Welcomeby Richard Stuart Dixon
© Richard Stuart Dixon, 2006
(Note: Performance of this play requires the author’s permission. Please contact Good School Plays for details.)
Production Notes:
• running time: approx. 50 minutes.
• style: satirical drama
• suitable for general audiences
• 28 characters (19 female, 9 male)
• black-box staging (no set required)
Production Recommendations:
• This play requires a simple structure that can represent a tower. A tall stepladder, a raised platform, a box, or a riser would suffice.
• The battle-royal at the end of the play is potentially dangerous for actors. In the Gleneagle Secondary production, the battle was fought in slow motion so as to increase the margin of physical safety.
Summary of Script Content:
• “The Cold Gray Sea” is a mythic, satirical tale about a childlike man and woman who emerge from the sea as if in fulfillment of an ancient prophesy. Their appearance prompts a crisis in which rigid religious orthodoxy struggles to maintain legitimacy in response to a series of destabilizing events.
(This play was first performed on April 7, 10, 11, 12, 13, in the year 2006, at Gleneagle Secondary School in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.)
Go to:
Act One, Scene 1
Act One, Scene 2
Act One, Scene 3
Act One, Scene 4
Act One, Scene 5
Act One, Scene 6
Act One, Scene 7
Act Two, Scene 1
Act Two, Scene 2
Act Two, Scene 3
Act Two, Scene 4
Act Three, Scene 1
Act Three, Scene 2
Act Three, Scene 3
Characters:
The Strangers From the Sea:
Gammel Skeega (ancient shadow)
Sannhet Skoda (truth fog)
The Guardians of the Tower:
Tarna Forminder (tower guardian)
Venina Trofasta (loyal friend) Tarna Forminder’s daughter
Ren Forstvarrer (uncorrupted defender)
The Jealous Conspirators:
Jalu Hape (jealous hope)
Leetan Orm (little snake)
Mork Angrepper (dark attacker)
The Lovers:
Rose Florair (blooming rose)
Ensom Vandre (lonely wanderer)
The Merchants:
Brunstig Varg (lustful wolf)
Avisa Varg (spurned wolf)
The Clownish Peasants:
Klosset Landbruker (clumsy farmer)
Anerra Landbruker (forbearing farmer)
Grov Forstmann (crude forester)
Flittig Forstmann (hard-working forester)
The Three Wandering Blindwomen and their Little Helper:
Veleda Jomfru (virgin guide)
Liv Endelsa (end of life)
Glemsel (oblivion)
Doeden (death)
The Four Soldiers who Watch the Sea:
Bloddig Kamp (bloody battle)
Grossom Krig (cruel war)
Streva Voldelig (violent struggle)
Slassa Fortvilletta (desperate fight)
The Four Slaves:
Lenka Jern (iron chain)
Bruketta Slava (broken slave)
Padra Arbieda (captured worker)
Ciella Plage (persecuted soul)
Play Title by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 1:
(On a watchtower overlooking the cold, gray sea stands assembled the Four Soldiers Who Watch the Sea. On the sandy shore stands TARNA FORMINDER, the Tower Guardian, with her loyal companion VENINA TROFASTA and her guard, REN FORSTVARRER. They are participating in a formal ceremony.)
TARNA FORMINDER
Look upon the cold gray sea,
Where long ago the King and Queen
Were Lost upon the briny foam.
BLODDIG KAMP and STREVA VOLDELIG
Look upon the cold gray sea…
GROSSOM KRIG and SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
…Where long ago the King and Queen
ALL FOUR SOLDIERS
Were Lost upon the briny foam.
TARNA FORMINDER
Lost! And darkness fell
Upon the grieving land.
So on this dreadful shore we stand
And watch the dreadful sea.
The dreadful sea so gray and cold
That took from us in days of old
Our gentle King and Queen.
VENINA TROFASTA
Will the sea give back our sovereign pair?
Can something cold be just and fair?
Old gray sea, show mercy
And return my King and Queen to me.
TARNA FORMINDER
What is our duty?
VENINA, REN, the FOUR SOLDIERS
To Watch the Sea.
TARNA FORMINDER
For whom do we Watch?
VENINA, REN, the FOUR SOLDIERS
The Lost King and Queen.
TARNA FORMINDER
Ren Forstvarrer, straight and true,
Guardian of the Watch,
Uncorrupted, pure,
Show your sword.
REN FORSTVARRER
(raising his sword heavenward)
I offer my sword in defense of our Faith,
To strike down those who would disgrace
The Lost King and Queen
By refusing to believe
In their safe return from the cruel sea.
TARNA FORMINDER
I am Tarna Forminder,
Guardian of the Tower.
I Keep the Faith…
I and my adopted daughter,
Venina Trofasta,
Through all the troubled days and nights…
This is our fate, and our duty profound.
Keep the Watch, I command you!
Keep the Watch and Keep the Faith
And one simple day we shall see a sign of hope.
REN FORSTVARRER
Who takes the First Watch of the Day?
GROSSOM, STREVA, SLASSA:
Bloddig Kamp.
REN FORSTVARRER
Let him watch well, or be throttled for incompetence.
BLODDIG KAMP
I will watch well.
TARNA FORMINDER
Leave him to his duty.
We will return tomorrow
To consecrate anew this place
Where long ago the King and Queen
Were swallowed by the sea.
(All exit, except BLODDIG KAMP, who begins his watch of the sea.)
End of Act One, Scene 1.
Play Title by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 2:
(On the beach, the FOUR SLAVES enter, scrabbling about in search of shellfish for their mistress, JALU HAPE.)
LENKA JERN
(stretching to ease her aching back)
Aggghhh! My backbone is shot from collecting these damned shellfish.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
(stopping in anger)
There’s nothing wrong with your back, Lenka Jern, you lazy dog.
LENKA JERN
(swinging her sack into BRUKETTA SLAVA’s back)
Now there’s something wrong with yours!
BRUKETTA SLAVA
(collapsing on the beach)
Oof!
PADRA ARBIEDA
(stopping and casting a bitter look at the endless gray sea)
The cold wind from the sea scrubs like a pumice stone. My skin is raw.
CIELLA PLAGE
(frustrated by the cessation of activity)
Pick the shellfish, stupid slaves! We will be whipped until we bleed if the sacks aren’t filled by nightfall!
BRUKETTA SLAVA
Look at that turd on the watchtower!
LENKA JERN
All he does is watch the sea.
PADRA ARBIEDA
At worst he’s bored, whilst we scramble for shellfish until our fingers bleed.
CIELLA PLAGE
Someone has to watch the sea in case there’s a sign of some sort from the Lost King and Queen.
PADRA ARBIEDA
The Lost King and Queen!
LENKA JERN
Pahh! There’s nothing out there but the icy sea they drowned in!
BRUKETTA SLAVA
You could be throttled for saying that, idiot!
LENKA JERN
Let them throttle me! I’m a slave, remember? Death is a holiday for folks like us.
PADRA ARBIEDA
I bet he sometimes falls asleep up there.
CIELLA PLAGE
(resuming her work)
Pick the shellfish, damned hags! Must I be whipped for your intransigence? How unfair!
PADRA ARBIEDA
What if the watcher is asleep when the Lost King and Queen bob to the surface of the sea and wave their weedy arms for help?
LENKA JERN
You are beyond stupid, Padra Arbieda. All that watching is nonsense.
(BLODDIG KAMP hails them from his spot on the watchtower and points stage right.)
BLODDIG KAMP
Thy mistress doth issue forth from over yonder!
CIELLA PLAGE
Damn! Our mistress!
BRUKETTA SLAVA
He speaks the old way.
PADRA ARBIEDA
(shouting back at BLODDIG KAMP)
How do you know she’s our mistress, your honour?
BLODDIG KAMP
Who else would come to this empty place? Thou hadst best be working when she spies thee.
LENKA JERN
(to the other slaves)
He’s toying with us because he’s bored.
(to BLODDIG KAMP)
Our mistress hates the beach, your excellency! It must be someone else.
BLODDIG KAMP
Suit yourselves, but blame me not if your mistress strips you of your slavish skins.
CIELLA PLAGE
For heaven’s sake work, you fools! Perhaps she’s come to check us out!
(JALU HAPE enters with LEETAN ORM, who is riding piggy-back on MORK ANGREPPER.)
JALU HAPE
What’s this? What’s this? Idle on the beach?
LEETAN ORM
(leaping off Mork and running among the slaves like a terrier, scattering them)
Shellfish! Shellfish! Where are the little treats?
(messing with their sacks)
Oh so empty! Your sacks don’t sag with seafood!
(holding CIELLA PLAGE’s sack up high)
Look, Mistress Hape, almost empty!
CIELLA PLAGE
I swear I worked the hardest, Mistress!
JALU HAPE
Give her a good one, Mork, my lad.
MORK ANGREPPER
With joy!
(He approaches the trembling CIELLA PLAGE and cuffs her mightily, sending her sprawling. The other slaves draw together in awe of his power.)
JALU HAPE
Your “hardest” is not hard enough, Ciella Plage.
LEETAN ORM
(dancing)
What a biff! What a biff from mighty Mork! She’s down and won’t get up too soon!
MORK ANGREPPER
Should I belt these others too?
JALU HAPE
Wade in amongst them and clout them, my monstrous lad!
LEETAN ORM
(dancing)
Clout them! Clout them! Give them a bash!
LENKA JERN
No need! We’ll pick and pick fast!
(She begins to work.)
BRUKETTA SLAVA
(bending to the task of sifting through the sand)
See how I bend to search, Mistress?
PADRA ARBIEDA
The lesson is learned! We’ll work! We’ll work!
(She too tries to work in the vain hope it will avert a beating.)
JALU HAPE
Too late! My big man will send you sprawling!
MORK ANGREPPER
Here I go!
(He grabs and tosses LENKA, BRUKETTA, and PADRA, then stands, hand on hips, proud of his work.)
LEETAN ORM
(dancing)
Now they’ll stuff the sacks, Mistress Hape! Oh, yes, they’ll stuff them so we can stuff our tummies!
JALU HAPE
I long to stuff you with shellfish, little Leetan Orm, for you are like my daughter.
LEETAN ORM
(embracing her mistress)
Oh, Mistress Hape, my heart bursts with love for you!
MORK ANGREPPER
What’s in it for me?
JALU HAPE
You can grind the shells with your teeth, boyo, and swallow the pasty mess.
MORK ANGREPPER
Agreed. Shell paste will toughen my skeleton.
JALU HAPE
I want to keep you buff, for there’s much for you to do on my behalf.
LEETAN ORM
(dancing wildly)
Much to be done! Much to be done! And doing the doing is wickedly fun!
JALU HAPE
You slaves go further down the beach, and pick and pick. Mork will watch you and beat you senseless if you lag. I want full sacks before the set of sun, you hear?
LENKA, BRUKETTA, PADRA, and CIELLA
We will stuff the sacks, Mistress Hape!
JALU HAPE
Little Leetan Orm, come along. There’s a warm fire in our cabin for your tiny tootsies.
LEETAN ORM
Yes, Mama…I mean Mistress Hape…Oh, I called you Mama!
JALU HAPE
It warmed me when you did so, Leetan Orm. Come along, my favourite.
(She exits right with LEETAN ORM dancing lightly in her wake.)
MORK ANGREPPER
Scoot down the beach, slave scum, before I plant my boot in one of your many outlets!
LENKA, BRUKETTA, PADRA, and CIELLA
We’re off and working!
(They exit left on the double.)
MORK ANGREPPER
(breathing deeply, savouring the raw oceanic wind)
Ahhhh! My mother bore me so I might bully my way to my distant grave.
(He exits left, hard on the tail of the scurrying slaves.)
End of Act One, Scene 2.
Play Title by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 3:
(STREVA VOLDELIG enters and marches up to BLODDIG KAMP.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
It’s time for me to relieve you, Bloddig Kamp!
BLODDIG KAMP
Hallelujah! I’ve been watching for an eternity, the cold wind stinging my eyes to tears.
STREVA VOLDELIG
It’ll be a tough watch for me, for I am exhausted from insomnia. Any news?
BLODDIG KAMP
The sea remains empty. No sign of the Lost King and Queen.
STREVA VOLDELIG
So many generations since the Lost King and Queen disappeared. I wonder what they looked like?
BLODDIG KAMP
Splendid, I suppose.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Yes, splendid, of course. They would be splendid.
BLODDIG KAMP
And charming. The Lost King and Queen would be charming.
STREVA VOLDELIG
And clever.
BLODDIG KAMP
That goes without saying.
(There is a pause while they both look out at the vast grey sea, perhaps in the forlorn hope that the Lost King and Queen might suddenly manifest.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
Anything else occur?
BLODDIG KAMP
Some slaves were picking shellfish.
STREVA VOLDELIG
And?
BLODDIG KAMP
The usual. They took a break and got a beating for it.
STREVA VOLDELIG
No breaks for slaves. Much better to be a Watcher, like us.
BLODDIG KAMP
It’s dull, but it gets me a chunky loaf and two copper coins every day, come rain or shine.
STREVA VOLDELIG
A soldier who watches the sea does not have to poke with her spear.
BLODDIG KAMP
Yes, no battles for us. Just the endless watching.
STREVA VOLDELIG
(jabbing with her spear, remembering slaughters of the past)
No more poking or being poked.
BLODDIG KAMP
We don’t have to poke.
STREVA VOLDELIG
But I am tired, nonetheless, from my uncharacteristic bouts of insomnia.
(ROSE FLORAIR enters and stands forlorn on the wind-scoured beach.)
BLODDIG KAMP
(looking down at ROSE FLORAIR)
There she is, as regular as the tide.
STREVA VOLDELIG
She comes to the beach each day and watches, though there’ll be no chunky loaves for her.
BLODDIG KAMP
Why would someone stand in the wind for no apparent gain?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Perhaps she is devout…a true believer in the Return of the Lost King and Queen.
BLODDIG KAMP
Are you not a believer, Streva Voldelig?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Of course I am. I won’t be throttled for rejecting the dogma.
BLODDIG KAMP
I’ll be off then.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Yes, I suppose you will.
BLODDIG KAMP
Streva Voldelig, will you be my wife?
STREVA VOLDELIG
No.
BLODDIG KAMP
I’ll be off then.
(He exits.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
He always asks me that. I wonder why?
End of Act One, Scene 3.
Play Title by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 4:
ROSE FLORAIR
(to herself)
Why do I come here to this blasted beach? Howling wind and bitter ocean spray are no companions for a little seamstress who should be in her shop. But come I must, for something urges me, and I shall not sleep if I miss this daily chore.
STREVA VOLDELIG
(to herself)
I’m so sleepy. If she’s going to watch, perhaps I can catch a nap.
(shouts down to ROSE FLORAIR)
Little miss, I say down there, little miss!
ROSE FLORAIR
(shocked at the interruption of her thoughts)
Yes? Yes? What do you wish?
STREVA VOLDELIG
I am an insomniac, and my body is saying, “Sleep! Sleep now!” And when it says “Sleep!” I listen. Will you watch for a bit, then wake me when you go?
ROSE FLORAIR
But your Watch is a sacred duty!
STREVA VOLDELIG
Let’s not quibble over details. So long as someone watches for the Lost King and Queen, all will be well.
ROSE FLORAIR
Very well, I shall watch, and shout loudly if the sea should signal something odd.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Bless you, saintly girl!
(She rolls in a ball and snoozes.)
ROSE FLORAIR
Now at least I have a reason to be here.
(She watches the sea for a bit, straining her eyeballs because she is a very conscientious girl. The THREE WANDERING BLIND WOMEN enter, led by their LITTLE HELPER with a rope. They are chanting their walking chant.)
LIV ENDELSA
Blind!
GLEMSEL
Blind!
DOEDEN
Blind!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
LIV ENDELSA
From here to there.
GLEMSEL
And back again.
DOEDEN
We walk the sandy shore!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
(Upon seeing ROSE FLORAIR, the LITTLE HELPER stops, and the blind women halt their chant.)
LIV ENDELSA
Our little girl has stopped.
GLEMSEL
Why do you stop, Veleda Jomfru?
DOEDEN
Is there something in the way?
VELEDA JOMFRU
A maiden stands before us, her eyes upon the sea, my dears!
LIV ENDELSA
A maiden!
GLEMSEL
Watching the sea!
LIV ENDELSA
Could it be?
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Could it be?
VELEDA JOMFRU
She watches with determination, and will not look our way, my dears.
LIV ENDELSA
Could it be?
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Could it be?
DOEDEN
Veleda, our dear little guide, ask her why she watches.
LIV, GLEMSEL
Ask her why she watches.
VELEDA JOMFRU
(putting down the rope and approaching ROSE FLORAIR)
Please, maiden fair, why do you watch the sea?
ROSE FLORAIR
(without taking her eyes off the sea)
I have been ordered to do so by the Watchwoman on the Tower.
VELEDA JOMFRU
(to the blind women)
She has been ordered to watch by the Watchwoman on the Tower!
GLEMSEL
We are by the Watchtower?
LIV ENDELSA
Holy Moly!
DOEDEN
Who mans the Tower?
VELEDA JOMFRU
(peering up at the foetal ball)
No one. The Watchwoman is curled in a ball.
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
(turning their blind eyes to the Tower)
The Watchwoman sleeps!
LIV ENDELSA
(to ROSE FLORAIR)
Maiden! Maiden! Harken to us!
GLEMSEL
Let our little guide watch the sea!
DOEDEN
While she watches, we will pepper you with questions!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Devote your gaze to us, and feed our sightless brains with info!
VELEDA JOMFRU
(watching the sea)
Do as they say, maiden. I will watch on your behalf.
ROSE FLORAIR
(turning to the THREE BLIND WOMEN)
What do you want?
LIV ENDELSA
Info. Info. What is your name?
ROSE FLORAIR
Rose Florair.
GLEMSEL
What do you do, Rose Florair?
ROSE FLORAIR
I am a seamstress in my little shop.
DOEDEN
Why do you come to the sandy shore?
ROSE FLORAIR
Something urges me, though who or what is a mystery.
VELEDA JOMFRU
Must I keep on watching? My eyes sting from the wind.
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Not much longer, Little One…do the task…it soon will end.
LIV ENDELSA
(to ROSE FLORAIR)
If some young man should meet you here…
GLEMSEL
Greet him bravely…do not fear…
DOEDEN
For fate decrees: he must appear!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Do not fear; he must appear; he’ll meet you here!
ROSE FLORAIR
A young man?
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Veleda Jomfru! Lead us onward!
LIV ENDELSA
A little is enough.
GLEMSEL
Info given, and info taken.
DOEDEN
There’s more to do, but not today.
VELEDA JOMFRU
(to the THREE BLIND WOMEN)
I will lead you to a cove, there to camp and sup on shellfish.
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Aye!
(They begin their exit, chanting as they go.)
LIV ENDELSA
Blind!
GLEMSEL
Blind!
DOEDEN
Blind!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
LIV ENDELSA
From here to there.
GLEMSEL
And back again.
DOEDEN
We walk the sandy shore!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
(They exit with VELEDA JOMFRU.)
ROSE FLORAIR
(to herself)
A young man! Fate decrees…he must appear. I shall resume my Watch.
End of Act One, Scene 3.
The Cold Gray Sea by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 4:
(As if in answer to her musings, the Watchwoman rouses herself and announces the approach of ENSOM VANDRE.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
A stranger approacheth off to starboard, slagging down the beach! ‘Tis not the Lost King and Queen…a pity, a pity!
(She resumes her sleep.)
(ENSOM VANDRE enters and approaches the awe-struck ROSE FLORAIR.)
ENSOM VANDRE
(asking Rose)
Maiden, what is that tower?
ROSE FLORAIR
Don’t you know?
ENSOM VANDRE
I come from elsewhere.
ROSE FLORAIR
It is the Watchtower built to monitor the sea, in the dwindling hope that the Lost King and Queen might return.
ENSOM VANDRE
Lost King and Queen?
ROSE FLORAIR
Don’t ask…the tale is burdensome to tell. Why are you here?
ENSOM VANDRE
Sickness struck my village, laying waste to all but me. I came hither in search of redemption.
ROSE FLORAIR
Redemption?
ENSOM VANDRE
I am the only one to survive the sickness, so I must somehow be responsible. I must be bad. Do I look bad?
ROSE FLORAIR
How should I know?
ENSOM VANDRE
You look good.
ROSE FLORAIR
So?
ENSOM VANDRE
So good can scope out bad. Am I bad?
ROSE FLORAIR
Stop it.
ENSOM VANDRE
All right.
ROSE FLORAIR
I don’t know you at all, and you ask me if you’re bad.
ENSOM VANDRE
Then know me. I’m Ensom Vandre.
ROSE FLORAIR
Ensom Vandre…so you have a name. Big deal.
ENSOM VANDRE
I’m sorry I bothered you. I’ll be off, in search of redemption elsewhere.
(He begins to exit.)
ROSE FLORAIR
(impulsively, shouting after him)
You don’t look bad!
ENSOM VANDRE
(stopping and turning back to her)
What?
ROSE FLORAIR
You look….look…not bad.
ENSOM VANDRE
Not bad?
ROSE FLORAIR
Don’t try to get anything more from me. That’s all I’m going to say.
ENSOM VANDRE
Won’t you tell me your name? I told you mine.
ROSE FLORAIR
I feel a little feverish. You’re probably infecting me with the bug that killed your village.
ENSOM VANDRE
I must be bad.
ROSE FLORAIR
I’m going home to drink herbal tea, before I erupt with pustules and die.
ENSOM VANDRE
I must be bad.
(He exits.)
(STREVA VOLDELIG reawakens and stands.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
For some reason I’m wide awake!
(shouting at ROSE FLORAIR)
Quit your Watching and thank you! Did anything happen?
ROSE FLORAIR
Three blind women and their little guide came down the shore, Madam Watchwoman, and a young man.
STREVA VOLDELIG
To hell with them! They’re not the Lost King and Queen.
ROSE FLORAIR
But the young man is from some far away place…
STREVA VOLDELIG
So what? He’s not from the sea. Let me get back to my Watching.
(She resumes her stare.)
ROSE FLORAIR
(to herself)
I’m hot with some sort of fever, but I feel strangely euphoric nonetheless.
(She exits.)
End of Act One, Scene 4.
Play Title by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 5:
(Time passes. GROSSOM KRIG enters on the Watchtower, to take the next Watch)
STREVA VOLDELIG
You’re late, Grossom Krig.
GROSSOM KRIG
The sun has not yet set.
STREVA VOLDELIG
How do you know? You can’t even see the sun through all that gray murk.
GROSSOM KRIG
Well, I’m here now, right? So go on home to your stinking little hut.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Gladly. Watching the empty sea is bad enough, but standing here with you is worse.
GROSSOM KRIG
Anything to report?
STREVA VOLDELIG
You have a large piece of snot hanging out of your nose.
(She exits.)
GROSSOM KRIG
(to STREVA as she exits)
Ha, ha.
(looking out at the sea.)
Nothing as usual. How dreary.
(The merchants BRUNSTIG and AVISA VARG enter on the beach.)
BRUNSTIG VARG
Come along, come along, Avisa, we don’t have all day.
AVISA VARG
But Brunstig, I have a lame leg, and cannot navigate the dunes the way you do.
BRUNSTIG VARG
Dunes? There’s only this endless flat beach, Avisa.
AVISA VARG
Every small indentation is a dune to me.
BRUNSTIG VARG
Where are those damned peasants?
AVISA VARG
Perhaps they jammed out.
BRUNSTIG VARG
(pointing off)
Is that them bumbling towards us?
AVISA VARG
(straining to see)
Who can see anything in this murk? Pah! Your plan is madness.
BRUNSTIG VARG
Have faith, woman. Don’t you love me?
AVISA VARG
Of course, but to try to con Tarna Forminder, the Guardian of the Tower…you invite disaster.
BRUNSTIG VARG
I am clever enough to succeed with the con; I’m sure of it.
AVISA VARG
You’re a merchant, mister, not a manipulative minister of state.
BRUNSTIG VARG
I must make my bid for power, Avisa. A man gets one chance in his lifetime for greatness. This is mine.
AVISA VARG
There was a time when I thought I would be enough for you, Brunstig.
BRUNSTIG VARG
One day, you will have gems of infinite value embedded in your forehead.
AVISA VARG
I don’t want gems…I want you.
BRUNSTIG VARG
Try to love the man I want to be, not the man I am.
AVISA VARG
The peasants are almost upon us.
(KLOSSET and ANERRA LANDBRUKER enter with GROV and FLITTIG FORSTMANN.)
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
Aho there, Mister Brunstig Varg!
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
Here we are, your honour, though I’d rather be splitting wood for the stove. There’s a brisk and cutting wind tonight.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
But we trudged down here to this chilly beach for those pennies you promised us, just as you commanded.
GROV FORSTMANN
Where’s our pennies, excellency? If there’s one thing I dig, it’s easy money.
AVISA VARG
Do not fear. He has pennies in his pouch; you can be certain of that.
BRUNSTIG VARG
Before I give you the pennies, you must do something for me.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
But we are lowly peasants, Mister Varg, who know nothing but farming and forestry…what could we do for a wealthy merchant like you?
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
Shut your gob, Klosset. Let Mister Varg tell us what he wants, so we can do it and get back to our busy lives.
GROV FORSTMANN
The sooner he spits it out, the sooner we can agree to it, and get our pennies.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Clot! What if his demands are beyond our ability?
BRUNSTIG VARG
All you have to do is sit here on this beach tonight until the moon reaches its zenith. If you see something unusual, report it to me, and I’ll give you pennies aplenty.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
That’s easy.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
No it’s not. I don’t like to dawdle with sand up my behind and raw wind in my face. And we won’t see anything but the cold, gray sea.
GROV FORSTMANN
She’s being your boss, Klosset. Control the bag.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Anerra Landbruker is my friend, Grov. If she doesn’t want to sit in the wind all night while the moon rises, I don’t either. Tomorrow, we have trees to chop…
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
…and fields to plough…
ANERRA and FLITTIG
A hard day’s work needs a good night’s sleep.
BRUNSTIG VARG
Then no pennies for anyone. Get the hell out of here.
(He kicks at the peasants, who draw back sullenly.)
AVISA VARG
Let’s go home, Brunstig. We’ve wasted our time with this lot.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
Wait, Mister Varg!
(taking the other peasants aside)
Let’s sit for a bit and watch the moon rise…just for a little while.
GROV FORSTMANN
Yes, just for a while. I feel lucky tonight.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
Me too. Something might happen while we’re watching, and then we’ll get the pennies.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Fools!
(to BRUNSTIG VARG)
Our men want to stay, but Anerra and I want to go. Isn’t two enough to watch the sea?
AVISA VARG
My husband requires a crowd. Either you all stay, or you all go.
GROV FORSTMANN
(aside to the PEASANTS)
Flittig and Annerra, if you sit with Klosset and me, and we see something, we’ll give you most of the pennies.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
What?
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
I’ll stay for an hour, but no more.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
Me too. But just an hour.
GROV FORSTMANN
We’ll do it, Mr. Varg!
BRUNSTIG VARG
Good. If you see something on the sea, come and fetch me at once.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
Of course, Mr. Varg.
AVISA VARG
That’s that.
(aside, to BRUNSTIG)
Help me get back up the beach, Brunstig. My lame leg is aflame with pain.
BRUNSTIG VARG
(aside, to Avisa)
The plan blossoms, Avisa. Soon, it will bear rich fruit.
AVISA VARG
(aside to BRUNSTIG VARG)
I fear the fruit will rile our guts.
(They exit.)
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Well, we’ve said we’ll sit, so let’s sit. But only for an hour.
(The four sit on the beach.)
End of Act One, Scene 5.
Play Title by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 6:
(GROSSOM KRIG hails the peasants.)
GROSSOM KRIG
Ahoy down there! Why are you lot watching the sea?
GROV FORSTMANN
There might be money in it!
GROSSOM KRIG
In the sea?
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
Pennies for us peasants, if something happens.
GROSSOM KRIG
Bah! They’re nuts.
(SLASSA FORTVILLETTA enters to take over from GROSSOM KRIG.)
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Hey there, Grossom Krig, I’m here to do my bit!
GROSSOM KRIG
Good. I’m cold.
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
What are those peasants doing on the beach?
GROSSOM KRIG
Being stupid as usual. They better not be trying to steal our jobs.
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Don’t worry. Peasants are impatient by nature. If they tried to do our job for more than a few minutes, they’d get bored and wander off and get throttled for desertion.
GROSSOM KRIG
Are you ready for a cold night of watching?
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
I’ve got a canister of grog, see?
(She shows her a little jug of hard liquor.)
GROSSOM KRIG
That’ll keep your gizzard hot.
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Want a slug?
GROSSOM KRIG
You’ll need all of it. Good watching to you.
(He exits.)
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
This cold is dreadful.
(takes a snort from the jug)
Ooof, that’s a kick in the gut, but it burns and fire is good on a cold night.
(Meanwhile, down on the beach, the voice of MORK ANGREPPER can be heard, berating the FOUR SLAVES.)
MORK ANGREPPER
Hustle your biscuits, you lazy pukes! The sun has set and we are late! Must I slam my fist into your heads again? Mistress Hape wanted those plump sacks an hour ago!
(The FOUR SLAVES come hustling onstage, pursued by the furious MORK. They draw up and halt at the sight of the watching peasants.)
LENKA JERN
Peasants!
BRUKETTA SLAVA
…watching the sea!
PADRA ARBIEDA
That is not right!
CIELLA PLAGE
They are crowding our turf!
MORK ANGREPPER
(to the peasants)
What are you lot doing on the shore?
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
There’s no law against it.
LENKA JERN
(aside to the other slaves)
The fool sassed Mork! He’ll pay for his rudeness.
MORK ANGREPPER
(dragging KLOSSET to his feet and clouting him on the ear)
Daft peasant! You think I don’t know the law?
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
Forgive my husband, Mister Big Man. He’s a dunce.
GROV FORSTMANN
But why should he beat us? We’re just watching the sea.
PADRA ARBIEDA
(to the other slaves)
More trouble!
MORK ANGREPPA
(pulling GROV FORSTMANN to his feet)
More sass! I will have your balls for it!
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Oh, Mister Large Fellow, spare my husband! His brain is as dim as a snuffed candle!
CIELLA PLAGE
(to the other slaves)
Those peasant women go to bat for their boys, but they won’t stop Mork from bashing the lads.
MORK ANGREPPA
I asked you what you’re doing here, and you did not give me an answer!
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Brunstig Varg the merchant said he’d give us pennies if we see any signs on the sea.
MORK ANGREPPER
(throwing down GROV FORSTMANN)
Signs on the sea?
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
He wanted us to watch for some reason.
MORK ANGREPPER
Brunstig Varg is a slimy toad. He must be attempting a con.
(Suddenly the FOUR SLAVES, who are looking at the sea, cry out.)
THE FOUR SLAVES
Ahoy! Ahoy! Something on the sea!
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
(from the Watchtower, straining to see)
What? What? Something?
THE FOUR PEASANTS
(turning their attention to the sea)
A sign! A sign!
MORK ANGREPPER
(looking at the sea)
What sort of trick is this?
(Out of the sea slither GAMMEL SKEEGA and SANNHET SKODA, wearing shiny plastic black garbage bags that have served as waterproofing for their journey from their raft to the shore. The slaves and peasants draw back, leaving MORK ANGREPPER to confront the shiny duo.)
MORK ANGREPPER
What are you and what do you want?
GAMMEL SKEEGA
I am the Lost King, thrown upon this shore by the fickle sea.
SANNHET SKODA
I am the Lost Queen. The sea has vomited me forth. How strange to feel terra firma after my weightless floating.
GAMMEL and SANNHET
The sea, our mother, gives birth to us once again.
(The slaves and peasants fall to their knees and grovel. MORK ANGREPPER stands uncertainly, conflicted by the complexity of this surprise)
SLASSA FORTIVILLETTA
The Lost King and Queen! The Lost King and Queen!
MORK ANGREPPER
(aside)
Truth or trick I cannot tell! I must hustle to Mistress Hape, and tell her of this birthing!
(He exits.)
THE FOUR SLAVES
Mork! Mork! What are we to do?
LENKA JERN
He’s left us holding the sacks.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
Let’s give them to the Lost King and Queen.
PADRA ARBIEDA
But what about our Mistress?
CIELLA PLAGE
She is nothing in comparison to the Royal Duo!
LENKA JERN
We give our sacks! An offering! An offering!
GAMMEL SKEEGA
What’s in them?
THE FOUR SLAVES
Shellfish! Shellfish!
SANNHET SKODA
Well, place them at our feet, and be quick about it.
THE FOUR SLAVES
Yes, your Majesties!
(They hustle forward and deposit the sacks at the feet of GAMMEL and SANNHET, then retreat and grovel some more.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Ta. We’re hungry.
SANNHET SKODA
We’ve been under water a long time. It’s hard to eat when seawater floods your gob every time you open it.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
(rooting in a sack with his head)
Yummers!
SANNHET SKODA
(rooting in a sack with her head)
Munchy munchies!
(They pull their heads out of the sacks and look at the slaves and peasants expectantly.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Well, don’t just grovel. Get up and tell us what’s next.
SANNHET SKODA
Don’t just stare. Do something.
THE FOUR PEASANTS
(rising, to each other)
But what?
THE FOUR SLAVES
(rising, to each other)
We are slaves and they are peasants.
THE PEASANTS AND SLAVES
(to SANNHET and GAMMEL)
Ask the Watcher on the Watchtower!
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Hey! You up there on that scaffold! I’m the Lost King.
SANNHET SKODA
And I’m the Lost Queen.
GAMMEL and SANNHET
What are you going to do about it?
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Your majesties, I am immobilized by your arrival! Forgive me, I cannot remember what to do!
THE PEASANTS AND SLAVES
(to SLASSA)
Summon Tarna Forminder, the Guardian of the Watchtower!
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Yes, yes, the Guardian…I must fetch her at once…that’s what my dusty orders command me to do! Please, please excuse me, Your Highnesses….I will fetch Tarna Forminder at once!
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Git! And be quick about it!
SANNHET SKODA
We haven’t got all night.
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
I go, I go!
(She exits.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
(to the peasants and slaves)
So, you’re our subjects.
SANNHET SKODA
Do you like our special suits?
(the peasants and slaves are puzzled)
Well, do you?
GAMMEL SKEEGA
These suits kept us alive and well down through the years, even though we were under water and should have died of old age long, long ago.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
They’re nice.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
(aside, kicking KLOSSET in the shin)
Don’t be an idiot!
(to Gammel and Sannhet)
Your Majesties, your shiny suits are a marvel.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Those suits shall be honoured forevermore!
GAMMEL SKEEGA
I might donate mine to the Kingdom, for permanent display.
SANNHET SKODA
I will have my suit made into miniature vests for small dogs, for I plan to have several once I am installed in my palace.
(She and GAMMEL stand there looking slightly stunned and vacuous.)
PADRA ARBIEDA
(aside, to the other slaves)
They don’t talk like a Lost King and Queen.
LENKA JERN
(aside to the other slaves)
No. They seem infantile. I smell a rat.
CIELLA PLAGE
(aside, to the other slaves)
They’ve been underwater for generations. We can’t expect them to be very regal for the first while.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
(aside, to the other slaves)
We must be careful. They are many who would throttle us for criticizing the Royals.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
(aside, to the other peasants)
The Lost King and Queen seem wrong, somehow.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
(aside to ANERRA)
Do you think they have gone mad from being underwater for several generations?
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
(aside to ANERRA and KLOSSET)
Be careful what you say. We must treat them like gods, or risk a nasty death.
GROV FORSTMANN
(aside to the other peasants)
I’m going to do whatever they tell me to do.
End of Act One, Scene 6.
Play Title by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act One, Scene 7:
(TARNA FORMINDER enters with VENINA TROFASTA and REN FORSTVARRER, and the Four Soldiers who Guard the Watchtower, assembling on and around the Watchtower.)
TARNA FORMINDER
(kneeling humbly)
I am Tarna Forminder, Guardian of the Tower.
I kneel before you, Noble King and Queen,
And thank my lucky stars that I have lived
To see the day of your return.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
(To TARNA FORMINDER)
You seem like a nice sort of woman, but you’re old. Who’s that pretty girl with you?
TARNA FORMINDER
Why, this is Venina Trofasta, my adopted daughter.
She and I are honoured
That you choose to call her pretty.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Let her speak for herself. I want to hear her voice. Does it tinkle?
TARNA FORMINDER
Speak freely, Venina.
It has been commanded.
VENINA TROFASTA
Your Highnesses…
Long have I kept the Faith,
Waiting beyond waiting…
In earnest devotion…
Believing in your return.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
What a gal! Come up and see me sometime when I’m in my boudoir.
SANNHET SKODA
(grabbing Gammel in jealous anger)
I’m ten times prettier than she is, you little sea slug.
(They go down, grappling and wrestling with each other. The watching crowd is slightly embarrassed. No one dares intervene. Presently the wrestling stops as the two embrace each other, their fighting having given way to passion. After some embracing, they get up and look around.)
SANNHET SKODA
What are you all looking at? Haven’t you ever seen a Lost King and Queen wrestle?
GAMMEL SKEEGA
So, Tarna Forminder, it looks like you’ve been the head honcho in our absence. What’s next?
TARNA FORMINDER
Your most Royal Highnesses,
The hour of your resurrection
Heralds the return of light
To our gray lives.
The cold sea has chosen to restore you
Unto your rightful domain.
SANNHET SKODA
Speak English! Do you think we pack dictionaries in these suits?
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Who’s that monster standing beside you?
TARNA FORMINDER
Your Highnesses,
This is Ren Forstvarrer,
Straight and true,
Uncorrupted, pure,
The bearer of the sword,
The defender of the Faith.
SANNHET SKODA
He’s cute. Hey Ren, want to show me your blade?
REN FORSTVARRER
(raising his sword heavenward)
My Most Royal Lady,
I raise the sword on your behalf.
Nothing but death
Shall separate me from your command.
SANNHET SKODA
Is he your boyfriend, Venina?
VENINA TROFASTA
I am devoted to my duty,
And my duty is to you,
My Most Royal Highnesses.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
(to Sannhet,, referring to Ren and Venina)
You can have Ren, if I can have Venina.
SANNHET SKODA
(to Gammel)
If I catch you with that sweet little blonde, I’ll smash your brain with a cudgel.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
(to TARNA FORMINDER)
Shouldn’t we go to our palace now? I’m hungry.
TARNA FORMINDER
The palace is prepared,
Opulent and shining,
In perfect stasis,
Held apart from time and decay
By loving servants to this day.
We await your pleasure.
SANNHET SKODA
(to Gammel)
Is that a “yes” or a “no”?
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Who knows.
(to TARNA FORMINDER)
Lead the way, Tarna Forminder.
(to Sannhet)
I can’t wait to get out of this damned suit.
TARNA FORMINDER
(to all who are gathered)
We shall leave the Tower
And in the Grand Hour
Of the Blessed Return
March together
To the Palace Royal,
There to sup
In celebration and relief.
Slaves and peasants too
Shall have their hour of joy
Consuming edibles strange
In the Grand Vestibule.
THE FOURS SOLDIERS
What of We who Watch?
Is this the cessation of our work?
Do we leave the Tower
To the vagaries
Of the wind and sea?
VENINA TROFASTA
I am but a child
And yet I profess to know
All the details of our Faith.
In the Verses of the Ancient Book
We are extolled
To keep the Watch forever.
TARNA FORMINDER
Therefore, good Watchers,
One of you must remain,
Though what was Lost is Found.
VENINA TROFASTA
Perhaps in watching evermore,
We are reminded of our need
For vigilance in all things.
(walking down to GAMMEL and SANNHET and eyeing them boldly.)
For vigilance in all things.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Can we stop all this gabbing and get some grub? I’m famished.
REN FORSTVARRER
I will lead the procession,
With sword prepared
For intercession
If any dare to interfere.
(He takes the lead, and there is a grand exit, with only BLODDIG KAMP remaining behind, bound by duty to begin his watch.)
BLODDIG KAMP
They go to eat meat and drink grog, but I must stand here upon this wooden monstrosity, with even less to do than before.
End of Act One, Scene 7.
The Cold Gray Sea by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 1:
(BLODDIG KAMP sleeps on the Tower. LEETAN ORM enters, dancing on the shoreline.)
LEETAN ORM
Down to the bottom of the cold gray sea!
Counting fishes: one, two, three!
Up to the top of the cold gray sea
Up on the shore to dance with me!
Someone’s lost and someone’s found;
Someone’s living and someone’s drowned;
Someone’s sleeping in a watery shroud;
Someone’s walking on the cold gray ground;
(She continues to dance silently as MORK ANGREPPER enters with JALU HAPE.)
JALU HAPE
Leetan Orm loves to dance even when her belly’s empty. No shellfish tonight, and no slaves in sight.
MORK ANGREPPER
I will pummel them without mercy when they show up.
JALU HAPE
They won’t show up, Big Mork. The Lost King and Queen are back, and that means all slaves will work for them.
(LEETAN ORM stops dancing.)
LEETAN ORM
Oh, Mistress Hape, why will the slaves work for the King and Queen?
JALU HAPE
It’s written in that cursed “Ancient Book”, the one Tarna Forminder and her brat use to control the Kingdom.
MORK ANGREPPER
Someone should kill them.
JALU HAPE
You’re too headstrong, Mighty Mork. Death will visit them by and by.
MORK ANGREPPER
I would love to be Death’s agent on that wonderful day.
LEETAN ORM
(dancing around MORK)
Magnificent Mork won’t you be my groom?
We’ll get married in the darkening gloom
When murder, mayhem, chaos and blood
Wracks the Kingdom in a violent flood!
MORK ANGREPPER
Stop that dancing! It gives me vertigo!
JALU HAPE
Yes, stop it, Leetan Orm. You prancing sometimes irritates!
(LEETAN ORM stops dancing.)
LEETAN ORM
I only dance to please you, Mama Mama Mistress Hape.
JALU HAPE
Mama. Why is that word so warm? I melt when I hear it.
LEETAN ORM
Mama, Mama, Mama….
MORK ANGREPPER
Must she always be the favourite?
JALU HAPE
Always and forever. Second best must be enough for you, enormous lad.
LEETAN ORM
Mama, Mama, Mama…
MORK ANGREPPER
(clutching his noggin)
My head!
JALU HAPE
So this is where the awesome twosome emerged from the frigid waters?
MORK ANGREPPER
Yes, yes, stunning everyone present and wresting the slaves from my grasp.
JALU HAPE
There’s still a stupid watcher up there in the Tower, fast asleep.
LEETAN ORM
(dancing at the thought of it)
How easy to scamper up there and drive a nail into his ear hole!
JALU HAPE
For what purpose, Leetan Orm? He is of no consequence. Drive nails into the ear holes of the powerful, and you elevate yourself. Kill an underling and you’re just a bloody fool.
LEETAN ORM
Mistress Mama Mama Hape, what must you do now the Lost King and Queen are reincarnate?
JALU HAPE
I must seek to know them, Leetan Orm, and by knowing them I will discern a way to use them.
MORK ANGREPPER
Why didn’t you discern a way to use Tarna Forminder, the Guardian of the Tower?
JALU HAPE
She is a hidebound religious fanatic. Her kind cannot be diverted from their absurd devotion.
LEETAN ORM
Why can’t we go to the fabulous feast at the palace tonight?
JALU HAPE
We shall, disguised as beggars. You will eat your fill, Leetan Orm, and I will watch the Royal Twosome and find their weak spots.
MORK ANGREPPER
Everyone will know me because of my bulk.
JALU HAPE
You can’t go.
MORK ANGREPPER
What am I to do?
JALU HAPE
Go to our cabin and sit for once, instead of plodding about in a state.
MORK ANGREPPER
There’s nothing to eat there.
JALU HAPE
Look under the floorboards by the door. You’ll find some duck jerky wrapped in a piece of oilcloth.
MORK ANGREPPER
Emergency food?
JALU HAPE
This is an emergency. Come, my Leetan Orm, prance your way ahead of me like a lively moonbeam, showing me the way.
(LEETAN ORM dances on the spot, then dances off, with JALU HAPE following. MORK ANGREPPER stands alone for a moment.)
MORK ANGREPPER
I deserve better than duck jerky. One day I will smother Leetan Orm under her own soft goosefeather pillow.
(He exits in a dark sulk.)
End of Act Two, Scene 1.
The Cold Gray Sea by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 2:
(STREVA VOLDELIG enters to relieve BLODDIG KAMP, who is asleep.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
Bloddig! Bloddig Kamp!
(shakes him)
Wake up, wake up!
BLODDIG KAMP
(stirring)
Huh?
STREVA VOLDELIG
You’ve been sleeping! You’ve failed in your duty!
BLODDIG KAMP
But the Lost King and Queen are back! Why should I Watch?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Something’s come out of the sea, but it might not be the Lost King and Queen.
BLODDIG KAMP
Why do you say such a dangerous thing?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Because my body is in turmoil, sending danger signals to my brain!
BLODDIG KAMP
More insomnia?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Not a wink all night.
BLODDIG KAMP
How was the feast?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Odd. The supposed King and Queen were exceedingly vulgar.
BLODDIG KAMP
They aren’t exactly splendid, charming, and clever, are they.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Anything but.
BLODDIG KAMP
Then perhaps I should be Watching the sea more carefully.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Yes. That’s what I intend to do.
BLODDIG KAMP
(as he begins to exit)
Will you be my wife?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Not at this point in time.
BLODDIG KAMP
I’ll be off then.
(He completes his exit.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
(to herself)
Perhaps later. Perhaps.
(ROSE FLORAIR enters and stands watching the sea.)
ROSE FLORAIR
Again I’m drawn to the sandy shore, though now I know a reason why. That wandering man has touched my heart. I hope I’ll see him once again.
STREVA VOLDELIG
There’s the maiden once again. Still she comes and watches. And like before, I suddenly must sleep.
(calling to ROSE FLORAIR)
Maiden! Maiden!
ROSE FLORAIR
(calling back)
Do you want me to watch for you again?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Yes! I am sinking into sleep and cannot stop myself! Please do my job, and shake me if something shows on the sea!
ROSE FLORAIR
Very well, Watchwoman…snooze, and I’ll scan the briny toss.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Bless you, Maiden forlorn.
(She curls into a foetal ball and sleeps. The Three Blind Women enter, led by their guide, VELEDA JOMFRU.)
LIV ENDELSA
Blind!
GLEMSEL
Blind!
DOEDEN
Blind!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
LIV ENDELSA
From here to there.
GLEMSEL
And back again.
DOEDEN
We walk the sandy shore!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
(Upon seeing ROSE FLORAIR, the Little Helper stops, and the blind women halt their chant.)
VELEDA JOMFRU
We stand before the Watchtower, and once again the Maiden strains her eyes in the direction of the sea, while the Watchwoman sleeps in a foetal ball.
LIV ENDELSA
Veleda Jomfru, little guide, lead me to the Maiden.
GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Lead her to the Maiden, little guide.
VELEDA JOMFRU
How close?
LIV ENDELSA
To within three paces.
VELEDA JOMFRU
That close?
GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
To within three paces.
VELEDA JOMFRU
Come, then, Liv Endelsa; I will lead you to the Maiden.
(She leads LIV ENDELSA to within three paces of ROSE FLORAIR, then returns to the other Blind Women.)
ROSE FLORAIR
(still watching the sea)
Coldness comes from you to me,
Even colder than the sea.
LIV ENDELSA
I am the End of Life, my darling…
Listen, Maiden, to my warning:
Beware the spell of the cold gray sea!
For what it gives it takes from thee!
ROSE FLORAIR
(still watching the sea)
Beware the spell of the cold gray sea,
For what it gives, it takes from me.
GLEMSEL
Veleda Jomfru, little guide, lead me to the Maiden.
VELEDA JOMFRU
How close?
GLEMSEL
To within two paces.
VELEDA JOMFRU
That close?
DOEDEN
To within two paces.
VELEDA JOMFRU
Come, then, Glemsel; I will lead you to the Maiden.
(She leads GLEMSEL to within two paces of ROSE FLORAIR, then returns to DOEDEN.)
ROSE FLORAIR
(still watching the sea)
Cold and colder, colder still…
Cold with winter’s frozen chill.
GLEMSEL
I am Oblivion, my darling;
Listen, Maiden, to my warning:
From the sea comes mortal danger;
Beware the dark and selfish strangers.
ROSE FLORAIR
(still watching the sea)
From the sea comes mortal danger;
Beware the dark and selfish strangers.
DOEDEN
Veleda Jomfru, little guide, lead me to the Maiden.
VELEDA JOMFRU
How close?
GLEMSEL
To within a single pace.
VELEDA JOMFRU
That close?
DOEDEN
To within a single pace.
VELEDA JOMFRU
Come, then, Doeden; I will lead you to the Maiden.
(She leads DOEDEN to within a single pace of ROSE FLORAIR, then moves away to watch.)
DOEDEN
I am Death, my poor cold darling;
Listen, Maiden, to my warning:
Here begins your fateful story:
Will it lead to Doom or Glory?
ROSE FLORAIR
(still watching the sea)
Here begins my fateful story.
Will it lead to Doom or Glory?
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Veleda Jomfru! Lead us onward!
There’s more to do, but not today.
VELEDA JOMFRU
I will lead you to the highest cliff above the sea, there to feel the singing, stinging wind and hearken to the tumbling roar of the breaking waves.
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Aye!
(They begin their exit, chanting as they go.)
LIV ENDELSA
Blind!
GLEMSEL
Blind!
DOEDEN
Blind!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
LIV ENDELSA
From here to there.
GLEMSEL
And back again.
DOEDEN
We walk the sandy shore!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
(They complete their exit.)
ROSE FLORAIR
Was someone here? Sometimes, a daydream is as clear as the clearest wakeful thought.
(ENSOM VANDRE enters.)
ROSE FLORAIR
Ensom Vandre! Why have you come back to this place?
ENSOM VANDRE
I don’t really know.
ROSE FLORAIR
You look haggard. I suppose searching for redemption takes its toll on the body.
ENSOM VANDRE
I was at a wild celebration in the Grand Vestibule of that magnificent palace.
ROSE FLORAIR
The feast for the Lost King and Queen.
ENSOM VANDRE
Yes. Some drunken peasants pulled me into the Vestibule and gave me food and drink.
ROSE FLORAIR
That was kind of them. Did you find a bit of redemption at the drunken feast?
ENSOM VANDRE
No. And I don’t care for your ironic tone. Why weren’t you there?
ROSE FLORAIR
I had no feeling for it, no sense of joy.
ENSOM VANDRE
There was joy at the celebration, but it was artificial, fuelled by copious quantities of grog.
ROSE FLORAIR
Did you see the Returned King and Queen?
ENSOM VANDRE
Only a glimpse of them, drunk and randy, chasing each other like silly children in a schoolyard.
ROSE FLORAIR
You are very critical of them and their celebration.
ENSOM VANDRE
I only report to you what I saw.
ROSE FLORAIR
In this Kingdom, it’s sometimes best to report nothing.
ENSOM VANDRE
Then don’t ask me questions.
ROSE FLORAIR
All right. You ask me a question instead.
ENSOM VANDRE
Do you promise to answer it?
ROSE FLORAIR
If it’s an easy question.
ENSOM VANDRE
What’s your name?
ROSE FLORAIR
That’s not an easy question.
ENSOM VANDRE
Don’t be silly. What could be easier?
ROSE FLORAIR
Telling you my name opens the door a little wider.
ENSOM VANDRE
What door?
ROSE FLORAIR
The door to my heart.
ENSOM VANDRE
Oh.
ROSE FLORAIR
Rose.
ENSOM VANDRE
Rose?
ROSE FLORAIR
My name. It’s Rose.
ENSOM VANDRE
No surname?
ROSE FLORAIR
Not right now.
ENSOM VANDRE
If that’s what you prefer, Rose.
ROSE FLORAIR
Are you sure you don’t know why you’re here?
ENSOM VANDRE
All I know is that it has something to do with you.
ROSE FLORAIR
That’s what I thought.
ENSOM VANDRE
I don’t feel so bad when I’m with you.
ROSE FLORAIR
Don’t press your luck.
ENSOM VANDRE
You want me to go away?
ROSE FLORAIR
For now.
ENSOM VANDRE
All right. How far ?
ROSE FLORAIR
Far enough for me to think instead of feel.
ENSOM VANDRE
All right.
(He exits.)
(STREVA VOLDELIG awakens and resumes her Watch.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
(to ROSE FLORAIR)
You can stop watching! I’m alert again. What a refreshing snooze! Did anything transpire?
ROSE FLORAIR
Nothing of any use to you.
(to herself)
I should be in my shop sewing cloth for my customers instead of dreaming on this blasted shoreline.
(GROSSOM KRIG enters to take his Watch.)
GROSSOM KRIG
My turn to Watch.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Do you have a hangover from last night’s shindig?
GROSSOM KRIG
I might have a hangover. What’s it to you?
STREVA VOLDELIG
You made an ass of yourself in the Palace Vestibule, dancing in the pudding with a peasant, and puking on her garment!
GROSSOM KRIG
So I let myself go for once. It’s not every day a Lost King and Queen return to the Kingdom.
STREVA VOLDELIG
You’re easily manipulated.
GROSSOM KRIG
What?
STREVA VOLDELIG
Wherever the wind blows, you go, without thinking.
GROSSOM KRIG
I don’t know what you mean but my gut tells me you’re saying dangerous things.
STREVA VOLDELIG
These are dangerous times, you simpleton.
GROSSOM KRIG
Go away. I don’t like you.
STREVA VOLDELIG
Good. Keep your eye on the sea. You might be surprised what it shows you.
(She exits.)
GROSSOM KRIG
(to himself)
There’s a girl on the beach. I’d flirt with her, but she’d pay no mind to me, because all women find me revolting unless they’re drunk.
ROSE FLORAIR
(to herself)
Beware the spell of the cold gray sea,
For what it gives, it takes from me.
From the sea comes mortal danger;
Beware the dark and selfish strangers.
Here begins my fateful story.
Will it lead to Doom or Glory?
(She exits.)
End of Act Two, Scene 2.
The Cold Gray Sea by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 3:
(BRUNSTIG and AVISA VARG enter.)
AVISA VARG
Limping is hard work, Brunstig. Lend me a supporting arm.
BRUNSTIG VARG
No need for that. Soon, you will be carried in a sedan chair by slaves.
AVISA VARG
You think power and wealth will supplant a warm embrace, but you are mistaken.
BRUNSTIG VARG
Don’t harry me with sermons, Avisa. I am in the middle of a complex con.
AVISA VARG
Such a dangerous con, Brunstig, fraught with risk and uncertainty.
BRUNSTIG VARG
To win everything, one must risk everything.
AVISA VARG
Now who’s sermonizing? But I will work as hard as you for the success of the plan.
BRUNSTIG VARG
I expect those peasants will be along soon, to pick up their pennies.
(Sure enough, the Four Peasants enter, looking rough after their evening of debauchery in the Grand Vestibule.)
AVISA VARG
You are a sorry looking mob.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
Too much grog last night.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
Free grog is a great temptation to those of us who rarely taste pleasure of any sort.
GROV FORSTMANN
We’ve come for our pennies, Governor.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
A deal’s a deal. We waited by the shore, and saw the Lost King and Queen come out of the sea. Now give us our coppers.
BRUNSTIG VARG
(holding out four pennies)
One each.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
One each? That’s not enough.
BRUNSTIG VARG
That’s all you get for doing almost nothing.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
Sand up my crack and a job well done for just one penny?
AVISA VARG
You had a feast last night. That’s your real reward.
GROV FORSTMANN
(taking his penny)
Take his offer before he reneges completely.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
(taking her penny)
You’re a hard man, Mister Varg. But one day you may need a penny. Who will give it to you?
BRUNSTIG VARG
I make my own way in the world, just as you should.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
(taking his penny)
A single copper. I’ll buy a chunky loaf with it.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
(taking her penny)
No you won’t. You’ll give it to me, for that was our agreement.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
You men said you’d give us most of the pennies. Well, there’s only four pennies, and Anerra and I’ve got two. Give us one more.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
Not mine. My heart’s set on a chunky loaf.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Then yours, Grov.
GROV FORSTMANN
Only if Klosset gives me half his chunky loaf.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
No.
GROV FORSTMANN
You anger me, Klosset. I will wrest the penny from you.
(He attacks KLOSSET, and both their pennies fall to the beach. As quick as a wink FLITTIG and ANERRA grab them.)
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Now all the pennies belong to Anerra and me! And don’t try to steal them from us…
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
…or there’ll be no bed favours for either of you for a fortnight or more!
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
My head is pounding from an excess of grog, and now no penny.
GROV FORSTMANN
The Lost King and Queen have returned, but I’m as wretched as ever.
AVISA VARG
Peasant women, haul your lumpish husbands back to your squalid huts. Our dealings with you are over for the nonce.
BRUNSTIG VARG
But there may be more pennies for you another day.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Hopefully more than one.
(The PEASANTS exit.)
BRUNSTIG VARG
Up on the Watchtower I go.
(He ascends the Watchtower.)
GROSSOM KRIG
Good morrow, your Honour. Why are you up here?
BRUNSTIG VARG
To give you money to make you go away. Take ten pennies.
(He offers a handful of pennies.)
GROSSOM KRIG
Ten? A fortune! For how long must I go?
BRUNSTIG VARG
Until just before your comrade comes to relieve you.
GROSSOM KRIG
(scooping the coppers)
As you wish, your Excellency.
(He exits.)
AVISA VARG
(to BRUNSTIG)
Here come the dopes, Brunstig, packed by Jalu Hape’s slaves.
(GAMMEL SKEEGA and SANNHET SKODA enter. Gammel is being carried by LENKA JERN and BRUKETTA SLAVA, and SANNHET is being carried by PADRA ARBIEDA and CIELLA PLAGE.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Wheeeeeee! What a ride!
SANNHET SKODA
Faster! Faster! In a circle!
(The puffing slaves pack the duo in a circle on the beach.)
BRUNSTIG VARG
That’s enough! Put them down!
(the slaves gratefully relinquish their burdens)
Now go back to your Mistress, Jalu Hape, and tell her you are now the property of the Returned King and Queen.
AVISA VARG
Then come back here at once.
THE FOUR SLAVES
As you wish, your honours!
(The SLAVES exit.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Slaves are a good idea. I wonder who thought of it?
SANNHET SKODA
Now I’m the Queen, I want lots and lots of slaves.
AVISA VARG
You’re just a little reject from some distant island, Sannhet Skoda. Don’t ask for things. Take what you’re given.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
I’m the King! I’m the King! Hey, I ate and drank more than anybody last night!
BRUNSTIG VARG
You are ignorant, Gammel Skeega. You and your crummy woman were thrown upon the shore of this kingdom by fate, and I saved you both.
AVISA VARG
You are a pair of vagabonds, rejected by your own people across the sea for capital crimes of some sort.
BRUNSTIG VARG
They threw you from a ship in those special suits, and we found you exhausted and washed up on our shore.
AVISA VARG
We restored you and arranged for the chumps hereabouts to mistake you for the Lost King and Queen. But don’t make the mistake of thinking you can function without our guidance.
BRUNSTIG VARG
You are both exceedingly stupid, and your only hope is to do exactly what we tell you to do.
SANNHET SKODA
You’re boring me with your speeches. I don’t understand a word you’re saying.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
I’d like some more grog, but I’ll settle for a quicky on the beach!
(He chases SANNHET and wrestles her down, but BRUNSTIG picks both of them up by the scruff of their necks.)
BRUNSTIG VARG
Enough stupidity! I have orders for you. Do them or we’ll reveal your secret.
AVISA VARG
Tarna Forminder, Guardian of the Tower, is a humourless fanatic. If she learns that you’re impostors, you’ll be throttled and tossed to the mob, who will tear your corpses to pieces.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Well, tell us what you want. I hope I don’t have to make a speech.
SANNHET SKODA
I suppose you’ll want me to sit still or something awful like that.
BRUNSTIG VARG
This afternoon, Tarna Forminder will lead the Ritual of Return here at the Watchtower.
AVISA VARG
When I raise my right arm, you will denounce her as a traitor who is plotting to kill you because your return has usurped her power.
BRUNSTIG VARG
You will order the arrest and execution of Tarna Forminder, her brat Venina Trofasta, and her guard Ren Forstvarrer.
AVISA VARG
Do you understand?
GAMMEL SKEEGA
I’m hungry.
SANNHET SKODA
(to AVISA VARG)
Your breath smells rotten.
AVISA VARG
(to BRUNSTIG)
They’re hopeless. They didn’t understand a word.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
You make a signal, and we order arrests and executions. See? I’m not as stupid as I look.
SANNHET SKODA
I will execute them myself with a small knife like this!
(She makes many quick, short jabbing motions as if perforating a hapless victim.)
BRUNSTIG VARG
(to Avisa)
They’re attracted to violence, and have a sort of instinctive intelligence when it comes to cruelty.
AVISA VARG
No wonder they were banished from their island home.
(The FOUR SLAVES enter.)
BRUNSTIG VARG
Did your Mistress Jalu Hape release you from your bondage to her?
THE FOUR SLAVES
With anger she sent us hither.
BRUNSTIG VARG
Avisa and I will leave you with the Returned King and Queen. Pack them back to the Palace.
THE FOUR SLAVES
We are commanded.
AVISA VARG
(aside to BRUNSTIG, as they exit)
The only certain thing in all of this is violence.
(They exit.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
(to the slaves)
You four dogs stay here while Sannhet and I go behind those rocks over there for a bit of fun!
SANNHET SKODA
The King and I want to search for pretty shells!
(She and GAMMEL look at each other, giggle, and scamper off.)
LENKA JERN
Well, we’re in the thick of it now.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
Our old Mistress is seething with anger.
PADRA ARBIEDA
And we’ve been made the property of the Returned King and Queen, who are acting like a pair of deranged monkeys.
CIELLA PLAGE
Nothing good can come of this.
LENKA JERN
Those two fools behind those rocks are no king and queen.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
Then what are they?
LENKA JERN
Something nasty washed up from the sea.
PADRA ARBIEDA
Why does Tarna Forminder believe they are the Lost King and Queen?
LENKA JERN
She’s blinded by her faith. Someone came out of the sea right here just as the Ancient Book prophesised, and that’s that.
CIELLA PLAGE
Brunstig Varg is to blame for this.
PADRA ARBIEDA
Does he think we’re completely stupid, letting us see him have a secret meeting with the so-called King and Queen?
LENKA JERN
Those who aren’t slaves assume that those who are slaves cannot think.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
So what if we can think? We have no power.
LENKA JERN
We have the power of knowledge. I say we use that power to save ourselves.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
How?
LENKA JERN
There’s going to be a civil war. We must pick the winning side.
PADRA ARBIEDA
A civil war?
CIELLA PLAGE
Who will fight whom?
LENKA JERN
That remains to be seen.
(GAMMEL SKEEGA and SANNHET SKODA return.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
The Queen found a pretty shell.
SANNHET SKODA
Now pack us back to the palace.
(The SLAVES pick them up.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Let’s have a race! My slaves are fastest!
SANNHET SKODA
No, mine! Mine! Giddyap, slavies!
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Giddyap! Giddyap!
(They all exit on the double.)
End of Act Two, Scene 3.
The Cold Gray Sea by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Two, Scene 4:
(TARNA FORMINDER, Venina Trofaster, and REN FORSTVARRER enter.)
VENINA TROFASTA
Mother! The Tower is empty!
No one scans the cold, gray sea!
TARNA FORMINDER
Something is amiss.
Surely the soldier who has sworn to watch
Would not leave his post?
REN FORSTVARRER
The King and Queen return,
And the old ways fade
As fast as daylight fades to night.
The Watchtower is abandoned.
VENINA TROFASTA
The King and Queen are not what we expected…
Neither fair nor courteous, nor clever and kind.
But nothing guarantees that Destiny
Will reveal herself in ways we understand.
We must wait for Destiny to play her hand.
TARNA FORMINDER
How strange that I have yearned so long
To lay my power at the feet
Of our sovereign King and Queen,
And yet I must do so now
Beset by fear and doubt.
REN FORSTVARRER
I must defend the King and Queen,
Who are the Faith made manifest.
Yet must my sword strike down
All who doubt? For then I must
Raise my sword against myself.
(GROSSOM KRIG enters with a bottle of grog, and, seeing the Guardian of the Tower, falls on his knees.)
GROSSOM KRIG
Forgive me!
TARNA FORMINDER
Why did you leave your post?
You know it is a sacred task.
GROSSOM KRIG
The merchant Brunstig Varg gave me pennies and made me go, and so I went to buy some grog.
VENINA TROFASTA
Mother, the merchant Brunstig Varg
Defied the Faith and used his wealth
To lure this Watchman from his post.
TARNA FORMINDER
A double crime that must be punished
In accordance with the Ancient Book.
GROSSOM KRIG
Spare me! I am a simple fellow who means no harm!
REN FORSTVARRER
Silence! Await your fate like a man.
TARNA FORMINDER
Did the merchant Brunstig Varg
Tell you why you had to go?
Speak the truth at once.
Did he place you in his confidence?
GROSSOM KRIG
He told me nothing! He only pushed the pennies into my hand and sent me away!
VENINA TROFASTA
To think that you were once a soldier
Who defended this, our noble land!
What happened to your noble heart?
How could you trade your soldier’s honour
For a merchant’s greasy pennies?
GROSSOM KRIG
The King and Queen return, and I and all the others are confused. We don’t know what to do.
REN FORSTVARRER
You fool! The only thing for you to do
Is your sworn duty.
Is that so hard to understand?
TARNA FORMINDER
Today we all will gather
Here by this great Tower
In recognition of the Great Return
Of our King and Queen.
At that time you may plead
For the mercy of the King and Queen
But remember this:
The Ancient Book states clearly
That desertion from your post
Means punishment by death.
(SLASSA FORTVILLETTA enters with a flagon of grog.)
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
I am here to take my Watch, my noble Guardian of the Tower.
VENINA TROFASTA
Look upon your colleague.
He is soon to die.
A merchant gave him pennies
To make him leave his post.
Will you make the same mistake?
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Never ever will I break your trust.
REN FORSTVARRER
What’s that in your greedy mitt?
A flagon of grog?
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Yes, yes, a few gulps of grog to warm my gut in the cold night air.
REN FORSTVARRER
The Kingdom is awash in grog!
It makes for weakness and dissent.
Throw away that grog, you dog!
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
At once, Excellency!
(She casts the grog aside.)
REN FORSTVARRER
The merchant Brunstig Varg
Must face interrogation.
We’ll put the screws to him
And make him talk.
VENINA TROFASTA
Those who break the Faith
Invite pain upon themselves.
TARNA FORMINDER
We will wait until the Celebration of Return
Has taken place according to the Book.
The merchant then will face arrest.
Chaos is upon us.
The darkness does not give way to light.
But I am Guardian of the Tower
Committed to my Faith.
Anything else is disgrace.
(They exit, with GROSSOM KRIG under arrest, leaving SLASSA FORTVILLETTA to conduct the Watch. SLASSA FORTVILLETTA promptly retrieves her grog.)
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Poor Grossom Krig! He will be throttled! How depressing. There’s only one way to revive my spirits!
(She retrieves her jug and takes a great swallow of Grog, and promptly passes ou.t)
End of Act Two, Scene 4.
The Cold Gray Sea by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Three, Scene 1:
(LEETAN ORM runs on, pursued by MORK ANGREPPER.)
LEETAN ORM
Keep away from me, you monstrous beast!
MORK ANGREPPER
I’ll pull your arms off and stuff your head into your body!
(He grabs LEETAN ORM and begins to pull her arms off as JALU HAPE enters.)
JALU HAPE
Mork, you dolt! Release the girl!
(MORK grudgingly releases LEETAN ORM, who runs to JALU HAPE and holds onto her.)
LEETAN ORM
Mistress, Mistress, Mama, Mama….
JALU HAPE
What’s the matter with you, Mork?
MORK ANGREPPER
My bowels are as loose as shit through a goose.
JALU HAPE
What’s that got to do with little Leetan Orm?
MORK ANGREPPER
She put some sort of poison in the duck jerky.
LEETAN ORM
(laughing and dancing)
A joke! A joke! A joke on you!
Even monsters poo-poo too!
JALU HAPE
(laughing)
That’s a good one, Leetan Orm. You help defuse my anger.
LEETAN ORM
The King and Queen were wrong to take away your slaves, Mama Mistress.
MORK ANGREPPER
I knew they’d be trouble the moment I saw them slither out of the sea.
JALU HAPE
That Guardian of the Tower has handed power to those two buffoons, and my slaves will spend their days working in the palace while I go hungry.
LEETAN ORM
What will you do, Mama Mistress Mama?
JALU HAPE
Mork will do it.
MORK ANGREPPER
Do what?
JALU HAPE
When the Celebration of the Return takes place here before the Tower, you will slit the throats of the King and Queen.
MORK ANGREPPER
But what about Ren Forstvarrer, the Keeper of the Faith?
JALU HAPE
Leetan Orm will throw some powder in his face.
MORK ANGREPPER
Powder?
LEETAN ORM
(dancing)
Poison powder! Poison powder!
Throw it in his face!
Poison powder! Poison powder!
Mork will take his place!
MORK ANGREPPER
I’ll be the new Keeper of the Faith?
JALU HAPE
That’s right, giant fellow, and I will be the new Guardian of the Tower, and Leetan Orm will be my adopted daughter!
LEETAN ORM
Mama! Mama!
MORK ANGREPPER
But who will kill the Guardian of the Tower and her brat?
JALU HAPE
I will with my blunderbuss, concealed beneath my tunic.
MORK ANGREPPER
Where did you get a blunderbuss?
JALU HAPE
I built it myself, driven to genius by my desire for power.
MORK ANGREPPER
Won’t the mob object to the slaughter of their leaders?
JALU HAPE
Not when they see my blunderbuss, the only one in the land, aimed at their noggins!
LEETAN ORM
Mama Mistress Mama, you will rule by force.
JALU HAPE
That’s the best way, Leetan Orm. Now both of you look closely at the Tower. The ones we must kill will be at the top.
MORK ANGREPPER
An easy climb.
LEETAN ORM
I will dance and prance with my poison right up to the very top!
JALU HAPE
Let’s go for a quick grub fest…the jerky reserves will fortify our resolve.
(She and LEETAN ORM exit.)
MORK ANGREPPER
Perhaps I shall kill Leetan Orm in the midst of the chaos.
(He exits.)
End of Act Three, Scene 1.
The Cold Gray Sea by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Three, Scene 2:
(The FOUR PEASANTS enter.)
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
This Celebration of Return leaves me feeling bitter.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
Why should I celebrate? The King and Queen are nasty, and a bit of grog is no substitute for good leadership.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
You’re talking treason.
GROV FORSTMANN
Just pretend everything is fine.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
But everything is not fine. Things will go from bad to worse.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
There’ll be endless taxation, and before you know it, we’ll be reduced to slavery.
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
At least you got four pennies from the merchant.
GROV FORSTMANN
How I wish you’d spend them on chunky loaves for me and Klosset.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
You two men are as simple-minded as a pair of garden slugs.
(The FOUR SLAVES enter.)
LENKA JERN
Well, it’s the peasants, here in hope of free grog and biscuits.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
Don’t hold your breath. There’ll be nothing here but empty words.
PADRA ARBIEDA
The King and Queen are stupid and coarse.
CIELLA PLAGE
And the Guardian of the Tower is unyielding in her stubborn beliefs.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
What’s it like to work for the Royals?
LENKA JERN
Worse than our worst days with our old mistress Jalu Hape.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
The King and Queen are like cruel children, and we’re their toys.
PADRA ARBIEDA
Humiliated and tormented, that’s our fate.
CIELLA PLAGE
No freedom, no mercy, and no hope.
FLITTIG FORSTMANN
It’s intolerable.
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
Will I be the one to say it?
KLOSSET LANDBRUKER
To say what?
ANERRA LANDBRUKER
We must rebel.
LENKA JERN
If you peasants rebel, we will join you.
BRUKETTA SLAVA
Together, we stand a chance.
PADRA ARBIEDA
Better to die in rebellion than to live in chains.
CIELLA PLAGE
We’ll throw the King and Queen back into the sea!
(SLASSA FORTVILLETTA recovers from her drunken sleep.)
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Ugh, my head! I best be on my feet. The peasants and slaves are here, and the Celebration of the Return will commence at any moment!
(She stands in formal posture, surveying the sea.)
(BRUNSTIG and AVISA VARG enter.)
BRUNSTIG VARG
Good day, fellow citizens. My lame wife and I are glad to join you on this auspicious day.
AVISA VARG
My lame leg feels better. Perhaps it’s because of the Return of the King and Queen.
(STREVA VOLDELIG and BLODDIG KAMP enter.)
STREVA VOLDELIG
Where is Grossom Krig, Slassa Fortvilletta?
SLASSA FORTVILLETTA
Arrested for deserting his post.
BLODDIG KAMP
What? Arrested? They’ll throttle him for sure, poor devil.
(JALU HAPE, LEETAN ORM, and MORK ANGREPPER enter.)
JALU HAPE
Well, the happy throng is gathering! What a glorious day!
LEETAN ORM
(dancing)
Glorious, glorious, our King and Queen Returned!
MORK ANGREPPER
I am happy.
(TARNA FORMINDER, VENINA TROFASTA, and REN FORSTVARRER, who has GROSSOM KRIG under arrest, enter with GAMMEL SKEEGA and SENNHAT SKODA. All the others kneel before them.)
TARNA FORMINDER
We are gathered at the Tower
At this most important hour
To celebrate the Great Return.
VENINA TROFASTA
The cold gray sea has blessed us
With the gift of those we lost
Give thanks to the sea.
ALL BUT THE ROYAL PARTY
Thanks to the sea.
(BRUNSTIG VARG raises his right arm.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
Hey, everyone…the Guardian of the Tower is a traitor!
SANNHET SKODA
She, her brat, and the Defender of the Faith are plotting to kill the King and me!
GAMMEL SKEEGA
They don’t want to give up their power!
SANNHET SKODA
Soldiers of the Watchtower, arrest them!
BRUNSTIG VARG
Do as they command, soldiers! They are the King and Queen!
(STREVA VOLTELIG tries to arrest TARNA FORMINDER, SLASSA FORTVILLETTA tries to arrest VENINA TROFASTA, and BLODDIG KAMP tries to arrest REN FORSTVARRER.)
JALU HAPE
Strike now, Leetan Orm and Mork Angrepper!
(JALU HAPE pulls out her blunderbuss and blasts TARNA FORMINDER and VENINA TROFASTA, killing STREVAVOLTELIG and SLASSA FORTVILLETTA at the same time.)
(MORK and LEETAN storm the Tower as the soldiers struggle with their prisoners. MORK attempts to slit the throat of GAMMELl but SANNHET stabs him repeatedly with her little knife. LEETAN ORM throws her powder into the faces of REN FORSTVARRER, BLODDIG KAMP, and GROSSOM KRIG, killing all three, but REN runs her through with his sword as he dies, killing her.)
THE PEASANTS AND SLAVES
Rebel! Rebel! The hour has come!
(They wade into the fray, with the SLA aVESttacking JALU HAPE, who kills BRUKETTA SLAVA and CIELLA PLAGE with her blunderbuss before LENKA JERN and PADRA ARBIEDA kill her, though they are mortally wounded by the blunderbuss and die after killing JALU HAPE. KLOSSET LANDBRUKER and ANERRA LANDBRUKER attack BRUNSTIG VARG. BRUNSTIG VARG kills KLOSSET, but ANERRA kills him. GROV FORSTMANN and FLITTIG FORSTMANN attack AVISA VARG. AVISA VARG kills GROV FORSTMANN, and FLITTIG FORSTMANN kills AVISA VARG. Laughing giddily, GAMMEL SKEEGA and SANNHET SKODA run down and GAMMEL stabs ANERRA LANDBRUKER to death while SANNHET stabs FLITTIG FORSTMANN to death.)
GAMMEL SKEEGA
(revelling in the carnage)
What fun!
SANNHET SKODA
All dead! All dead! Let’s go and don our suits, and plunge back in the sea.
GAMMEL SKEEGA
There are other lands to visit, and others to put to death!
(They embrace one another, laughing and dancing in celebration, and exit.)
End of Act Three, Scene 2.
The Cold Gray Sea by Richard Stuart Dixon, Good School Plays.
Act Three, Scene 3:
(The THREE BLIND WOMEN enter, led by VELEDA JOMFRU)
LIV ENDELSA
Blind!
GLEMSEL
Blind!
DOEDEN
Blind!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
LIV ENDELSA
From here to there.
GLEMSEL
And back again.
DOEDEN
We walk the sandy shore!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
VELEDA JOMFRU
The fighting is over.
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Are all dead?
VELEDA JOMFRU
All.
LIV ENDELSA
I am the end of life.
GLEMSEL
I am Oblivion.
DOEDEN
I am Death.
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
You are the dead.
Leave this sorry place!
The only place for thee
Is the endless cold gray sea!
(The dead arise and exit, in a quiet trance.)
VELEDA JOMFRU
Every soul has slipped into the sea…
And now I’ll lead you three
Down the everlasting shore.
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
LIV ENDELSA
From here to there.
GLEMSEL
And back again.
DOEDEN
We walk the sandy shore!
LIV, GLEMSEL, DOEDEN
Blind! We walk the sandy shore!
(They exit. ROSE FLORAIR and ENSOM VANDRE enter.)
ENSOM VANDRE
Now I can tell you my true name.
ROSE FLORAIR
And I can tell the same.
ENSOM VANDRE
I am the Lost King from the Sea.
ROSE FLORAIR
And I’m your Long Lost Queen.
(They embrace.)
END OF THE PLAY.