heat plays hell with dead bodies.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
I heard James and Star got ‘em packed in ice.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Ice or not, it’s a sin to leave the dead unburied, Paul, a real sin.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Keepin’ ‘em in their houses like that, as if them bodies was just sides of meat waitin’ to be cooked.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Constable Wilder won’t do nothin’ about it, Mother Nightingale.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Do tell!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Says it’s all right to leave ‘em be for now. And Reverend Evensong won’t do nothin’, either.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
That new minister is soft. Got no backbone.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
If he was a true man of god, he’d get Dave Everett and Charity Morningfield planted in the dirt before the sun goes down tonight.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Seems to me we need to take matters into our own hands.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
If you want something done, you got to do it yourself.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Now that’s a fact, baby-child, that’s a fact.
(NATHAN and POLLY MOON enter.)
NATHAN MOON
Morning, Paul, Della, Granny Nightingale.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Nathan, Polly.
POLLY MOON
Nice day.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Gonna warm up.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
That sun’s gonna burn this town like a side of pork on a barbecue.
NATHAN MOON
They get them bodies buried yet?
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Nope.
POLLY MOON
Bound to be some kind of epidemic if they don’t stick ‘em in the ground pretty soon.
NATHAN MOON
Nothing worse than an unburied corpse.
POLLY MOON
Lord, just think of the stink. I mean, a dead body isn’t like some sorta manikin…it’s got to start rotting, right?
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
I heard they got ‘em packed in ice.
NATHAN MOON
The minister gonna do anything about it?
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Nope.
POLLY MOON
Or the constable?
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Not a darned thing.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Maybe we oughta talk to the mayor.
NATHAN MOON
Yeah, but he’ll just say it ain’t none of our business.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
No point tryin’ to talk sense to a man who’s bin told he’s the mayor.
POLLY MOON
You can’t beat city hall.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
I sure as heck ain’t votin’ for him next election.
POLLY MOON
What do you suppose them bodies look like after two weeks?
NATHAN MOON
Can’t be very pretty.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
They got ‘em packed in ice.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Quit saying that, Paul. You sound like a stuck record.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Hey now, baby-child, my boy’s just tryin’ ta think positive.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
I know that, Mother Nightingale, but he keeps sayin’ it like it’s a fact, which it ain’t.
POLLY MOON
Last night I said to Nathan, “Honey, when I go, you plant me in the dirt the very next day.”
NATHAN MOON
And I said, “Honey, I’ll dig the hole myself if I got to.”
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Awwwww. I guess you two are still in love, eh?
POLLY MOON
Nathan’s my sweetheart, dead or alive.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
But if you’re dead, it’s best if you’re in the ground.
NATHAN MOON
Or cremated.
POLLY MOON
Nothing wrong with cremation, if it’s thorough.
NATHAN MOON
Ashes in a box is a heck of a lot more friendly than a big ol’ corpse.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
A corpse is sorta clumsy, eh. I mean, it takes up a lot of space and begs to be noticed.
POLLY MOON
Not like a nice little box of ashes under the bed, out of harm’s way.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
If Jim Everett and Star Morningfield want to keep dead bodies, they should at least get their houses licensed as funeral homes.
POLLY MOON
Got to stay within the law.
NATHAN MOON
Jim Everett and Star Morningfield got no right to mock the law.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
No right, no right at all.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
If the authorities ain’t gonna do nothin’, we got to do it for them.
POLLY MOON
Amen.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Let’s go to the Dilly Dally Inn for some good eats whilst we make us a plan.
NATHAN MOON
I could go for a slab of pork.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
My boy Paul likes his meat rare, doncha, honey!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
You bet.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
The pie and ice cream’s on me!
POLLY MOON
Now you’re talking.
(They exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 5.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 6:
(JAMES EVERETT and STAR MORNINGFIELD enter.)
JAMES EVERETT
Did you inject that oily gunk into Dave, Star?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Yes I did, Jim. And you?
JAMES EVERETT
The same. You get any action?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Nothing.
JAMES EVERETT
Maybe Martin Gemini’s cheating us.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Things take time, Jim, things take time.
JAMES EVERETT
Sure is peaceful out here in the forest at midnight.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
It’s like being dead.
(MARTIN GEMINI enters.)
MARTIN GEMINI
You got my five dollars?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
(handing him a bill)
Sure, old timer.
MARTIN GEMINI
Here, then.
(He hands them each a bottle of some sort of liquid.)
JAMES EVERETT
What’s this?
MARTIN GEMINI
I call it jungle juice. Just dribble it onto the bodies of your loved ones.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
That stuff you gave us last time didn’t seem to work, Martin.
MARTIN GEMINI
Patience, little lady, patience. Now, I must go home to gobble my wieners. Come back in two days and I’ll have something else for you…provided you have five dollars for me.
JAMES EVERETT
Don’t you ever eat anything but wieners?
MARTIN GEMINI
Wieners contain preservatives. Eat enough of them, and you’ll be preserved, too.Have you ever seen a wiener die?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
But a wiener’s not alive to begin with.
MARTIN GEMINI
Wrong. Every wiener was once a cow. The cow was killed so the wiener could be made. Get my drift?
JAMES EVERETT
You’re saying that out of death comes something that is neither alive nor dead.
MARTIN GEMINI
Yes. Like your dead wife…and your dead husband…provided you use my simple remedies.
(He exits.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
James…
JAMES EVERETT
Yes, Star?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Nothing.
(They exit in opposite directions.)
End of Act One, Scene 6.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 7:
(FRANK COSMAN enters with ROBERT and LADY VERSAL and their daughter JANE.)
FRANK COSMAN
I’ll order that razor wire right away, Mr. Versal.
ROBERT VERSAL
Thanks, Frank. I got a good use for it.
FRANK COSMAN
The customer’s always right.
LADY VERSAL
Robert’s going to put that razor wire around James Everett’s and Star Morningfield’s houses.
FRANK COSMAN
It’s the finest wire money can buy, Mr. Versal, guaranteed.
JANE VERSAL
Daddy owns those houses, so he can do anything he wants to them.
FRANK COSMAN
They’re your houses, Mr. Versal, no denying that.
ROBERT VERSAL
I won’t have bodies rotting in my houses, no matter who’s renting them.
FRANK COSMAN
Got to protect your investment.
JANE VERSAL
It’s not very nice to keep dead people in a house.
FRANK COSMAN
You can say that again, Jane.
LADY VERSAL
Robert can’t evict Jim and Star, but he can “fence” their yards.
ROBERT VERSAL
I can fence their yards…nothing illegal about that.
LADY VERSAL
Razor wire is a way of telling them that we disapprove of their behaviour.
ROBERT VERSAL
It’s the right thing to do, as a symbolic gesture.
FRANK COSMAN
Razor wire sends a strong message.
LADY VERSAL
Could you see your way to giving Robert a bit of a discount, Frank?
FRANK COSMAN
I would, but my profit margin’s pretty thin on razor wire, Mrs. Versal.
ROBERT VERSAL
Frank’s a businessman like me, Lady. You won’t get him to budge on price.
LADY VERSAL
You men! Always looking out for each other!
FRANK COSMAN
Thanks, Mr. Versal, you’re a real gent.
JANE VERSAL
I heard that if you leave a body in a house, you can’t ever get the smell out.
LADY VERSAL
That’s just a silly story, dear. A gal with a gallon of bleach and a scrub brush can clean anything.
ROBERT VERSAL
I’ve filed an official complaint, of course.
FRANK COSMAN
Of course.
ROBERT VERSAL
But Constable Wilder is strangely resistant to taking action.
LADY VERSAL
He says the dead can’t break the law.
JANE VERSAL
I told Daddy to burn those houses down, but he said he’d do time for arson if he got caught.
ROBERT VERSAL
I’d burn them down in a jiffy if it was legal. They’re just shacks, you know.
LADY VERSAL
Robert wants to replace them with modern bungalows.
FRANK COSMAN
I guess a good hot fire would take care of those bodies.
JANE VERSAL
Can you imagine the smell?
LADY VERSAL
Modern bungalows with picture windows and carports.
FRANK COSMAN
Did you know that cannibals call human flesh “long pig”?
LADY VERSAL
Long pig?
FRANK COSMAN
Apparently, we taste a lot like pork.
ROBERT VERSAL
I doubt a man could do anything to make those rotting corpses taste decent.
LADY VERSAL
Well, we’ve done what we came to do, Robert. You’ve got to get back to your beloved lumber mill, and I’ve got a luncheon date with the mayor’s
wife.
JANE VERSAL
And I’ve got a date with Dorian Skyman. He wants me to meet his parents.
LADY VERSAL
Don’t get too close to that boy, Jane. He’s not in your league.
JANE VERSAL
I won’t, Mama. Dorian’s just someone for me to play with until I go to college and meet some real boys.
ROBERT VERSAL
She’s got a good head on her shoulders, that one.
FRANK COSMAN
That’s for sure.
LADY VERSAL
Say hello to your good wife for me, Frank. She’s such a devoted little thing. You’re very lucky to have her.
FRANK COSMAN
Don’t I know it.
(The Versals exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 7.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 8:
(HALEY EVENSONG enters.)
FRANK COSMAN
Haley! What brings you to my shop?
HALEY EVENSONG
I’ve come for my lollipop, Mr. Cosman.
FRANK COSMAN
Do your mother and father know you’re here?
HALEY EVENSONG
I’m supposed to be at the library.
FRANK COSMAN
Naughty girl.
HALEY EVENSONG
Naughty but nice.
FRANK COSMAN
Now, about that lollipop…
HALEY EVENSONG
You’re not going to disappoint me, are you, Mr. Cosman?
FRANK COSMAN
Of course not, Haley. But before I give you the treat, I’ve got a question for you.
HALEY EVENSONG
Shoot.
FRANK COSMAN
You seem like a quick-witted kid, Haley, and fast on your feet, right?
HALEY EVENSONG
I can think and run, if that’s what you mean.
FRANK COSMAN
If I lent you a camera, do you think you could get me a couple of snaps of the dead bodies in Mr. Everett’s and Mrs. Morningfield’s houses?
HALEY EVENSONG
Sure, for fifty bucks.
FRANK COSMAN
Oh, now, Haley, fifty dollars is a lot of money. I was thinking of a handful of lollipops.
HALEY EVENSONG
Don’t be silly, Mr. Cosman.
FRANK COSMAN
Twenty dollars.
HALEY EVENSONG
Forty.
FRANK COSMAN
Thirty.
HALEY EVENSONG
Done!
FRANK COSMAN
Good. Here’s the camera. Have it back by nightfall, and the money’s yours.
(LILY COSMAN enters.)
LILY COSMAN
What’s going on here, Frank?
HALEY EVENSONG
I’ve come for my lollipop.
LILY COSMAN
Run along, Haley. You don’t need a lollipop.
HALEY EVENSONG
Awwww!
(She exits with the camera.)
LILY COSMAN
Frank, you’ll provoke salacious gossip if you insist on offering lollipops to little girls!
FRANK COSMAN
I know, I know. But it’s well-meant.
LILY COSMAN
You’ve always had a soft spot for kids.
FRANK COSMAN
Oh, I don’t know.
LILY COSMAN
Don’t deny it. I’d have given you children if I could.
FRANK COSMAN
It might still happen.
LILY COSMAN
I’m fifty, Frank.
FRANK COSMAN
You don’t look a day over forty-nine.
LILY COSMAN
Is that supposed to be a joke?
FRANK COSMAN
Where have the years gone?
LILY COSMAN
At least I’m not a rotting corpse like Charity Everett.
FRANK COSMAN
Or Dave Morningfield.
LILY COSMAN
Just think…they’re lying in their houses, stiff and dead.
FRANK COSMAN
Maybe I’m a square, but I don’t get it, Lily. Why would Jim and Star refuse to bury their spouses?
LILY COSMAN
I guess they love them too much to say that last goodbye.
FRANK COSMAN
Love is a powerful emotion, they say.
LILY COSMAN
I’ve never told you this, Frank, but I still have a thick braid of my grandmother’s hair.
FRANK COSMAN
Granny Torkelson’s?
LILY COSMAN
Yes, my most favourite person in the world, dead for the last thirty years.
FRANK COSMAN
How’d you get possession of a braid of her hair?
LILY COSMAN
Don’t make me tell you, Frank.
FRANK COSMAN
All right.
LILY COSMAN
It’s in my hope chest, along with my wedding dress and my lucky rabbit’s foot.
FRANK COSMAN
I guess you could say that hope chest is a sort of coffin…
LILY COSMAN
Coffin?
FRANK COSMAN
A coffin in which your girlhood dreams lie forever entombed.
LILY COSMAN
Oh, Frank, am I wrong to have kept Granny’s hair all these years?
FRANK COSMAN
A braid of hair’s a romantic keepsake, Lily, nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn’t decompose.
LILY COSMAN
It’s still lustrous and full of bounce.
FRANK COSMAN
Is there enough for a wig?
LILY COSMAN
Oh Frank, you don’t mean…
FRANK COSMAN
I sure do. I’ll send it to a friend of mine in Winnipeg…a toupee man.
LILY COSMAN
But won’t it cost a lot?
FRANK COSMAN
I’m expecting a bit of a windfall, Lily.
LILY COSMAN
Frank, Frank…Granny Torkelson’s hair made into a wig! How splendid!
FRANK COSMAN
I like to see you smile.
LILY COSMAN
They say I look like her, you know. With a wig made of her hair, I’ll be a dead ringer!
FRANK COSMAN
A dead ringer!
LILY COSMAN
Let’s close early. You deserve a treat, and I’m not talking about lollipops!
FRANK COSMAN
Now, now, Lily, you know I’m getting too old for that sort of thing.
LILY COSMAN
Then perhaps you’d like a cool slab instead…
FRANK COSMAN
A slab?
LILY COSMAN
Of banana cream pie, silly.
(They exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 8.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 9:
(STAR MORNINGFIELD and JAMES EVERETT enter.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
The forest at midnight should be a forbidden place, but somehow I feel welcome here.
JAMES EVERETT
Things are being born, things are living, things are dying.
(MARTIN GEMINI enters.)
MARTIN GEMINI
My five dollars?
JAMES EVERETT
(offering him a bill)
Here.
MARTIN GEMINI
(offering four small candles)
Put these in the ears of your dead loved ones. Light them.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
What will happen?
MARTIN GEMINI
Something, although you might not notice. Be back tomorrow at midnight.
(He exits.)
JAMES EVERETT
He’s a sly little fellow.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
But he’s all we’ve got.
JAMES EVERETT
Star…
STAR MORNINGFIELD
What, James?
JAMES EVERETT
Nothing.
(They both exit in opposite directions. DAVID MORNINGFIELD and CHARITY EVERETT enter and lie down. HALEY EVENSONG enters and takes a photo
of CHARITY, then crosses and takes a photo of DAVID, then runs back and forth as if going quickly homeward, then exits. JAMES and STAR enter again.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
(to the body of DAVID)
Do you remember the day you asked me to marry you?
JAMES EVERETT
(to the body of CHARITY)
Do you remember our first kiss?
(JAMES and STAR lie down as if sleeping. The bodies of DAVID and CHARITY get up and go to JAMES and STAR and kiss them, then exit. JAMES and STAR get up and go to each other.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
James…
JAMES EVERETT
Yes, Star?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Nothing.
(They both exit in opposite directions.)
End of Act One, Scene 9.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 10:
(FINSTER SKYMAN enters with GLORY and DORIAN.)
FINSTER SKYMAN
Those were mighty tasty salmon patties, Glory. It’s a blessing to be able to eat barbecue out here in our back yard, under the big yellow moon.
DORIAN SKYMAN
While I was eating those patties, Mom, I couldn’t help thinking about Charity Everett and Dave Morningfield all stiff and dead and stinking and everything.
GLORY SKYMAN
Finster, there’s been a lot of talk about those bodies. You’re the village foreman…people want you to do something.
FINSTER SKYMAN
I do what the mayor tells me to do, and that’s all.
GLORY SKYMAN
Maybe so, but our neighbours are turning against us, dear.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Folks are making a fuss about nothing.
DORIAN SKYMAN
How can you say that, Dad? Keeping dead bodies for weeks is just plain wrong.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Didn’t we bring you up to have an open mind, son?
DORIAN SKYMAN
Sure, but…
FINSTER SKYMAN
No buts, Dorian. If Jim Everett and Star Morningfield want to keep their dead spouses at home for a while, that’s their business, not ours.
GLORY SKYMAN
But Finster, it’s becoming a health hazard.
DORIAN SKYMAN
That’s right Dad, like the black plague or something.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Oh, now, that’s silly. Sure, there’s bound to be some decomposition, and a bit of a smell, but so long as it’s not leaching into the water system, it’s not really much of a problem.
GLORY SKYMAN
I heard that Jim’s got Charity lying in his bathtub.
FINSTER SKYMAN
That’s a good place for her. Any leakage goes down the drain into the sewer.
DORIAN SKYMAN
And someone told me Star Morningfield put Dave on her bed.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Well, the sheets, blankets, and mattress will have to go, but the frame and headboard can be saved.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Most folks aren’t as understanding as you, Dad.
GLORY SKYMAN
I’m afraid Dorian’s right, Finster. If you don’t do something about those corpses, you could lose your job.
FINSTER SKYMAN
There’s worse things than losing a job, dear.
DORIAN SKYMAN
But if you get fired, I won’t have a chance with Jane Versal. She wants a boy with a future.
GLORY SKYMAN
Dorian, you’d best forget about Jane. She’s the daughter of the wealthiest man in town.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Stick to your own, young Dorian, stick to your own.
DORIAN SKYMAN
You don’t understand, Dad. I love Jane.
GLORY SKYMAN
She’ll break your heart, son.
DORIAN SKYMAN
When we’re together, it’s like a hot bath.
FINSTER SKYMAN
How so?
DORIAN SKYMAN
I just sort of melt.
GLORY SKYMAN
Poor Dorian. Don’t you know that a young man feels that way with any girl who gives him the time of day?
FINSTER SKYMAN
Your mother’s right, Dorian. Now, if you want to know about real love, take a look at Jim Everett and Star Morningfield.
GLORY SKYMAN
They stick by their loved ones no matter what, even after death.
DORIAN SKYMAN
I’d keep Jane if she was dead.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Sure, you say that now. But after a few weeks of decomposition, you’d change your tune.
DORIAN SKYMAN
No way.
GLORY SKYMAN
Yes way. When we’re infatuated, we think we’d do anything for the object of our devotion, but only the truly devoted stay true when they’re revolted.
FINSTER SKYMAN
You’ll understand one day, Dorian.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Jane Versal will never revolt me!
GLORY SKYMAN
She’s got sweet breath now, son, but give her a few years and that’ll change.
FINSTER SKYMAN
And a young girl’s curves soon give way to unsightly fatty deposits.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Men get ugly too, Dad.
GLORY SKYMAN
That’s right, Dorian. And if you deteriorate first, Jane’s bound to bolt for a younger, fresher stable mate.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Why must life be so ugly?
FINSTER SKYMAN
Find true love, son, like James Everett’s love for Charity…
GLORY SKYMAN
…and Star Morningfield’s love for Dave.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Then you’ll see that life’s not so ugly after all.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Thanks for clueing me in, Mom and Dad…I guess I’ve still got a lot to learn.
FINSTER SKYMAN
You bet you do, Dorian. Now go and have some fun with Jane…but remember, it’s only play time, not stay time.
DORIAN SKYMAN
You got it, Dad. See you guys later.
(DORIAN exits with renewed confidence about his lust.)
GLORY SKYMAN
He’s a good kid.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Sure, but he’s got urgency…he wants to sow his seeds before he dies.
GLORY SKYMAN
Sometimes I think we should be able to lock Dorian’s seeds in a granary until he’s old enough to use them properly.
FINSTER SKYMAN
I’m not so sure, Glory. What if Dorian gets hit by a train or struck by lightning before he’s had a chance to plant his crop?
GLORY SKYMAN
I guess you’re right, dear. Dorian’s seeds must sprout if you and I are to have any hope of life everlasting.
(REVEREND and MRS. EVENSONG enter with HALEY.)
FINSTER SKYMAN
Reverend Evensong! What brings you and your family to our backyard?
REVEREND EVENSONG
Perhaps it’s the smell of salmon patties wafting through the evening air, Mr. Skyman.
TRINITY EVENSONG
Barbecues are so thrilling…like primitive sacrifices to the ancient gods of simpler times…
HALEY EVENSONG
Is Mr. Skyman a pagan, Father?
REVEREND EVENSONG
No, no, Haley…he’s a god-fearing man. Am I right, Mr. Skyman?
FINSTER SKYMAN
I do my best to fear God, Reverend Evensong.
GLORY SKYMAN
Those who fear God have no fear of anything else.
HALEY EVENSONG
You’re so clever, Mrs. Skyman.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Mr. Skyman, those bodies…
FINSTER SKYMAN
Uh huh…
REVEREND EVENSONG
They’ve got to be buried, you know.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Of course.
REVEREND EVENSONG
I should think you have some influence with the mayor.
GLORY SKYMAN
The mayor’s his boss, Reverend, not vice-versa.
TRINITY EVENSONG
Poor little Mrs. Skyman! We don’t mean to upset you! But an unburied body is an abomination.
(DORIAN enters with JANE VERSAL.)
DORIAN SKYMAN
Look, everyone! It’s Jane! I met her down the street, and she said she’d like to sashay over here to get a good look at Mom and Dad.
JANE VERSAL
This is a quaint yard. Is that a tree over there?
FINSTER SKYMAN
No, it’s a grave marker.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Dad, I don’t think this is the time…
GLORY SKYMAN
Don’t be embarrassed, Dorian…You see, Jane, Dorian once had a little pony called Oliver. But Oliver got sick, and wasted away to nothing.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Death took Oliver, Jane. We buried him over there. That grave marker is all that’s left of the poor little blighter.
JANE VERSAL
Did you cry when Oliver died, Dorian?
DORIAN SKYMAN
I don’t remember.
TRINITY EVENSONG
The boy’s embarrassed, Jane. You asked him a question that threatened to expose his feminine side.
JANE VERSAL
Did I?
REVEREND EVENSONG
You’re a very pretty girl, Jane…the sort of girl that gets a young fellow like Dorian all mixed up.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Jane and I are going to be married.
JANE VERSAL
What? Dorian, I’m just a friend! We haven’t even done anything yet.
DORIAN SKYMAN
But Jane, think of Oliver over there in the ground…think of Dave Morningfield and Charity Everett, rotting in their houses…
JANE VERSAL
Have you gone mad?
DORIAN SKYMAN
Everyone dies, Jane…but you’re my chance, my hope of creating offspring, so that we might both gain immortality!
JANE VERSAL
Stay away from me, you creep!
(She runs off.)
DORIAN SKYMAN
Jane, Jane…don’t forsake me! Let me make new life with you, and together we’ll give death the middle finger!
(He hustles off after her.)
HALEY EVENSONG
Everyone’s all mixed up, and it’s those dead people who are to blame.
TRINITY EVENSONG
Haley’s right. The village of Jackpine has fallen under the spell of something unclean, something rotten. Those two dead people must be buried immediately.
REVEREND EVENSONG
What do you say, Mr. Skyman? Will you have a word with the mayor?
FINSTER SKYMAN
I’d do anything to restore my boy’s dignity.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Trinity and I will pray for Dorian. The lad is in the grip of some sort of dementia.
GLORY SKYMAN
Let’s all go inside for coffee and butter pecan pie.
TRINITY EVENSONG
Wonderful! Pie is so soothing.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Mrs. Skyman, you’ve made the perfect suggestion for a moment like this!
EVERYONE ELSE
Amen.
(They all exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 10.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 11:
(STAR MORNINGFIELD enter with JAMES EVERETT.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Perhaps we should bury them, James.
JAMES EVERETT
You can’t be serious.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Martin Gemini’s concoctions aren’t working.
JAMES EVERETT
He said it would take time, Star.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
I can’t stand much more of this, James…day after day of watching Dave turning into a mushy, stinking pile of slimy putrescence.
JAMES EVERETT
Here he comes.
(MARTIN GEMINI enters.)
MARTIN GEMINI
My five dollars?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
(grabbing MARTIN and pulling him up close)
Listen, you slimey little leech, if you’ve been cheating us, I’ll beat you to within an inch of your nasty little life!
JAMES EVERETT
(separating her from MARTIN)
Star, Star, you’ve got to get a grip!
MARTIN GEMINI
My five dollars?
JAMES EVERETT
Here you are, Martin.
(He forks over a bill.)
MARTIN GEMINI
Good.
(handing them four pennies)
Put these pennies on the eyes of your dead loved ones. Come back tomorrow at midnight.
(He exits.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Pennies. He gives us pennies. How will pennies bring my David back?
JAMES EVERETT
We’ve got to try, Star. What other option do we have?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
I suppose you’re right…
JAMES EVERETT
Star?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Yes, James?
JAMES EVERETT
Nothing.
(They exit in different directions.)
End of Act One, Scene 11.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 12:
(MAYOR STELLAR enters with FINSTER SKYMAN.)
MAYOR STELLAR
Shouldn’t you be out picking up garbage, Finster?
FINSTER SKYMAN
Sorry to bother you here at the village hall, Mayor Stellar, but it’s an emergency.
MAYOR STELLAR
I suppose it’s about those dead bodies.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Reverend Evensong wants them buried right away.
MAYOR STELLAR
I’ve asked Constable Wilder to deal with it, but he’s stonewalling me.
FINSTER SKYMAN
People are getting mad, Mayor Stellar. Robert Versal’s put razor wire around the Everett and Morningfield houses.
MAYOR STELLAR
That’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?
FINSTER SKYMAN
And my son Dorian is in the grip of some sort of sexual hysteria.
MAYOR STELLAR
That’s perfectly normal for a teenage boy.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Reverend Evonsong’s wife says the village is under some sort of evil spell.
MAYOR STELLAR
I’m a mayor, not a magician. I can’t lift spells!
FINSTER SKYMAN
Couldn’t you at least try to talk sense into Constable Wilder?
MAYOR STELLAR
All right, but it won’t do any good.
(They exit.)
End of Act One, Scene 12.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 13:
(CONSTABLE WILDER and his wife MARY enter.)
MARY WILDER
Bill, Bill, Bill…I’m sorry to bother you here at your office, but I’m feeling the pressure. You’ve got to get those bodies put in the ground.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Sometimes the law is an ass, Mary.
MARY WILDER
But it’s still the law, ass or not.
CONSTABLE WILDER
I’ll do something by and by, Mary, by and by.
MARY WILDER
People are talking. They don’t like it, Bill. They say it’s wrong to have the dead hanging around like unwanted houseguests.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Folks have photos of their dead relatives, right?
MARY WILDER
Yes, but I don’t see…
CONSTABLE WILDER
And other mementos, such as rings, jewelry, clothing…
MARY WILDER
Sure, but…
CONSTABLE WILDER
Well, a dead body is just a memento. It’s a reminder, Mary, a little nudge to the memory that someone wonderful used to live in the house.
MARY WILDER
But a body rots, Bill.
CONSTABLE WILDER
So do our memories.
MARY WILDER
If you were dead, I wouldn’t prop you up in your easy chair, festering and stinking…
CONSTABLE WILDER
Sometimes I think you don’t really love me, Mary.
MARY WILDER
I do love you, Bill, but it’s your mind I’m interested in, not your body.
CONSTABLE WILDER
You’re not being honest with yourself, honey.
MARY WILDER
I love talking to you, and you’ve got lots of good ideas.
CONSTABLE WILDER
I’m just a dumb cop.
MARY WILDER
No, no…you’ve got a fine intellect, a truly sensitive brain.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Would you still love me if I was a head in a bottle?
MARY WILDER
Yes, yes, of course, if you were alive and able to talk through a microphone.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Don’t kid yourself. You’d put up with my head for a while, but in the end you’d go hunting for a man with appendages.
MARY WILDER
No, no, Bill. I’d put your head in a big bottle on the coffee table, so you could see the fertile young schoolgirls passing by our picture window…and each fall, you could watch the shiny new cars driving along the street, their proud owners beaming with guilty satisfaction.
CONSTABLE WILDER
You’d get bored with my head, and put me in closet along with your old tennis racquet, so I couldn’t see you betraying me with a man who has full bodily functions.
MARY WILDER
But that’s all just a fantasy dear. You still have full bodily functions…see…arms, legs…the whole kit and caboodle. So stop your fretting.
ONSTABLE WILDER
Mary, James Everett and Star Morningfield don’t have anything but a couple of corpses, but they love them so much they can’t stand to think of burying them.
MARY WILDER
And so you can’t bring yourself to take their corpses from them.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Right. Love as strong as that has to be respected, honey.
MARY WILDER
I guess.
(She begins to embrace him, then pulls away.)
MARY WILDER
Are you wearing after-shave lotion?
CONSTABLE WILDER
“Old Spice”…what do you think?
MARY WILDER
I’m sorry, Bill, but you smell like a mummified body.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Just a moment ago, you said you’d love me even if I was a head in a bottle. Now you’re complaining about the way I smell.
MARY WILDER
I’d prefer you to smell natural, honey.
CONSTABLE WILDER
But body odour is caused by bacteria, Mary. They live and die in our sweat. Do you want me to smell like a billion dead bugs?
MARY WILDER
Oh, Bill, why does sweating have to be connected with death?
CONSTABLE WILDER
Everything’s connected to death, honey…everything.
(GORDIE and DAWN STELLAR enter.)
GORDIE STELLAR
Constable Wilder…a word, if I might.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Sure thing, Mayor Stellar.
DAWN STELLAR
Gordie’s quite upset, Constable.
CONSTABLE WILDER
I can see that, Mrs. Stellar.
MARY WILDER
Does it have to do with the corpses, Mayor Stellar?
GORDIE STELLAR
Yes it does, Mary. Those corpses are kicking up quite a fuss.
CONSTABLE WILDER
It’ll all blow over, Mayor Stellar, just you wait and see.
DAWN STELLAR
Gordie’s received a lot of letters and calls, Bill. And I mean a lot!
GORDIE STELLAR
Folks want those bodies disposed of, Bill.
DAWN STELLAR
Gordie’s so worried, he hasn’t been able to sleep. He’s off his food, and he gets the shakes.
GORDIE STELLAR
Bill, I know you convinced me to let Jim and Star keep their dead spouses, but now I’m having second thoughts.
DAWN STELLAR
And third thoughts, and fourth thoughts, and I’m the one who has to listen to all his thoughts, Bill.
MARY WILDER
That must be awfully difficult, Dawn. How do you get your housecleaning done?
DAWN STELLAR
I don’t! I haven’t vacuumed for two weeks, and as for ironing Gordie’s trousers, well, you might as well ask me to fly to the moon!
GORDIE STELLAR
Unpressed pants are the least of my worries, honey.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Just a few more days, Gordie. Then I’ll have those bodies hauled to the cemetery, okay?
GORDIE STELLAR
Be precise, Bill. How many days, exactly?
CONSTABLE WILDER
A week. Seven days. Is that too much to ask to give true love a chance to run its course?
MARY WILDER
Oh, Bill!
GORDIE STELLAR
All right, a week.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Thanks, Mayor Stellar. You’re a real gent.
MARY WILDER
Don’t worry, Dawn, Gordie will stop fretting by and by! Now please excuse us, Bill’s taking me to my taxidermy class, and we’re late!
GORDIE STELLAR
Of course, of course. Adios, adios…
(CONSTABLE WILDER and MARY exit.)
DAWN STELLAR
I wish I could learn taxidermy.
GORDIE STELLAR
Well then, gosh darn it, I shall grant your wish, my dear.
DAWN STELLAR
Stuffing dead things is sort of wonderful, don’t you think?
GORDIE STELLAR
It has a certain charm. Just think of Lenin’s stuffed body lying in that glass coffin in Moscow.
DAWN STELLAR
They say it’s only his head and hands, dear.
GORDIE STELLAR
Still, he looks good, considering all he’s been through.
DAWN STELLAR
It can’t be easy being dead all those years.
GORDIE STELLAR
Death takes discipline. I mean, you’ve got to stay absolutely still and breathless while you rot.
DAWN STELLAR
Like Jeremy Bentham.
GORDIE STELLAR
Who?
DAWN STELLAR
Jeremy Bentham, the English philosopher who died in 1832.
GORDIE STELLAR
He had trouble being dead?
DAWN STELLAR
You bet. He wanted his body on display forever at University College in London.
GORDIE STELLAR
And?
DAWN STELLAR
He got his wish. But they had trouble with his head. It decomposed, and students kept stealing it as a prank.
GORDIE STELLAR
So what did they do?
DAWN STELLAR
They made a wax head, and locked the real one in a secret vault.
GORDIE STELLAR
You are one smart lady, Dawn, knowing stuff like that.
DAWN STELLAR
I like to read, Gordie, to pass the time while you’re running the village.
GORDIE STELLAR
So I’m to blame for your wisdom.
DAWN STELLAR
That’s right. I’m educated because I’m a neglected housewife. How ironic is that?
GORDIE STELLAR
Don’t ever die, Dawn…don’t ever die.
DAWN STELLAR
Sorry, Gordie, but I was condemned to death the moment I was conceived, just like everyone else.
GORDIE STELLAR
I hope I die before you do, ‘cause I couldn’t stand to go on living if you died first.
DAWN STELLAR
Awwwww! That’s the sweetest, nicest thing you’ve ever said, Gordie. Thank you, honey.
GORDIE STELLAR
You’re welcome. Dawn…
DAWN STELLAR
Yes, honey…
GORDIE STELLAR
Death’s so confusing.
DAWN STELLAR
Kiss me.
GORDIE STELLAR
Right here in Constable Wilder’s office?
DAWN STELLAR
We only live once. Kiss me.
GORDIE STELLAR
Maybe later, after we get home.
DAWN STELLAR
We only live once, Gordie, only once.
GORDIE STELLAR
I’m not in the kissing mood. I’m worried sick about those bodies, you see.
DAWN STELLAR
Kiss me and you’ll forget all about death.
GORDIE STELLAR
But I’m the mayor. Folks want me to do something about those dead people.
DAWN STELLAR
So you’ve got to stop thinking and start acting. I mean it, Gordie. Take a look at yourself! You won’t even kiss me anymore!
(She exits on the run.)
GORDIE STELLAR
I’ve got to stop thinking and start acting.
(He exits.)
End of Act One, Scene 13.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 1:
(CHARITY EVERETT enters and lies down on the floor stage right. DAVID MORNINGFIELD enters and lies down on the floor stage left. JAMES EVERETT enters and stands looking down on CHARITY, and STAR MORNINGFIELD enters and stares down at DAVID.)
JAMES EVERETT
I won’t let you be dead, honey. I’ll bring you back to life even if it kills me.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Don’t worry, Dave. I’ve got your back. I’ll have you up and running in no time, honey.
JAMES EVERETT
Sure, you’re lying there right now decomposing and everything, but that’s gonna change real soon.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
You see, Dave, death isn’t going to get in our way. Sure, some folks kill themselves when their lovers die, but I’m going to do the opposite.
JAMES EVERETT
You’ve lost a little weight, honey, but you still look pretty good. Once I get the spark of life back into you, we’ll sit down to a steak dinner with pie for dessert and you’ll soon be your old self.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
It’s been kind of lonesome, what with you lying there all dead and everything. Too bad you can’t play cards. You’ve got the best poker face in Canada.
JAMES EVERETT
I’ve been propping you up by the radio so you can listen to your favourite shows, honey. And I’ve been doing the housework for you.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
At least we don’t argue. Oh sure, sometimes I get a bit crabby after a tough day of mourning and grieving, but you take it all like the man you are. I can say anything to you, and you stay so calm and still.
JAMES EVERETT
But don’t you fret, Charity, don’t you go throwing yourself against the hard black walls of death, ‘cause I’m gonna break you out of there, kid…I’m gonna kick down the door and drag you back to the land of the living.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Soon it’s gonna be wakey-wakey time, and then we’ll see some action, Dave. Then we’ll have the whole village hollering and whooping for joy when they see us hauling our hams down the street, arm in arm, because you see, honey…
JAMES and STAR
Love conquers all!
(MARTIN GEMINI enters and goes stage centre.)
MARTIN GEMINI
Just five more dollars. That’s all it’s gonna take. Just five more dollars. Uh huh. Just five more dollars.
(STAR and JAMES go to him.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Here’s your five dollars.
JAMES EVERETT
What’ve you got for us?
MARTIN GEMINI
(handing them each a tube of lipstick)
Put this lipstick on then kiss the bodies. Then you’ll see some action for sure.
(He runs off laughing.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
I’m going straight home to try this.
JAMES EVERETT
Me too.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
James?
JAMES EVERETT
Yes, Star?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Nothing.
(They go to the bodies of their respective spouses, put on the lipstick, and, at the same time, kiss the bodies on the forehead, leaving lipstick marks. Then they stand back. The bodies quivver for a bit, then get up tenuously, testing their limbs. They are both considerably decomposed.)
JAMES EVERETT
Charity! Charity! You’ve come back from the dead!
CHARITY EVERETT
I feel stiff all over.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Dave! My beloved! You’re alive again.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
What a hangover!
JAMES EVERETT
I’ve got to get you into a bath, then give you a good hot meal.
CHARITY EVERETT
I’m a mouldy mess and all you can talk about is baths and food?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
A good wash, a cup of tea, and a change of clothes will make you feel so much better, Dave.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
I don’t think so, Star. Can’t you see how rotten I am?
JAMES EVERETT
But Charity…I worked so hard to bring you back…because…because…I love you so much!
CHARITY EVERETT
Did it ever occur to you that I might prefer to stay dead than to be reborn and look like this?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Dave, Dave, I never gave up hope! I kept you here through everything because I knew my love could bring you back to life!
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Sorry to rain on your parade, Star, but look at me! I’m a mess! Do me a favour and make me dead again.
JAMES EVERETT
You’re in shock, honey. In time, you’ll get used to being alive again.
CHARITY EVERETT
You’ve gone too far, Jim…you’re way too needy! I can’t stay here with you.
(She exits.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
I can’t let you be dead again, Dave…I just can’t.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Then I’ve got to get away from here…from you…don’t you see, Star? You’ve stepped over the line! This isn’t love, it’s…it’s madness!
(He exits.)
JAMES EVERETT
Charity! Charity! Come back to me!
(He exits.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Dave! Dave! I can’t bring you back only to watch you leave again!
(She exits.)
End of Act Two, Scene 1.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 2:
(CHARITY EVERETT and DAVID MORNINGFIELD enter.)
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Charity? Charity Everett?
CHARITY EVERETT
Dave? Dave Morningfield? Is that you? You look rough.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Looks like you’ve been dead, too.
CHARITY EVERETT
I feel like a sack of garbage and I stink.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Me too. I guess being dead didn’t do us much good in the hygiene department.
CHARITY EVERETT
How’d you get brought back?
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Star did it somehow. And you?
CHARITY EVERETT
Dave. I never realized just how needy he is.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Yeah. Star’s just as bad. I don’t like all that “clingy” stuff…it’s not healthy.
CHARITY EVERETT
Dave, now I’m alive again, I don’t want my old life anymore.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
I’d like to start all over, too.
CHARITY EVERETT
Let’s go to Frank Cosman’s store, and see if he’ll give us new clothes on credit.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Then maybe we can go bathe in the river, and get some of this stink off us.
CHARITY EVERETT
Dave…
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Yes, Charity…
CHARITY EVERETT
Nothing.
End of Act Two, Scene 2.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 3:
(FRANK COSMAN enters with ROBERT and LADY VERSAL.)
FRANK COSMAN
How’d that razor wire work out, Mr. Versal?
ROBERT VERSAL
Top-notch symbolism, Frank, I’ll give you that.
LADY VERSAL
Now everyone knows how much Frank and I disapprove of those bodies.
FRANK COSMAN
Razor wire sends a strong message.
ROBERT VERSAL
It’s rusting.
FRANK COSMAN
Pardon?
LADY VERSAL
The razor wire. It’s rusting, Frank.
FRANK COSMAN
Well, it’s steel, after all, and steel does rust.
ROBERT VERSAL
We thought it was stainless, Frank…that’s what you told us…
LADY VERSAL
We paid top-dollar, Frank, for that wire.
FRANK COSMAN
Nothing can stand up to this climate, sir, not even stainless.
ROBERT VERSAL
Damn it, man, I wanted something eternal…eternal, do you hear? And what do I get? Coils of rusting wire!
FRANK COSMAN
But Mr. Versal, nothing’s eternal…everything rots in the end, like those bodies in the Everett and Morningfield houses.
LADY VERSAL
Well, then, Frank, your prices can’t be eternally high, can they? We’d like fifty percent back on the cost of that wire.
FRANK COSMAN
But I’d have to take a loss if I did that, Mrs. Versal!
ROBERT VERSAL
Don’t take that tone with my wife, Frank.
FRANK COSMAN
Oh, all right. I’ll give you a credit for fifty percent of the cost of that wire.
LADY VERSAL
That’s more like it.
(LILY COSMAN enters with her new wig made of her dead grandmother’s hair.)
ROBERT VERSAL
Morning, Lily. Say, there’s something different about you.
LADY VERSAL
Oh, you men! It’s her hair, Robert…
LILY COSMAN
Frank had this wig made for me by a toupee man in Winnipeg.
LADY VERSAL
He did a splendid job. It’s so lustrous and rich, Lily.
FRANK COSMAN
It’s Granny Torkelson’s hair, you know.
LILY COSMAN
Frank! Don’t give a girl’s secrets away!
FRANK COSMAN
I was just conceding the point that some things can be eternal.
LILY COSMAN
But the rest of Granny Torkelson is just a box full of ashes.
ROBERT VERSAL
She must have been quite a looker when she had that hair.
FRANK COSMAN
They say she was drop-dead gorgeous as a young girl.
(HALEY EVENSONG enters with the two photographs.)
HALEY EVENSONG
Here’s the two photographs you wanted Mr. Cosman, and your camera. Now where’s my thirty dollars?
LILY COSMAN
Photographs?
FRANK COSMAN
(trying to pull the photos out of HALEY’s hands)
I’ll take those now, Haley.
HALEY EVENSONG
(pulling the photos away from FRANK)
I want my thirty dollars first!
LADY VERSAL
Oh dear!
LILY COSMAN
Haley, let me see those photos.
HALEY EVENSONG
No. I have a deal with Mr. Cosman.
ROBERT VERSAL
What’s your game, Frank?
LADY VERSAL
What have you been doing to Haley?
FRANK COSMAN
Doing? I’ve haven’t done anything!
LILY COSMAN
Haley, give me those photos right now!
(She grabs HALEY, forces the photos from her, and looks at them.)
LILY COSMAN
Oh my god!
(She throws the photos down…LADY VERSAL picks them up and shares them with ROBERT.)
LADY VERSAL
Disgusting.
ROBERT VERSAL
This is sick.
LADY VERSAL
You made Haley take pictures of those rotting corpses?
FRANK COSMAN
It’s not what you think!
HALEY EVENSONG
Where’s my thirty dollars?
LILY COSMAN
Frank, what kind of depraved man makes a little girl take photos of dead people?
LADY VERSAL
What sort of sick pleasure does it give you, Frank Cosman?
FRANK COSMAN
I was going to sell them to the newspapers!
ROBERT VERSAL
And bring shame to our little village?
LADY VERSAL
This is how you repay us for our loyal patronage all these years?
FRANK COSMAN
I’m a businessman! I was just seizing an opportunity to make a little cash!
LILY COSMAN
(tearing off her wig)
I can’t wear this knowing how you planned to pay for it!
HALEY EVENSONG
I want my thirty dollars!
(CHARITY EVERETT and DAVID MORNINGFIELD enter. The others react to the stench and decay.)
CHARITY EVERETT
Morning, Frank and Lily.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Howdy, Mr. and Mrs. Versal.
CHARITY EVERETT
And little Haley! Good to see you all!
FRANK COSMAN
But Dave, Charity…you’re supposed to be dead!
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Things change, Frank.
CHARITY EVERETT
Can you see your way to giving us a little credit?
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We need new clothes.
FRANK COSMAN
I guess those photographs aren’t worth squat now.
LILY COSMAN
Frank! We’re being confronted by undead and all you can think about is those photos?
HALEY EVENSONG
I want my thirty dollars!
ROBERT VERSAL
You two can’t just walk in here as if you’re alive again…
LADY VERSAL
You’re dead, do you hear…dead!
CHARITY EVERETT
(to FRANK)
Look, are you going to give us credit or not?
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We’ll pay you back as soon as we can get some welfare money.
LILY COSMAN
Frank, you can’t do business with them! They’re non-citizens…they have no rights…
ROBERT VERSAL
That’s a fact! They don’t exist, even if they’re moving about as if they do.
LADY VERSAL
Listen, you two zombies, or whatever you are…go back to you houses and lie down again, you hear me?
CHARITY EVERETT
Do you feel a bit of a chill in the air, Dave?
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
I sure do, Charity. We won’t stay where we’re not wanted.
HALEY EVENSONG
Can I go with you?
CHARITY EVERETT
Whatever for, little Haley?
HALEY EVENSONG
I like dead people better than living ones. They don’t cheat like Mr. Cosman.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
(offering his hand, which she takes)
Come on, then, Haley.
CHARITY EVERETT
We’ll start a new life somehow, no matter how hard they try to make us dead again.
(They exit with HALEY.)
ROBERT VERSAL
How do you like that?
LADY VERSAL
I’d say those two are planning on breaking the law.
LILY COSMAN
They’ve already broken the law of life…what’s to stop them from doing worse?
FRANK COSMAN
Maybe we should leave them alone…
LILY COSMAN
Shut up, Frank, and pick up my wig.
FRANK COSMAN
(picking up her wig)
They aren’t so different from this rug, you know.
LADY VERSAL
How can you say that? They’re rotten and they stink!
FRANK COSMAN
But they’ve come back to remind us that they were once young and beautiful.
ROBERT VERSAL
They’re dangerous, Frank.
LADY VERSAL
We’ve got to stick together.
LILY COSMAN
Let’s go notify Constable Wilder.
FRANK COSMAN
Shouldn’t we tell that new minister?
ROBERT VERSAL
That man’s got no backbone. This is a matter for the law.
(They all exit.)
End of Act Two, Scene 3.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 4:
(DORIAN SKYMAN and JANE VERSAL enter.)
JANE VERSAL
Your folks are nice, Dorian, and I forgive you for being creepy, but you’re not the boy for me.
DORIAN SKYMAN
How come, Jane?
JANE VERSAL
You’re from a lower social class than me. I want a boy with high status and great wealth.
DORIAN SKYMAN
But you like my body, don’t you?
JANE VERSAL
I guess, but there’s lots of bodies out there every bit as good as yours, Dorian, and in many cases much better.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Jane, I need to sow my seeds…
JANE VERSAL
Don’t be vulgar, or I won’t let you walk with me here on this lonely stretch of road.
DORIAN SKYMAN
I don’t mean to be vulgar, but you’re so beautiful, and I’m a teenage boy, and, well, I guess you can figure out the rest for yourself.
JANE VERSAL
Your teenage urges are simple, crude and primitive, Dorian, and don’t amount to anything more than base material in the great struggle for economic power and social supremacy.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Sometimes I hate Mom and Dad for being stuck in the lower middle class.
JANE VERSAL
Women always look for older men of greater wealth and power than themselves, and avoid men of lower station.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Thanks for spending time with me. I’m grateful. I know I’m nothing to you.
JANE VERSAL
You’re fun in a useless sort of way.
(CHARITY EVERETT and DAVID MORNINGFIELD enter, stinking and rotten.)
CHARITY EVERETT
Don’t be scared, kids.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We know we stink and look terrible.
JANE VERSAL
You’re supposed to be dead!
DORIAN SKYMAN
What are you doing walking around?
JANE VERSAL
Don’t you know how much trouble you’ve caused already?
CHARITY EVERETT
We just want to leave Jackpine forever.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We know we’re not welcome anymore.
(They exit.)
JANE VERSAL
How pathetic! They remind me of you, Dorian.
DORIAN SKYMAN
But I’m alive and warm and in my prime, and they’re all rotten and smelly.
JANE VERSAL
But, just like them, you’re a nobody.
DORIAN SKYMAN
You’re making me angry, Jane.
JANE VERSAL
Go ahead and be angry. It won’t change a thing. Just like that zombie couple, you’re trapped forever in your awful lower middle class life, riding around in that stupid box on the back of the town Jeep.
DORIAN SKYMAN
I hate that box. I hate my life.
JANE VERSAL
Why don’t you join those zombies? Misery loves company.
(STAR MORNINGFIELD and JAMES EVERETT enter.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Have you seen Charity and Dave? We’ve got to catch up with them.
JANE VERSAL
Sure we saw them. They went that way.
JAMES EVERETT
Thanks, little lady.
DORIAN SKYMAN
What are you going to do when you find them?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Make them love us again.
(She and JAMES exit.)
JANE VERSAL
That’s even more pathetic.
DORIAN SKYMAN
At least they have hearts. Someone must have cut yours out when you were a baby.
JANE VERSAL
Oh, Dorian, don’t be hateful. It’s so boring.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Please marry me, Jane.
JANE VERSAL
Don’t be absurd.
DORIAN SKYMAN
I want to be the father of your baby.
JANE VERSAL
Stop it, Dorian, you’re being creepy again.
DORIAN SKYMAN
I’m sorry.
JANE VERSAL
I don’t want to die.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Me either.
JANE VERSAL
But life’s so awful.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Yeah.
JANE VERSAL
I mean, those two dead folks are walking around looking lost and empty, and we’re no different than them.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Lost and empty.
JANE VERSAL
My dreams and ambitions are stupid and meaningless. I hate listening to myself saying such awful things about wealth and status. It’s all a lot of nonsense.
DORIAN SKYMAN
Marry me.
JANE VERSAL
All right. Let’s go see Reverend Evensong right now.
(They exit.)
End of Act Two, Scene 4.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 5:
(PAUL, DELLA, and BELL NIGHTINGALE enter. They are armed with guns.)
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
These firearms should persuade them corpse-loving sons of evil to hand over those there bodies.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Feels good to tote this old rifle out here on the road to Star Morningside’s house.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
I sure am glad your daddy taught me how to shoot, son.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Now where are them Moons…they’re spozed to meet us at this here crossroad.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Hope they haven’t chickened out.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
They’re Moons, ain’t they? Moons is tough, like us. Why, old Grandpa Moon used to run naked through the snow every morning just to show God who’s boss.
(NATHAN and POLLY MOON enter, also armed.)
NATHAN MOON
Well, looky here! The Nightingales, armed to the teeth! Ain’t no one gonna stop us from evicting them corpses now!
POLLY MOON
You said it, Nathan. Ain’t no arguin’ with a gun.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Sometimes, us ordinary folks has got to step forward and do what’s right!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
When it comes right down to it, you can’t trust them mayors and policemen.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
They act so high and mighty, but when the going gets tough, they ain’t got the balls to look the Devil square in the eye and kick down the doors of his evil empire.
NATHAN MOON
You sure can make a good speech when you wants to, Della.
POLLY MOON
Don’t you go flirting with her, Nathan Moon.
NATHAN MOON
A fox can sniff around the henhouse so long as he don’t grab the hen.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Della’s my hen, Nathan. Sniff your own bird.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
I ain’t no hen. I’m a rootin-tootin farm girl with a loaded firearm! And I ain’t in the mood to have no men tellin’ me I’m some sorta poultry.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
She’s bin up since dawn, prancin’ around with that there rifle.
POLLY MOON
Della, you and me’s bin friends since grade school, and that ain’t about ta change just ‘cause Nathan does his thinkin’ with his pecker.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
I appreciate that, Polly. We women-folk got ta stick together when times is tough.
NATHAN MOON
Well, ain’t we full of fun today! Whooooeeeeee! I’m primed fer action, by god!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
You get them holes dug, Nathan?
POLLY MOON
‘Course he did! Two nice deep ones over yonder.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
We’ll huck them corpses in those holes before you kin say “Bob’s your uncle”.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Once we get ‘em covered in dirt, we kin go back to being peaceable.
NATHAN MOON
Things is comin’ to a climax real fast!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
When we’re done, we kin celebrate with a slab of pork and some pie.
POLLY MOON
I love to eat after doin’ somethin’ extreme!
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Fightin’ an’ food go together like love an’ marriage!
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
I’m primed an’ ready, primed an’ ready!
(CHARITY and DAVE enter with HALEY.)
CHARITY EVERETT
Howdy, neighbours.
DAVE MORNINGFIELD
Long time no see.
NATHAN MOON
Charity and Dave…and they’ve got little Haley with ‘em!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle…
POLLY MOON
Lord save us…the dead have risen!
BELL NIGHTINGALE
And they’re walkin’ and talkin’!
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Haley, what you doin’ holdin’ the hand of a dead man?
HALEY EVENSONG
He’s an honest fellow, Mrs. Nightingale.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Honest? He’s dead, child. You get over here right now!
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Go on, Haley, there’s a good girl.
HALEY EVENSONG
Aww, Mr. Morningfield, I don’t like them!
CHARITY EVERETT
Go on, Haley. They’ve got guns.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
That’s right, Charity Everett. We’re armed and kind of dangerous.
NATHAN MOON
Kind of dangerous, so don’t go pretendin’ you’re alive again.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Get over here, Haley, and stand beside the livin’!
CHARITY EVERETT
Scat, Haley, right now!
HALEY EVENSONG
(crossing to the Nightingales and Moons)
Awwwww!
POLLY MOON
Ask ‘em what they want, Nathan.
NATHAN MOON
Whaddaya want, you zombies!
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Nothing from you.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Don’t get smart, dead boy!
CHARITY EVERETT
He’s telling the truth. We’re leaving Jackpine forever.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Nothing here for us now.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Oh no, you’re not leavin’! We don’t want you spreadin’ dirt about our village.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Tellin’ everyone we don’t bury our dead…
NATHAN MOON
They’ll smell your stink and blame us!
POLLY MOON
You got to go lie down in your graves!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
You got to be dead, you hear? Dead!
CHARITY EVERETT
You used to be our friends and neighbours.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Now you treat us like we’re poison.
CHARITY EVERETT
Our spouses cling to us like leeches, and you push us away like lepers.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We didn’t ask to be dead, and we sure as hell didn’t ask to be alive again.
CHARITY EVERETT
So shoot us. You’ll be doin’ us a favour!
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
They asked for it! Let’s see if we can knock ‘em down for good with these here firearms!
NATHAN MOON
Polly and Paul, you take Charity. Bell and Della, help me shoot Dave…he’s the biggest…
POLLY MOON
On the count of three, let ‘em have it!
BELL NIGHTINGALE
One…two…three!
(The NIGHTINGALES and MOONS let loose a volley of gunfire. DAVID and CHARITY just stand there.)
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Damn! Them bullets went clean through ‘em and didn’t do a thing!
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
We got to get out of here before them zombies rip us to shreds.
NATHAN MOON
Come on, Polly…we got to run like rabbits or die tryin’.
POLLY MOON
Maybe we should phone the army.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
They’re gonna need a cruise missile to take out them zombies.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
Quit yakkin’ and start runnin’!
(They run offstage. HALEY stands there.)
CHARITY EVERETT
Go on, Haley. You don’t wanna get mixed up in this anymore than you already are.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We’re outcasts, Haley…you can see that, can’t you!
HALEY EVENSONG
It’s all Martin Gemini’s fault!
(She runs off as STAR and JAMES enter.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Dave, Dave…please don’t run away from me!
JAMES EVERETT
Charity, I didn’t bring you back just to lose you again!
DAVE MORNINGFIELD
Star…
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Yes, Dave?
CHARITY EVERETT
James…
JAMES EVERETT
Yes, Charity?
DAVE and CHARITY
Nothing!
(They run off.)
(CONSTABLE WILDER, MAYOR STELLAR, FINSTER SKYMAN, FRANK COSMAN, and ROBERT VERSAL enter.)
ROBERT VERSAL
James, Star! What the devil’s going on?
CONSTABLE WILDER
Mr. Versal says your dead spouses are up and running!
MAYOR STELLAR
Is that true? Is it?
FINSTER SKYMAN
Tell it to us straight…we can take it.
FRANK COSMAN
It’s nothing to be ashamed of…
JAMES EVERETT
Charity and Dave…they’re alive again…
STAR MORNINGFIELD
But something’s gone wrong…they’re not who they used to be…
(MARTIN GEMINI enters.)
MARTIN GEMINI
Of course they’re not who they used to be…they’re the undead, like my wieners!
(He exits laughing.)
(LILY COSMAN, LADY VERSAL, DAWN STELLAR, MARY WILDER and GLORY SKYMAN enter.)
LILY COSMAN
Jim and Star…you two got a lot to answer for!
LADY VERSAL
Bringing those corpses back to life! It’s totally unacceptable!
DAWN STELLAR
You’ve nearly killed my poor husband the mayor with all this nonsense!
MARY WILDER
My husband Bill gave you every chance to bury Charity and Dave, and this is how you reward him?
GLORY SKYMAN
We’ve been mighty patient with you, but now our patience has run out!
JAMES EVERETT
We don’t have time to apologize…
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Our spouses are out there somewhere raising hell!
(She and JAMES exit.)
FRANK COSMAN
They’re only trying to keep love alive!
LILY COSMAN
That’s enough out of you, Frank Cosman, you…you…hypocrite!
LADY VERSAL
Selling pictures of James and Star’s dead spouses to the newspapers!
FRANK COSMAN
I just wanted a few extra bucks to buy treats for Lily!
DAWN STELLAR
I always knew you were nothing but a greedy little shopkeeper, Frank Cosman.
GLORY SKYMAN
I’m not paying my grocery bill this month, pal.
MARY WILDER
Anything for a dollar, eh, Frank?
CONSTABLE WILDER
That’s enough bickering! While we talk, those two corpses are on the loose! Who knows what awful things they’re doing?
FINSTER SKYMAN
Come on…they can’t be far away…
ROBERT VERSAL
How will we stop them?
CONSTABLE WILDER
I’ve got a tranquilizer gun!
(He shows his special pistol.)
GORDIE STELLAR
Good man, Bill. That ought to do it!
(They rush off.)
LILY COSMAN
Aren’t you going to go with them, Frank?
FRANK COSMAN
Hmmmmm? Oh, the posse…yes, I better go along, hadn’t I.
DAWN STELLAR
You bet you’d better, Frank Cosman, if you want to do business in this village after today.
(FRANK exits.)
MARY WILDER
Men! They’re as excited as little boys chasing a gopher!
DAWN STELLAR
It’s such a relief to see Gordie acting like a predator again.
LADY VERSAL
I can’t wait to see those two dead people buried in the cold, hard ground.
LILY COSMAN
I’m so ashamed of Frank.
GLORY SKYMAN
What did we always tell you, Lily…Frank’s not the sort of man a woman marries.
LILY COSMAN
I wish I had a real man.
MARY WILDER
Come on, we’ve got to catch up with the men and watch them tame those two zombies!
(They exit excitedly.)
End of Act Two, Scene 4.
Rotten Not Forgotten by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 5:
(REVEREND EVENSONG and his wife TRINITY enter.)
REVEREND EVENSONG
I wonder where Haley is? She’s supposed to be here in the meeting house, scrubbing the floor.
TRINITY EVENSONG
You really must take her in hand, Thomas. She’s as wild as a weasel.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Perhaps I should take a birch rod to the child.
TRINITY EVENSONG
Spare the rod and spoil the child, they say.
REVEREND EVENSONG
I shall administer a harsh punishment when the child shows up.
TRINITY EVENSONG
I love it when you take a strong and commanding position, Thomas.
REVEREND EVENSONG
We’re alone, my dear…what do you say we indulge in a little marital pleasure?
(He reaches for her, his passions inflamed by TRINITY’s suggestion that he is “strong and commanding”.)
TRINITY EVENSONG
(coyly)
Oh, Thomas, don’t!
(PAUL, DELLA, and BELL NIGHTINGALE and NATHAN and POLLY MOON enter.)
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Reverend, Reverend! Give us sanctuary!
REVEREND EVENSONG
Take those firearms out of here immediately!
NATHAN MOON
But we’re being chased by a pair of stinking zombies!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
The undead! They’re right behind us!
BELL NIGHTINGALE
As I live and breathe, it’s true, Reverend!
POLLY MOON
Charity Everett and Dave Morningfield…right behind us…breathing the foul vapours of Hell!
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Can’t you smell it, Reverend? Demon stink! Demon stink!
REVEREND EVENSONG
Now, now, neighbours…no need for panic. The righteous shall prevail!
TRINITY EVENSONG
You must have all had some sort of collective nightmare!
(CHARITY EVERETT and DAVID MORNINGFIELD enter.)
CHARITY EVERETT
Reverend, we’ve come to beg for money.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We want to leave Jackpine forever, but we haven’t got a penny.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
The undead! What did we tell ya, Reverend?
REVEREND EVENSONG
Yes, well, it’s highly irregular for the church to give money to zombies.
CHARITY EVERETT
We’re not zombies! We’re not even wieners! We just want to get the heck out of here and start new lives!
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We won’t tell anyone what happened, honest! Just give us enough dough to catch the bus out Jackpine once and for all.
NATHAN MOON
They lie! They want to spread corruption throughout the land!
BELL NIGHTINGALE
Don’t give ‘em nothin’, Reverend…this here nonsense has to stop right here in this meetin’ house!
POLLY MOON
Lie down and die, lie down and die!
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
We got to get you planted in the dirt where you belong!
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Face it, you’re miserable! You stink and you ain’t got nothin’ but the half rotten flesh on your bodies! Lie down and die!
CHARITY EVERETT
Is that any way to talk to your old neighbours?
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We need your support, and all you can do is tell us to die again?
CHARITY EVERETT
Heck, we can’t even commit suicide! Bullets go right through us! What are we supposed to do, get chopped into little pieces like human
hamburger?
NATHAN MOON
That ain’t a bad idea!
REVEREND EVENSONG
There will be no chopping in this meeting house!
TRINITY EVENSONG
It is a sin to chop up the dead, even if they’re alive!
(HALEY enters.)
HALEY EVENSONG
Mom, Dad…Frank Cosman cheated me out of thirty dollars!
TRINITY EVENSONG
Not now, Haley…we’ve got bigger fish to fry.
(STAR MORNINGFIELD and JAMES EVERETT enter.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Dave, Charity, you’ve got to stop running away from us!
JAMES EVERETT
We’re your only hope!
(CONSTABLE WILDER, MAYOR STELLAR, ROBERT VERSAL, FINSTER SKYMAN and FRANK COSMAN enter.)
ROBERT VERSAL
There they are! Unleash your tranquilizer gun, Constable!
CONSTABLE WILDER
Stand back so I can get a clear shot at the big one!
REVEREND EVENSONG
There will be no tranquilizing in this meeting house!
TRINITY EVENSONG
Thomas, oh Thomas, you’re finally finding your voice!
FRANK COSMAN
Reverend, those two undead folks need a bit of a break. I’m willing to give ‘em a few dollars to see them on their way…could you match me?
GORDIE STELLAR
Now look here, Frank, those two could do a lot of damage to our village if the world finds out their story.
ROBERT VERSAL
And you were trying to sell that story yourself, Frank.
FRANK COSMAN
A man can come to see the error of his ways, folks, can’t he?
FINSTER SKYMAN
Don’t you get it, Frank? We don’t trust you…never did, never will.
HALEY EVENSONG
He didn’t pay me my thirty dollars for those photos!
CONSTABLE WILDER
I guess that clinches the argument, Frank.
FRANK COSMAN
But it’s not about me! It’s about Charity and James over there!
ROBERT VERSAL
He’s got a point, Constable.
(LILY COSMAN, LADY VERSAL, DAWN STELLAR, GLORY SKYMAN, and MARY WILDER enter.)
MARY WILDER
Bill! Why aren’t those two tranquilized!
CONSTABLE WILDER
The Reverend won’t allow it, honey.
DAWN STELLAR
Then what are we going to do with them?
LILY COSMAN
Let’s grab them and put them in the ground!
GLORY SKYMAN
I don’t think they can be “grabbed”, Lily.
DAWN STELLAR
They’re supernatural, honey.
(DORIAN SKYMAN and JANE VERSAL enter.)
DORIAN SKYMAN
Mom! Dad! Jane’s agreed to marry me!
JANE VERSAL
I’m determined to live in the moment, and I want Dorian and I want him now!
ROBERT VERSAL
Poppycock! You aren’t marrying anyone while those two zombies are terrorizing our village!
LADY VERSAL
How dare you embarrass us in front of our neighbours, Jane.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Congratulations, son.
GLORY SKYMAN
She’s a fine catch.
MARY WILDER
Bill, Bill…you’ve got to do your job!
CONSTABLE WILDER
That’s right, Mary. All right, everyone! We can sort out our own lives later! Right now, we’ve got to deal with Charity and Dave, who’ve come back from the dead and are stinking up the meeting house.
FRANK COSMAN
Give them some money and let them go, for the love of heaven.
LILY COSMAN
Keep out of this, Frank.
HALEY EVENSONG
He owes me thirty dollars.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Why do we keep drifting off-topic? We’re supposed to deal with Charity and Dave, and that’s all!
(MARTIN GEMINI enters.)
MARTIN GEMINI
Ah, everyone’s here, I see.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
What do you want, Martin Gemini?
MARTIN GEMINI
Five dollars, Della Nightingale. Five little dollars to solve the problem of dead folks who just won’t stay dead.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Martin’s the one who sold us stuff to bring our spouses back to life.
JAMES EVERETT
He’s playing some kind of game with all of us.
CHARITY EVERETT
I’m not alive, not really.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We’re sort of like wieners…neither dead nor alive….
MARTIN GEMINI
Wieners! Ah yes, wieners. I love my wieners.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Martin Gemini, take this five dollar bill and undo your strange magic.
MARTIN GEMINI
Thanks, Reverend.
(He goes up to CHARITY and DAVE, and taps each of them on the shoulder. Both collapse, apparently dead.)
MARTIN GEMINI
There. Done.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Well, I’ll be a sack of mud! How d’ya like that?
DAWN STELLAR
It’s kind of anti-climactic.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Are they dead?
JAMES EVERETT
Have they gone?
MARTIN GEMINI
Gone for good.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
I don’t feel anything…no love, no loss…nothing.
JAMES EVERETT
Me neither.
MARTIN GEMINI
You all go home now. Leave these bodies here for me to deal with.
REVEREND EVENSONG
I think we’ve got to trust Martin on this one, folks. Everyone go home.
DELLA NIGHTINGALE
Well, no point standin’ around here starin’ at them corpses. What say you come over to our place, Nathan and Polly, and we’ll sup on some mutton and a mug of ale.
NATHAN MOON
I’m as tuckered as tongue-tied horny toad, but I still got an appetite for meat.
POLLY MOON
Might as well eat, I guess.
PAUL NIGHTINGALE
After we eat, I’ll play my poor dead Daddy’s old fiddle and Della can dance a jig for us.
BELL NIGHTINGALE
I love to watch folks dance, ‘cause dancing’s the opposite of death.
(The Moons and Nightingales exit.)
ROBERT VERSAL
Come along, Lady. I’m tired of the stink of death. We’ll take a drive in our Cadillac out to the lake and watch the fish jumping.
LADY VERSAL
Jumping? Oh, Robert, I love the word “jump”…it’s so full of vitality and innuendo! What about Jane, dear?
ROBERT VERSAL
Let the little fool marry that boy if she wants. No point standing in the way of life.
(ROBERT and LADY exit.)
DAWN STELLAR
Martin’s going to take care of those bodies, Gordie. You can relax now.
GORDIE STELLAR
I’m going to be a handy-dandy, ready-and-randy he-man husband again, Dawn, not a milquetoast mayor worried sick about the dead.
DAWN STELLAR
I missed you, honey.
(They exit.)
FRANK COSMAN
Is it too late for you and me, Lily? Is your love for me as dead as Dave and Charity?
LILY COSMAN
At your worst, you’re a greedy little shop-keeper, Frank, with sour breath and clammy hands.
FRANK COSMAN
That’s easily fixed with a pair of gloves, some mouthwash, and a change of occupation.
LILY COSMAN
And at your best, you’re a romantic fool.
FRANK COSMAN
I can change my ways. Anything that’s alive can change.
LILY COSMAN
All right, Frank…I’ll go on sharing your lumpy mattress in the hope that one day I’ll wake up beside a generous philanthropist with sweet breath and warm hands.
(They exit.)
GLORY SKYMAN
See how things work out in the end, Finster?
FINSTER SKYMAN
Yep. And I didn’t have a thing to do with it.
GLORY SKYMAN
Even Dorian’s happier now. You want to borrow the Jeep to take Jane out courtin’, son?
DORIAN SKYMAN
That’d be swell, Mom.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Drive carefully, Dorian…that truck belongs to the village.
CONSTABLE WILDER
I won’t tell the mayor if you won’t, folks!
DORIAN SKYMAN Did you hear that, Jane! I get to drive the Jeep!
JANE VERSAL
I guess that means you’re a man now.
FINSTER SKYMAN
Let’s leave these two lovebirds and go throw some meat on the barbie, Glory.
GLORY SKYMAN
Charred ribs are the perfect treat after a hard day dealing with death!
(They exit.)
MARY WILDER
You know, Bill…you were right all along. This whole thing got worked out without the law being involved in any way, shape or form.
CONSTABLE WILDER
I trust my gut instincts, Mary, so it’s a good thing I’ve got a gut, and I’m not just a head in a jar.
MARY WILDER
Touché, Bill. But you’ve got to admit, you’re a smart cop, not a dumb one.
CONSTABLE WILDER
Touché, honey. Let’s head for home on our functional limbs.
(They exit.)
DORIAN SKYMAN
Come on, Jane, let’s see what that old Jeep can do.
JANE VERSAL
Is that box in the back big enough for us both to lie down in?
DORIAN SKYMAN
I don’t want to lie down in a box until I’m old and dead!
JANE VERSAL
The cab’s kind of cramped, but lust…I mean love…always finds a way!
(They exit.)
REVEREND EVENSONG
Well, Trinity, I guess we’d better leave the meeting hall in the hands of these good folks.
TRINITY EVENSONG
They need a bit of time to themselves.
HALEY EVENSONG
Behave yourself, Martin.
MARTIN GEMINI
You’re one to talk, little Haley.
REVEREND EVENSONG
Look at those dead folks, lying there so still in the arms of the everlasting night.
TRINITY EVENSONG
It’s beautiful.
(She, Thomas, and HALEY exit.)
STAR MORNINGFIELD
James…
JAMES EVERETT
Yes, Star?
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Something…
JAMES EVERETT
Yes, something…
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Something between you and me…
JAMES EVERETT
I’m still in love, only it’s with you…
STAR MORNINGFIELD
And I’m in love with you…
JAMES EVERETT
All the awful days and nights of grief and wondering are over…
STAR MORNINGFIELD
All our terrible fears of losing love are gone…
JAMES EVERETT
Because love lives on…you’re my Charity, and I’m your Dave, and I’m James, and you’re Star, and our names don’t even really matter.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Something more important than our names and our personal stories didn’t die.
JAMES EVERETT
Something eternal…something called love.
STAR MORNINGFIELD
Love…
(They exit together.)
MARTIN GEMINI
All right, you two…time to go on your way…
(He touches CHARITY and DAVE…they get up and face each other.)
CHARITY EVERETT
Dave, we don’t have to run away.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
We’ve gotten to where we need to be…with each other.
CHARITY EVERETT
Dying is just a way of being together forever.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Just a way to end our lonely separation from each other, from the world around us.
CHARITY EVERETT
Life sets us apart, death brings us together, and both are beautiful.
DAVID MORNINGFIELD
Both are beautiful. There’s no need to be afraid.
CHARITY EVERETT
No need to be afraid.
(They exit.)
MARTIN GEMINI
If I’d gotten my five dollars in the first place, none of this would have happened.
END OF THE PLAY